10 Things To Do in West Greenwich (if you've just lost your job and suddenly have a lot of free time on your hands)
Life after a high powered job can be difficult, especially if your workmates have abruptly rejected you. But if you're fortunate enough to have a home amid the well-heeled streets of West Greenwich it's easy to fill your empty days. Here's how best to stay busy within five minutes of your front door.
1) Buy British cheese on Royal Hill
The local shopping parade is a former Trade Minister's dream because West Greenwich's population is well up for paying over the odds for deli-style produce. Top of the shop is an artisan emporium called The Cheeseboard where the wide selection of milky delights includes Cornish Yarg, Whin Yeats Wensleydale and Isle of Mull Cheddar. But the display behind the counter also features Beaufort d'été, Stärnächäs, Brie de Meaux, Mimolette, Comté and Pecorino Romano because they import two thirds of their cheese, and that is a disgrace.
2) Take a trip to the pork market
Nextdoor to The Cheeseboard are Drings, the family butchers, who bring a proper 'blue stripy apron' vibe to Royal Hill. Those lovely loin chops in the window are sourced from Blythburgh in Suffolk where new pork markets have opened up, whereas the minted lamb chops are fresh from the West Country. And because this is the posh side of Greenwich you can also take your pick from partridge, mallard and wood pigeon, and none of that halal stuff.
3) Indulge in proper apples and pears
When it comes to purchasing fruit, do you want value for money or do you want plump polished specimens piled high in wicker baskets? Reassuringly it's the latter at The Creaky Shed, the greengrocers nextdoor to Drings, as this artisan shopping parade ticks all the boxes. Independent local provenance keeps the food miles low, although the bucketfuls of tulips wrapped in brown paper aren't perhaps quite as planet-friendly. The shop also sells lettuce, although you may not want reminding of that.
4) Take a Decision To Leave
If you've recently faced an embarrassing climbdown in public, why not hide away in the dark for a couple of hours? The Greenwich Picturehouse has comfier seats than most, and a selection of arty films that helps to keep the plebs out. Screening tonight is Decision To Leave, a seductive thriller in which a geeky Europhile embraces Brexit to further her career, then swiftly finds herself out of her depth and is forced to resign. Picturehouse members also get £3 off at the Fan Museum, which is dead useful if you've not seen many fans recently.
5) Pick a potboiler from Greenwich Book Time
Browsing the shelves of a good bookshop can be almost as much fun as reading your prized purchases afterwards. At Greenwich Book Time they veer towards the remaindered end of the market, but if you don't mind non-fiction or a slew of underperforming overpublicised authors there are bargains to be had. Wait a few months and you may even find your own biography on the shelves, out of the blue, so at least it's guaranteed one buyer.
6) Browse bric a brac at The Junk Shop
Lose yourself in the compartmentalised basement of an antiques shop that's not as classy as it looks, amid shelves packed with all sorts of stuff people chucked out because they didn't want it any more. Sound familiar? The Junk Shop has faced off against Greenwich station since the 1950s, and today a cutesy coffee kiosk fills half its front window. They do house clearance too, should you have a vanful of furniture recently removed from a prime central London location.
7) Get branded at Gilt Moth Tattoo
Greenwich residents who no longer care what the public think of them can always throw caution to the wind and plaster their flesh with ink. Mel and her team at Gilt Moth Tattoo will be happy to transform your artistic desires into multicoloured reality, whether what you want is Britannia Unchained or a full-on blue sleeve. It won't be cheap, this is no fiscal giveaway, but after the first prick the only way ahead is growth, growth, growth.
8) Get merry at The Guildford Arms
Sometimes after the day from hell all you really want is to hunker down with a stiff drink and try to forget how much everyone hates you. Thankfully West Greenwich is blessed with numerous watering holes, many bedecked in flowers to try to attract smart wine drinkers rather than the drab and beery. You'll know The Guildford Arms, it's only round the corner, which with its supper club and artisan cocktails is a better bet than the George and Dragon's drag-based cabaret. But best avoid the Prince of Greenwich and other pubs with royal connections in case they remind you of that time you saw off the monarch and read the lesson at her funeral really badly.
9) Eat Out To Help Out
You can't stay hidden at home ordering in takeaways forever. Instead get out there and enjoy some of the finest fine dining eateries this corner of SE10 has to offer. The Hill used to be a Whitbread pub but is now a Mediterranean restaurant with a Latin American twist, Pho City offers lobster in one chamber and Vietnamese in the other, and the Novotel has a Gourmet Bar that'll do as a last resort. But should the cost of living ever bite, never forget that the G Bless Jerk Centre does a lunchtime chicken curry special for under a fiver.
No 10) What's The Point?
Finally you can always climb the back alleys to The Point, one of London's protected views. This grassy swathe offers a panoramic vista across not just Greenwich but also the whole of central London. Look, there's the City of London whose anti-growth coalition so comprehensively trashed your economic policies. Look, there are the North London townhouses populated by the moaning wokerati. And look, there's the Palace of Westminster where yesterday you were top of the pile and today you're nothing, skulking around SE10 in abject disgrace. Luckily there's plenty to do here to keep you occupied.
