Tubewatch (1)IKEA on the map
Back in May IKEA paid £800,000 to plaster their name across the tube map. Specifically they got to add an advert on the online tube map, at the bottom of 2750 tube map posters and on the back page of 4 million paper tube maps. The deal runs for twelve months so covers two print runs, the first in May and the second in November. It also permits them to pollute the famous map itself with "nearest stations to IKEA Locations in London to be marked on map using a symbol (up to a maximum of 5 stations) with IKEA Logo included on the key."
But there's a big difference between 'nearest station to IKEA' and 'station near IKEA', as many people pointed out when the symbols first appeared. So I've bitten the bullet and tried walking from all the stations depicted to the IKEA stores in question to check just how practical this sponsored map might be.
IKEA Wembley (Neasden) [15 min walk]
God this is a miserable trek. It's not helped by the exit from Neasden station being at the 'wrong' end of the platforms, so by the time you've walked through the alleyway and onto the bridge where you can look down on where you just were, five minutes have elapsed. You're now walking alongside the exhaust-choked North Circular, and additionally forced to cross two arms of a sliproad unaided which can be dangerous. Then it's up and over a grotty footbridge, past reservoirs of can-based litter, and down into the less friendly environs of Wembley's Tesco Extra. The walk finishes by passing under a multi-storey car park, and that's 15 minutes you wouldn't want to tackle with a Billy bookcase. Five bus routes stop here, but none link to Neasden station, nor either of the other two nearest stations, because fundamentally (as we've long known) IKEA Wembley assumes you're coming by car.
IKEA Greenwich (North Greenwich) [20 min walk]
This isn't a fun trek either. You set off from the pizazz of Peninsula Square and, if you're going the quickest way, head off into the unbuilt heart of North Greenwich past car parks and future building sites. It's a bit nicer if you follow the linear park to Oval Square but that way's also longer so don't. Eventually you reach the Millennium Leisure Park where IKEA is but you have to pass the Odeon, B&Q and most of the car park before you get there. Obviously what you're supposed to do is catch the bus from North Greenwich station instead, and there are several, but that's an extra £3.30 added to your IKEA trip. The bus takes six minutes each way - I timed that too.
IKEA Croydon (Ampere Way) [4 min walk]
This isn't on the tube, it's near a tram stop, but it is an easy walk. A desire line path across the roundabout confirms that the impatient would rather not go out of their way to use the pedestrian crossing, then it's a quick zip round the car park and you're there.
IKEA Hammersmith (Hammersmith) [4 min walk]
Unfamiliar with this one? Well it only opened in February, and IKEA's sponsorship of the tube map is partly to ensure it's better known. It's the UK's first 'Mini Store' focusing on home accessories and soft furnishings, not self-assembly furniture, which is great because it means you don't have to negotiate an endless labyrinth before you get to the everyday stuff. Goods are appealingly priced as well as impeccably designed, so you could easily walk out with a basket of household goodies you never intended to buy when you went in. You'll find this quarter-sized store in a revamped corner of the Kings Mall Shopping Centre which is terribly convenient for the tube, indeed if you don't have a car it's probably the best IKEA to make a beeline for.
IKEA Tottenham (Tottenham Hale) [35 min walk]
Yes that's a 35 minute walk, which is almost two miles, along a miserable arterial road which I do not recommend. The 192 bus does it in 8 minutes which is clearly a much better option. But Tottenham Hale is by no means the closest station to the big blue shed, that's the almost-adjacent Meridian Water which is two stops further north. Tottenham Hale's not even the closest station on the tube map, that's Silver Street, but buses from there don't stop outside the entrance. Anyway all of this is irrelevant because Tottenham's IKEA closed five weeks ago, indeed TfL have already removed the IKEA symbol from their online map, and all you'll find there today is an unbranded hangar behind locked gates.
IKEA Oxford Street (Oxford Circus) [1 min walk]
Those Swedes are currently busy transforming the old Top Shop at Oxford Circus into another Mini Store, bringing sidetables, tealights and meatballs to the heart of the West End. But it's not due to open until this time next year, by which time IKEA's sponsorship of the tube map will have expired. Maybe they'll extend it, because TfL need money more than a design icon needs purity, and if they do then Oxford Street's IKEA will be the closest of the lot.
Tubewatch (1) IKEA on the map
