After Lord Sugar's initial boardroom grilling, and just before the next Apprentice candidate gets fired, the losing team are banished to a cafe to discuss where things went wrong. Until 2018 that was the Bridge Cafe in West Acton and since then it's mostly been La Cabaña at Park Royal. They're both located very near to where the boardroom scenes are filmed, which isn't in a real office building but at BlackIslandStudios on Alliance Road. And they're both proper cafes so anyone can go inside for a cuppa or a fryup, so that's what I did yesterday (bacon and eggs excepted).
Now there's an iconic exterior. The bridge in question is a minor crossing of the Central line between West Acton and North Acton stations, the cafe sitting alone on the dividing line between suburban respectability and grey trading estates. With its barred windows and solid blue door there's a defensive feel to the building, plus no indication outside of what the opening hours are. But if the bright orange 'Pukka - Quality to Takeaway' sign has been placed by the pavement, or if the owner is helpfully standing out front in an apron, then the cafe is open for business. That's 6am-2.30pm on weekdays only, as it happens.
It's a lot friendlier inside... rows of tables on the right and counter and kitchen on the left. The counter reminded me a bit of a cab office, but with KitKats. The centrepiece of the menu is the Bridge set breakfast which naturally includes all the usual suspects (beans or tomatoes, excludes premium coffee, no swaps). Crusty rolls, baguettes and tuna melts are very reasonably priced, especially for anyone used to being fleeced for less hearty snacks elsewhere in town. On the tables upturned bottles of brown and red sauce await those ordering the classic lunch of pie, chips and beans, which beats £10 fancy salad any day. And from out back comes the crackle of the hotplates and the hiss of the urn that's dispensed mugs of failure to so many wannabe candidates.
The cafe is owned by brothers Gerry and Frank who, unbelievably, have been serving up here for over 60 years. The tables and chairs are a lot more recent but the whitewashed decor nods to decades gone by, including a prized frame with the signatures of the 1966 World Cup squad and a faded newspaper article headlined Serial Killer Link To Apprentice Cafe. They're not ashamed of their TV connection here, even down to having Bridge Cafe 'You're Fired' mugs available for £9.99 (and carefully wrapped before you're allowed to take them home).
If it's not peak dishing-up time then expect a good natter at the till. Gerry (or was it Frank?) likes to know where you're from and delights in recalling how far some overseas fans have come just to be here. He also says that with major TV and recording studios just up the road you never know who's going to walk through the door. Even Paul Weller's been in, also the cast of Z Cars (which shows how long the brothers have been here), plus no doubt several more recent celebs a septuagenarian might not recognise. There's a real sense of authenticity here without ever being stuck in the past so, if you can stomach sitting where Katie Hopkins has been, a hot mug is waiting for you.
The latest Apprentice cafe is a somewhat different set-up and equally welcoming, but only if you can find it. La Cabaña lurks on a large trading estate the other side of the A40, not far as the crow flies but a definite cab ride for the candidates. It serves the hard-working population of Park Royal, specifically those on the Cumberland Business Park, a loop of warehouse units off a sideroad near the John Lewis distribution centre. Signs by the gate warn that this is a private road, but there's also a well-worn sign for the cafe (announcing Breakfast's And Lunches, 6am-4pm) so it must be OK to wander in. Just dodge any lorries that might be squeezing through and have faith, La Cabaña really is hiding at the far end.
It's housed within a single double-storey unit adjacent to candle suppliers, worktop manufacturers and assorted wholesalers. It also has a very different feel once you step inside - rather darker, much airier and with timber panelling reminiscent of a Scandi sauna. The glass-fronted counter shields homemade meals and packaged treats, topped off with a wicker trugful of Walkers crisps, loose fruit and a dash of gingham. The menu is a little tangier and more veggie friendly than the Bridge Cafe, hence smoked salmon rather than scampi and saucy escalope rather than burger with salad garnish. But all the basics are still absolutely present so as not to frighten away the basic clientele, and this time the set breakfast includes beans and tomatoes, or black pudding if you prefer.
The cheery soul with the headscarf is Fernanda who's originally from Asturias (which probably explained the Spanish slant to some of the lunchtime specials). I don't think her beaming chat was just down to a customer attempting to converse in her native language, I suspect she's just as friendly with first-time customers as her Cumberland regulars. Meanwhile expect her silent kitchen ballet to continue, switching from the counter to the oven to the chopping board as necessary, perhaps nipping out to clear a plate or grab a bottle, until your steaming mug is ready. At just one pound for a proper brew it's a tasty bargain.
There's only room for four tables downstairs, these ideal for a solo lunch with the paper or catching up with something on your phone. But La Cabaña's little secret is a mezzanine upstairs, a brighter space for squeezing in several more customers when necessary, because that's one advantage of hosting your cafe inside a flexible industrial slice. The Apprentice candidates always sit downstairs because that way the camera crew get a backdrop of cutlery, snacks and behind-the-counter activity. Take your pick, you're not being told where to sit, merely enjoying a classic cafe that deserves its moment in the spotlight.
There is a school of thought which thinks The Apprentice switched to La Cabaña because it's open later in the afternoon, and because those boardroom scenes take a while to film. It's fortunate for the producers that this part of West London is well served by small independent cafes much lowlier than the candidates think they deserve but more than half-decent all the same. And now I too have had a mug of tea at the Apprentice cafe, and chatted over what went wrong and what went right, I can confirm that if it is the last place you go before you get fired at least it's a great way to go.
