1933
Thank you for your map Mr Beck.
We don't much like it but we'll give it a try.
Lines, stations, interchanges and the river, is that all?
It seems to be lacking somewhat in information.
1934 You know what this map needs? An escalator connection.
Bank and Monument are essentially one station with two different names so it's important to tell people they can interchange here. We'll add it as a dashed line, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
1938 You know what this map needs?Unbuilt railways.
People should know what's coming even if they can't travel on it yet. We'll call then Authorised Extensions. We'll add them as a dashed line, they won't be intrusive, they'll be useful. And the Waterloo & City Railway.
We'll add it as a separate uncoloured line, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
1950 You know what this map needs?Interchange connectors.
It wasn't previously explicit what was interchanging with what. Now we've linked the circles there'll be no confusion, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
1958 You know what this map needs?A grid of squares.
We'll go from A to Q in one direction and 1 to 11 in the other. It'll help people locate stations via an index, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
1960 You know what this map needs?Daggers.
We'll use them to indicate stations that are open during weekday rush hours only. There are only two such stations, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful. Andasterisks.
We'll use them to indicate stations that are closed on Sundays. There are only eight, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful. Anddashed lines for occasional services.
We can't have people thinking trains go to Kensington Olympia all the time. We'll label it Exhibition Service, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful. AndBR interchanges.
We already have circles for Underground interchanges. Let's introduces squares for interchanges with British Railways, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
1970 You know what this map needs?Little red British Rail symbols.
We'll add them beside stations that are interchanges with British Rail. It'll be better than using a different shaped station blob, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful. Andunfilled tramlines for lines that are part of other lines.
Specifically purple tramlines for the East London section of the Metropolitan line and black tramlines for the Highbury branch of the Northern line. It won't be distracting, it'll be useful.
1972 You know what this map needs?Asterisks in boxes.
We need them to distinguish between stations that are closed on Saturdays and Sundays and stations that are only closed on Sundays, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
1974 You know what this map needs?Crossed-out station names.
Strand is closed for rebuilding in readiness for the Fleet line so we need to show that. We'll use a big red cross, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
1977 You know what this map needs?Aeroplanes.
We're extending the Piccadilly line to Heathrow Airport and we really ought to celebrate that, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful. Andred triangles.
We need it to show that Turnham Green only gets Piccadilly line services at certain times. It's only one station, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful. Andred circles.
They'll show the nearest stations to the Round London Sightseeing Tour. If we're running a special service for tourists we really ought to show it on the map, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful. AndTravel Information Centres, ditto. And the North London Line.
We'll show it as black tramlines between Richmond and Broad Street. It's not part of the tube but it is a potentially useful connection, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful. Andinterchanges within walking distance.
It's just Fenchurch Street really. It doesn't have a tube station but you can easily walk there. We'll draw a box around the name, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
1985 You know what this map needs?A key to explain the daggers.
We have 14 stations with irregular opening times but they vary a lot and it's not practical to use a dozen different symbols. Just a dagger will do, but we'll need a big list beside the map to explain everything, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
1987 You know what this map needs? The Docklands Light Railway.
It's not the Underground but it's new, it's brilliant and it's ours. We'll use blue tramlines, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful. And the Greenwich Foot Tunnel.
Island Gardens is a pretty useless station otherwise, but if we mention you can walk through to Greenwich people'll flock there. We'll use a dashed line, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful. AndThameslink.
We'll just show the section from Kentish Town to Elephant and Castle because that's dead useful. We'll use a light yellow colour, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
1999 You know what this map needs?Fare zones.
People need to know how much their journeys cost so adding these ten fare zones is essential. We'll use very light shading, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
2000 You know what this map needs?Little trams.
Now Croydon has Tramlink we should point out where it interchanges with the tube. It's only at Wimbledon, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
2003 You know what this map needs?Little boats.
The Thames has all these riverboat services on it. We should add a special symbol to show where you can interchange to a river pier, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
2005 You know what this map needs?Replacement bus services.
It's only while Heathrow Terminal 4's closed... and OK maybe later when we close the East London line, it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful.
2006 You know what this map needs?Wheelchair blobs.
With more and more stations going step-free and in the interests of inclusivity, let's add a whopping blue blob at every station with step-free access. To be really literal we'll draw a wheelchair inside every one. These blobs aren't yet wildly intrusive, except on the DLR, but ultimately we intend to smother the map with them because it's the right thing to do.
2007 You know what this map needs? The Overground.
Let's smash a huge tangerine octopus onto the map to show off our wonderful new Overground services. We'll use unfilled tramlines, it won't be intrusive, but we have big ambitions so it might intrusive be later.
2011 You know what this map needs?Different-coloured wheelchair blobs.
It's important to know whether a station has access from street to train or just street to platform. If it's the less good option we'll use white blobs to show we're getting there, it won't be confusing or intrusive, it'll be useful.
2012 You know what this map needs? A cablecar.
It isn't genuinely useful, it's essentially a tourist attraction, but the Mayor loves it and the sponsors have paid millions so obviously it's going on the map, silly name and all.
2015 You know what this map needs?Crossrail.
It's still three years off opening so we can't call it that yet, we'll brand it TfL Rail instead. We'll use the same blue as the Piccadilly line but not a solid filled line. It'll all end up purple eventually but it won't be intrusive, it'll be fantastically useful.
2016 You know what this map needs? A zone 2/3 overlap.
We've had zone overlaps before but only at individual stations whereas this is a full-on ten-station mess. We've had to find a slightly different shade of grey but if you don't look at it too carefully it won't be intrusive, it'll be useful. And the Trams.
They've been running for sixteen years but we suddenly thought it'd be a good idea to acknowledge that south London exists. It won't be intrusive, it'll just fill that empty space at the bottom of the map. AndVictoria Coach station.
Because what the hell, we haven't added coach travel yet. Anddifferent coloured daggers.
We can't be bothered to tell you what all the blue daggers mean any more so when we use a red one we want you to go and look it up on the internet instead. It's much less useful but it undeniably less intrusive.
2018 You know what this map needs?Walking connections.
We've decided to add dotted lines to show that stations are within walking distance, specifically "under a 10 minute walk". We haven't added all the possible walks, that would be super-intrusive, but hopefully the 23 dotted lines we've added will be useful.
2019 You know what this map needs? Riverboat circles.
Once we'd added walking connections between stations the next obvious thing was walking connections to riverboat piers. It won't be intrusive, there are now so many extra bits on the map that a few more can't do much damage.
2020 You know what this map needs?Thameslink.
We tried adding a bit of it before but now let's bung the whole lot on. We'll use as many twists and bends as possible however much of an utter mess it makes. There's a pandemic on, it'll help social distancing, plus you just know it'll never be coming off the map once it's on.
2022 You know what this map needs?IKEA.
We no longer mind sacrificing all our principles for cash so let's add a blue and yellow rectangle somewhere vaguely near to London's IKEA stores. It will be intrusive, that's the whole point of advertising, and who cares if it's useful?
2023 You know what this map needs?Differently-branded Overground lines.
This was explicit in the Mayor's manifesto but it's taken two years to get round to thinking about doing it. We might need five additional colours to split the Overground beast into its constituent parts, or perhaps some other devious way of distinguishing between the routes, but whatever happens it's bound to make the map look even busier than it already is. Cumulatively useful ultimately means cumulatively intrusive.
