Tuesday, August 29, 2023
ULEZ expansion liveblog
00:00 ULEZ expands to (almost) the edge of London.
00:01 The first person to pay the charge is a nurse in Sidcup driving home after a tough shift.
02:00 None of the cameras have been switched on yet, but nobody's admitting that.
04:00 Overnight phone-in on LBC filled with anger and fury.
05:00 A dozen cameras in Edmonton mysteriously vandalised overnight.
06:00 A cabbie in Hornchurch spontaneously combusts.
07:00 Barry from Pinner beats the new charge by leaving his car at home and taking the bus to work.
08:00 ULEZ payment website crumbles under the weight of public demand.
09:00 Small child in Ruislip doesn't breathe in fumes from Barry's car so won't die prematurely in 2083.
10:00 The Mayor has already collected enough cash off innocent Londoners to pay for several weeks of woke-policy funding.
11:00 Furious anti-ULEZ campaigner in Penge tries to pay charge only to discover her car is compliant.
12:00 Sadiq Khan gives 25th sanctimonious news interview of the day, and he's not finished yet.
13:00 Used car salesmen run out of cars.
14:00 Market traders in Romford pack up early due to lack of shoppers.
15:00 95% of Londoners going about their day as usual, entirely unaffected.
16:00 Reports of looting and rioting in Bromley.
17:00 Croydon entrepreneur selling 'Map of where the cameras are' for £12.
18:00 Mary in Hounslow skips an evening meal to pay for driving her mother to the hospital.
19:00 The evening rush hour has been a tidy little earner for the Mayoral slush fund.
20:00 Massed hordes gathering in Hertfordshire with chainsaws and blowtorches.
21:00 An estimated 1 million Londoners have now expressed their ULEZ opinions in TV news vox-pops.
22:00 Angry Essex mob erects flaming barricades at every entry point to the capital.
23:00 Mayor announces pay-per-mile road charging starts next Tuesday.
23:59 If you don't get off the road soon you're going to have to pay twice.
00:00 World has not ended. Thousands £12.50 worse off. Air fractionally cleaner.
...or read more in my monthly archives
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