Modern life, eh, it's not what it was. People are so badly behaved these days, they get away with so much and it's incredibly irritating. So many things aren't as good as they should be because rules are ignored, adults are selfish, children have no respect, officials are thoughtless, processes are slapdash, systems are inadequate, corners are cut, property isn't respected, and standards aren't met. The world has gone to pot.
And when things aren't right we love to point this out and tut, perhaps with our friends and families, perhaps over a pint in the pub, perhaps on social media, perhaps just rolling our eyes at a passing stranger as yet another minor misdemeanour rubs us up the wrong way. It feels so good to vent our frustrations and get them off our chest.
But what can be hard is when you're up for a further moan but have run out of things to tut about. So today I'm providing a list of 200 angry grievances and petty annoyances which you can call up at any time online. Simply Google the word 'grumpytutters', surf to this blogpost and carry on putting the world to rights as you work your way through my list.
You need never be stuck for conversation again.
grumpytutters
Vandalism caused by so-called graffiti artists, potholes, businesses that don't take cash any more, businesses that don't do contactless yet, miscreants who jump ticket barriers, so-called 'pies' that are just stew with a pastry lid, modern so-called pop music, the impossibility of booking a driving test, the colour of your new passport, putting the clocks back in the autumn (why can't they just leave them alone?).
The way teenagers look at you these days, shrinkflation, people who listen to music on public transport without using headphones, the unfairness of the scoring system on Strictly, the state of your local town centre, hire bikes abandoned in the middle of the pavement, football matches should be at 3pm on a Saturday and it's not been the same since Sky came along, public convenience deserts, trying to get past the receptionist to book an appointment with your family doctor.
Youths who walk around suspiciously with their hoods up even when it's not chilly, stamps with barcodes on them, people who post spoilers online before you've had the chance to watch the finale, trying to find the end of the sticky tape, what the BBC are doing to local radio, roaming charges since Brexit, hedge fund asset strippers, consultations in name only, QR codes, you can hear every footstep through the ceiling since they took their carpet up.
Queue-jumpers, overflowing litter bins due to council cutbacks, plastic bags of dog mess hanging from bushes, people who use strimmers before 9am, idiots who cross the street while watching videos on their phones, adverts during cricket matches, the £7 pint, the £8.99 dessert, unexpected items in the bagging area, after Woolworths closed you could always buy one at Wilko and now you can't even do that.
The impossibility of getting onto the housing ladder, the interest rate they charge on your student loan, ULEZ, fortnightly bin collections, nobody holds doors open for you any more, facial piercings, there's no actual news in local newspapers any more, Twitter, what Elon Musk has done to Twitter, have you tried to find an NHS dentist recently?
MPs just can't be trusted, grown adults who still write its instead of it's, the extortionate price of car insurance, trying to find an electric charging point, having to write annual objectives, impossibly narrow aisles on trains, onshore wind farms, "your call is important to us", trying to understand the customer service agent when they're obviously on a different continent, Vernon Kay isn't Ken Bruce is he?
People who get their phones out in the cinema, people who talk all the way through a film, multiplying bus lanes, packages they definitely didn't try to deliver, the Americanization of Halloween, parking apps, menus with prices to one decimal place, it's not a font it's a typeface, the silly names they give to storms, kids called Jaxxon.
Surreptitious vaping, intrusive cookie option pop-ups, built-in obsolescence, LTNs, hotdesking, you won't believe what they replaced my supermarket order with, HS2, Voter ID, seven bins, bants.
White milk bottle tops, trying to attract the waiter's attention, those new Quality Street wrappers, politicians who say "what the British people really want is...", free museums that make you file in past a cash desk, cyclists who abuse the pavement, businessmen who buy football clubs, no I was not trying to write 'ducking', the decline of public firework displays, they didn't clean this hotel room properly did they?
When the car goes very slightly wrong but you can't fix it yourself any more, legroom on planes, the nearest bank is now miles away, I'm sure I've seen this episode of Pointless before, water companies dumping sewage, gambling adverts everywhere, "hoping this finds you well", unwanted Bounty bars in tubs of Celebrations, petty officialdom, people who ring when they could have messaged.
Autoplay before you can do anything to stop it, hospital parking fees, Christmas starting much too early, computers updating in the middle of a critical piece of work, electricity bills going monthly, headphones that needed charging but you didn't realise, toilet seats left down, "going forward", the BBC weather app is never right, the news is always so miserable these days.
When they expect you to have a smartphone, when they expect you to have a printer, dangerous dogs, it would have been quicker to walk to the takeaway rather than waiting for them to deliver, having to listen to what somebody else thinks, vegan bacon, having to knock up a costume the night before World Book Day, American spellings in Wordle, mortgage rates, Eurovision voting patterns.
I swear there are more adverts on YouTube now, hidden airline charges, shrinking library opening hours, mansplaining, promotional Black Friday emails, apps that no longer do reverse chronological order, the scandalous cost of childcare, smart meters, lists that don't actually contain the number of items they say they do, people who tut all the time.
Inconsiderate wielding of rucksacks, sports highlights that are mostly chat, influencers, excessively-repeated announcements on trains, films that nudge three hours, craft beer, the brain-numbing predictability of daytime TV, excessive repetition of the word 'like' in youthful conversation, yet another gambling advert, life hacks.
People eating smelly food on public transport, opinion expressed as fact, muzak, TV shows you can only watch if you take out yet another subscription, chewing gum on pavements, shops wanting to email your receipt, "train stations", unnecessary recaps during documentaries, the increasing prevalence of subscription over ownership, cheese and onion should be in a green packet.
Spitting in public, restaurants that don't take bookings, restaurants that only take bookings, dumbing down, intrusive background music, people who slow down just before the ticket barrier as they fire up their smart device, celebrities presenting documentaries in lieu of experts, delusional nostalgia, the general acceptance of austerity across our public services, superfluous emojis.
Videos in portrait rather than landscape, irresponsible e-scootering, light pollution, enforced use of self-service checkouts, 'bags for life' that people only use once, public enquiries as delaying tactics, first world problems, people who say 'everyone' when they mean 'I', repeated exhortations to use a smart speaker, GB News.
Drivers who don't indicate at junctions, "reaching out", leafblowers that merely move the problem somewhere else, chuggers, mumblers, lurkers, being expected to watch an instructional video rather reading a transcript, lengthy recorded waffle at the start of customer service calls, activists trying to save the planet, not trying to save the planet.
