Yesterday I attempted to buy a pint in the 24th pub on the A24. Let's see how I did.
The A24 is a major trunk road linking London to Worthing in Sussex. It starts outside Clapham Common tube station and follows the Northern line down to Morden, then continues through Cheam, Epsom, Leatherhead, Dorking and Horsham.
The big question is, how far down the A24 do you have to go to find the 24th pub?
This is the start of the A24 where it bears off from the A3 at the top of Clapham Common.
1) The Windmill(Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DE)
The first pub on the A24 is named after a windmill that no longer exists. It's a big freestanding pub on the actual common, just before the Eagle Pond. It makes a big thing of its Ginger Pig-sourced Sunday roasts. It doubles up as a hotel with 42 boutique rooms, but it's still definitely a pub...
2) The Rookery(69 Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DA)
...whereas this might not be a pub. It describes itself as a 'bar and kitchen' and has sit-down tables rather than cosy seating. But it has an old pub sign outside, it offers craft beers and if you look through the window it has a bar which looks very publike. I decided it counted as a pub, but I now had a new question - "What exactly is a pub anyway?"
Where do they get these names? This pub claims to be dog-friendly, party-friendly and is currently hosting après ski fondue parties on Saturday nights. It faces the southern end of the common and is very Clapham. I'm glad it wasn't my 24th pub else I'd have had to go in for a pint.
These two fill the gap between Clapham South and Balham stations. The Avalon is a free-standing redbrick boozer with a huge awning out front. It looked more like a restaurant but I stood by the door and it definitely smelt of pub. Meanwhile The Devonshire looked like a more standard pub-on-a-corner and was the second Young's of the journey. It offers doggy roasts, carefully curated cocktails and its chosen hashtag is #BevAtTheDev. A bit cringe, but nice windows.
These are the two pubs by Balham station. Neither looks much like a pub, more a converted shop. The first was acquired by Antic in 2013 who gave it a cosy vintage vibe, and a long garden hides out back. Its website is a bit smug though, claiming "Your favourite pub? Probably." Meanwhile the Cyclist used to be a Wetherspoons until 2019 and is now a lot more gastropub. Seven pubs in just over a mile - we're going well...
...but there are no pubs between Balham and Tooting Bec stations, none at all. If you want a coffee, some chicken or a haircut you're spoilt for choice but a pint? No. The Wheatsheaf is an imposing chimneyed pub on the corner outside Tooting Bec station. It's owned by the same company that owns The Cyclist so it's also gone a bit gastro. The King's Head is a splendid Victorian confection, rebuilt in 1896, and is supposed to look even more amazing on the inside. Alas it's only pub number 9, not pub number 24.
The exterior says 'established 1832' but the current building's much more 1932. In its time it's been a music hall venue and a blues club attracting some big names. It's the third Young's of the journey and you'll find it just before Tooting Broadway station. Claims to have "the best beer garden in SW London". I didn't check out back but I bet this is a lie. Also claims "the best food in SW17", ditto.
And here's my problem - I missed both of these. I had them on my draft list but I walked straight past without noticing either of them. I blame the fact that the weather yesterday morning was atrocious and I was battling with an umbrella, but all the same I should have spotted them. Instead I assumed they'd closed, and I didn't check this on my phone because it was raining. And what this omission of course means is that my count was incorrect from this point onwards so I was always destined to enjoy my pint in the wrong 24th pub.
This really is the 13th pub (but I was assuming it was the 11th). It's another corner pub but with a somewhat faded exterior. It describes itself as "a warm and casual Gastro Sports Pub" so is ideal if what you want is baby squid light bites and a game of shuffleboard. We're now three miles into my quest, and if we really are over halfway this bodes well.
14) The Royal Standard(180 High Street Colliers Wood, SW19 2BN) 15) The Charles Holden(198 High Street Colliers Wood, SW19 2BH)
The Royal Standard is the first pub on this journey not to have its own website. It's a one-room old school boozer where the advertised highlights are "TVs and music". They're advertising for staff if you fancy dropping off your CV at the bar. The Charles Holden has a good reputation, having been renamed in 2013 after the architect who designed Colliers Wood station. On its website, however, it says "we are primarily a rugby pub", then adds "if you're not a rugby fan, don’t worry - we show many other sporting events" so if you're expecting tube nostalgia think again.
At Colliers Wood the A24 deviates from its original course by following an old railway alignment along Merantum Way. This takes it away from old roads with pubs and diverts it past a retail estate and the Merton Abbey Mills complex. The latter contains the William Morris pub, which is too far from the road to count, and The Watermill grill. This might better be described as a restaurant but it promotes its alcohol offering very prominently and is already full of grizzled drinkers by 11am. You could argue it's neither a proper pub nor quite on the A24, but it's near enough so I'm counting it.
17) The Prince of Wales(98 Morden Rd, SW19 3BP)
This looks pretty basic, but if that means it's not full of yummy couples and sourdough-seeking tipplers perhaps that's for the best. The chalkboard outside says you can buy three pints of Fosters or Strongbow for £10 between 7pm and 9pm Monday to Thursday, so more fool you if you normally fork out £7 a pint elsewhere.
18) The Royal Surrey(1-9 Abbotsbury Road, SM4 5LH) 19) Ganley's(43-47 London Rd, SM4 5HP)
We've finally reached the end of the Northern line at Morden. The Royal Surrey sits beneath a Snooker, Darts and Social Club and has a silvery Wetherspoons feel. It also has four grumpy notices on the door about dogs, bikes, scooters and "please note toilets are for paying customers only" so I'd give the place a miss. Ganley's is an Irish bar with blazing green frontage and Celtic patterns, so naturally offers punters Guinness and the craic. We're five miles down, and five more pubs will finish this.
But now suburbia begins and the pubs start thinning out. The next two miles bring just two more drinking establishments and one of these is a Harvester. But it does have a proper pub name - The George - and apparently it's the UK's very first Harvester and was opened in 1983. At the foot of Stonecot Hill is the The Lord Nelson, a 200 year-old coaching inn, at least in name, although the current building is a 1936 modernisation of an 1859 rebuild. Don't rush to see it.
I missed this pub too, first time round. I'd finally given up walking in the rain and was aboard a bus with very steamed up windows so I never spotted it from the upper deck. This meant I was now three pubs adrift from the correct total, which isn't going to be good news for how this story ends. I only spotted this Wetherspoons on the bus home, just behind a giant lorry unloading fresh New Year stocks. You'd think 2nd January might be the least busy day for pubs nationwide but this one had multiple smokers spilling out onto the street.
After 8 miles and 22 pubs I'd finally reached the Greater London boundary. I could have given up at this point but the 293 bus continues all the way to Epsom so I carried on. Alas there were no new pubs. The bus passed four in the middle of Ewell - The Spring Tavern, The Star, the Green Man and the Ewell Tap - but unfortunately by this point the A24 had been sent off round a new bypass past no pubs at all. Even a return to populated streets didn't help and it was ultimately three whole miles before pub number 23 appeared, just before the railway bridge in Epsom.
23) The Rifleman(5 East Street, KT17 1BB)
This one's house-sized and a Greene King hostelry. I wondered if it had closed but then I saw two ladies walking out with smiles on their faces so I assumed not. I fully expected Epsom High Street would swiftly deliver pub number 24 but alas it was not to be. The Faraday looked promising but was marginally on the B284, and three other town centre pubs were only on the A24 gyratory if travelling in the opposite direction. Instead I had to continue past beyond the entire shopping centre almost as far as Epsom General Hospital and there, finally, was my destination.
24) The Haywain(2-4 St Margaret Drive, Dorking Rd, KT18 7LB)
And it was a bloody Brewers Fayre, a pseudo-pub restaurant attached to a Premier Inn. This is not the hostelry you want to find at the end of a damp, exhausting 12 mile journey, especially if you've promised yourself a refreshing pint.
However you may remember I'd failed to spot three pubs on the way down so I actually thought this was pub number 21 and had no intention of going inside. I scanned ahead on a map and decided pubs 22 and 23 were in the village of Ashtead on the outskirts of Leatherhead, another two miles ahead, that's The Brewery Inn and the delightfully named Leg of Mutton and Cauliflower. Pub 24 would then have been The Lincoln Arms outside Dorking station, six miles beyond that, and I really couldn't be bothered to catch the train all the way down there. So I threw in the towel outside The Haywain thinking it was pub number 21, when in fact I was outside pub number 24 and had in fact achieved my goal.
Such was the uselessness of my "24th pub on the A24" challenge. I went home and made myself a cup of tea instead.
