We've reached the second side of the board, just beyond Jail, and finally hit the West End. Pall Mall is the first of the pinks, all of which lead off Trafalgar Square, and a classically posh street to boot. At less than half a mile it's also the shortest street I've had to write about so far, so I'm going to be a bit more thematic in my write-up rather than treating you to an end-to-end walk. Expect to meet a hotchpotch of tourists, office workers and ex public schoolboys in bright red trousers.
History: This a properly old street, created in 1661 on the site of a Jacobean sports ground. The game in question was pell mell, a precursor to croquet played with mallets and straw hoops on a long thin court. When London's second pell mell court was built along the northern edge of St James's Park, the first was duly transformed into a thoroughfare and rapidly fronted by many grand houses. Originally it was called Catherine Street but sporting nostalgia inevitably won out and Pall Mall was soon a prestigious address.
Geography: Runs parallel to Piccadilly and The Mall. Links St James's Street to St James's Square to Waterloo Place to Haymarket. Doesn't officially connect to Trafalgar Square because the segment past the National Gallery is Pall Mall East.
Numbering: Buildings are numbered sequentially from 1 to 125, as if it were a cul-de-sac, with the turning point at the western end in the mid-60s. The road is also part of the A4, as is parallel Piccadilly.
Royalty:St James'sPalace is the big hitter. Its Tudor gatehouse is the oldest surviving part of the building and opens out onto the western end of Pall Mall, or more likely doesn't because the wooden gates are usually locked shut. If tourists are lucky there's a guardsman outside looking stern and generally motionless, but this is not deemed necessary midweek in April. A couple of humbler front doors are set into the brick wall alongside, one with a nameplate saying 66 Pall Mall, although the palace's official address is in Marlborough Road. Ever since the 17th century most of the southern side of Pall Mall has been owned by the Crown, a tenure which helps explain why the architecture on the northern side is much less impressive.
Private Members Clubs: St James's is the epicentre of exclusive drawing rooms for the gentleman about town, and today thankfully also for ladies. These heavily armchaired hideaways have throwback dining rooms, leathered lounges and waiting lists as long as your arm, or at least I assume they do because I don't know any existing members who could vouchsafe my attendance. Pall Mall hosts at least eight of London's private members clubs, some permitting a clear view through the window of copies of the Telegraph being read beneath a chandelier, others so incredibly anonymous you'd never know what was inside.
» Army and Navy Club (36-39): Rebuilt in 1963 so looks more like an office block, admittedly with terribly nice flowerboxes.
» Oxford and Cambridge Club (71-76): Massive stucco edifice and only identifiable if you recognise the crests of Oxon and Cantab on the portico.
» Royal Automobile Club (89-91): Unfeasibly enormous classical building, its membership originally responsible for roadside assistance and the British Grand Prix. Boasts two restaurants, 108 bedrooms and a swimming pool. The only Pall Mall club with a top-hatted gentlemen prowling the pavement outside. Bicycle and motorcycle helmets must be removed before entering (but not driving gloves).
» Reform Club (103-105): Liberal hangout since the 1830s, because non-Tories smoke cigars too. Also the first PMC to admit women in 1981.
» Travellers Club (106): The oldest gentlemen's club, established in 1819, with membership originally only for those who had "travelled out of the British islands to a distance of at least five hundred miles from London in a direct line". Retains a formal dress code (jacket and tie or national dress, no trainers or denim). Still refuses to admit women.
» The Athenaeum (107): Neoclassical bastion on the corner of Waterloo Place, specifically catering for those in the arts and sciences, whose first Chairman was Sir Humphry Davy. Its library contains 70000 volumes, and its members include Michael Palin, Lady Hale and Alan Titchmarsh.
Diplomacy: New Zealand House dominates the eastern end of Pall Mall, there being no other tall buildings hereabouts, but its official address is 80 Haymarket. The Brazilian Embassy sits opposite, but its official address is 14 Cockspur Street. The Sudanese Embassy faces St James's Palace, but Pall Mall has become Cleveland Row by this point. The only diplomatic missions on Pall Mall proper are therefore the Embassy of Kazakhstan at 125 and Quebec House at number 59.
Dining: If you can't get into one of the private clubs, fine dining is available at Wild Honey where the starters start at £26. If that's off budget try Wrights cafe where they make proper sandwiches from scratch and an omelette's only £8.
Business: Top of the employment heap is the HQ of the Institute of Directors at 114, a John Nash-designed building which formerly hosted the United Services Club. Other commercial buildings along Pall Mall are i) in the process of being gutted to create "exceptional workspace opening Q4" (number 83), ii) freshly refurbished as "contemporary fully fitted office space" (number 120), iii) drab open plan hutches packed with deskjockey wageslaves (most of the 40s).
Shops: Pall Mall has been renowned for its shopping since the 18th century, generally the upmarket type, although most retailers have since been squeezed out. The best known survivor is Berry Bros. & Rudd, the ultimate London wine merchants, who've been official suppliers of wines and spirits to the royal family since the reign of George III. Their full-on alcoholic empire started out just round the corner in St James's Street in 1698, expanding into fresh retail premises at 63 Pall Mall in 2017. Drop in for nothing cheap in very fine bottles. Also by royal appointment are Farlows at number 9, a fieldsports store for those who enjoy hunting and fly-fishing and need to stock up on green wellies, green gilets, trout tackle and something to shoot grouse with while they're up in town. Majestic and Millets do not have branches on Pall Mall.
Art: A few galleries hang out on Pall Mall, mainly to sell classic and contemporary framings to the deep-pocketed, but at least one puts on bespoke artist-focused exhibitions you might just feel confident enough to walk into.
Plaques: There's a very impressive blue trio opposite the pillar box. Number 79 is the site of Nell Gwynne's house, number 80 is Thomas Gainsborough's actual house and number 82 is where 18th century anti-slavery campaigner Ottobah Cugoano, erm, worked as a manservant. Perhaps more intriguing is the green plaque at number 100 confirming that Pall Mall was the location of the world's first demonstration of street lighting by coal gas in 1807. The occasion was the King's birthday and the loyal gas engineer was Frederick Winsor who set up two carbonising iron furnaces in his home at number 93 and wowed the crowds until late in the evening.
"The light produced by these gas lamps, was clear, bright, and colourless, and from the success of this considerable experiment, in point of the number of lights, the distance and length of pipe, hopes may at length be entertained, that this long-talked of mode of lighting our streets may at length be realised."
Pubs: None, although if you nip up Crown Passage the Red Lion is a timber-framed beauty hiding in an atmospheric alley, although describing itself as 'London's Last Village Inn' is plainly a crime against truth and geography.
Dead ordinary stuff: A bank (proper HSBC), a minimarket (does souvenir fridge magnets and vodka), an electric car charging point (in use by 4×4s), a functioning phonebox (black not red).
I've walked Pall Mall multiple times but only on this occasion did I truly look beyond the facades and flags to see the private, the prestigious and the privileged hiding in plain sight, and likely having a jolly good time.
