Nobody wants to read boring old text any more, the moving image is where it's at.
So today I'm pivoting to video and bringing you my first thrilling dynamic transport content.
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For those of you without playback capability, I've included a transcript below.
Warning, spoilers!
THE BIG LONDON AIRPORTS RACE
Train versus plane - City to Heathrow
Scene - outside City Airport
DEEJ: Hi there. Welcome back to the channel and we've got a wild one for you today. What's the fastest way to get from London City Airport to Heathrow Airport. Is it the train? Or could it be flying? I know, mad right? (cut to shot of plane taking off)
DEEJ: And to help us answer this big question I have with me the YouTube queen of all things aviation, MsJinx! Hey MJ, love your channel!
MSJINX: Yo Deej. Love your channel, love your t-shirt. Let's do this!
DEEJ: So as you can see we're both standing here outside London City Airport, one of only two commercial airports within Greater London, and what we're going to do is travel to the other one which is London Heathrow.
MSJINX: LCY to LHR! The kind of journey every AV geek and big business highflier is always making!
DEEJ: But which way is fastest? We're going to answer this question properly and forever with a RACE! I'm the trains expert so I'm going to fly between the two.
MSJINX: ...and I'm the frequent flyer so I'm taking the train. I know, mad right? And to make it fair we're not going to start the clock until his flight takes off. See you on the other side!!!
Scene - on the plane
DEEJ: I'm on the plane! It's always nice and quick at London City! But I know what you're thinking, you're thinking there aren't any direct flights from here to Heathrow and you'd be right. I can't do this in one hop. So here's the clever thing. I'm actually going to take TWO planes, one out from City and one back to Heathrow, and I'm STILL planning to get there before MsJinx. (opens map)
DEEJ: So look, the BIG question is where do I have to fly to to get back to Heathrow in the quickest possible time? It could be Birmingham, that's only 100 miles away, but there are no flights from City Airport to Birmingham. It could be Guernsey, that's only 120 miles away, but there are no flights from Guernsey back to Heathrow. It could be Amsterdam, that's only 200 miles away, but the faff with customs and passports would slow me down so much I'd lose the race. So I'm actually flying 330 miles to Edinburgh because that's Britain's premier air connection so there are loads of planes which gives me the best chance of a quick turnaround. Wow, all the way to Scotland for the LOLs, but that's the kind of top video content which really reels in the viewers. Look, Milton Keynes!
Scene - on the DLR
MSJINX: This is going to be easy. Look, I'm at the front driving the train! Woo woo!
Scene - on the plane
DEEJ: I'm still on the plane! Turns out Edinburgh is further away than I thought and the time's really ticking away. Look, Kielder Forest!
Scene - on the Thames Clipper
MSJINX: I couldn't come all this way to London and not ride the big Uber boat so I hopped off the DLR after one stop and ran down to the pier at Royal Wharf. Only 7 minutes to wait, result! Loving the great views of the grey river! (phone rings)
DEEJ: Yo MJ! Wow, you can ring people from the sky these days! I'm on BA1457 heading to Edinburgh and I am so going to beat you!
MSJINX: Yo Deej! Heathrow here I come!
Scene - at Edinburgh Airport
DEEJ: Well that took almost an hour and a half and there wasn't even any in-flight catering! But we're here now and I sat at the front of the plane for a quick getaway - OUT OF MY WAY! - straight out up the boarding ramp and into arrivals. HELLO SCOTLAND! My flight back leaves in forty minutes but I'm going to keep running for maximum effect.
Scene - on the cablecar
MSJINX: I couldn't come all this way to London and not ride the world famous Dangleway so I hopped off the Clipper after one pier and ran down to the terminal at North Greenwich. No queue at all, result! Loving the great views of the grey river!
Scene - at Edinburgh Airport (running past Starbucks/flicking through the boxes of shortbread in World Duty Free/running past Brewdog/checking out the plaids in the Tartan Weaving Mill/running past Boots/downing a Becks in Wetherspoons/running past Krispy Kreme)
Scene - on the DLR
MSJINX: I've finally reached the other side of the Royal Docks and I'm back on the little automated railway. Just one stop should do it. I'm at the front driving the train again! Woo woo!
Scene - on the plane
DEEJ: Wow, look, I'm on my second plane! I haven't got a window seat this time but if I squint between that woman's laptop and that man's headphones I can see the tops of the clouds. Look, cirrocumulus!
Scene - on Crossrail
MSJINX: I switched to the purple train at Custom House, it was so easy. Now I'm whizzing under central London and wow look, there's a 4G signal down here. (phone rings)
DEEJ: Yo MJ! How's it going? (waves stopwatch)
MSJINX: Storming it! (waves stopwatch)
Scene - on the plane
DEEJ: Well that took almost an hour and a half and there wasn't even an in-flight movie! But we're here now and I sat at the front of the plane for a quick getaway - OUT OF MY WAY! - straight out up the boarding ramp and into Heathrow proper. HELLO LONDON! All I need to do is reach Arrivals so I'm going to run for maximum effect. I need to be the winner here!
Scene - at Heathrow Airport
MSJINX: Well hello what kept you?
DEEJ: Dammit, how on earth did you get here first?
MSJINX: I've been here for two hours. Sorry but you were never going to win by taking a plane to another country and back, that's a ridiculous idea we conjured up for the purposes of a clickbait video. The quickest way from London City Airport to Heathrow is obviously by train.
DEEJ: But great content, eh?
MSJINX: Great content! Love your work Deej!
DEEJ: Love your work MsJinx! Like and subscribe!
