Who left that McDonalds carton beside the litter bin? Why is your basket on wheels completely blocking the aisle? Why did you set the ringer on your phone to maximum volume? Who rotated the Cyclists Beware sign so traffic can't read it? Why has nobody rotated the sign back to where it ought to be? Why is the central reservation covered in litter? Why didn't you just install non-combustible insulation in the first place? Why does it still say New Road Layout Ahead when that layout changed six years ago? What idiot allowed a car manufacturer to sponsor a cycling event? Why did they remove half the ticket machines and replace them with adverts?
Oh god not the annual 'Please carry water' campaign again? Why is the typeface on the map on platform 6 completely wrong? Why are you wearing a lanyard with your name and place of work fully visible are you an ignorant sheep or something? Why does the sign in the staff operations room have an apostrophe in the word radio's? Why did it say the next train was in 1 minute but then it took 4 minutes to arrive? Why did someone discard their Metro on top of the ventilation unit rather than putting it in the bin? Why is the track noise so incredibly loud, so loud in fact that the woman over there is having trouble telling her friend how loud the track noise is? What does London's most immersive festival even mean? Why is the display still flashing **MIND THE DOORS** even after the train has left the platform? How can we live in a so-called civilised society and yet a homeless person is asleep on that cardboard sheeting under a filthy quilt?
Why are you standing in the middle of the passageway with your arm sticking out on one side and a large bag on the other so I can't possibly walk past you, and all while walking really slowly? Why are there still six Keep 2m Apart stickers along the length of the bus shelter? Who left two newspapers and a tobacco pouch on the seat and a used paper hankie on the floor underneath? Call that a segregated bike lane? Why is there still a banner on that fence advertising a theatre show which ended last month? Which idiot left a bag of donations outside the charity shop despite the very obvious sign saying Leave No Donations? Why did that selfish driver whizz all the way down the queue of traffic and then expect to be let in at the front? Why did that fool actually let them in? Why is the handrail filthy? Why are you still displaying the March 2024 apology poster when there's a May 2024 apology poster with more up to date information?
Why are you wearing a warm winter jacket with the hood up in this weather, what are you hiding? Why is there a massively-disruptive set of 4-way temporary traffic lights just so that someone who's parked their van on the skew can hose down a stretch of gutter? How did an architect get away with creating that horrible apartment block? If an Iceland own-brand lasagne costs £1 how awful must it be? Why is your slogan Save 24/7 when in fact your shop closes every evening at 6pm? On that official fostering banner why isn't there an apostrophe in the word Childs, are the council employing illiterates these days? How have we reached the stage where a second class stamp is over five times dearer than a greetings card? Why has that driver stopped in the yellow box when he's trying to turn left? What kind of moron tags a road sign? Which self-important vigilante sprayed paint across that ULEZ boundary camera?
A poignant reminder on a Hainault street corner that three weeks ago a boy set off for school and was cut down by the irrational cruelty of man.
Why isn't this alleyway on OpenStreetMap? Which council jobsworth decided to put a No Ball Games sign on that tiny lawn when the only ball game you could play is Playing Catch Across The Rose Bushes? Why do people drop their used vapes on the ground? Why is the spider map still that horrible discredited 2017 design? Why are you letting me on the bus before you, do I look old or something? OK who smells of weed? Why is that Dad ignoring his son while he watches some pointless Star Wars video on his phone? Why has he given his child a sandwich and then told him to keep his mouth closed while he eats it? Why is a grown man willingly walking around advertising a car manufacturer in big letters on his football shirt? Why is there a sign saying Turn Around You Missed Us but it's for a cemetery?
Why is that youngster off to play golf when he should be at work? Oh for goodness sake your walking stick has fallen into the door-opening mechanism and now it won't open, how am I supposed to get off this bus are you stupid or something? Which official made the decision all those years ago to stop using ¼s and ¾s on road signs? Who left that empty cardboard box beside a lamppost? Why do people buy big electric fans anyway? OK I get why you don't want people breaking into your yard but isn't warning people that the guard dogs might "gnaw you" a bit much? Which trader parked their white van on the pavement forcing me to step out into the road? Why has so much litter been hurled along this stretch of pavement? What useful work could these two ladies be doing if the council weren't employing them to pick up litter that's been hurled along this pavement? Why is your hellhound off his leash and padding along the pavement behind you, balls swinging?
Why is there a poster on that lamppost for a dance event in another country? Why is it that if I scan the QR code on the shelter which promises Next bus information I end up on a holding page with a weather forecast which then links to the TfL Journey Planner rather than to any next bus information? Why is the aircon on this bus so incredibly loud all the time? Why are you sitting on someone's front wall shamelessly swigging lager? What is the actual point of a shop called £1 Plus? Why is that sign supposedly pointing towards the High Road Walking time 22 minutes pointing in entirely the wrong direction, does nobody check these things? How many chemicals must they have put in that waterfall to make it that unnatural blue colour? Why didn't enough people go drinking in that pub to save it from being boarded up? Why does everyone insist on crossing this busy road to get to Sainsbury's when there's a perfectly good set of traffic lights less than a minute down the road? Why don't the council add a crossing at the desire line point where people actually want it?
Why do we bother educating teenagers these days, why don't we just train them to become moped drivers because that's all they seem to end up as? Who chose the horrible highlight colour for those horrible flats? Why would I top up my Oyster card at a newsagent that can't spell Lottry? If you're going to run to try and catch the bus why for heaven's sake why are you doing it at a snail's pace in the middle of the road? Why is Tesco's clocktower five minutes slow? Does nobody care that this new block of flats has blotted out the daylight for the row of houses across the road? Why are all the platform signs still in blue rather than purple? Why has the church not yet taken down its sign claiming next Sunday is Pentecost? Why has nobody twisted the countdown signals back so that crossing pedestrians can actually read them? In what universe do Starbucks think a "crème brulée inspired cream cold foam" is something they can charge extra for?
How can we live in a civilised society if a Community Grocery food bank has to exist? That department store closed six years ago so why is there still a prominent sign pointing towards it? I know I moan about apostrophes a lot but did nobody think of checking Come and Celebrate Eid's in April and June before they printed it? Why is that excellent shop now owned by someone who can't even spell Off License? If you insist on leaving your phone sticking out of your back pocket don't you know someone's going to nick it mate? Why are there no recycling bins anywhere? Do you realise how uncomfortable 078 7036 6111 makes me feel? Whatever your sign says you don't really show All Live Sport do you? What do they do with all the leftover Metros, they must pulp tens of thousands every day? Doesn't smothering a platform with Samaritans signs just encourage sad thoughts?
Oh god you've not washed under your arms recently so why have you chosen to hold onto the grabpole immediately adjacent to my seat? Be fair, the next two trains can't both be 1 min away can they? For goodness sake why don't you wait until I've got off before you swarm on? Do you really think you can successfully give out baseless religious propaganda while wearing a 'Thug Life' cap? When did it become impossible to go on a school trip without kitting everyone out in hi-vis jackets? What is the point of having the school name and phone number on the back of those hi-vis jackets if everyone's wearing rucksacks? Why do West Ham fans think we want to read their stupid stickers everywhere? Why are you muppets paying a fortune to your gym instructors just so they can send you on a 10 minute jog round the local streets? If you think your distillery tours run on Thursday's and Saturday's why on earth would I want to come to your quiz night tonight? Why do people insist on tutting about things entirely outside their control thereby adding a relentless sheen of negativity to everything?
