Here we are again. Trafalgar Square is the starting point for four streets on the Monopoly board (all the pinks plus Strand) and is also a property in its own right. I've blogged about it on multiple occasions, including what it's like at New Year, how they scare the pigeons, where the shadow of Nelson's Column falls, what it was like to be in the crowd for the 2012 Olympic announcement, performance art on the Fourth Plinth, the build-up to the Coronation, the fact everybody's been, an appearance by the Sultan's Elephant and an entire week of bloggage for the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar, so there's no real need to go through it all again. Monopoly rules dictate, however, so I intend to take you on two short circuits, one around the centre and one around the edge.
History first. Before this was Trafalgar Square it housed the Royal Mews, originally opened in 1377 to house Richard II's falconers and hawks. In 1534 Henry VIII moved his horses here, in 1732 George II rebuilt it as the Crown Stables and in 1826 George IV had the mews and a few local streets demolished to create a new open space "to add to the beauty of the approach from Westminster to Charing Cross". It took until 1835 for the square to be named, until 1844 for it to be opened and until 1850 for the layout to be fully completed. The National Gallery and Nelson's Column were both added during this period, and Ken Livingstone pedestrianised the upper terrace two centuries later. For further background Wikipedia explains all, but Westminster's 2003 Conservation Area audit is also a very good read, as council planningdocuments tend to be.
Circuit 1: Inner
Nelson's Column isn't quite in the centre of the square, more along the southern edge, so we can start there. The Admiral's pillar is 52m high, commemorates the hero of the Battle of Trafalgar and is decorated by four bronze panels cast from captured French guns. The rear quarters of Landseer's four lions are infamously inaccurate due to a lack of available lions to copy, and are guarded by free-standing signs urging tourists not to climb on their backs. Alas the entire menagerie was taped off yesterday while a bloke with a big nozzle gave the foot of the column a good jetwash. This watery performance probably takes place every Monday morning, although I'm basing that assumption on a sample size of one.
Heading clockwise the first plinth you reach supports Charles Napier, an Army general who fought in the Peninsular War and later ruled as Commander-in-Chief in India. His statue was paid for by public subscription, mostly private soldiers, as a token of their appreciation. Displayed nearby are the Trafalgar Square byelaws which forbid anyone to ride an animal, leave a caravan, use a boat, project any missile, attach any banner, erect any tent, play any instrument, collect any money, wash any fabric, sound any loudhailer, light any fire or feed any bird without the express permission of the Mayor.
The fourth plinth remains General-free and is currently topped by a big man in a hat in his final weeks. It was once thought these modern artworks were merely filling time before the Queen passed away, but she now has and new works are still lined up for the rest of the decade so expect her bronze to end up elsewhere. Beneath is the entrance to the Square's toilets where, due to a contactless issue, a warden is currently employed to stand at the bifurcation point announcing "20p, cash only" as you enter. The cafe disappeared four years ago after Covid, he explained to me as if I were an ignoramus.
Look out for the iconic Imperial Standards of Length along the north side of the square, affixed by the Board of Trade in 1876 and more recently restored thanks to Heritage Lottery funding. The main plaque measures one foot, two foot and one yard via a series of metal gaps, but is only guaranteed to be accurate at 62 degrees Fahrenheit. A longer sequence stretches out either side of the steps at floor level with '80 feet' outside the entrance to the toilets. Looking down on Measurement Corner are the heads of Cunningham, Jellicoe and Beatty, each a former Admiral of the Fleet, and above everything on his plinth is a saddle-free George IV, he who set the Square in motion.
The central stone fountains were designed by Sir Edwin Lutyens in the late 1930s, while the surrounding figures of mermaids, tritons and dolphins are by Charles Wheeler. They gush into "lobed quatrefoiled basins" which were designed to reduce the amount of standing room in the square and prevent crowds of excessive size from congregating. Alas they're undergoing maintenance works this month, courtesy of "historic fabric maintenance contractor" DBR, and I arrived just as hardhatted operatives were stepping across the newly-drained tiles to erect scaffolding around the rim. That'll be weeks of tourist photos ruined.
The final plinth is topped by Henry Havelock, ruthless subduer of the subcontinent, and was again paid for by public subscription. Close by is what's often been described as London's tiniest police station but it's not, it'd struggle to hold two coppers and was only used an observation post. Its exterior noticeboard contains a copy of the alcohol licence for the former Cafe on the Square dated 1 June 2017, because Trafalgar Square really is full of outdated relics that ought to be taken down. And that ends my inner circuit so it's time to cross at the LGBT+ lights and do the outside.
Circuit 2: Outer
57-66 on the southern side are I believe the only numbered properties with a Trafalgar Square address. 57 houses the Malaysia Tourism Promotion Board and 58 the Ugandan High Commission. Only one of these has appeared in a Bond film as Q's laboratory. Next come two coffee frotheries - Caffe Nero at 60-61 and Pret at 62-65 - each topped by unremarkable refurbished offices. And 66 is The Admiralty which promotes itself as London's most central pub, but has only been a boozer for ten years and started out as a branch of the National Westminster Bank. £19.50 is probably on the pricey side for pie and chips, even if it's marinated steak and ale, but a bowl of Marmite roast potatoes will only set you back £5.95.
CanadaHouse flanks the entire western side of the square, a site previously occupied by the Union Club and the Royal College of Physicians. The information board out front was unveiled by The Queen in 2017 and reveals that the fountains' original granite centrepieces were shipped out to Ottawa and Regina when the mermaids turned up. The north flank belongs to the National Gallery, its Sainsbury Wing entrance currently undergoing major renovation as part of the NG200 Welcome Project. In good news all the levitating Yodas and flagchalkers have been displaced this month by a child-friendly art marquee. In bad news the lifts linking the terrace to the piazza are still out of service.
Out east is St Martin-in-the-Fields, a church which was indeed in the fields until Tudor times although the current classical landmark is just 300 years old. There'd be a much better view of the square from its steps if they chopped down a few plane trees, which thankfully they haven't. South Africa House comes next with its golden springbok, while on the pavement outside is a flurry of kiosks specialising in tacky souvenirs and the flogging of sightseeing bus tickets. And the good news is we don't need to complete the circuit because the rest of the outer perimeter is officially on the Strand, on Whitehall or on a separate mini loop called Charing Cross. Trafalgar Square's not even properly square for heaven's sake, but remains endlessly bloggable so I can guarantee I'll be back.
