I worry sometimes that my content isn't niche enough. Things on hills in Hainault. Ex-country lanes in Harrow. Bridges in Norwich. So today I'm going all-out niche in an attempt to dampen interest even further. Welcome to...
Signs of Autumn in Old Malden
Originally there was only Malden, a manorial Saxon settlement by the Hogsmill, but then (as is so often the way) the railways came. The first station hereabouts lured much of the new housing a mile north, which became New Malden, then a century later came a new line with a new station which might better have been named Malden or even Old Malden but instead they called it Malden Manor. Old Malden is now a council ward south of the A3 where the original Malden was, and I have been there looking for signs of autumn rather than nuancing etymology.
This is the finest leafdrop I found in Old Malden, a sycamore dump on Plough Green opposite the shops. Perfect conditions require a mature tree, an approximately symmetrical canopy, a lack of wind so leaves fall downwards and a lack of small children disturbing the resultant coppery circle. Come back in a few days and this won't look anywhere as good. This former village green is named after The Plough, a 15th century inn which is yet another hostelry to claim Dick Turpin once drank here should you be the kind of person who believes that kind of thing. These days it's a Miller & Carter Steakhouse, an upmarket chain who claim their main menu is "perfected for darker nights spent cosying up to a new season of flavours", but I'm not sure their pan-roasted lamb rump is especially autumnal.
These are the early Victorian cottages on Church Road, not officially listed but certifiedlocally as Buildings of Townscape Merit. Originally they were clustered opposite the smithy, which is long gone, but the village pond is still there and is apparently the oldest pond in the borough of Kingston. A consultation on the future of the pond just closed which will hopefully result in the addition of a small viewing platform and two interpretation boards. If you're wondering what the autumnal thing is it's the fruit bulging on the tree outside number 26. Initially I thought they were apples, probably cookers, but on closer look (particularly the long leaves) I reckon they're actually quinces. Right now is peak season for harvesting quince, ideally just after they've turned golden and taking care not to bruise, but don't eat them raw because they're best in jams and jellies.
Hurrah for libraries and hurrah for Kingston who haven't closed any of theirs so still have the same seven they had pre-austerity. Old Malden's is located in a purpose built, low level building of indeterminate postwar origin, with a porch full of leaflets and a main room where Knit & Natter meet every Monday morning. This being half term they're running special autumnal events for children this week, specifically a dreamcatcher workshop on Friday and a Halloween Craft workshop at 11am this morning. I was expecting Old Malden's suburban streets to be a veritable Hallowe'en hotbed but I didn't see a single house decorated out front with spiders' webs or skeletons, nor any shop prominently flogging pumpkins, which is why you have a photo of the library and not a spooky semi-detached masterpiece. Well done Old Malden.
This is not a road sign you see everywhere, indeed when installed in Old Malden in August it was the first official use of the sign anywhere in the UK. Officially it warns road users of hazards due to small mammals in the road ahead, not 'hedgehog crossing', but that didn't stop the wider media going wild for the pricklier interpretation. There are four signs in Old Malden, two on Avondale Avenue, one on Downfield and this one on The Hollands. These aren't even places where hedgehogs are known to cross roads, more a "stronghold" for hedgehog populations according to local activists, but that was enough to persuade the council that a high bar for installation had been crossed. As autumn progresses I'd have thought hedgehogs are increasingly unlikely to be out in the road, but if the sign reminds residents to check their bonfires pre-Firework Night all the better.
St John's is partially Saxon and gets a mention in the Domesday Book. It was mostly rebuilt in 1611 but the lower part of the original flint and stone chancel wall was patched up and retained, including a blocked-up doorway with a telltale triangular head. It sits in a yew-infested churchyard alongside the actual Malden Manor, although the current house is 18th century and "much altered" so looks more like an egotistical Essex pile. The autumnal connection relates to special church services on upcoming Sundays, first the annual memorial for the dead on the 3rd followed by the Remembrance Sunday Parade Service on the 10th, although this year that's at the Baptist Church. It's perhaps worth saying that Worcester Park's high street is absolutely brimming with red poppies attached to every upright pole but as soon as you cross beneath the railway bridge into Old Malden they all vanish, because Sutton venerates Heroes more seriously than Kingston.
No mention of Old Malden is complete without mentioning that the artist John Everett Millais painted'Ophelia' by the banks of the Hogsmill. Some say it was Tolworth, others Ewell, but a local resident did three years of research and claims it was beside Six Acre Meadow in Old Malden so that's where the information board is. As well as confirming the location it points out that Millais added Ophelia to the scene later, not here but in Gower Street WC1, by painting a model called Elizabeth clothed in a bathtub. The riverbank beside the board has been significantly eroded by people stepping down to gaze upon the waters, and because it's autumn it's got very muddy and by the looks of the prints only dogs have risked it recently. The quagmire should ease in the spring.
The final sign of autumn is in the ticket hall at Malden Manor station. It's a poster alerting passengers to autumn timetable changes "because leaves on the tracks can be as slippery as ice". This year's leaf fall timetable runs from 22 September to 14 December and a copy of the leaflet they no longer print can be downloaded here. Intriguingly I've compared the summer and autumn timetables and they appear to be identical, at least for stations on the Chessington branch, so arguably the poster is more an unnecessary worry than practical information. But signs of autumn are everywhere in Old Malden, as I hope I've just demonstrated, so maybe that's why it's here.
