There are hundreds of red phone boxes in London but only one has the pixiedust to glam up your socials big time. It's the red phone box in Parliament Square, north side, and if you stand alongside you can combine the holy trinity of a) red phone box b) the actual Big Ben c) your pouting face. Get in there and grab one for the 'gram.
Make sure you're wearing your best threads - anything less than top global brands will only embarrass. Beiges, browns and blacks are ideal, nothing overtly colourful else you'll clash with the box. Ensure your skincare regime is at the top of its game because when people zoom in they expect to see perfection. Make sure it's a bright sunny day or come at dusk with lamps aglow for optimum illumination. Pick carefully between leaning nonchalantly against one side or holding the door open with a smile because the perfect alignment can bring all the love. If you don't get the Elizabeth Tower erupting from your head you're doing it all wrong.
But there is a catch which is that every other holidaymaking tourist wants the same shot because it's become one of London's must-do experiences. They've seen their contacts carry it off with aplomb and now they want the same prized digital trophy for their own feeds. The queues for the iconic phonebox are thus insane, even on a grey day in December, so be prepared to wait your turn while fifty other people take their time getting it just right.
The amount of patience displayed here is ridiculous, and all because you cannot leave the capital without the right photograph beside the right red box. One shot is never enough, of course, you have to try it with subtly different smirks, a variety of flicks of the hair and your limbs at all sorts of coquettish angles to ensure that when you scan through your album afterwards the perfect viral image is there.
You'll also need someone to take the photo for you because the proportions in a close-up selfie are all wrong. For the best outcomes turn up with friends or family because that's a lot less risky than handing your phone to a random stranger. But the more people you turn up with the more combinations there are to photograph - here's me, here's you, here's both of us, here's the whole grinning crew - and that's what really slows the queue down.
Thankfully there are quicker alternatives because this side of Parliament Square has four red phone boxes, fortuitously perfectly spaced. The second box back always has a shorter queue because the shot's never as good, the third box is shorter still because that's positively suboptimal and the fourth box attracts a mere handful because the sightlines are all wrong. On my visit the first queue was fifty strong, the second twenty-five, the third more like a dozen and the fourth just a slightly bemused family with no aesthetic sense. If your time is short, pick carefully.
But ideally you'll want to queue for the first phone box no matter how long it takes because you are a sheep with no imagination. You saw the iconic phonebox shot blazing across TikTok and it fired within you a primal need to take exactly the same image as everyone else lest your trip to London be judged a dismal failure. Never stop and ask yourself why genuine Londoners aren't doing the same, just wait your turn before stepping up and frustrating the rest of the queue while you pout and preen repeatedly with a great big clock tower behind you. Your besties will be well jel.
Five other iconic Tiktok locations
• the iconic Platform 9¾ scarf tug
• the iconic 'London Eye as halo" video
• the iconic pastel houses in Notting Hill backdrop
• the iconic blocking the pavement on Tower Bridge moment
• the iconic "you won't believe the size of the queue for the iconic phonebox shot" shot
