Jan: The denouement of The Traitors results in an unsatisfying victory by someone nobody wanted to win Jan: Donald Trump becomes President again and the world's media begins four years of paying him far too much attention Feb: Dry January was a failure and you can no longer be bothered to go to the gym because winter is endlessly miserable Feb: An embarrassed actor fluffs their lines at a crucial moment during Eastenders' live 40th anniversary episode Mar: To celebrate 200 years of railways in Britain, fares rise by three times the rate of inflation Mar: America, China, Israel and Russia all do terrible things Apr: Donald Trump ends the war in Ukraine in a way nobody foresaw and hardly anybody wanted Apr: The Silvertown Tunnel opens, bringing a much-needed connection but also tolls, air pollution and two rubbish bus routes May: Reform do thunderously well in the local elections and Nigel's masterplan edges forward a gear May: The UK's Eurovision entry arrives with high hopes and crashlands in an embarrassing 25th place Jun: The Lambeth Country Show isn't as good as it used to be since they put that big fence around it. Jun: The Oasis tour is all over everything everywhere all at once, even worse than bloody Taylor Swift last year Jul: America, China, Iraq and Russia all do terrible things, again Jul: Elon Musk takes over another media empire in an attempt to hasten the dystopia George Orwell warned us about Aug: Several much loved cultural icons die, much like any other month Aug: Mince pies are back in the shops and the dark hurtle towards midwinter has begun again Sep: Sir Keir Starmer manages to underwhelm just enough voters to guarantee a really poor outcome at the next election Sep: False video created by AI results in the death of 15 people somewhere in the West Midlands Oct: Microsoft withdraws support for Windows 10 in an attempt to force users to upgrade to something better but intrinsically worse Oct: MyLondon exemplifies shit journalism by claiming it will snow at 11am in six weeks' time Nov: America, China, North Korea and Russia all do terrible things, yet again Nov: COP summit in Brazil ends with diluted diplomatic compromise which fails to address inevitable serious climate impacts Dec: Everything costs more and your income isn't keeping up, but Christmas still needs paying for Dec: Wham's Last Christmas continues its unstoppable eternal run as the Christmas Number 1 for the rest of your life 2026: Next year is definitely going to be even worse, so make the best of enjoying 2025 while you can
