Route 700: Colliers Wood to Phipps Bridge Estate Location: London southwest Length of bus journey: 1½ miles, 7 minutes
Every so often, usually because of roadworks, TfL introduce a newtemporarybusroutewith ahighnumber. The latest is the 700, a number chosen because it replaces part of route 200, a lowly twiddler in the borough of Merton. It's needed because there are joint gas and water main works on the edge of Mitcham Cricket Green, which incidentally are causing havoc with other buses being diverted round jammed-up roads but that's a different story. What's important is that the 200 is normally the only route down Church Road and that's now blocked for two months, so a special route was needed to reach the Phipps Bridge Estate which would otherwise be bus-less. And that's the 700.
In good news it's a spanking new bus. A gleaming double decker has been gifted to the route, just the one most of the time because it's not a long circuit and one vehicle can generally cope. The young bus fans who came out to ride the route were very excited by the vehicle, and yes the youth contingent were out in force with their TikToks, vastly outnumbering the freeloading pensioners you'd normally expect. One of them said his mate skipped school to ride the first day on the SL4, that's how hardcore they are. It also means there already multiplereelsandvideos available if you want to see what shenanigans occurred aboard the 700, or instead to watch several minutes of the journey viewed from not quite the front seat. I'll thus merely summarise for the old school contingent who still like text.
In good news there's a map, courtesy of TfL's We Only Make Maps For New Routes Department. In bad news the map's wrong, also the timings on it don't seem to be right, also I saw no timetables at bus stops round the route, also route 700 is much less frequent than the 200 it replaces, also the iBus system inside the bus thought we were on route 57, so let's go for a ride and I'll point out all the duff bits.
The 700 starts outside Colliers Wood station, which you can tell because the stop has a special tile saying '700 Shuttle bus'. Indeed The Blokes Who Swap The Tiles have done a fine job all along the route, apart that is from adding '700 Shuttle bus' tiles at four stops where the 700 isn't stopping. The Blokes Who Change The Timetables have done less well, adding timetables to precisely zero of the stops I looked at, although apparently they have added them at some stops because I saw it on YouTube. I did whip out an app to see if that could tell me when the next bus was coming but the live arrivals thing wasn't working... or maybe I just got unlucky.
According to the map Route 700 runs 'every 20 mins 06:00-19:00 Mon to Sat' but this is nottrue. The 20 minute frequency is only before 9am and between 3.30pm and 7pm, and only on weekdays, otherwise it's every 30 minutes. I turned up late morning and believed the map, which was foolish because technically I could have walked to the far end of the route before the bus even turned up.
Off we went past Dunelm and a couple of stops the 200 still stops at, but then we were on our own down Church Road. The route really comes into its own once it turns off into the Phipps Bridge estate, this being part of TfL's commitment to run buses within 400m of as many Londoners as possible. What was odd was that all the bus stops on the other side of the road had yellow covers saying 'Bus stop not in use', despite also having '700 shuttle bus' tiles underneath. According to the map they're all served, also according to the route listing shown on the TfL website, also according to the app I flipped open. But in real life they're not being served, four stops in total, because the bus isn't doing what the map says it is.
The map says the 700 goes as far as the roundabout outside the parish church, then turns round and follows the same route back. What appears to be happening in real life is that buses are skipping the detour round the estate on the way back, instead heading straight back direct along Church Road. Practically it makes sense, it's quicker, plus everyone on the estate can board the looping bus on the way out without needing to wait for the way back. But I think it's a last minute change because all the maps and tiles say these stops are in use and only the yellow covers say they're not. It certainly confused a mother and daughter waiting patiently at Frensham Court for a clockwise bus towards Colliers Wood, only for our driver to wind down his window and yell over to cross the road and climb in because he wasn't coming back.
It is amazing how much of a mess you can make of a 7 minute bus route, but turning a 'there-and-back' into a loop without telling anyone certainly managed that. Perhaps these were just Day One wrinkles but who's to say, and fortunately unless you live on the Phipps Bridge Estate these two months of inconvenience will just pass you by.
Route 700: Colliers Wood to Phipps Bridge Estate
