Welcome to Heathrow but the side most passengers never see, the cargo-loading logistics backside. Past massive secure sheds trading whatever, first on the local Bedfont Road then switching to the more circuitous Southern Perimeter Road. Two rivers run parallel for a mile and a half, the Longford and the Duke of Northumberland's, each shamelessly shifted out of the way by airport construction. Walk along or walk between, perhaps pausing for refreshment at The Rising Sun or Esso garage, as global jet engines scream alongside.
These roads aren't made for pedestrians - if not aiming for Spout Lane why would you even be here? The Poyle Interchange includes the westernmost point in Greater London, then it's time to follow the M25's clockwise carriageway as far as the M4 stack interchange. The Bigley Ditch threads through in tiny meanders, first the river's former course and then the unengineered original, at least until a Third Runway erases the lot. Maysfield Lake, Thorney Mill, Fray's Island. Across the Slough Arm of the Grand Union and around a GB-shaped lake called Little Britain. Never the main River Colne, always a separate braid, here along the industrial backway into Uxbridge.
A brief buzz beside The Swan & Bottle, a stone's throw from the High Street, then off down the appropriately-named Shire Ditch. On crossing the A40 it's time to leave suburbia behind, it's now all meadows, former gravel pits and floodables. Here are Denham Country Park, vast lakes and, swinging in from the right, the sleek viaduct of future HS2. So few ways in or out unless you're waterfowl, until footbridges at Black Jack's Mill finally offer a hill to climb to Harefield. Canoe slalom by The Coy Carp at Coppermill, also office space to hire, also finally a snatch of canal towpath. At the sewage works bear off round Springwell Lake to get ridiculously close to Rickmansworth, then at Mill End cut back across heron-infested Stocker's Lake.
Here ends twelve miles spent tracking waterways, the Colne having provided an ideal western boundary for the capital. Now once again it's woods and paddocks, fields and farms, regaining vehicular connectivity at Woodcock Hill. Around Bishop's Wood and right up close to Mount Vernon Hospital, although mainly the car parks. From Batchworth Heath an ancient footpath has somehow been preserved amid Metro-land avenues, weaving two miles east between trees, school playgrounds and endless wooden fences. Initially Northwood then more rightly Northwood Hills, rising to 134m at the summit of Potter Street Hill.
Harrow
Coal tax post, private road to Pinner Hill golf course, "you are being recorded by security cameras". To one side is the first hole (a par 5) and to the other the southernmost wedge of beechy Oxhey Woods. The London Loop is now up to section 14, slipping through a wooden gate to dodge South Oxhey's patriotic council estate in favour of stud farm and livery.
Pylons emerge from Hatch End substation in three directions, one across the West Coast Mainline towards Oxhey Lane. Three holes at the Grims Dyke golf club have a tee in Middlesex and a hole in London, while three others swing vice versa. Then yet another golf course at Hartsbourne, no splits this time, before careering into the top of the common at Bushey Heath. The top of Stanmore Hill, also the very last London postcode alphabetically speaking which is WD23 1NX. The top of Stanmore Common, first the woody bit then open heathland that can be an excellent viewpoint. Listen to the roar of the M1 motorway, here running parallel to the A41, past Centennial Park to J4 at Elstree.
Barnet
A mile spent just off the M1's hard shoulder, at least as far as Scratchwood woods if not Scratchwood services. A nudge towards Borehamwood, splitting a static caravan park diagonally in half. Big Morrisons. At Stirling Corner an unexpected bend north up the A1 to encompass Rowley Green and Arkley, borderline attractions including a driving range, Poor Clare Monastery and an ice cream farm. Keeping a decent distance from Chipping Barnet, merely a bump past Byng Road Fields and yet more golf courses, these the 14th and 15th on the perimeter so far. Barroneau's has become the dog meadow at Wrotham Park. At Hadley Highstone, somewhere in the valley of the Monken Mead Brook, is the site of the Battle of Barnet.
Enfield
Welcome to Hadley Wood, though skirting the playing field to climb to the cottages on Waggon Road. Sheer woodland drop above the East Coast Mainline burrowing beneath through 200 yards of tunnel. A return to proper open countryside along an arable footpath crossing Slopers Pond Farm. Next come Stagg Hill and The Ridgeway, both converging on the Potters Bar Interchange. And then, extremely simply, it's seven miles along the hard shoulder of the M25 motorway. A few woods, mostly fields, some of which are destined to become Crews Hill new town. The northernmost point in Greater London. Plantations, cemeteries, the age-old aqueduct of the New River.
A world class £700m film/TV studio campus across Theobald's Park Farm, except construction was officially scrapped last year. News International's enormous printworks, home to 19 triple-width Manroland full colour presses. The Holmesdale Tunnel with a lacklustre linear park on top, ending at the southern end of Waltham Cross High Street. Huge distribution centres, one for Tesco, one for Sainsbury's. And at the River Lea finally a watery turnoff, this following the Relief Channel rather than the Navigation. Gunpowder Park, Sewardstone Marsh, Patty Pool Mead. Here comes the largest reservoir in London, named after King George V because they finished it in 1913, which contains almost 7 billion kettlesworth.
Waltham Forest
A terrace called The Borders, outlier of the E4 postcode district. Gilwell Close, and indeed it is. A footpath climbing to the top of Yardley Hill, also the 379's circular Hail & Ride. Woods, mud, golf course, woods. A small bite out of Epping Forest, not including Chingford Plain. Primrose Woodmouse and, around Connaught Water, Mrs Crustybread. From the Cuckoo Brook to the River Ching, but at Whitehall Plain enough of that.
Redbridge
It's time to slice through Woodford Wells, unless these streets are actually Buckhurst Hill. An ancient trackway straight across Knighton Wood And Lords Bushes, the latter on the left. The junction where the Central line splits, then the anti-clockwise platform at Roding Valley where the shops aren't. All the way to the far end of the rugby ground before joining the River Roding and wiggling south from the manky footbridge. A near straight line across the M11 into one of the other Woodfords, the one with the Guide Dog Training Centre. Repton Park, the luxurious ex-psychiatric hospital with the viral swimming pool. The top of Tomswood Hill boasts a long distance panorama, then a sharp divide between smart detached piles and council streets. The periphery of the Limes Farm Estate, which Chigwell Urban District would have preferred not to build.
Cut-throughs to the tube, beyond which is the outer edge of Hainault's massive depot. Grange Hill station but this time the clockwise platform. A much modified boundary to accommodate all of Hainault's extensive postwar estate and none of the nice Essex lanes. There are still 25 miles to go but, astonishingly, Latchford Place is the last residential street. Instead a long bridleway pierces deep into Hainault Forest Country Park via the heavily wooded higher ground, to just beyond the summit of Cabin Hill.
Havering
The final borough, but it's a long one. First the 11th, 12th and 13th fairways at Hainault Forest Golf Club, then muddy fields north of Havering-atte-Bower. The fledgling River Rom is followed by Straights Plantation (which isn't quite). The lodge to Pyrgo Palace, then broad inaccessible fields to one of London's least-visited corners, the outskirts of Noak Hill. The boundary was once a complex weave along the Weald Brook but since the construction of the M25 simply follows the motorway for five miles, with just a brief indentation at J28 for Brentwood. Putwell Bridge, Gardens of Peace, Nags Head Lane Sewage Works. Footbridges on the alignment of former footpaths, built at great expense for hardly anyone. Round the outside of J29 for Cranham, then at the Southend Railway a perverse burst outside the M25 for the first and last time. Fields that could be mega data centres because Havering could hide them here and nobody would notice, indeed Thurrock have already squeezed in several solar farms.
The easternmost point in Greater London in a far-flung field just off Fen Lane. Back across the M25 in North Ockendon at Dennises Lane. Next the most contorted wiggle of all, first to take in just half of Belhus Wood Country Park as far as Running Water Brook, then back to Damyns Hall, then back on a quadruple twist through Cely Woods, and if people actually lived here they'd think it proper weird. The final golf course is Ingrebourne Links, the final park is Kennington, the final landfill is Aveley and the final car boot sale is Willow Farm. Nothing round here is contoured, or indeed lovely. Multiple articulated lorries park offroad by the A13 Wennington interchange. Purfleet Industrial Park, then High Speed 1, then the line to Tilbury. One last thrust across Rainham Marshes, dodging the RSPB reserve to reach the Thames riverside at Aveley Bay which may be London's only beach.
An invisible line out to the centre of the estuary opposite Crayford Ness, but that's where we kicked off which means this 160 mile guided tour of the greater London boundary is complete.
From mid-Thames at Crayford Ness, skirt the Darent Industrial Park and head up Dartford Creek beneath the guillotine of the mighty flood barrier. One side Crayford Marshes, one side Dartford Marshes. Fork up the Cray rather than the Darent, then switch to the minor Stanham River. The first road crossed is the A206, the first two railway lines head to Dartford. Maiden Lane is the first suburban street (one side London one side Kent), while cars entering Gable Close are surveilled by the first ULEZ camera. Cross Watling Street to follow the backs of semi-detached gardens, not for the last time, then squeeze out through the lights on Station Road. Obviously Dartford council hides its tip here. Span the A2, old and new, then skirt the edge of Dartford Heath to the joys of Joydens Wood. A church, some deneholes and a two mile invisible zigzag through ancient woodland dodging the Fæsten Dic. Silence. Horses. Golf.
Bromley
A mile of Swanley Bypass, half a mile of Chatham Main Line, three miles of open fields. The start of the "how on earth is this actually London?" stretch, and more importantly "why?". A line drawn to keep Crockenhill outside and Crown Wood inside. Skeet Hill Lane, a lot of arable, then the divide between the hamlets of Maypole and Well Hill. Mostly paddocks all the way to J4 of the M25, the spur to Hewitts Roundabout. Knockholt station is not in Knockholt, also London Road ends at the border.
A pavement alongside the A21, then the recently-blogged cul-de-sac of Turnpike Drive in Pratt's Bottom. Horses Field is swiftly followed by Birthday Woods. Here comes the remotest section of the Greater London boundary, so distant from infrastructure that when I tried to visit every grid square in London I came here last. Coppices and stiles. New Years Lane and New Years Wood, between them a cottage with a trigger-happy barking dog. Field boundaries stalked by pylons and not by footpaths. Cudham Lane South where the R5 and R10 buses rarely stop to serve outliers who'd be stupid not to have a car. A sharp wooded drop down Hogtrough Hill. The ridge of the North Downs, a mile and a half with occasionally-excellent views and the odd reclusive bungalow.
Westerham Heights, the highest point in London, a stone's throw from the highest point in Kent. Garden centre facing off against Indian restaurant. An unnervingly quiet country lane where Kent becomes Surrey at a dip in Rag Hill. Paddocks and woodland on steep slopes dividing lower Tatsfield from upper Biggin Hill. Waran Food and Wine on Lusted Hall Lane, the first time in 20 miles it's been possible to buy a Mars Bar. Two farms, a detour round superfluous fields, then back north across hundreds of ploughed acres and woodland named after animals. Skid Hill Lane is home to the monthly Keston Gun Club Clay Shoot and absolutely nothing else and was once a Roman Road, hence its boundariness.
Croydon
The Greenwich Meridian crosses the playing fields of Meridian High School. The postwar suburb of New Addington, where Fairchildes Avenue is the only residential street to abut the Surrey boundary. Down Hutchinson's Bank to run parallel to Featherbed Lane within deep woodland. Well-hidden Scout camp offering archery, laser tag and a Tomahawk Instructor Course. Holes five and six of one golf course lead to hole 2 of another. Round Selsdon Wood, following Baker Boy Lane and Farleigh Border. Then Oaken Shaw, Mossyhill Shaw and Mosehill Shaw as this full-on rural excursion continues. Hamsey Green has a pond, the first decent shopping parade and the start of the London Loop's best section. Out onto Riddlesdown past a large secondary school and summer harvestables (the views!), then steeply down the side of a huge chalk quarry of geological importance. Public footpath level crossing on the East Grinstead line.
Across the dry valley (and the A22), then switch to the Caterham line almost as far as Whyteleafe station. Skirt the edge of Kenley Aerodrome behind three of the WW2 blast pens. The dividing line between where folk in Caterham-on-the-Hill live and where they walk their dogs, which is mainly the airfield and Coulsdon Common. Bus stop, coal tax post and Sea Cadets. Steep descent into Happy Valley - glorious! - then back up the other side into Piles Wood. Arbitrary right turn on bridleway straight across the lower reaches of an arable field to the southernmost point in Greater London.
On Ditches Lane a full mile along the hedge on the left-hand-side, dodging all the rat-running vehicles not expecting to see anybody here. Farthing Downs arguably has a better view than Happy Valley or Riddlesdown but alas the boundary heads downhill before the car park. Drive Road but not Pretty Lane. Straight across adjacent railway cuttings deep in chalk, funnelling the fast track to Brighton and the slow. Three stiles lead to a domain of very big detached houses, all securely on the Surrey side. Gateway to a private road, then the edge of Rickman Hill Rec and tumble down the Cinder Path to Chipstead Valley. The 434, the 166 and the 463, all separately demarcated. Narrow bridge beneath the Tattenham Corner line and along the back of the back gardens on Winifred Road.
Sutton
Around Prospect Plantation, tucking behind the Methodist Church before demarcating Corrigan Rec. The blandly-named Big Wood, opposite all the outlying playing fields a private school can muster. Inaccessible paddocks and greenhouses. Off-road bend to permit the Mayfield Lavender Fields to be part of Secret London. Bridleway between fields and golf course, then between women's prison and suburbia, then between Banstead Common and a cancer hub. Where the 280 terminates, opposite the station insufficient trains stop at. Paths into deep heathland or dental realignment, your choice. Along some Brighton Road to the start of a dual carriageway it's horrible to cross on foot. Two golf courses, only one of which is in Surrey because why should London always miss out? Huge houses named after golfing terms.
The almost-enclave of Cuddington, where Higher Drive is one of London's longest unbroken residential streets. Shabby lane with ancient lampposts. Playing field for rugger and cricket types. The wealthy backside of Cheam, whose residents may or may not stoop to drink at The Grumpy Mole. A woodland edge is the dividing line between ultra-historic Nonsuch Park and merely Cheam Rec. Another London Road, this time the A24. Suburban fringe where Sparrow Farm once stood, including perverse deviation to Richlands Avenue. A mile along the Epsom railway, the true division hereabouts, finally crossing just behind The Brook gastropub in Worcester Park.
Kingston
The Baptist church is in, the rest of The Avenue is out. A long unbroken run behind Highdown to not-quite Ophelia's stretch of the Hogsmill River. Tales of the riverbank, swinging behind a converted mill and a Toby Carvery along Old Malden Lane. Huge sports ground on floodable land where housing was never advised, including football pitches and a professional kart race circuit. Tolworth proper dodged in favour of Tolworth Court Meadows, field upon field of recently grazable space. Bear off down the Bonesgate Stream past skatepark, basketball court and semi-feral council estate.
Here beginneth the six mile circumnavigation of Chessington, mostly rural but with a short bungalowed burst to start. Castle Hill is ancient and small, Horton Country Park is huge and stretches all the way to luxury apartments in a former psychiatric hospital. The London side is a lengthy sequence of fields, so many of them stubbly post-harvest, the boundary delineated by the treeline of Ashtead Common. Coal tax post, inevitably. At the tip of the epiglottis is The Star, Malden Rushett's livelier pub, then curl back past a gun club, Telegraph Hill and the thick timbers of Princes Covert. Chessington World of Adventures comes clearly into earshot, but comes no closer than the foot of the car park.
Beyond the big lake a two-mile alignment to the Esher bypass, the actual A3, but only walkable it as far as the primary school. By now Chessington has become Hook, a sharp left turn at the allotments avoiding Hook Junction in a dash for Love Lane. Suburbia restarts, appropriately in Surbiton, here brushing up against the cul-de-sacs of Long Ditton. The boundary bulges around Victoria Park to ensure it's all the capital. The river is approached through Seething Wells, the former waterworks and current student accommodation also all on the London side. Cue the Thames...
Richmond
For almost four miles the edge of London is the middle of the Thames. First Hampton Court Park then the royal palace itself, chimneys a-dazzle, passing a couple of islands along the way. Hampton Court Bridge is the sole fixed crossing on the periphery, conveniently placed for the station, Turks Pier and The Mute Swan. Of the six islands in the stream, three are Surrey's and three aren't. The corner of Bushy Park is visible from St Alban's Riverside, though likely no deer, then it's Garrick country with his villa and Temple to Shakespeare. The Hampton Ferry ceases crossings after the clocks go back but the canoe club go out in all weathers. Reservoirs and water treatment works shield much of the Middlesex shore, then a row of waterside mansions mean the Thames is done and it's time to cut inland. This is still waterworks country so paths are few and fences secure, with only some of Kempton Nature Reserve occasionally accessible. The first half of the mile along the Shepperton railway is in Richmond...
Hounslow
...but beyond the Staines Reservoirs Aqueduct it's all Hounslow. Bunny Lane once ran alongside Kempton Park racecourse but that's long severed, sorry. The busy dual carriageway by the steam museum is about to transform into the M3, but instead slice past the layby cafe and follow the very minor Felthamhill Brook. Zigzag past Kenyngton Manor Rec and the rugby club to Groveley Hall, the hut where the 2nd Sunbury Guides hold court. Feltham's farthest-flung cul-de-sacs lead to the Chertsey Road and the Sunbury Research Centre, for many decades home to BP's research division (but they plan to move out next year). Straight across the corporate playing field, for now, then negotiate a former gravel pit past a dozen Ashford cul-de-sacs.
Bedfont Lakes Country Park comes in two parts entirely severed by the Staines-bound railway line and none shall cross. The South Side is humbler than the sprawling dogwalk paradise to the north, also it has the cafe and the owl sculpture. Beyond Clockhouse Lane are huge tessellating lakes, the boundary predating them so cutting across three. On the Staines Road a logistics hub with data centre, a mosque, a lowly cafe and the Mr Bubbles carwash. Then the full western perimeter of the hydrocarbon heaven that is Esso's West London Terminal, its field of smelly silos ideally located to serve Heathrow's greedy needs. But the airport's in Hillingdon, just across the Bedfont Road, which means we're now halfway round the entirety of Greater London... a good place to pause.
Yesterday I went to Forest Hill, Ewell, Cheam and Norbury.
It's only been a year since WH Smith's high street stores rebranded meaninglessly as TG Jones, but they've already started closing. This is what happens when venture capitalists rationalise their portfolio via a restructuring plan, they shut things, because it's not about community service it's about value for investors. Uxbridge went in July, Brixton in August, Greenford and Worcester Park in September, Pinner goes next Wednesday and Orpington and West Wickham later this month.
This is TG Jones in Forest Hill which was due to shut last week but has had a stay of execution until the end of the month. The upstairs Post Office will also have to close until somewhere else can be found for it, this the inevitable consequence of a policy that shacked up public service in private spaces.
It's a bit grim inside, although this may not solely be a result of impending closure. The range of available goods is somewhat limited, including not much stationery, a handful of jigsaws and one skipping rope. Diaries and Christmas cards are half price (though it's a very limited selection), whereas cards for landmark birthdays are fairly plentiful should you have one coming up. Even the confectionery rack is 20% off, although that may just reduce prices closer to normal. Magazines are however clearly labelled "not included in this clearance offer", plus good luck finding copies of Athletics Weekly, Women's Health or Airgun World once this place closes.
I spent a lot of time in Rickmansworth's WH Smiths when I was a child and much more in Watford's, hunting down a treasured book, treating myself to a geometry set or flicking through the singles and cassettes in the mezzanine record department. Alas Watford's TG Jones is closing on 27th January and Rickmansworth's closes on October 17th, so perhaps I ought to go back beforehand in case there are any local specials. Also remember that just because you no longer rely on these shops many people do, not least the staff who are about to be turfed out of a job. They sounded stoic in Forest Hill as they restocked the shelves, not publicly negative but you could tell something here wasn't right. Alas no longer Smith Nor Jones.
London's TG Jones Doomed: Cheam, Colliers Wood, Croydon, Eltham, Forest Hill, Harrow, Muswell Hill, Orpington, Pinner, Southgate, Streatham, Temple Fortune, Wandsworth, West Wickham Not yet doomed: Barnet, Beckenham, Bexleyheath, Brent Cross, Bromley, Chiswick, Ilford, Kingston, Lewisham, Richmond, Romford, Ruislip, Sutton, Teddington, Twickenham, Wallington, Westfield, Westfield
I hadn't spotted these two road signs in Ewell before. They're on the north site of the gyratory around Bourne Hall, the library complex that looks like a flying saucer. Several large ponds also exist here at the source of the Hogsmill, hence the abundance of wildfowl, hence two signs warning drivers not to run them over. Aww, aren't they cute?
But not official. The official roadsign for "Wild fowl likely to be in road ahead" is a single duck, as exemplified in the DfT's Traffic Signs Manual Diagram 551.2, with zero ducklings following after. Similarly the only animals to appear on approved roadsigns are cattle, horses, deer, frogs, ducks and hedgehogs, never swans and definitely not cygnets. Someone local has felt the need to add these convincing fakes, but when and why?
I checked on Streetview because this is a great way to answer various roadsign questions. The duck/duckling sign appeared sometime between 2012 and 2015, which is ages ago, whereas the swan/cygnet sign appeared between 2022 and 2024. Thus they're not contemporary they're a decade apart, which is intriguing. Even more intriguing is that the swan sign has been attached in front of another sign, that for 'frail pedestrians', entirely obscuring it. Someone has unilaterally decided that warning motorists about wildfowl is more important than warning motorists about old people and I would seriously question that decision, however lovable the cygnet sign is.
A new arrival on Cheam Broadway is this tanning salon.
It's called TAN-GERINE Tanning.
And I wouldn't have called it that.
Why make yourself bright orange?
When this blog started I used to have a feature called theCreativeLounge in which I invited readers to come up with clever and appropriate names for things. We did new planets, bottled waters, businesses in Diss, modern surnames, chemical elements, London Eye sponsorship, allsorts, just like we were a top-drawer marketing team. So let's see if we can do better with a name for a tanning salon...
Welcome to the Creative Lounge
Take a seat. Take a deep breath.
Now, try flexing your creative muscle...
I started you off, now I've added some of your best ideas. Any more?
Tanning salon names (appropriate)
Goldrush, Tan Tricks, Foxy Brown, Sun Deck, Glow Getters, Hot Tropic, Cheamgleam, Tan-go!, Umberland, Tanfastic, ?
Tanning salon names (inappropriate)
Bronze Meddle, Crispy Bakin', Golden Shower, Brown Nosing, Charredonay, Tan Gents, Let Us Spray, Mixed Grill, Melanomarama, Toast of the Town, Deep Fried Nice, Pay As You Burn, Trumptan, Brassed Off, ?
This is the display of crisps in the window in the front of Norbury Local at 1522 London Rd.
It's typical of many a minimarket cornershop, a wide choice of largish snackbags at quite high prices.
I'm particularly intrigued that some manufacturers now print prices in the corner of the bag, perhaps to ensure they make a profit, perhaps to stop the retailer adding too much of a mark-up, perhaps because people buy more crisps when it's clear how much they cost. But perhaps it's simply taking advantage of people who want a quick snack, because these prices are way above what you'd pay in a supermarket.
30g bag of McCoy's crisps here: £1.35 (4.5p per gram)
45g bag of McCoy's crisps at Waitrose: £1.25 (2.8p per gram)
6 25g bags of McCoy's crisps at Sainsbury: £1.75 (1.2p per gram)
70g bag of Walker's crisps here: £1.49 (2.1p per gram)
6 25g bags of Walker's crisps at Tesco: £1.75 (1.2p per gram)
70g bag of Doritos here: £1.49 (2.1p per gram)
150g bag of Doritos at Morrisons: £2.50 (1.7p per gram)
5 30g bags of Doritos at Asda: £2.15 (1.4p per gram)
Admittedly when you want a street snack you don't want to buy a multipack, but even so the mark-up on these crisps is pretty high for what's essentially an identical product, just a different size. Pay for convenience, pay over the odds.
I was in Kenton yesterday and was surprised to see Harrow council had already slapped poppies on lampposts. It's the first week of October, guys, what were you thinking?
The poppies were all along the shopping parades on Kenton Road, one per lamppost, but not on the Brent side because they're not kneejerk remembrance fetishists. The red flowers also bedecked two shopping parades in Queensbury, and are likely elsewhere but I wasn't on a deliberate scavenger hunt to spot them.
Admittedly Remembrance Sunday is the earliest it can be this year, but 8th November is still FIVE WEEKS AWAY and this premature bloom is entirely unnecessary. The Royal British Legion don't launch their appeal until 22nd October, their starting pistol always fired 17 days before the Cenotaph ceremony, whereas Harrow have gone for 34 days which is effectively Double Remembrance. Are they trying to get value for money for their flappy bits of red plastic, is the councillor in charge a super-patriot or did someone at the depot just get overexcited?
Remembrance started as a two minute silence, was extended to a week in which to buy a poppy and is now a full-on 2½ weeks of red-pinned expectation. But it doesn't need to become a five week campaign covering most of October, which isn't even the month associated with remembrance, just because some official thinks it important to turn Poppytide into a season rather than an event. Even TfL normally wait for the second half of October before slapping poppies on the front of hundreds of their trains, although they also often feel the need to jump the gun Legion-wise.
And don't get me started on how long it can take to remove the poppies afterwards, with some of these plastic poppies still in situ long after Christmas festivities should have taken over, becoming meaningless symbols rather than emblems of retrospection and respect. There is absolutely no need to extend a brief silence to several weeks of performative remembrance, it's pointless artificial virtue-signalling, because it's never disrespectful to wait to remember.
Yesterday TfL's Chief Undertaker sounded the death knell for three more London buses, the 415, the C3 and the D7.
RIP 415
The 415 was introduced in 2008 and runs between Tulse Hill and the Tesco on the Old Kent Road. It's shadowed by at least two other bus routes along every road it covers, so arguably superfluous. It will thus die, with the 333 extended from Elephant & Castle to the aforementioned Tesco to retain connections north of Brixton. South of Brixton bus frequency will drop by 30% which isn't great, but arguably nobody loses out too badly. [consultation][map][routes before][routes after]
RIP C3
The C3 was introduced in 1987, initially as a minibus, now a double decker. It runs from Earl's Court to Clapham Junction via Chelsea Harbour and at 5 miles is one of London's shorter routes. It dies because there are currently too many buses between South Kensington and Putney, and apparently the best way to sort that is to divert the 74 to take over the C3 completely. The worst affected passengers are shoppers at Earl's Court's Tesco who may now have to walk over 500m to catch a 74, also those in central London aiming for Fulham who'll now need to change buses. [consultation][map]
RIP D7
The D7 was introduced in 1989 and runs from Mile End to Poplar around the edge of the Isle of Dogs. It's already had its frequency chopped from 8 buses an hour to 5 and the latest proposal is to extinguish it altogether. In mitigation three other buses will be tweaked to maintain a comprehensive network on the Isle of Dogs, Specifically the 135 and 277 will switch routes and the D6 will go a longer way round to Asda. The biggest losers are those along Westferry Road who'll now have 45% fewer buses, should they still be travelling which apparently fewer and fewer people on the island are. [consultation][map][routes before][routes after]
It's all about cutting excess capacity, reducing duplication and saving money, but as a consequence breaking connections, increasing reliance on the Hopper fare and making people wait longer.
"We will simplify routes in central and inner London, running a smaller number of high frequency, more reliable routes, so that we can deliver an attractive service which is still comprehensive and frequent, but has less duplication and excess capacity."
Consultations are underway and the end result may not be precisely as anticipated. But expect more of this kind of thing going forward.
It's now 15 years since the Olympic neighbourhood of Pudding Mill got its name and 14 years since the Games skedaddled. And yet the number of homes in this new residential neighbourhood remains zero, indeed not a single foundation has yet been dug. Who says there's a housing shortage?
What Pudding Mill does have is a world-class tourist attraction in the form of the Abba Arena, supposedly temporary but still doing great business which makes it hard to remove. The Voyage show was initially only given planning permission for three years until March 2025, but that's since been incrementally extended and the latest sunset date is 2031. A key issue here is that the arena was built on the site of Pudding Mill's proposed neighbourhood centre, the intended site for shops, employment space and a community hub. It wouldn't really work to build flats in the empty space all around but with nowhere to buy milk because Dancing Queen is still belting out seven times a week.
The latest planning application, just published, solves the problem by shifting priorities to the neighbouring plot. Here the 80-bed Snoozebox Hotel has been offering constricted sleep since 2020 and pre-Abba drinks since 2022, but the fact it's all inside containers makes it very easy to remove. That's currently pencilled in for midwinter, indeed you can't book a stay after 31st January, with the intention that this wedge gets built on first. The revised application proposes to shift all the commercial space here instead, also to switch the tallest buildings so that this is the new landmark neighbourhood centre, not the Abba site. Previously this plot was pencilled in for two 9-storey buildings but it's now destined to hold a 12- and a 25-. Unsurprisingly making architectural changes on this scale has really slowed the process down.
Pudding Mill is due to be delivered in four stages, of which the Abba site is the final phase 4. This Snoozebox wedge is phase 2a, and the much larger plot across Marshgate Lane is phase 1. Nothing's begun on that site either, indeed planning permission only was only granted in May, although initial works may finally take place over the next few months. Then there's the Bridgewater Triangle site across the Greenway where planning permission was sought five years ago and bugger all has been built there too, the last couple of years having been spent tidying up the riverside and replacing a bridge.
It is a very nice new bridge, ideally configured for a car-free neighbourhood, but for goodness sake can't somebody just start building somewhere to live?
This is the King's Road, Chelsea's classic cultural artery.
Here are ten mini-posts about the famous street and what I saw there yesterday.
1) The King in question was Charles II who had it built as a private road to speed his passage to Hampton Court. Access was later extended to the nobility but only if they were in possession of a special token, with plebs forced to travel via the parallel Fulham Road instead. Only in 1830 was the King's Road fully opened up to allcomers, kickstarting wider development in Chelsea, and it's remained a tad posh ever since.
2) It goes on a bit, over a mile and a half, not just the full width of Kensington & Chelsea but a deep nudge into Hammersmith & Fulham. The east end is at Sloane Square and by the time you get to the other end at Sands End the house/shop numbers are up to 646. It then switches to being New King's Road and ends up in the 400s, but Mary Quant barely troubled the Fulham end so I'm ignoring that.
3) King's Road might one day have a Crossrail station, although the project's on ice until sufficient funding is available which is likely never. A Chelsea-Hackney line was first proposed as a tube line in 1970 and came closest to reality in a 2015 consultation linking Broxbourne to inner Surrey. Alas Crossrail 2 was mothballed in 2020 but various buildings opposite Chelsea Town Hall remain safeguarded as entrances and worksites just in case, this the sole stop between Victoria and Clapham Junction. I don't expect The Head of Oscar Wilde by Eduardo Paolozzi will ever need to be moved.
4) Two rooms at the Saatchi Gallery are currently showing brief exhibitions before a six month street art blockbuster opens in November. One room's sponsored by Winsor & Newton who asked artists to submit watercolours on a postcard and are displaying hundreds and hundreds on white shelves. I enjoyed them, mostly because there are so many I could always find several I liked, but not so much that I'd want to bid for any in the follow-up charity auction. The other gallery houses ArtEvol 2026, a salon-style exhibition curated by the London Art Collective, and includes works by Schafernaker and 87 non-meteorologists. Visit before 11th October otherwise it's £25 until May.
5) Some famous addresses along the King's Road include number 203 (the electronics shop where Neil Tennant first met Chris Lowe, now part of The Ivy restaurant), number 213 (where Thomas Arne wrote Rule Britannia, still a private home) and number 430 (Malcolm McLaren's Sex boutique, still a Vivienne Westwood outlet).
6) Down at World's End I was intrigued by this breakfast menu outside the Mona Lisa Cafe. What on earth is a Liver Breakfast, or rather I know what it is because the components are listed but why on earth would a cooked breakfast include calf's liver? I've since discovered it's because the Mona Lisa has been here for over 50 years and specialises in 'English breakfasts & Italian faves', in a proper classic caff style so fried offal is very much what you might get with your bacon and eggs. I've found a photo and actually it looks temptingly good, particularly if I then smothered it in ketchup, but £14.95 still feels like a very SW10 price for a cooked breakfast.
7) Not in the King's Road but up a sideroad I spotted a blue plaque for Joyce Grenfell nextdoor to a blue plaque for Sir Stafford Cripps. He was born at 32 Elm Park Gardens and she lived happily in a flat at 34 fron 1957 to 1979. That's already more blue plaques than in the whole of Havering, Hillingdon and Sutton (0, 0 and 1 respectively) whereas Kensington and Chelsea has 195. Close by are AA Milne, Dame Sybil Thorndyke, Evelyn De Morgan, Jean Rhys and Rosalind Franklin, and score 10 points if you know why all of these people are famous.
8) Just off the King's Road I saw one of the very first numberplates 2R on a seven year-old Mini Cooper. R2 is on a Rolls Royce Phantom which feels more appropriate, although I've never seen that.
9) I thought these consecutive bus stops were a particularly good example of the revised digit spacing TfL introduced about ten years ago. The first shows the original spacing where the 1s were close together and had a serif, and the second shows the current idiom where the 1s are further apart. Not everyone liked the new spacing, especially Men Who Like Buses But Get Angry About Change.
10) The King's Road on a Sunday morning is all posh people buying coffee, also posh people buying matcha and sounding excited about it, also posh people buying pastries at Gail's and walking home to share them with the family, also jogging down the pavement in £200 sunglasses, also sitting down with Eggs Benedict in a cute cafe, also so much long blond hair and designer casuals and rugby shirts and impeccable jackets and boxfresh trainers, also lifestyle boutiques, also wellness clinics, also shops that get by because posh people are never fully happy with their interior design, also smart outlets that exist solely to siphon off disposable income from top taxbracket earners and if you're a bit socialist it's all a bit triggering, especially when compared to how folk in Harlesden or Dalston are getting by, almost as if when the revolution starts it should start here, not that I think like that but it's all too easy to compare Chelsea's easy excess with the lives of the urban majority and conclude that inequality is endemic and perhaps when Charles II built a private road the trappings never quite went away.
✅ Village pond (ring of benches, reedy growth, warning of deep water, rustic litter bins, lifebelt on back of bus shelter, inevitable ducks)
✅ Village green (picnic benches, memorial trough, beacon, premature fallen leaves, beech mast, dogmess bins, playground, bronze statue of girl reading book)
✅ Village shop (shuts for lunch, reopens bang on time, sparse shelves, AI-drawn poster in window, still sells newspapers but also artisan breads and Fairtrade jars, includes craft workshop space)
✅ Former village shop (was bakery, now Eight Mediterranean, "an exciting new coffee shop and restaurant concept offering a selection of the very best of Turkish/Mediterranean cuisine using only the best quality raw materials with special attention being paid to the preparation and presentation of the product as well as the healthiness factor", also breakfast, also cake, chef required)
✅ 'The Old Police House' (currently for sale, offers in excess of £600,000, but there is no 'The Old Post Office' because the Post Office is still open)
✅ War memorial (flat slab rather than inscribed cross, four WW1 silhouettes because one would be insufficient, crocheted wreath, one of last year's poppies still in situ, visit by Air Cadets still a month off)
✅ Bus shelter (four buses a day to a choice of provincial towns, also redundant bus shelter now used for community library, three shelves of books including Bill Bryson, John Grisham and Val McDermid)
✅ Village pub (former Charringtons but now freehouse, early drinkers at window table, blue-timbered bar, homemade Lasagne Special, Quiz Night every Wednesday, potwasher wanted)
✅ Village noticeboard (map, crimestopping advice, upcoming gatherings, parish council notices, subject matter of parochial interest, cultural event which on closer inspection is in nearby town)
✅ Village signpost (points to Women's Institute Hall because of course it does, also Scout Hut, also Playing Field, also 'School' because that's not ambiguous in a village)
✅ Village church (not in village centre but an annoying walk way especially on inclement Sundays, flinty, Norman, rubber stamp for pilgrim passports, Reverend Helen, churchwardens called Chris and Marjory, summer Sunday teas, poorly-located Millennium Hall)
✅ Village hall (prominent Union Jack, potted tubs, annexe named after village elder, regular activities including short mat bowls and Barré with Fi)
✅ Village Club (prominent Union Jack, hanging baskets, bingo, pool, snooker, darts, quizzes, also meat raffle every Friday, also poker every Sunday evening, new members welcome)
✅ Village newsletter (articles include Nigel's Nature Notes and Martial Arts Summer Update, adverts include investment advice and mobile chiropodist, planning notices include single-storey rear extension on Ricketts Hill Road, upcoming events include WI Harvest Lunch and An Evening With Owls)
✅ Street furniture (telegraph poles covered with ivy, old lamppost with LED lamp, horseriding sign, postbox which turns out to be someone's mailbox)
✅ Cottages (some old, some painted, a few terraced, picket fences, ceramic nameplates, shrubbery starting to go red, birdtables)
✅ Bungalows (carport, charging point, veranda, box hedge, pampas grass, loft extension, solar panels, skip for building works, multiple bins)
✅ Detacheds (oddly-shaped pile the first owner somehow slipped past the parish council planning committee, odd name like Wareslea or Glen Nevis, entryphone, gravel drive, room for four cars, security camera, yapping dog)
✅ Lanes (lanes with no pavement which is fine because nobody walks anyway, lanes that peter out into "unsuitable for motor vehicles", unmade road surfaces because the council isn't responsible, corners residents tend to take slightly too fast, lanes that have to be signed 'Public Footpath' because otherwise they'd look too private)
✅ Public footpaths (those generally only used by dogwalkers, those which are just obscure cut-throughs, those which end up in scrappy woodland, those which squeeze between back fences, those you can't imagine anyone using but there's still a Costa Coffee cup halfway along, those which are so steep you'd only walk down)
✅ Villagers (grey-haired shoppers, adolescents back from weekend sport, owner occupiers on their knees in front garden flower beds, bistro sippers, Waitrose unloaders, reluctant carwashers, suspicious twitchers, actual member of Bucks Fizz, seven-time Grand Prix motorcycle World Champion, one of the Cambridge Five spy ring)
✅ Red London bus (departs every 30 minutes from the shelter by the pub, ideal if you want to get to New Addington, far better than schlepping up the hill, driver takes the Hail and Ride sections quite fast, helps groups of teenagers escape to the nearest decent shopping parade, helps Surrey residents take advantage of everything London has to offer, timetable is for a stop at the other end of the route thus useless and has been in situ since March 2024 because TfL never check these things, ensures Tatsfield is surprisingly easy to get to)
Villages outside London reachable by TfL bus
» Colnbrook by 81
» Denham by 331
» Chigwell by 167
» Stapleford Abbotts by 375
» Joydens Wood by B12
» Knockholt and Halstead by R5/R10
» Tatsfield by 464 (possibly the villagiest of all)
» Mickleham by 465 (or this one)
» Claygate by K3
» Sunbury by 216/235
Last week TfL launched a consultation for the West London Orbital, a new Overground route connecting Hounslow and Hendon. It's an easy win, almost entirely following existing tracks and linking key growth hubs including Old Oak Common. If all goes well it could be operational by 2035, which is almost immediate in transport project terms, and seemingly with very few downsides. Except there is an issue for some of those who live nearby because three level crossings may need to be completely closed, including one the new line won't even use.
Here's the new line with the three level crossings along the route shown by orange arrows. Closing them wouldn't be popular.
And they might have to close simply because they wouldn't be open very much any more.
"Under current railway operating rules, the level crossing barriers - which are already lowered for around 40% to 50% of the time during the day - would be closed for longer periods. When WLO services are added, the barriers would be lowered for up to 75% of the time for periods as long as 11 minutes at a time. While technology improvements are being explored which could result in barrier down times not increasing this much, based on current rules the closure of the level crossings to road traffic would be required."
Level crossing 1
This is Churchfield Road in Acton, immediately north of Acton Central station. It's so close that the platforms go right up to the level crossing. It's so close that there are entrances on both sides. It's so close that when the gates are down, the station subway is the only way across. And the intention is to close it if the West London Orbital goes live.
I should say it's not normally closed, I just happened to turn up during a week of Thames Water works. If nothing else it proves that residents can cope locally when the road is blocked. But that doesn't mean they'd enjoy losing this on-street connection forever, especially those I saw crossing it yesterday on bikes and with pushchairs.
At the moment Acton Central is only on the Mildmay line, thus sees four trains an hour in each direction. If the West London Orbital comes into operation that total would double, which means the barriers would have to come down twice as often. That would flip the crossing from 'barriers mostly up' to 'barriers mostly down', such is the potential impact of 16 separate closures every hour. Network Rail are never keen on level crossings and would prefer to close most of them, hence the safety risks introduced by additional trains at Acton Central would be a surefire trigger to close it for good.
This is a busy spot with a gentrified shopping street on one side and Acton Park on the other. It's not a truly main road so traffic would be able to find another way, but closing the level crossing would undoubtedly force more vehicles onto Acton High Street. As for pedestrians and cyclists TfL say "the solution could involve a new pedestrian/cycle bridge or make use of the existing station subway". Squeezing a bridge in might require repurposing existing land, especially given the need for an accessibly long ramp, and would really put a damper on what's currently an easy walk down the street. As for the existing subway expensive lifts would need to be added, also it's all currently behind the gateline so the ticket barriers would need to be moved. The only people gaining here are Network Rail's risk assessors, everyone else would lose out.
Level crossings 2a and 2b
This is Bollo Lane, a short distance south of South Acton station. It's also the site of one of London's rare double level crossings, in this case just 75m apart. The track splits here with one spur heading towards Gunnersbury, the existing Mildmay line with four trains an hour. The other spur heads west towards Brentford and is currently used only by a smattering of freight trains. But if the West London Orbital were introduced it too would see a four-trains-an-hour service, and suddenly the multiplicity of barriers on Bollo Lane would be up and down all over the place. It couldn't continue.
On my visit I got to watch both crossings in action, the first only because a freight train happened to be passing by. Down came the barriers on the Kew line and we waited, and waited, because it turns out level crossing barriers come down really prematurely these days. It was precisely three minutes until the freight train finally arrived and almost four before the barriers went up again. In that time a backlog of at least two dozen vehicles had built up, also five bikes and three mopeds. The other crossing took even longer to reopen, this because Mildmay services are timetabled to pass by within a couple of minutes of each other. It thus took 2½ minutes before the first southbound train passed by, then another two minutes before the northbound train passed through, and ultimately the barriers were down for a few seconds short of five minutes.
You can imagine the traffic chaos if up to 16 closures of 3-5 minutes were required every hour on such a short section of road, also the unacceptability of traffic at one set of barriers queueing back towards the other. Thus if the West London Orbital is ever introduced at least one of the two crossings would have to close. Operationally speaking either would do, so it all comes down to not messing up the buses. Routes 70 and 440 both cross the WLO crossing, then slip into the back of the Chiswick Park business park without troubling the Mildmay crossing. The proposal is thus to close the Mildmay crossing, permanently, thereby ending all through traffic apart from the buses. Entirely counter-intuitively, introducing new trains on one line screws the level crossing on the other.
Level crossing 3
This is Wood Lane in Isleworth, three miles west of the previous pair on Bollo Lane. It's the only road across the railway between Isleworth and Syon Lane stations but that won't save it because it crosses on the flat. Also, this one's going to bugger up a bus route.
For most of the day this crossing only sees two trains an hour in each direction, i.e. four in total. But if the WLO were introduced that'd rise to six in each direction, i.e. twelve an hour, and that's been deemed less tenable. Wood Lane is thus extremely likely to face permanent closure. That would divide what's seemingly a quiet residential area, although while I was here I counted twenty pedestrians on the crossing during a three minute period so it's hardly tumbleweed country. TfL's mitigation for pedestrians and cyclists would likely be a footbridge, again squeezed in somehow, and again an absolute pain forever compared to the easy option available today.
Closing the level crossing would also permanently block the road taken by the H28 bus. This is already a ridiculously tortuous route, meandering back and forth across the Hounslow suburbs, and removing Wood Lane as an option would mean it could only get tortuouser. A diversion route already exists when the crossing is closed which involves doing Syon Lane twice, which is operationally super-sub-optimal, and if that's what the eventual consultation suggests then Wood Lane really is being stuffed over twice.
And those are the three level crossings whose days are very likely numbered if this new Overground connection goes ahead. So next time you hear how excellent the West London Orbital is going to be, yes for the vast majority of Londoners it will be, but if you have the misfortune to live near one of these severed roads you may just curse its introduction.
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