It's been a while (no, really, it has), so I thought I'd update you with some of the PR emails that have crashlanded in my inbox recently. As usual I'm presenting them with all the brand names removed, because these shameless requests deserve zero publicity. I don't play the marketing game, so if you're thinking of forwarding me something similar, please don't.
Hi Diamond Geyser, I hope you had a great weekend!
I was in Iceland, Sarah. And you so didn't spot that.
Hi there! I came across your fantastic blog online in the hope that you could possibly cover our event, <expensive waterborne event>, party of <Arty Festival>. Did you guys go last year?
Well that's grovellingly honest, Andrea. But no, "us guys" don't do expensive waterborne events.
Hello! Thought this fun London Transport and gender story might be of interest to you.
You thought wrong, Sophie. Because it's not a story, it's an advert.
Hi I was looking through your great blog and was wondering if you offer the chance for anyone to write a sponsored guest post? I also write about locations (such as London, New York, among others), and think a post by me would be very relevant to your readers.
How presumptuously smug do you sound, Jack. Absolutely no.
Hello! Hope you’re well. I’m contacting you on behalf of <app title>, a new app launching today providing a safe, reliable and cost efficient booking service for black taxis in London.
You again, Sophie? No, I don't have an iPhone. And I don't use taxis. Apart from that, perfectly targeted.
Dear Diamond Geezer, As a fan of your excellent site (it always inspires me when I’m researching the capital), I wondered whether my new book might be of interest to you?
It's strange, but nobody ever offers to send me their book after I've told them I won't review it.
Hi Diamond Geezer, This might be a tad feminine for you but is a great event for your female followers! I have some really exciting news about a fabulous event taking place in London’s Soho in August. To celebrate the launch of <minority Freeview channel> we introduce ‘<Cheesy-named Salon>’. The boutique will be offering free beauty treatments including waxing, hair styling, spray tanning, manicures and fish pedicures… everything the women of London need to be preened and polished for summer!
Sigh, more fish pedicure spam. Sorry Rosie, your definition of a 'fabulous event' doesn't overlap with mine.
Morning Diamond Geezer, Hope you are well? I am contacting you from <tedious social media company>. What we do is pair advertising campaigns with bloggers to create perfect matches between brand and blog. We would like to invite you a chat/debate about the current mortgage market and the products/services that are currently on offer. In attendance will be <Some Bloke> (head of <unlikely mortgage platform>) amongst other experts who'll be there to answer questions. Attendance at the event will be free and we will pay £130 per blogger for attendance as well as post event article. In additions to this all travel expenses will be covered.
Next time you see a blatantly sponsored post in a blogger's timestream, remember that they may have been paid handsomely for it.
So PR folk, please take note. I don't regurgitate press releases, I don't attend brand launches and I won't take your £130. So don't waste your time asking, thanks.