I haven't whinged about unsolicited PR emails for a while because I don't get as many as I used to. But they still come, generally from hopeful marketeers with a press release to regurgitate or a plea to amplify some sponsored content. We don't do that here, thanks.
Here then is a roundup of some of the bumf that's arrived in my inbox over the last few months, with all the brand names they were desperate for me to mention cruelly blanked out.
Emily got in touch yesterday with a promotional proposal.
Hello, I hope you're well.
Although the holiday season is almost over, it's never too late to recognise those who have given Brits an unforgettable summer this year, and I'm thrilled to inform you that Diamond Geezer has received a nomination in the <Made-Up Tourist Awards Ceremony 2023>.
If you'd like to take the nomination further and secure a place on the shortlist this year, please confirm below:
I checked last year's list of winners and was surprised to find there were 273 of them ranging from Rutland Glamping to Experience Alpacas, and I think this might be some kind of uncompetitive scam.
Antony emailed.
Hello,
Can I interest you in the below news story regarding the launch of the <Environmental Training Project>?
It's very dangerous to ask a yes/no question. I had a one-word answer.
<European Country> State Railways inexplicably got in touch.
A direct train service from <City> to <Major Tourist Attraction> in under two hours: thanks to an agreement between the <European Country> Ministry of Culture and <European Country> State Railways, on Sundays tourists and visitors can now reach the archaeological site quickly and comfortably.
It turns out the Italian for 'unsubscribe' is Cancella iscrizione.
Chris wanted to improve my brand's rankings in organic search results.
Hello,
I wanted to drop you a note to tell you about my buddy and colleague's organic search super tool. This remarkable tool seamlessly combines white-hat backlink press releases with influencer outreach strategies, melding them into a PR/SEO hybrid. I am eager to chat with you about this. You can schedule a 15-minute chat with me at <scheduling website>
I decided not to schedule a chat because most of it would have been me laughing.
Marco at <Croydon Care Home> got it wrong on line one.
Dear Diamon Geezer,
Hope you are well.
Linda's job is to hide blogs behind paywalls.
Hi Diamond Geezer, Linda here
I’m on the team at <Well Known Subscription-Based Journalism Platform>. I wanted to reach out to you personally because, given your blogging of your photography and commentary on the city of London, and the engaged audience you have (evidenced by your active comment section), I believe <Well Known Subscription-Based Journalism Platform> could be relevant to you.
Briefly <Well Known Subscription-Based Journalism Platform> is a platform that makes it infinitely easier than it's ever been to turn on paid subscriptions for your content, and to expand the audience for your intellectual ideas.
I told Linda I don't intend to make people pay for my content and she graciously withdrew.
<Muppet> sent me an email 'For Immediate Release'.
LEZ Signs are Unlawful and therefore Ultra Low Emissions Charges are Unenforceable.
<Muppet> wants to be Mayor of London and I implore none of you to vote for him.
Tori didn't start her email well.
Hello there, Admin!
Nevertheless I read on.
I'm Tori, a professional freelance blogger from the US. I wanted to reach out and inquire about the possibility of making a guest post to your website. I believe we can create something truly valuable and engaging for your readers. I'm confident in my ability to deliver a well-written and insightful News article that will be a valuable resource.
Could you please provide me with your terms, including the cost and any specific article requirements?
I emailed straight back.
Hi Tori
What I need is 1000 words on public footpaths in the London borough of Harrow, including signage detail, accessibility issues (stiles etc) and plans for network improvement. Please let me know if this is something you can assist with.
I did not hear from Tori again.
Sarah from <South London Comedy Club> sent an email, copying in her colleague Michael.
Hi!
My name is Sarah and I work at <South London Comedy Club> in London. I came across your blog Diamond Geezer and I'm a huge fan. I love how straightforward and quirky your writing is-- plus I'm very impressed you've done the Seven Sisters walk NINE times! I did it once last year and I'm still tired.
Sarah was already doing better than most promotional outreach, she'd actually read the blog.
I'm reaching out because we are rebranding and expanding and wanted to see if you might be open to including us on your site! If this interests you at all, I've attached a quick press release and some shots of the club for your reference. We'd also love to have you down to see a show, if you're up for it. Let me know if this sounds good and I can arrange some free tickets/drinks.
I replied briefly but politely saying I didn't do PR requests. Michael got straight back.
Hands up and sorry for the blatantly PR begging email. I 100% understand and get why you don't want to be part of the vacuous PR merry go round. To be honest with you mate this world is alien to us. I just want to write dick jokes and make people laugh.
Michael was also doing much better than most promotional outreach. He continued.
We are jumping through all these hoops to try and get our new website a bit more traction as we have suffered from some SEO stuff when we rebranded from <Comedy Club Name 1> to <Comedy Club Name 2>. It's all frustrating to me. Anyway, I just wanted to pop you an email to say here are some free tickets to any show. Sorry we clogged up your inbox and hopefully you can make use of them
I turned down the six free tickets, explaining my long-held no-promo stance, and Michael said "No no mate, the tickets are just an offer and I wasn't expecting or asking for anything". We brought the conversation to a very amicable close, and no I didn't go, sorry Michael, but I do now know where I might go for a big belly laugh in the Vauxhall area.
Abhinav from <Bangalore-based Online Ventures Ltd> had an unusual request.
Hi, hope you are doing well.
We are looking for a sponsored post on your website. Please point me in the right direction on this to discuss further.
I told Abhinav to check out 15th March 2007. He didn't get back to me after that.
Because yes, there really was a sponsored post on this blog on 15th March 2007. The London Eye invited me on a freebie to promote a photography competition and I went and I wrote about it, fairly uncritically. But it made me uncomfortable because it didn't feel right, so I've never done it since.
It also had a positive outcome. Five days later I wrote the very first of my "PR emails I've been sent" blogposts, questioning "the thin line between altruistic generosity and brazen product-whoring", and I've been rolling these out periodically ever since.
So if anyone else with a promotional background is thinking of emailing me to beg a mention, I won't so please don't. A bit of light mockery is the best you can hope for.
