It's time to tackle one of London's great unanswered questions.
Where is London's most central sheep?
I'm only interested in live sheep, so not a cuddly toy in Hamleys nor lamb cutlets at The Ritz. I'm not interested in temporary sheep like those that get driven over Southwark Bridge in September or shorn at the Lambeth Country Show in June. Also by 'most central' I mean closest to the centre of London which is generally agreed to be Trafalgar Square, specifically the statue of Charles I at the top of Whitehall. Hopefully that's clear.
I don't believe Charles III keeps sheep at Buckingham Palace, nor has anybody else nearby got a large enough back garden. London Zoo's website does not reveal the existence of any sheep - at best llamas. Also none of the armed forces based in London have a regimental sheep, the UK's sole ovine mascot being a ram called Pte Derby XXXIII owned by the Mercian Regiment in Lichfield. So, city farms it is.
Where is London's most central city farm?
That's easy, it's Vauxhall City Farm which is just over a mile south of Trafalgar Square. It's been here on the edge of the Pleasure Gardens since 1976 so is one of London's oldest city farms and receives over 60,000 visitors a year. Some of its residents live out front in wooden pens but they're not sheep, they're goats as any self-respecting three year old could tell you. The entrance is off to the left past an outdoor desk staffed by cheery volunteers who'll grin, sell you feed and encourage you to make a donation. The City Farm is 50 next year so has an anniversary appeal underway, should you have part of £250,000 to spare. For the sheep turn right.
Where is London's most central sheep?
Here she is. She's in the sheep enclosure at Vauxhall City Farm, lapping away at a bowl of water resting on a spare tyre. She's a Shetland, a hardy breed with a good-natured temperament, so ideal for pottering around with toddlers in a confined space. There were many such underage visitors during my visit, all overexcited to be right up close to a sheep's head nuzzling through railings. Crossing the divide into the yard itself is more of a paid-for activity, or if you're a volunteer just part and parcel of your dung-sweeping duties. Alas I don't know what this sheep's name is, the City Farm isn't as keen as some in pinning biographical details to the railings, but there is no closer sheep to Trafalgar Square so she is London's most central sheep.
Where is London's second most central sheep?
You didn't think there was just one sheep did you? Here's another, this time a Herdwick, a larger shaggier breed. She's called Daffodil, or Daffy for short, and she's very much the poster girl for sheep at Vauxhall. I didn't see her initially, she was hiding inside a free-standing wooden structure as if trying to escape the hubbub, the yard also being home to three occasionally frisky alpacas called Rolo, Toffee and Cookie. I suspect sometimes Daffy hops up the steps to the top platform and surveys her domain like a woolly empress. She is thus not always the second most central sheep in the capital, sometimes she's first depending on the precise location of the other sheep.
Where is London's third most central sheep?
There are of course several sheep at Vauxhall, it would be silly and a tad cruel only to have two. Here are four of them crowding up against the railings by the pigpen because a small child has proffered a handful of scrummy animal feed. School parties tend to be taller and thus less conducive to low-level feeding, plus they may be about to be given a wheelbarrow each and asked to get stuck in. This particular corner of the farmyard by the entrance is actually the furthest north so I can state with some certainty that the back ewe was London's most central sheep at the time I took this photo, and next to her the second, third and fourth.
Where is London's fifth most central sheep?
Daffy didn't appear in that last photo so she was London's fifth most central sheep at the time.
Where is London's sixth most central sheep?
Also at Vauxhall City Farm. I counted seven sheep in the yard altogether, I just never managed to get them all in the same photo. I did try asking the keeper to confirm the precise number of sheep but unfortunately she didn't know. Whatever, given my count it must be the case that London's seven most central sheep are all here in SW8... and free to visit. Be sure to wash your hands thoroughly before exiting past the geese and buggy park, and yes the acrid whiff of animal excreta does eventually fade as you return to the outside world.
Where is London's eighth most central sheep?
Park that question for a second.
Where is London's second most central city farm?
That'll be in Spitalfields. It took some working out to confirm that this was the second closest to Trafalgar Square, I had to make myself a map using the extremely helpful list of London's city farms at londonfarmsandgardens.org.uk. They reckon there are twelve city farms in London but I reckon one of those is just over the border in Essex so it's eleven. The map's interesting because eight of the city farms form a near straight line running diagonally from Kentish Town through Hackney and Mudchute to the foot of Shooters Hill, but I think that's a coincidence. Spitalfields City Farm is on the site of a former railway depot and was also born in the 1970s, but is less cramped, easier to walk round and less pungent.
Where is London's eighth most central sheep?
That'll be Beatrix, another Herdwick ewe, here at Spitalfields City Farm. Their information game is strong so I know she used to graze on the North Downs in Surrey but lost an ear in a dog attack when she was young and moved here in August 2020. Her enclosure is a much better size, with scattered wood and the inevitable spare tyre, even room for gambolling. Don't expect to get close enough for feeding but that's fine because feeding's not permitted here anyway.
Where is London's ninth most central sheep?
You didn't think there was just one sheep at Spitalfields City Farm did you? There are several more hiding away in the byre, this time Castlemilk Moorits, a rare breed with brownish wool originally from Scotland. They're 37% Shetland, 28% Soay, 18% Manx and 17% Wiltshire Horn and all descended from a single ram on Sir Jock Buchanan-Jardine's estate, apparently. The information board also confirms there are nine of them here altogether with names like Twiglet, Lavender, Samphire and Rolo. Rolo is occasionally London's seventeenth most central sheep when he stands over by the polytunnels. London's most central donkeys are two pens away, one of whom is called Derek, but that's another story.
