The last day of the year is an excellent time to tot up what you've been doing all year... assuming you've been counting, which obviously I have. Cue my Counts of 2025.
(I'm aware there's still one day to go, so I'll provide final accurate totals later) (If you don't count these kinds of thing, look at all the fun you're missing out on)
Let's start with the number of London stations I've been to.
And by 'been to' I mean entering or exiting the station, not just passing through.
stations in zones 1-3: all of them
There are approximately 350 stations in zones 1-3 and I went to all of them. In January.
In March I replaced my z1-3 Travelcard with a 60+ Oyster card and carried on.
stations in zones 1-9: all of them
There are approximately 640 stations in zones 1-9 and I went to all of them. By June.
It takes longer to do zones 4-9 because the stations are further apart and the trains are less frequent.
Several of these I had never been to before, and now I have.
Not everything about turning 60 is great, I can assure you, but being given a card that allows free travel around London is excellent.
Next let's check up on how many London bus routes I've ridden.
Buses: all of them
I have again ridden on every single TfL bus route this year (nightbuses, schoolbuses and mobility route excepted). It may only have been a few stops but hell yes, that's every single route from 1 to W19. I'd previously achieved this in four other calendar years, in one case by the end of January, but this year I eased off and it took until May.
I've also checked which bus routes I rode most often (because if TfL insist on sending me a weekly spreadsheet I am darned well going to make use of it).
The underlined routes are local and stop at Bus Stop M, which is why I've caught them so often. The 425 is top because I take it in preference to the parallel 25 because it's always emptier. This list was more interesting last year when I kept catching certain radial routes (57, 66, 93, 132, 173, 174, 265, 487) beyond the range of my z1-3 Travelcard. My most-ridden Superloop routes are the SL2, SL3 and SL7, with the SL1 and SL4 not far behind, because these buses are useful as well as speedy.
For the avoidance of doubt, yes I went to every tram stop this year and no I did not ride the Dangleway.
As usual I've also been counting the number of times I visited each London borough.
• Technically I counted the number of days I visited each borough.
• If I set foot in a borough on a particular day, that counted as 1.
• Standing on a station platform or riding through on a bus didn't count.
Here's the annual spread of my 2025 travels.
Enf
40
Harr
40
Barn
40
Hari
50
WFor
50
Hill
40
Eal
60
Bren
50
Cam
95
Isl
88
Hack
75
Redb
50
Hav
40
Hou
40
H&F
60
K&C
50
West
90
City
144
Tow
351
New
268
B&D
40
Rich
40
Wan
50
Lam
88
Sou
88
Lew
60
Grn
65
Bex
40
King
40
Mer
50
Cro
40
Bro
40
Sut
40
And yes, these are extraordinary totals.
During the past year I have been to every London borough at least 40 times, which is both ridiculous and extreme. Even farflung Hillingdon and Bexley I've been to (on average) once every 9 days. I confess this is no accident, it's required a deliberate roaming focus, aided and abetted by knowing exactly where all the borough boundaries actually are. If you're not ticking off six different boroughs every day, on average, you're never going to get anywhere near my totals. I'm willing to bet that nobody else in London has made 40 visits to every London borough in 2025, or indeed in any previous year.
But the truly extraordinary thing, as you may have twigged, is how many of those numbers end in zero. These are not naturally-arising totals, they've been cajoled by careful scheduling and route-planning. I realised in November I could get a dozen boroughs to a minimum of 40 visits by the end of the year, so went ahead and did it. A few weeks ago I realised I could get seven more boroughs up to 50, and just before Christmas three more up to 60. Five 90s wasn't doable by the time I twigged, but I'm still quite pleased with how anal the final tally is. And never again, because there are definitely better ways of spending the festive season.
As for number of visits to counties outside London, this year's tally is poorer than it might first appear.
Thirty-two times: Surrey Twenty-nine times: Essex Twenty-six times: Herts Eighteen days: Norfolk Thirteen times: Kent Eight days: Dorset Seven times: Bucks Four times: East Sussex Twice: Cheshire, Somerset Once: Berks, Derby, Devon, Durham, Manchester, Merseyside, Notts, Suffolk, Tyne and Wear, West Sussex Never: everywhere else
A lot of the visits to the Home Counties were just minor boundary incursions. Norfolk did well because I have family there, and Dorset was the location of a family wedding. I only visited counties other than those on a dozen occasions, which is pitiful. This is why the 'Beyond London' list in my 2025 index was rather short, and I need to do better next year.
Furthest north: Roker Park (54.9°N) Furthest west: Seaton, Devon (3.1°W) Furthest south: Portland Bill (50.5°N) Furthest east: Deal Pier (1.4°E)
These are all better compass point extremities than last year, latitude- and longitude-wise. Best of the lot is a beach outside Sunderland up north, while west and south are both courtesy of a week spent in Dorset. But my range is only 4½° north/south and 4½° west/east, which is less than 0.01% of the surface of the Earth so I really should be doing better. Rest assured I intend to smash the envelope next year.
As for how far I've been walking, here's the average number of steps taken and miles walked each day.
year
Daily steps
Walked daily
2019
13250
6 miles
2020
16400
7 miles
2021
22700
10 miles
2022
16100
7 miles
2023
14600
6½ miles
2024
14800
6½ miles
2025
14300
6½ miles
My perambulations peaked during the pandemic with an amazing average of 10 miles a day in 2021. I'm now down to a more reasonable 6½ miles a day, or almost 15000 steps daily, which I'm pleased to see is still better than I was doing before lockdown. I do however weigh the same at the end of 2025 as I did at the start so I must be doing something right.
Please allow me to slip in my usual analysis of Archers episodes. These are the characters who made the most appearances in Ambridge this year.
1) Joy (66 episodes) 2) Emma (58) 3) Susan (53) 4) George, Helen, Lillian (52) 7) Fallon (50) 40-something episodes: Lynda, Brian, Amber, Jolene, Tracy, Brad 30-something episodes: Jazzer, Tom, Zainab, Alice, Ed, Justin, Freddie, Rex, Tony, Pat, Kenton, Stella
I am amazed to see that incomer Joy has topped the list this year, and by a convincing margin, boosted by Rochelle's chaotic return. Emma and Helen are a familiar presence here, Emma the top character last year and Helen top the year before. Susan is spending her fifth year in the top 10. George is due to be the focus of tonight's momentous episode as the serial celebrates its 75th birthday tomorrow with an earth-shaking whodunnit. In unexpected comparisons over the course of 2025 Esme appeared more than Elizabeth, Lawrence more than Alistair and Annabelle more than Jill.
Other things I've been counting this year include...
Number of photos taken: 20,500 (↑500 on 2024) Number of photos uploaded to Flickr: 950 (↑400) Number of visitors to the blog: 1,130,000 (↑10000) Number of comments on the blog: 10,100 (↓200)
I'm taking a few more photos but showing you lots more of them. The number of visitors to the blog is up 1% on last year, which is encouraging for a 23 year-old website so many thanks everyone. The number of comments is slightly down on last year, by about one a day.
If you've been counting something interesting this year do share it with the rest of us. And if not then do consider starting to count something in 2026 because I'm likely to ask you again next year.
n.b. Proper counts only, thanks. If your count is zero or one then you're not a proper counter, more a raconteur.
Mon 1: The excellent annual London Reconnections quiz has been published. If you read my FoI post today it has spoilers for question 2. [and if you're reading this on 30th December, you've still got two days to get your answers in]. Tue 2: The Mayor posted on social media "London is magical at this time of year – using public transport is the best way to enjoy everything the capital has to offer" ...and illustrated it with a festive photo of a bus on part of Oxford Street he intends to pedestrianise. If you're the wonk who writes his social media posts, do get a grip. Wed 3: Back in August I reported that the Greenway path was due to close between Abbey Creek and Upper Road from October 2025 to autumn 2028 for sewer repair works. Well it hasn't shut yet, they delayed the closing date and it's now 26th January 2026. No change to the reopening data alas, so prepare for lengthy inconvenience.
Thu 4: I made a graphic to show the UK's twelve busiest railway stations, shared it online and it became my first-ever tweet with over 1 million views. I was amazed that Musk's depleted platform could still cause ripples, it's essentially dead on there now. Fri 5: The World Cup draw was a jaw-dropping act of arse-licking toadery, but this is 2025 and we are alas used to jaw-dropping acts of arse-licking toadery. Sat 6: I can't believe I've just agreed to 10 days, and all for 64 seconds. Sun 7: If we can't have Doctor Who this year we can instead have Russell Tovey getting jiggy in the sea with a fish. The five-part series held a lot of promise and preached well but didn't convincingly stick the landing. Mon 8: In Swanley I saw a car with an XE registration plate, and I didn't think I'd ever see one of those because XA-XF are restricted to 'personal exports'. I've chosen to ignore it otherwise I'll never again have seen 'all the registration letter pairs', I'll always have five pairs left.
Tue 9: The new Co-op opposite Plaistow station has a sign above the door saying "Welcome to Plaistow Station's Co-op". Fair enough. But the sign above the tills says "Here to help in Plaistow Station", and that's why you should never get databases to design your signage. Wed 10: On the platforms at Chadwell Heath I spotted two people in matching grey caps and jackets embroidered with the name 'Rail Pastors'. According to their website they're vigilant Christian souls on the lookout for people in need and lives to save (Havering branch). Thankfully they didn't look busy. Thu 11: I bought my double issue Radio Times from a very cheery soul in Tracks News in Oxted. This year's cover price is £6.50, up from £5.95 last year and £5.50 the year before. Fri 12: In case you were wondering, yes the annual display of December daffodils in the Olympic Park is already in full swing.
Sat 13: According to a notice in Cator Park, if you want snakes at your social event you should email reptile_lad @yahoo.com. The going rate is £65 for one hour or £100 for two. Children's parties included, but sorry no stag or hen parties. Sun 14: Bugger, not again. Mon 15: I always sign my Christmas cards with a Berol italic pen, but my long-standing 'large black' dried up this year after I accidentally left the top off. Damn, I thought, but checked my stash of obsessively-purchased Berols and found a 4-pack with a price label saying 'Trago Mills £3.14'. I must have bought that in 1999, but it worked perfectly as if it were brand new and that is damned good for a 26 year-old calligraphy pen. Tue 16: On Kilburn High Road a lot of honking heralded the arrival of a procession of large tractors bedecked with bright lights, aiming for Whitehall. They stopped outside M&S Food to regroup, then continued even more noisily to a protest in Whitehall. [it worked too, within a week]
Wed 17: That's the first time I've walked past Michael Palin's house whilst aware it was Michael Palin's house. As seen at the start of Great Railway Journeys (Confessions Of A Train Spotter) in 1980. Thu 18: Anorak corner extra: The busiest bus routes at Bus Stop M: 25 (9.3m), 8 (5.7m), 425 (5.0m), 276 (3.4m), 108 (3.2m), 488 (1.6m), N25 (1.0m), N205 (0.4m) Fri 19: Talking Pictures TV is reshowing The Omega Factor, a paranormal thriller first broadcast in the summer of 1979. I loved what I saw back then but didn't manage to watch it all, and missed the start of most episodes because I went out on Wednesdays and couldn't run home fast enough for the 8.10 start. I'm saving them all up as a boxset. Sat 20: A group of boys on bikes, maybe 200 strong, held up traffic by cycling en masse along Bow Road this afternoon. They looked to be on an anarchic safari around east London, were dressed mainly in black hoodies and seemed to have no particular regard for other road users. You could have tutted or you could have smiled, and there was nothing to be gained by doing the former.
Sun 21: I saw catkins in Deptford today, also yesterday on trees backing onto the railway in Richmond. Apparently it's not as utterly extraordinary as it seems. Mon 22: I had to buy something on Amazon today (not for me, not a gift and not arriving until after Christmas). I also had to input a new card number because the card I used for my last purchase expired in 2009. Tue 23: I've been particularly disappointed by the sponsored Christmas trees at King's Cross, Paddington and Waterloo this year. Less sparkling sincerity, more sell-out. Wed 24: That's the first time I've played (Settlers of) Catan, and I enjoyed it but obviously the person who'd played before won. Thu 25: On our Christmas journey home from Cromer we drove down Norfolk's shortest dual carriageway, 700m of parallel countrylanes between Scottow and Tunstead. It even starts with an official blue 'Dual carriageway ahead' sign. Fri 26: Things we watched on YouTube today: the biennial fair in the village my nephew might move to, Cracking the Cryptic, AI-generated carol slop, all the old John Lewis Christmas adverts.
Sat 27: For our delayed 'Christmas Day', presents included multiple hyacinths, a lot of golf balls, two new wooden letters for the mantlepiece, copious chocolate and Uno No Mercy. I received 6 bottles of Becks, 4 Toblerones and a Cute Kittens calendar 2026. Sun 28: The Guardian's festive jumbo crossword somehow ended up being published after Christmas with all the answers at the bottom of the page, which rather wrecked the experience. Still finished it though (with a post-it note stuck over the answer grid). Mon 29: Thank you for pointing out the spelling errors that have gone unchecked on this blog for 24 hours, 48 hours and 103 months respectively. Tue 30: Supermarket update: Price of a 300g pack of own brand chocolate digestives: last December 77p, February 85p, April 89p, August 99p, this week £1.10... which is a 43% annual increase! And I still bought them Wed 31: My thanks to the reader who pointed out that the Surrey Comet had used twoof my photographs in an online article titled Banstead Woods Surrey: The woodland with a Naria trail. I emailed to point out that my photos aren't licenced for commercial use. The editor's response included this highly unconvincing argument: "The grey area on these licences is whether you would classify a news website which is free to view as a direct commercial use". I said I would because of the advertising splashed everywhere, and they duly replaced both photos.
Way back in January I walked the A2025 in Worthing.
So before the year ends, let's walk the B2025.
It's in Limpsfield, Surrey, and it's almost half a mile long.
If you live on it, you're doing really well.
Limpsfield is a village at the foot of the North Downs, very close to Oxted and just outside the M25. It's so close to Oxted that if you walk down the Mock Tudor high street as far as Oxted library you've already entered Limpsfield parish.
As well as the motorway Limpsfield has three classified roads. One's the A25, a key orbital route south of London. Another's the B269, a 15 miler linking South Croydon to the Kent countryside. And finally there's the B2025, a brief climb that only got its own number because it happened to cut a corner between the A25 and B269. Limpsfield locals know it as Detillens Lane, having been named after the timber-framed medieval house at the top of the road. It's also a right pain to turn out of.
The foot of the road is very wide and marked by three roadside stalwarts - a fingerpost, a drinking fountain and a water trough. One of these made the BBC News in April.
The fingerpost is an old one with a hooped top and gives distances to three places in each of three directions. Along the A25 it's Godstone Redhill London in one direction and Westerham Sevenoaks Maidstone in the other. Along the B2025 it's the more intriguing trio of Limpsfield Titsey Tatsfield. Alas the fingerpost doesn't specifically mention the number of the B road, indeed there's not a single mention of the B2025 on any road sign anywhere (but if you continue north to the top of Titsey Hill you'll find the B2024 I walked last year).
The drinking fountain was donated in 1913 by Alice and Horace Barry, the owners of nearby Home Place, and refurbished in 1999 to mark the millennium. They also donated the drinkingtrough which once stood in front, a classic from the Drinking Fountain and Cattle Trough Association with the additional inscription 'Do Well Unto Thy Servant'. But the gleaming stone trough that currently graces the street corner isn't the original, indeed looks brazenly out of place, because the original was casually stolen last year by nefarious individuals who claimed to be "taking it away for cleaning".
Limspfield's residents were aghast and upset, chiefly because the trough held great historical and sentimental value, but also because it was probably stolen to order and "may now sit unrecognised and unappreciated in someone’s private garden". Despite video evidence the police were "unable to pursue further leads" so the parish council sighed and fundraised for a replacement, which is when BBC journalists stepped in with a news story. Thankfully the insurance company paid up and the Drinking Fountain Association sent a generous donation, thus five weeks ago a new trough was lowered into place and planted with heather, shrubs and pansies. It would be uncharitable to say it looks entirely unconvincing, more like a gleaming porcelain tub from a garden centre, but perhaps a century of weathering will rough it up a bit.
The rest of the B2025 is less interesting but still very pleasant. It's lined by large detached houses, some merely substantial and others large enough that if this were London they'd be divided into six flats. Some have whopping decorative chimneys, others patently anachronistic half-timbering, and several have a large pull-in driveway behind a beautifully trimmed holly hedge. All have names rather than numbers because that's classier. Head higher and some of the houses are merely big rather than pretty, being later infill, but the last six form a proper chocolate-box row of convincingly wonky cottages. I like that the bins here all say RUBBISH Tandridge Borough Council, because most local authorities don't dare to be as explicit as that.
Halfway up the hill a public footpath squeezes between two large gardens and breaks out into a rolling green valley, this a woody dip following the headwaters of the River Eden. This stream rises just over a mile away below Clacket Lane Services, eventually veers east to enter the River Medway and ends up gushing into the Thames at Chatham. The hilltop provides additional space for the area's premier rackets venue, The Limpsfield Club, which started out in 1899 with a few tennis courts and now has dozens, plus badminton, squash and more recently padel. This is the B2025's chief social nexus, an athletic hideaway a world away from some grubby chain gym and all the better for it.
In the hedge I found what looked like an old bus shelter, despite no routes coming this way, hence the board inside now displays the 2025 Limpsfield Biodiversity Planner. 50 years ago I could have caught a London Country RF to Westerham or Edenbridge on routes 464 and 465, but these days everybody drives. It's quite a tight turn at the top of the street where a mini-roundabout has been painted between the old stone walls to help minimise risk of collision. This is the junction with Limpsfield High Street, a historic lane where you turn left for the 12th century parish church or right for the village pub. I'd like to have investigated St Peter's and The Bull but they're on the B269, not the B2025, because this year's B road terminates here.
Next year's B road is much longer, of which more later in the week.
I used to do this with big colourful monthly tables but that's too much effort for too little reward so here's a breezier summary. All data is for Hampstead, as per usual.
Eleven days topped thirty degrees.
It's Britain's warmest year on record, beating 2022.
It's also Britain's sunniest year on record, beating 2003.
March to September were all sunnier than usual.
We had only six named storms, from Éowyn to Bram.
And no snow to get excited about.
20 things we learnt from TfL FoI requests in December 2025
1) The number of train drivers employed on each of the tube lines is as follows: Northern 612, Central & W&C 521, Piccadilly 521, District 395, Jubilee 374, Circle & H&C 301, Metropolitan 300, Victoria 281, Bakerloo 193. 2) Tube stations without full step-free access have been sorted into one of seven ‘deliverability’ categories. Ruislip and Snaresbrook are 'relatively deliverable', the top category. Hornchurch and Hatton Cross are 'challenging', the second category. Upminster Bridge is ‘very difficult', the fourth category. 3) TfL have published a 119-page business case for Devolution of the Great Northern Inners (i.e. trains to Welwyn Garden City and Stevenage). They propose transferring 26 stations to TfL control, including Harringay, Hatfield and Hertford North. 4) So far this year 12 million Day Travelcards have been sold. 77% of these were Off Peak travelcards. 14% were for children. 5) One reason the Lioness line only runs every 15 minutes is that "the gaps between the signals are extremely large making it difficult to path extra trains into the timetable". 6) Only one upgraded Central line train has been returned to service this year, bringing the total to 3. The intention is still to have the other 70-odd upgraded by 2029. 7) Since April, revenue from Silvertown and Blackwall Tunnel vehicle payments has been £37,089,974 and revenue from Penalty Charge Notices has been £34,964,893 (almost as much). 8) The busiest river pier is Westminster which is used by about 10000 river passengers per day, followed by Tower (8000) and Greenwich (6000). Barking Riverside sees only about 40 passengers depart daily. 9) In the last five years 4642 passengers have travelled from Abbey Road DLR to St John's Wood (presumably after seeing the sign saying they weren't at the right station for the Beatles zebra crossing). Less sensibly, 1853 journeys were recorded from St John's Wood to Abbey Road DLR. 10) There were 15 days when strike action impacted the tube in 2024, and only five such days in 2025.
11) The longest Maximum Journey Time, now that contactless has been extended far beyond London, is for journeys from Shoeburyness to Bletchley. 12) There are 431 Bus Stop Ms in Greater London (and 4 more outside). The Bus Stop M served by the most bus routes is on London Bridge with 18. The Bus Stop M served by the most daytime routes is Kingscourt Road in Streatham with 12. The borough with the most Bus Stop Ms is Bromley. The northernmost Bus Stop M is Bullsmoor Lane/Great Cambridge Road, the easternmost is St Laurence Church in Upminster, the southernmost is Park Rise in Leatherhead and the westernmost is Observatory Centre in Slough. 13) Since April 3,140,453 contactless cards have been checked on the DLR and 4472 penalty fares issued. In the previous twelve months only 2,849,265 contactless cards were checked and 2571 penalty fares issued. 14) Approximately half a million Dial-A-Ride journeys are made each year, for which TfL pays about £25m. 15) The average cost of a typical TfL uniform requirement is £310 per employee. Items of clothing that may be provided include two skirts or two pairs of trousers, also coat, pullover, gilet, polo shirt, tie, beanie, cravat, cardigan, fleecington, thermal bottoms, hi-vis vest, cap and boots/shoes. 16) 13 Central line vehicles are long term out of service, of which two are unlikely to return to operational use. 17) 548 TfL staff were paid more than £100K last year. 18) 6475 sexual offences have been recorded on Underground trains over the last 10 years. The Central line had the most (1596) and the Waterloo & City line the fewest (10). 19) The average interval between trains on the Victoria line is 2.5 minutes, on the Jubilee line 3.1 minutes, on the Northern line 3.3 minutes, on the Central line 3.4 minutes, on the District and Piccadilly lines 3.6 minutes, on the Metropolitan line 3.8 minutes, on the Waterloo & City line 4.1 minutes, on the Bakerloo line 4.2 minutes and on the Circle/Hammersmith & City lines 5.4 minutes. 20) TfL have not had any reports of alien and/or extra-terrestrial activity on any of their services.
There were two weddings in the family this year, thus the need for two Christmases. On December 25th the two new brides spent the day with family in Somerset and Warwickshire while the rest of the family waited in Norfolk, postponing the inevitable for an extra two days. The plan is therefore that today will be our Christmas Day, complete with present-opening, a proper dinner and all the TV trimmings. Meanwhile on the big day itself we pretended it was just a normal Thursday, woke up with no seasonal commitments and drove to the seaside.
Instead of opening presents we braved the onshore gales in Cromer, parked on the promenade and watched huge waves rolling in from the North Sea. We walked down the pier where local residents in festive garb were sheltering in the lee of the theatre with the occasional bottle of champagne. We climbed up to the boating pond and sat on a blowy bench outside the Hotel de Paris as it cast a midwinter shadow onto half the pier below. And because the Greggs at the garage was open we took the opportunity to grab a few bagfuls, then ate them in the car while staring out at the breakers. My lunch on December 25th was thus a Festive Bake fresh from the hot counter, and if that isn't an achievement unlocked I don't know what is.
On the way back we went hill climbing in Sheringham and checked that the art deco bus shelter is still standing, which it is, then drove home for a crackerless meal of toad in the hole. Yesterday was then our Christmas Eve when we watched The Snowman and Carols from Kings, wrapped presents and prepared all the vegetables. And today should involve pigs in blankets, the ripping of paper, a delayed King's Broadcast and a full family gathering with all the trimmings. It's one of the most unusual Christmases I've ever experienced, and all to make sure two other families could sit down for turkey on 25th December as usual. But inevitably a decree has gone out that Christmas 2026 should be normal for Norfolk, so if you're reading this in Leamington Spa sorry, it's your turn to delay everything next year.
How many chimneys in London does Santa need to go down?
The important starting figure isn't the population of London (9 million approx).
It's how many households are there?
The answer is in the latest outpourings of the English Housing Survey.
Number of households in London: 3,772,000
Next, how many of these households have children?
The 2021 census has that data, and it's approximately 35%. 35% × 3,772,000 = 1,320,000
Number of households in London with children: 1,320,000
This includes all 0-15 year-olds and 16-18 year olds in full time education so would seem to be an over-estimate for Santa purposes, but let's stick with it as an approximation.
Next, how many of these households have chimneys?
An important consideration is the age of London's housing stock.
The English Housing Survey has that information too.
Built
% of homes
Before 1919
28%
1919 to 1944
22%
1945 to 1964
13%
1965 to 1980
15%
1981 to 2002
10%
Post-2002
12%
I'm going to assume that only homes built before 1980 have a chimney.
This is a horrible generalisation but it gives us a ballpark figure of 78%. 78% × 1,320,000 = 1,030,000
Households in London with children and built before 1980: 1,030,000
Also chimneys tend to be a feature of houses, not flats.
The 2021 census has the required figures for London.
Type
% of homes
House or bungalow
54%
Flat or maisonette
46%
London has a lot of flats (in the rest of England it's 17% flats, not 46%).
But most of what was built before 1980 will have been houses, not flats, let's say 70%. 70% × 1,030,000 = 720,000
Houses in London with children and built before 1980: 720,000
Some households will be from cultures that don't follow the Christmas tradition.
In London about 25% of Londoners profess their religion to be Islam/Hindu/Sikh/Jewish.
But I still suspect a lot of them give presents on Christmas Day, so let's say only 10% don't. 90% × 720,000 = 650,000
Gift-giving houses in London with children and built before 1980: 650,000
Finally Santa only delivers to children who've been good.
But it's a cruel parent who actually goes through with holding back all presents.
So I'm going to say this last factor is irrelevant.
Number of chimneys in London Santa needs to go down: 650,000 (approx)
It's not as many as I first thought.
But it's still a heck of a lot to visit in one night flat.
45 Squared 45) EATON SQUARE, SW1
Borough of Westminster, 500m×100m
I started this series with what I said was London's largest square but it wasn't, this is. Vincent Square was merely huge and square-ish, whereas Eaton Square is huger and not very square at all. At 500m long and 100m wide it's exceptionally oblong and takes over quarter of an hour to walk all the way round, I can confirm, because those who built it were trying to impress. It's so large there's room for an extra street to run down the centre, longways, leaving those around the edge living in a privileged oasis of relative calm. No wonder it's one of Britain's most expensive place to live, indeed in 2016 it officially topped the list.
What's now Belgravia was once an expanse of rural land called the Five Fields, stretching almost a mile from Knightsbridge towards the Thames. The Grosvenor Estate sought to build here in the 1820s, first around Belgrave Square before making an official start on Eaton Square in 1826. A long elegant square spreading either side of the King's Road was proposed, set back behind central gardens, and took just over 20 years to complete. The earliest properties are on the north side in brick and stucco, and are mostly the work of Thomas Cubitt. The south side was instead the responsibility of the builder Seth Smith and are rather stuccoier, often Italianate, but equally capacious in size. The landowner was later awarded the title Duke of Westminster, the current incumbent being the richest Briton under the age of 40, and all because his ancestors once inherited a patchwork of fields in precisely the right place.
Walk round Eaton Square and one of the main things you notice are the pillars, so many pillars, in tapering classical form supporting every porch. Each is painted in the official neutral shade the Grosvenor estate prescribes, specifically British Standard Colour BS Ref 08B15, which they describe as green-grey but I'd call posh magnolia. Painted on each in black is the number of the house, an ever-increasing sequence running clockwise from number 1 in the northeast corner to number 118 by the church. Front doors are to be painted high gloss black unless approved otherwise in writing.
I got lucky with a glimpse through one front door, spying a long central hallway and a high winding stair that looked classically original, at the rear of which a uniformed man in a bowler hat was fiddling with something on a table. But in some cases it's all an illusion, every space behind the facade having been knocked through to create themostostentatious of modern homes. It's not unheard of for multiple homes to have been combined if the owner wanted to create a particularly luxurious hideaway, should the address be more important than the original architecture. If you couldn't afford to install a mirrored marble swimming pool and steam room in your basement then Eaton Square probably isn't for you.
The accoutrements of wealth are otherwise discreetly displayed. Doorstep foliage is always perfectly trimmed. Christmas wreaths invariably feature curling orange slices, almost as if there's an approved florist you're supposed to buy them from. The roof of the porch creates a tiny balcony on which can be perched iron chairs or additional shrubbery. Personalised numberplates I spotted included L4 (on a Mercedes jeep), RR02 JSR (on a cab-like Rolls) and 36C (on a well-endowed sports car). Perhaps the ultimate status symbol is a security guard standing sentinel outside on the pavement, smiling as you pass but watching like a hawk lest you be intent on indecorous behaviour. Or maybe it's having your own blue plaque.
Eaton Square has had a ridiculous number of famous residents including Rex Harrison, Sarah Duchess of York, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Lord Lucan. Not everybody gets a plaque but one who does is Lord Boothby, a politician with an infamous penchant for the Kray Brothers, allegedly. Oscar-winning actress Vivien Leigh Lived at number 54, this after divorcing from Laurence Olivier and just before her untimely death. Austrian diplomat Klemens von Metternich, forced into exile after a revolution in 1848, only spent four months at number 44 but still somehow gets officially recognised. As does Stanley Baldwin who's one of two Prime Ministers who made Eaton Square their home post-Downing Street, the other being the less acclaimed Neville Chamberlain.
Only a couple of properties aren't residential, both on the northern flank. One is the Belgian Embassy, still housed in the same corner buildings as the Government in Exile in 1940. A plaque on the side of the building commemorates Belgians who signed up inside to fight alongside the Allies and died before the liberation of their country. Just down the terrace is the Bolivian Embassy, easily identifiable because it has two flags, one of which looks like a dazzling grid of rainbow-coloured tiles. This is the wiphala, a 7×7 square patchwork which officially represents the native peoples of the Andes, and don't say you never learn something while wandering around a really posh square.
Eaton Square contains not just one central garden but six, each divided from its neighbour by one of the three roads that cut across the middle. It says a lot for the scale of the space that two are designated dog gardens, lest residents should have to walk too far to exercise their pampered pooches. Most of the others are a mix of lawn and shrubbery for general relaxation (no ball games and absolutely no barbecues), carefully screened from non-keyholder passers-by. The finest is probably 'south central' which has raised beds, astrolabe sculptures and towering cycads, also a tumbling water feature like a shimmering curtain in front of a hemispherical metal fountain. Should you be feeling nosey this is also the garden the public are allowed into on Open Garden Squares weekend in June, although the tennis courts remain off-limits.
Meanwhile the wider world ploughs across Eaton Square on broad thoroughfares, ideally without noticing. Sloane Square isn't far away from one end, and Victoria Coach Station is so close that some National Express coaches overspill and park up in the middle, allowing drivers to nip out for a smoke and collective gossip. And finally there's St Peter's church at number 119, a neoclassical masterpiece contemporary with the first houses built in the square. It's burned down twice, initially in 1837 and then again in 1987 when a Protestant arsonist wrongly assumed it must be Catholic without checking first. It's still quite high church, all bells and smells and swishing around in cassocks, but that also means an exemplary musical tradition so if you fancy a good Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols then Sunday's is available to watch here.
Eaton Square is so large you could easily fit the last dozen squares I've visited inside it, and collectively so well off it could probably pay for them as well. It is I hope a fitting end to my year-long 45 Squares project, and now we're all square I can look forward to seeing what next year brings.
Sunderland/Hartlepool: My longest day trip of the year, to two maligned but characterful northeast ports [50 photos]
TfL: Transport 2025, staff magazine, no e-bikes, TfL 2000, TfL's best thing
