Reason for vacancy: Previous post-holder emigrated to America today, to take up leading role with partner in expanding small business.
Job description: • To be there when needed, and to be there for when needed.
• To be interesting, and to be interested.
• To understand, and to be understood.
Personal qualities: • Strong communication and interpersonal skills.
• Extensive database of shared experience and anecdotes.
• Understanding of my sense of humour, or at least content to put up with it.
• Facility with IT skills for regular online communication.
• Responds affirmatively to the question "It's Tuesday, want to go out...?"
• Fully qualified social consultant, and able to convince me to travel extensively.
• Connoisseur of dining out, but equally satisfied picking chips out of newspaper.
• Critical ability to enjoy television programmes whilst simultaneously pulling them apart.
• Emergent taste in music, and increasing dancefloor expertise.
• Someone to turn to on the way out of the cinema and ask "How was that for you?"
• Has own transport and sometimes willing to drive not drink, but can be tempted onto public transport.
• Telepathic ability, especially when trying to communicate thoughts about social deviants on trains without them hearing.
• Sane, stable, smiley, unstressed, special.