| Description of risk | Probability | Impact | Mitigation/Contingency |
| Unrecognised plane sighted in no-fly zone above Olympic Park | Likely | Disastrous | Locate clusters of anti-aircraft guns on Blackheath and Shooters Hill |
| Concealed nuclear device triggered by lighting of Olympic flame | Possible | Catastrophic | Replace gaspipe apparatus with flickering holographic projection |
| Mayor of London grabs flag and waves it in front of global audience of three billion | Certain | Embarrassing | Attempt to elect non-embarrassing mayor on May 3rd |
| Persistent rain in London for a fortnight | Probable | Disappointing | Switch sailing to Stratford, and athletics to Weymouth |
| Queen dies on first day of Olympics | Feasible | Unspeakable | That's the entire Games wrecked, then |
| Prince Philip dies on first day of Paralympics | Possible | Mild | Yeah, who cares? |
| Actor who plays mascot Mandeville accused of child molestation | Unlikely | Appalling | Initiate Olympic Mitigation Strategy 3056/003 (Synchronised News Diversion Protocol) |
| Explosive device hidden in narrowboat detonates on River Lea | Minor | Tragic | Block off river traffic for three months, just to be on the safe side |
| Rogue vuvuzela slips through scanners at beach volleyball event | Plausible | Ear-splitting | Locate trigger-happy Met Police marksmen amongst crowd |
| Indian athletes refuse to attend Games in hissy fit over Dow wrap sponsorship | Moderate | Awkward | Plaster the stadium wrap with McDonalds slogans instead to avoid controversy |
| Power cut during 100m final plunges stadium into darkness | Minor | Typical | Use Olympic flame to light Olympic torches and distribute amongst crowd |
| Athlete seen in TV close-up swigging from can of Pepsi | Possible | Cataclysmic | Attempt to offload all shares before world economy collapses |
| Entire Moldovian gymnastics team tests positive for drugs | Rare | Miraculous | Use as smokescreen to deflect press attention from Tom Daley's alleged coke habit |
| Boris Bike pile-up blocks Olympic Route Network at Tower Hill | Slight | Calamitous | Walk the Olympic Family to Hyde Park and make them watch the Games on a big screen with the plebs |
| Simultaneous suspension of Jubilee and Central lines on busiest evening of Games | Anticipated | Nightmarish | Sigh deeply, and wish Crossrail had been built to its original deadline |
| Plucky British teenage athlete fails to qualify in first race | Nigh certain | Regrettable | Switch tabloid focus to pre-teen hopes for Rio 2016 |
| Radicalised schoolgirl detonates home-made explosives on platform 2 at Stratford station | Realistic | Shocking | Impose curfew to force entire population of London to stay indoors during the Games, for the sake of national security |
| Al Qaeda deploy nerve gas at East Midlands shopping centre | Unexpected | Total Fail | Alas, it is truly impossible to mitigate against everything |
| Space octopus descends during Opening Ceremony and consumes crowd | Remote | PR disaster | Point TV cameras the other way and hope nobody notices |
| Everything goes just fine | Probable | Relief | You mean we spent all those billions on security for nothing? |
London 2012
