30 years ago tonight, on Wednesday 8th February 1978, I arrived home from my suburban comprehensive school and settled down to watch a brand new children's TV drama series set in a suburban comprehensive school. The series was Grange Hill, there was nothing else like it on telly at the time, and it's remained one of my favourite programmes ever since. No really. I've watched almost almost every single episode since the show started, right up until last year when it was suddenly demoted to digital and the BBC snuck out the whole series without me noticing. And now suddenly this week, just as the show chalks up its 30th anniversary, the BBC has announced that the next series will be the last. Desklids down, doors slammed, and the staff room door firmly bolted shut. And I for one am extremely sorry.
So which era of Grange Hill do you remember? Trisha and Tucker maybe, or Gonch and Zammo, or perhaps Miss Carver and Mr Hankin? Did your school dinner ladies ever serve up a glowing sausage like that one in the opening credits? Was your school bully called Gripper, Imelda or Mauler? Did you ever wish that Mrs McClusky was your headteacher, or rejoice that Mr Bronson wasn't? Was your PE teacher firm but fair like Mr Baxter, a psychopath like Mr Hicks, or unexpectedly catapulted to headteacherdom like Mr Robson? Were there really ever any children in normal schools with nicknames like Pogo, Ziggy or Tegs? Did your class ever have a bolshy school refuser like Danny Kendall, or a misunderstood kid with Aspergers like Martin Miller (you've not been watching lately, have you?). Was Cartman from South Park based on Row-land Browning, did Boy George ever learn any fashion tips from Suzanne Ross, and would Nancy Reagan ever have learnt to 'Just say No' without Zammo's heroin habit? Ah yes, no central character was complete without some stereotypical medical condition and/or social inadequacy.
I was forever endeared to Grange Hill in 1994 when they filmed a scene betwen Mr Robson and his illicit love interest outside the house I grew up in. This was, however, a sign that the emphasis of the show was moving dangerously away from the lives of the children towards the lives of the staff. Who cared? And then the balance switched back rather too far the other way, concentrating more on extra-curricular romance than the back-row futility of double chemistry. Big mistake. Because Grange Hill's great strength was the mundane everyday world of history homework, field trips and petty bullying. And that's the golden age we all remember.
Five years ago creator Phil Redmond stepped back in to give the flagging series a boost. He resisted crashing a plane into the entire cast, like he normally does, and instead moved the school lock stock and barrel to the north-west of England (and no longer anywhere up the northern end of the Jubilee line). His efforts don't appear to have been enough. No mere mortal TV producer can defeat the towering legislative presence that is the new BBC Trust. They've decreed that the target audience for the CBBC channel is to be 6-12 year olds, and therefore no programme based on 11-18 education may continue. The 31st and final series will therefore "relocate to 'the Grange', a creative learning centre focused on multimedia technology" where various 10 and 11 year olds will have no doubt ripping adventures. But this ghastly committee-driven metamorphosis can't have worked. CBBC schedulers have chosen to delay transmission to the summer when nobody'll be watching, and then pulled the plug altogether on any subsequent episodes.
Grange Hill is a school whose era has been and gone. What was taboo in the 1970s is commonplace today. Kids today no longer say "flipping heck" or join the School Council to protest against school uniform. They shout obscenities across the playground, hide knives in their rucksacks and txt their classmates from underneath the desk during citizenship classes. And, most importantly, they no longer rush home from school to watch TV drama series, not like we did, because the 21st century is full of more exciting alternative distractions. Your children may never be part of a similar shared educational experience, but we will always be the Grange Hill generation.
Can you feel it? There's something different in the London air. Stand outside, take a deep breath and inhale. Mmmm, the atmosphere in the capital is suddenly crystal clear and spring fresh. Our oxygen is no longer tainted with quite so many nasty black sooty particles. The daily lives of children, pensioners and asthmatics are being transformed for the better. Our nostrils have entered a brave new pollution-free world. And we have the London LEZ to thank.
If you don't live round the edge of London you may not have noticed, but as of Monday the entire capital is now encircled by a protective barrier of roadsigns. These environmental sentinels have been set up to repel unwanted polluting vehicles, sending them back to contaminate the Home Counties instead. For at the sign of the Big Green Circle, no diesel-engined belcher may pass. The new Low Emission Zone is our last defence against airborne particulate poisoning. Bugger off all ye heavy diesel-engined vehicles exceeding 12 tonnes Gross Vehicle Weight, including goods vehicles, motor caravans, motorised horseboxes and other specialist vehicles, and do not darken our roads again.
Well that's the plan anyway. And it's cutting-edge stuff. Cameras within the LEZ are already keeping their beady lenses open for unregistered numberplates, and if the TfL database doesn't have your lorry registered then you get fined. Don't worry, they waive the charge the first time they catch you, and all you get is a warning letter. But then it's £200, per day, which is quite a lot compared to the piddly insignificant Congestion Charge. A large enough fine to persuade any violating business to take its fleet off the road, or to clean up its act.
So look, I thought I ought to warn you. Do you have a motorised horsebox that you drive around the North Circular? Or a gritter or a dustcart or a concrete mixer that you ride around on in your spare time? Or maybe a removal lorry or a fire engine that you buff up and drive to IKEA on a Saturday afternoon? Or a minibus that you use to drive old ladies to church on a Sunday morning? Or a Routemaster bus or a vintage coach that didn't have to satisfy pollution requirements back in 1958? Or an ambulance that your charity has bought using hard-earned donations that now needs a ridiculously expensive refit just so that it can carry on doing the good works that last week were perfectly legal? Or a hearse? Travelling around London could be about to get extremely expensive.
Certain vehicles aren't going to be penalised until July this year, or until 2010, or even 2012. And cars and motorbikes, they're not going to be penalised at all. It's only the big belching polluters that are going to have to pay. And hey, it's all for the sake of London's lungs so it's got to be a good thing surely? Just so long as this isn't yet another fund-raising exercise by our environmentally-caring Mayor. Another wheeze that leaves drivers' finances exhausted... even if the rest of us are never exhaust-ed again.
What are you giving up for Lent? West Londoners are giving up travelling to Shepherd'sBush on the Central line. The station (which is used by 11½ million passengers a year) closed on Saturday for an "upgrade", and won't reopen until October. That's nigh nine months of disruption, announced with little prior warning, so that the station can be made ready for the hordes of shoppers due to use the Westfield retail complex when it opens later this year. Local shop owners in W12 are already worried about the impact that this unashamedly aspirational retail development will bring. Now they face the next 250 shopping days without even a tube station to bring in their existing punters. Let's hope that a revamped entrance hall and overhauled escalators are worth the inconvenience.
But the area's crawling with alternative stations, isn't it? Surely it shouldn't be too difficult for local residents and commuters to make alternative travel arrangements. Maybe, maybe not. You can read TfL's advice here. Or you might prefer, with the aid of my stunning hand-drawn map, to use the dg guide to escaping from Shepherd's Bush (Feb-Oct 2008)
By rail • Shepherd's Bush (London Overground) Never fear, because there's a brand new station immediately nextdoor. Except there isn't. It was supposed to open last year, only there was some pathetic row about safety concerns and platform width, so it's still closed. And, even when this new station does finally open, the Overground service still won't be terribly useful. Two or three trains an hour to places as useful as Clapham, Willesden and Watford. I think we can dismiss this one.
By tube • Shepherd's Bush (Hammersmith & City line) Two stations with the same name - that's got to mean they're quite close, surely? Well, about 600m apart, as it turns out, which'll take about 7 extra minutes to walk. But which Central line user is going to want to use the Hammersmith & City line anyway? If you're heading for central London, this slow train (plus an extra change at Paddington or Baker Street) will greatly lengthen your daily commute over the next nine months. Not great. • Goldhawk Road Also 600m from Shepherd's Bush, but with a busy road to cross. So no. • Latimer Road 1.3km from Shepherd's Bush (a quarter hour walk). Forget it. • Wood Lane They haven't finished building thisone yet either. It's another additional station planned to boost access to the Westfield development. And it's not due to open until late this year. Typical eh? There are two new stations due to open in the Shepherd's Bush area over the next few months, but TfL still had to shut down the Central line station before the other two were ready. • Kensington (Olympia): Just over 1000m away, and a fair walk too, and for what? This single plaform halt boasts the District line's most feeble service, to almost nowhere, and only every 15 minutes. Really, don't bother. • White City: Ah, now this station's on the right line, at last. It's also less than 1km away in a straight line, except you can't walk in a straight line because there's a giant shopping centre being built inbetween. So this is another lengthy 1.3km, 15 minute walk. So not a great alternative. • Holland Park: This is the closest Central line station, exactly a kilometre from Shepherd's Bush. It'll take you up to 12 minutes to walk there, but at least when you arrive you'll be able to catch a train to where you want to go. This has to be the dg-recommended option. But it'll still waste you two hours a week, there and back.
By bus • 148: Good old TfL. They're putting on 10 additional buses an hour during the morning peak which'll whisk you (slowly) from Shepherd's Bush to Notting Hill Gate. 10 buses may sound a lot, but together they only have the capacity of one single tube train. • Rail replacement bus service: And yes, there's also a special TfL replacement bus service to shuttle Central line passengers between Shepherd's Bush and White City. It's described as "frequent", but I bet it's not as frequent as the underground trains it replaces. Once waiting time is added in, it may well still be quicker to walk.
So, my final advice to the people of Shepherd's Bush is as follows. Get a grip. It's not going to be fun, but there are plenty of alternative options. It'll be time-wasting, and it'll be inconvenient, but it's not the end of the world. The good people of Crouch End, Camberwell and Collier Row cope perfectly well without a functioning tube station on their doorstep, and have done for a lot longer than nine months. You'll cope.
And the rest of you, even if you don't think this applies to you now, be warned. Because this sort of enforced shutdown could be happening to you next.
Grange Hill (RIP)
I was forever endeared to Grange Hill in 1994 when they filmed a scene betwen Mr Robson and his illicit love interest outside the house I grew up in. This was, however, a sign that the emphasis of the show was moving dangerously away from the lives of the children towards the lives of the staff. Who cared? And then the balance switched back rather too far the other way, concentrating more on extra-curricular romance than the back-row futility of double chemistry. Big mistake. Because Grange Hill's great strength was the mundane everyday world of history homework, field trips and petty bullying. And that's the golden age we all remember.
If you don't live round the edge of London you may not have noticed, but as of Monday the entire capital is now encircled by a protective barrier of roadsigns. These environmental sentinels have been set up to repel unwanted polluting vehicles, sending them back to contaminate the Home Counties instead. For at the sign of the Big Green Circle, no diesel-engined belcher may pass. The new Low Emission Zone is our last defence against airborne particulate poisoning. Bugger off all ye heavy diesel-engined vehicles exceeding 12 tonnes Gross Vehicle Weight, including goods vehicles, motor caravans, motorised horseboxes and other specialist vehicles, and do not darken our roads again.
But the area's crawling with alternative stations, isn't it? Surely it shouldn't be too difficult for local residents and commuters to make alternative travel arrangements. Maybe, maybe not. You can read TfL's advice here. Or you might prefer, with the aid of my stunning hand-drawn map, to use the dg guide to escaping from Shepherd's Bush (Feb-Oct 2008)
