Once a year the Environment Agency checks that the Thames Barrier is working by giving it a full tidal closure. They haven't really needed to do this in 2014, which is by far the most uppy downy year in the barrier's 30 year history. The gates rose only four times throughout the 1980s, whereas this year the tally is already 48 and there are still twelve weeks to go. Nevertheless the planned annual exercise must always go ahead, invariably on a post-equinoctial Sunday morning, and precise times can be determined by checking the official website in advance. This year, October the fifth.
Events always begin at low tide, in this case quarter to four in the morning, at which point the gates are raised one by one to stem the river's flow. Over the next six hours the tide is prevented from passing upriver and a height differential is created on either side of the barrier. Upstream the river level stays low, while downstream the river rises three metres, which looks simply unnatural. There is alas no viewing position from which both sides can be seen simultaneously, not unless you're standing on topof the barrier itself, which only employees and their special guests can do. There did seem to be a roaring trade in special guests this Sunday, parading out across the first bridge in their official black helmets before burrowing onwards to a central vantagepoint. Lucky them.
Those of us not fortunate enough to be a Thames Barrier special guest could only stand onthe banks and gawp. Admittedly the view from the banks was fantastic (and better from the south side than the north because the sun was behind you). The barrier's seven streamlined silver piers stretched out across the river, their gates twisted into full defensive position, creating an artificialglassysea. Normally the Thames is never still, but on closure day the water is becalmed and spectacularreflections spread across the surface with barely a ripple.
I'd turned up at high tide, an hour early for the main event or so I thought, and the paltry number of observers suggested others had thought the same. But then a siren went. The tide was running early (such phenomena are rarely as precise as nautical tables would have you believe) so the engineers in the control room had decided to move to the next phase an hour earlier than scheduled. One of the central 61m gates moved slowly into underspill mode, that's to an angle of 118°, creating a three foot gap beneath the water. This was enough to restart the flow, thereby beginning a three hour journey to eventual equilibrium. Protecting the capital is slow and steady, never speedy.
A second siren followed a quarter of an hour later, this the signal for a second gate to swivel into underspill. As the high tide trickled through, cleaning out the sills on the river bed, so a large flock of seagulls flocked and swooped above the waves. The churning water made for easy pickings, of whatever tasty aquatic morsels they could find, and even after a further hour the aerial display showed no signs of stopping. Further upriver the Greenwich Yacht Club were out on the water in force, taking advantage of the unnatural conditions and the absence of all other river traffic. And steadily the crowd of spectators grew, too late for the start of the flood but in plenty of time to watch it grow.
The rise in water level was almost imperceptible, it taking millions of cubic metres to fill a river half a kilometre wide. But still the tide squeezed in, creating choppyripples across the upstream side (but still flat as a millpond on the other). Over the subsequent couple of hours this crystal pool gently sank as the high tide receded, eventually matching the rising level on the opposite side and allowing the gates to be heaved back into horizontal position. The event was an awesome sight, indeed it was hard to point a camera anywhere and get a less than amazing photo. And it all ran like clockwork, which is exactly what you want to hear if you live or work anywhere near the river between Silvertown and Putney. Sunday's closure confirmed the taming of the Thames, and all with consummate style, a tribute to 30-year-oldtechnology that still protects and inspires.
There was a bit of a spectacle down at the Thames Barrier on Sunday afternoon. Bet you missed it. Once a year they raise all the gates, just to check that they still work, and attempt to hold back the tide for ten hours. There are shorter monthly barrier closures too, but Sunday's was the full annual showpiece. It's rather impressive too. The closure started at low tide, around six in the morning, and by the time I arrived at noon there was already a considerable differential between the height of the water on both sides of the barrier. Downstream it was most definitely high tide. A crowd of locals had gathered on the terraces by the visitors' centre, looking out over the glassy water towards the upturned gates. This was London's flood defence in full effect, with millions of gallons of water being held back by an impenetrable wall of steel. Upstream the river looked very different. Here it was still low tide, and the pebbly beach beside the barrier remained fully exposed. Nine silver piers glinted in the sunlight, and a swarm of seagulls bobbed and swooped above the choppy white water inbetween. At one o'clock precisely a siren blared out from Barrier Control and a single gate rolled imperceptibly upwards. It raised into "underspill", just far enough to allow water to gush underneath and to begin filling the channel beyond. A surge tide rushed out across Woolwich Reach, forming a swirling tempest in the middle of the river. This was no scary wall of water, nothing dangerous, but it was a rare sight all the same. Every few minutes another gate was semi-lifted, rolling a few degrees upwards to allow yet more heaving water to tumble through. The assembled crowds stared, and smiled, and snapped photographs on whatever electronic gizmo they happened to have brought with them. It would be another three hours before the water levels had equalised sufficiently to allow the gates to descend back into the riverbed, and for maritime traffic to resume plying its trade up and down the Thames. And it'll be another year before the Environment Agency plans anything similar, should you fancy coming down next September (unless it rains a lot, obviously, in which case those gates might be rolling back up rather sooner).
It's somehow September again but never fear, London's putting on a last flurry of events, activities and happenings before the nights draw in and we're all invited. Here's my weekend-by-weekend guide to free September delights.
All month
» Totally Thames (Sep 1-Oct 1): Once again a whole month of river-focused events, many of them ticketed, ranging from art to walks to virtual talks to boat trips to a few exhibition boards dumped in a park. This year's festival features weekend hubs, sequentially #1 Brentford, #2 Royal Docks, #3 London Bridge, #4 Greenwich, #5 Kingston. Thankfully the website's events section is easier to scroll through these days.
» Lambeth Heritage Festival (Sep 1-30): Dozens of free talks, guided walks and openings across the borough (plus a proper week-by-week brochure to flick through, bliss). Hats off to whoever organises this every year.
Weekend 1: September 2/3
» Greenwich+Docklands International Festival (25 Aug - 10 Sep): This significant splurge of spectacular performances is better balanced between Greenwich and Docklands these days. This weekend you can enjoy aerial dance on the front of St Paul's Cathedral (very much neither G nor D) and watch robotic swans or rooftop cavorting in the Royal Docks. GDIF ends next weekend with Canary Wharf's annual day of dance and stilted poetry in North Greenwich.
» Bartholomew Fair (31 Aug - 16 Sep): The City of London has resurrected a longstanding Smithfield tradition (though not in the right location, much longer than previously and not overlapping with the correct day). Expect roaming street performers aplenty. This weekend's market is at Paternoster Square.
» Leytonstone Festival (Sat, Sun): Local performers - mostly actors and musicians - perform across E11 across the next week. The opening event is at St John's church this afternoon.
» Liberty Festival (Sat, Sun): Croydon hosts the annual artsfest celebrating deaf, disabled and neurodivergent artists because it's this year's Borough of Culture.
» Lambeth Local History Fair (Sat, from 10.00): A coming-together of local societies, heritage organisations, friends groups and local history publishers at West Norwood Library. Includes short films and guided walks.
» Black on the Square (Sat, from 12): the Mayor's latest culturally-themed Trafalgar Square takeover, new for 2023.
» Camberwell Fair (Sat, 12-8.30): Back again this year, a buzzing mix of street food and live music on Camberwell Green.
» Thames Barrier Closure (Sun, from 10.10): Annual all-day maintenance closure. All the gates will be closed from 11.55 to 14.30, at which point underspill begins. Come and see water piled up on one side only (while it's only a practice).
» Angel Canal Festival (Sun, 11-4): Waterside gaiety beside City Road Lock, now in its fourth decade. Expect the Mayor of Islington to arrive by narrowboat.
» Brentford Festival (Sun, 12-6): Live tunes, stalls, vintage vehicles and the obligatory dog show in Blondin Park W5.
Weekend 2: September 9/10
» Open House London (this weekend and next): The grand-daddy of architectural festivals, with hundreds of weird and wonderful buildings throwing open their doors across the capital, once again for two weekends. The online calendar currently includes 694 properties, 449 of which are "just turn up". It's a bit more central-London-centric this year (3 in Havering but 65 in Westminster), although I always think the outer boroughs have some of the genuine treasures. It's possible to search by date, borough, event type and map location and also to filter out all the events that needed pre-booking. Less practically you can only see what's fully booked if you set up an account. As ever there's far too much to choose from, but if you need inspiration here are my reports from 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2022. Be there or regret it for the subsequent 51 weeks.
» Heritage Open Days (Fri - next Sun): Once again two weekends when hundreds of buildings that aren't usually open are open. Most are outside London but 76 are in the capital, including sculpturetastic Dorich House, E3's House Mill and tours of Dulwich's British Vintage Wireless and Television Museum.
» Erith Made (Sat, Sun): Erith again attempts to whip up community spirit with an extensive selection of events. They have yet to upload the programme to their website, but it has just made it to Facebook so fingers crossed.
» St Katharine Docks Classic Boat Festival (Sat, Sun): Annual gathering of small boats near Tower Bridge, with dockside entertainment and opportunities to go on board.
» Markfield Road Festival (Sat, Sun): Art, DJs and more, spilling out into the street up N15 way.
» Scadbury Open Weekend (Sat, Sun, 2-4.30): Archaeological excavations at the moated medieval manor house near the Sidcup bypass. I went last year and I enjoyed.
» Mitcham Heritage Day (Sat, 10-4.30): Several buildings around the conservation area will be open including The Canons, the parish church belltower and the cricket pavilion. I went in 2018 and can recommend. Part of Wandle Fortnight.
» The Great River Race (Sat from 11.30): 300 craft engage in a spectacular paddle up the Thames from Docklands to Richmond.
» Croxfest (Sat from noon): OK, so this one's not quite in London, but where else are you going to hear Thee Mighty Saint Pancras, My Name Is Jeff and The Peppered Aces other than on the Green in Croxley?
Weekend 3: September 16/17
» Open House London: Weekend two
» Heritage Open Days Weekend two
» London Design Festival (continues next weekend): Hundreds of design-er events, many aimed at "the trade" but others more public-focused. The online programme is often impenetrable and this year's is even more diffuse than usual, so I have already waved the white flag and surrendered.
» Hampton Court Open Gardens (Sat, Sun): One of half a dozen opportunities annually to explore the palace's historic grounds for free.
» Peckham Festival (Sat, Sun): Since 2016 a celebration of creative Peckham, with food amidst the art, music and fashion.
» Route 38 Heritage Event (Sat, 10-5): Free vintage bus rides along route 38, and not just for People Who Like Buses.
» Royal Wharf Summer Fete (Sat, 10-6): Newham's newest neighbourhood attempts festival vibe placemaking to help make residents feel a bit more at home.
» Bermondsey Street Festival (Sat, 11-7): A designery "village fête", plus the obligatory dog show, plus curated live music, plus food and stalls.
» Thames Tidefest (Sun, 9.30-5.30): River-based activities scattered between Brentford and Chiswick, with a particular marquee-focus at Strand-on-the-Green, W4.
» Hackney Carnival (Sun, 12-7): Downgraded this year from a full-on street bash to a few sound systems in Hackney Wick.
Weekend 4: September 23/24
» Deptford X (Sat - next Sun): Celebrating 25 years of London's longest-running visual arts festival.
» Woolmen’s Sheep Drive and Wool Fair (Sun, 10-4): The celeb leading this year's first tranche over Southwark Bridge is 'top chef Richard Corrigan', which is a bit of a step down after previous shepherdesses Mary Berry and Kate Humble. Come too for wool-related trade stalls, lamb burgers and a bar on a bus.
» Chiswick House Dog Show (Sun, 11-4.15): Celebrity judges give the hounds of W4 the runaround. This year's theme is '60 years of Dogtor Who'.
» Pearly Kings and Queens Harvest Festival (Sun, 1.30): Cockney royalty offers live entertainment in Guildhall Yard.
Weekend 5: September 30/October 1
» Meet Me in Marylebone (Sat, 12-6): Unashamedly consumptionist street closure on Marylebone Lane featuring alfresco refreshments and commercial activations
» Japan Matsuri (Sun, 10-8): After a pandemic lull, Trafalgar Square once again hosts a day of all things Japanese, including mass drumming, kendo, anime, okonomiyaki and an appearance by Chancellor Jeremy Hunt.
» Something Else Probably (maybe): I'm still looking, but there must be something.
Are these London's 7 Best Cocktail Secrets of the River Thames?
As Autumn descends, where would the capital be without its river and its cocktails?
Londoners can take comfort that certain things always stay the same, namely Old Father Thames and London Cocktail Week. The river was known to the Romans as Tamesis, and meanders through enormous bends all the way down to the North Sea, as here at Rotherhithe, a view which can be seen in the credits to EastEnders. Of similarly classic vintage is the margarita, a hand-crafted Mexican concoction served with a dash of pizazz to a wildly appreciative congregation at the Cocktail Week Village in Old Spitalfields. Buy your £10 wristband in advance to avoid queues on the day, any time before last orders on October 9th, and taste the zing before your wait loses its sparkle.
The tidal Thames rises and falls up to seven metres a day, bobbing up and down with little boats, and carrying the hopes of the capital downstream. Here at Chiswick the Boat Race is run every year on the incoming spring tide, where Oxford take on Cambridge, and only once in 1877 has there ever been a dead heat. Another finely-balanced act is the martini, a 50-50 pairing of gin and vermouth. This bespoke combination can be found headlining the speakeasy vibe at the Brick Lane Hub Distillery in both natural and organic pairings. Buy your tickets in advance on the London Cocktail Week portal, or turn up on the day and take a chance on being shaken not stirred.
Every year the Thames Barrier is closed as a test to ensure it still works, bringing crystal waters and brimming spectacle to the Woolwich riverside. Underspill begins just before high tide as the gates twist to allow surging white white water, displacing the seagulls and bringing Greenwich Marina's yacht regatta to a premature close. Another annual event is London Cocktail Week, a joyous outpouring of alcoholic exuberance during which exclusive delights are dispensed to the elite masses in carefully curated combinations. Buying your ticket in advance, including complimentary Dirty Screwdriver, is an absolute must.
Tower Bridge has stood since 1894, raising its great arms three or more times on a good day to allow river traffic to pass through. A siren is sounded and the master of the ship must manoeuvre their craft carefully between the spans, or else forfeit three barrel-loads of hay to the Lord Quartermaster. Modern sightseers can enjoy an equally tricky challenge at the Old Truman Brewery - the Whisky Sours Masterblend Malt-Off - whilst sipping hand-crafted specialities from the destination bar. It's important to commit to buying a wristband now, from this link, because Tower Bridge is closed to traffic until the New Year due to renovation work.
The lighthouse at Trinity Buoy Wharf, opposite the O2, was first used by the great Victorian physicist Michael Faraday to test his theory of laser diffraction. These days the lantern is used for performances of a 1000-year musical composition called Longplayer, and peanut butter milk shakes are served from the American diner parked in a trailer below. If it's boozy elixirs you seek, the maverick combos at Shoreditch's globally feted Roots Tequila bar are certain to bring this imbiber's paradise to life. Check in and tag a picture of your cocktail for a chance to win a pair of tickets to the exclusive after-party, or dig deep and grab your VIP pass now.
The City of London's rubbish is carted away in crates from a jetty near Cannon Street station, just as it has been since the days of Dick Whittington. The Queen's equerry rides aboard each launch as it heads downstream to Maldonsea, the artificial island in the Thames near Canvey which has been created by three centuries of compacted urban waste. The best cocktails are also laid down in layers, as premier mixologist Patrice duZane will demonstrate in his immersive spritzer masterclass at the Grey Goose pop-up marquee. Tickets for these heavily discounted tinctures are expected to disappear fast, so don't delay, pre-order today.
In 2006 a whale nicknamed Charlotte was spotted swimming in the Thames near Battersea, although she later died. Eels and salmon are still forced upstream when storm drains empty into the river after particularly heavy rain, and upturned canoeists often find themselves swimming in a sea of raw effluent. A similar torrent of sewage has been written about London Cocktail Week, the annual attempt by drinks manufacturers to persuade richer members of the general public to hand over considerable sums of money in return for a few small glasses of overhyped liquid. If you're seriously considering attending, why not ease your conscience by donating a tenner to your local food bank before you go?
There was a bit of a spectacle down at the Thames Barrier on Sunday afternoon. Bet you missed it. Once a year they raise all the gates, just to check that they still work, and attempt to hold back the tide for ten hours. There are shorter monthly barrier closures too, but Sunday's was the full annual showpiece. It's rather impressive too. The closure started at low tide, around six in the morning, and by the time I arrived at noon there was already a considerable differential between the height of the water on both sides of the barrier. Downstream it was most definitely high tide. A crowd of locals had gathered on the terraces by the visitors' centre, looking out over the glassy water towards the upturned gates. This was London's flood defence in full effect, with millions of gallons of water being held back by an impenetrable wall of steel. Upstream the river looked very different. Here it was still low tide, and the pebbly beach beside the barrier remained fully exposed. Nine silver piers glinted in the sunlight, and a swarm of seagulls bobbed and swooped above the choppy white water inbetween. At one o'clock precisely a siren blared out from Barrier Control and a single gate rolled imperceptibly upwards. It raised into "underspill", just far enough to allow water to gush underneath and to begin filling the channel beyond. A surge tide rushed out across Woolwich Reach, forming a swirling tempest in the middle of the river. This was no scary wall of water, nothing dangerous, but it was a rare sight all the same. Every few minutes another gate was semi-lifted, rolling a few degrees upwards to allow yet more heaving water to tumble through. The assembled crowds stared, and smiled, and snapped photographs on whatever electronic gizmo they happened to have brought with them. It would be another three hours before the water levels had equalised sufficiently to allow the gates to descend back into the riverbed, and for maritime traffic to resume plying its trade up and down the Thames. And it'll be another year before the Environment Agency plans anything similar, should you fancy coming down next September (unless it rains a lot, obviously, in which case those gates might be rolling back up rather sooner).
