diamond geezer is two years old today. Who'd have thought? I'd certainly never have guessed that the site would turn out like this when I started two years ago. Then I had no comments, no photos, no links from other sites and no visitors. Now I have six thousand comments, three hundred photos, two hundred links from other websites and a sizeable audience. I've posted more posts than there are chapters in the Bible, written as many words as there are in half a Bible, and included eleven thousand more hypertext weblinks then the Bible ever had too.
Of course, there is a downside. I spend a suspiciously large proportion of my spare time blogging or, even worse, going out and doing things so that I can blog about them. And for what purpose? My daily audience is still small enough to cram onto just two bendy buses - even QVC has a larger audience than that at four in the morning. But it's not much of a downside. I'm not really blogging for an audience, I'm blogging for me, and the fact that people seem to want to read what I write and interact with it is just a bonus. A very pleasant bonus nonetheless, so thanks for being there.
Today I thought I'd celebrate my 2nd birthday by taking you back to a few of the highlights from the last 12 months of diamond geezer, just in case you're new here and missed them at the time. It's by no means a complete list, but then most of you have read everything already anyway. But hey, even I enjoy reading back through my archive sometimes, and I wrote the stuff in the first place.
You can expect more of the same but different over the next 12 months. I'm looking forward to it already. And, as a special anniversary treat for you me, I've revamped my A-Z of London webpage, (the link at top of my sidebar), based on material I wrote three years ago before diamond geezer was even conceived. Same content, updated format. Might be worth another look, even if only to see the first online seeds of how this all began.
What's the most common word in current English usage? That's right, it's 'the'. But what's thirtieth, what's six hundredth, and what's eighty thousandth? Now there's a great new website that can tell you the answer ( 'she', 'foreign' and 'autocrats', as it turns out). The site you need to visit is WordCount (via the Guardian weblog), where someone has analysed 100 million words representing "an accurate cross-section of current English usage" and fired the results into an elegant visual linear interface. Nearly 90000 words are listed altogether, and the top 10 reads "the of and to a in that it is was". Full details about the project are here, but I suspect you'll just want to leap in and play. Type(559) in(6) a(5) word(487) to(4) discover(2968) its(62) rank(3899). 559(Type) 6(in) 5(a) 171(number) 4(to) 2968(discover) 1(the) 487(word) 20(at) 7(that) 3899(rank). It's 1754 4906.
Wordcount is a great website for pottering around in and testing things out. So go on, guess which word in each of these pairs is the more common. Guess, then check (either on the site or by rolling your mouse over the blank text at the end of each row).
• boy or girl? girl(616) beats boy (735) • left or right? right(112) beats left(179) • London or England? London(242) beats England(398) • diamond or geezer? diamond(6420) easily beats geezer(26825) • Tesco or Sainsbury? Sainsbury(8216) beats Tesco(11015) • black or white? black(356) just beats white(363)
Why not test your vocabulary by thinking of a word, typing it in and seeing how near the end of the list you can get. Most words you choose tend to be fairly common and the red line barely moves along the scale. I managed to get almost to the end with 'onomatopoeia' (78635) but maybe you can do better (without cheating). Where does your name appear in the list? And your town? And what other quirks can you discover? I was particularly pleased to spot that word 1066 was 'eye' - King Harold would be proud.
The site owner is on the lookout for intriguing sequences of words lifted from the main list, for example "america ensure oil opportunity" (992-995) and "microsoft acquire salary tremendous" (4304-4307). I've managed to form the following poem relating the terrible decline in the British mining industry using consecutive words (2002-2014). Can you do better?
There's one last gem on the site which is a separate listing that ranks all of the words that people have searched for on the WordCount site. The QueryCount list is here, but it's not worksafe (which should give you a pretty good idea about the number 1 word in typed English).
I survived Day 1. The journey in was a breeze, all the crates that left the old offices turned up safely at the new one, there were free danish pastries for elevenses and the air conditioning system functioned adequately enough. However, the view from my desk is virtually non-existent, my email inbox didn't transfer properly, the tea in the drinks machine is completely undrinkable and the journey home was hellish. I smiled at the professionalism exhibited by my new colleagues, but I shuddered when someone from HR casually uttered the alien phrase "making the brand values come alive". About par for the course then.
Famous places down the street where I work High Holborn
So, I'm moving into my new offices this morning. More on that later. But one thing's for sure - it doesn't look quite so historic down this street as it did down Piccadilly. It should do because High Holborn is centuries older, but endless cycles of redevelopment have erased most of the old stuff and replaced it with featureless offices, shops and more offices. Still, if this is to be my new daytime home then I thought I ought to delve a little into its famous past. Don't worry, I'm not going to subject you to a month of historical analysis, just the list below. Although, actually, it is quite a long list isn't it? And some of the links below are absolutely fascinating. I'll get back to you on this one...
• City of London: The westernmost tip of the City grazes the easternmost end of High Holborn, where two dragons on pillars guard the entrance to London Within.
• Chancery Lane Station: There was that trainderailment here last year, remember?
• London Silver Vaults: Tucked a short distance down Chancery Lane, this secure underground treasure house is home to 37 expert silver traders.
• London Weather Centre: This building has the roof a snowflake has to hit for London to have a white Christmas.
• Gray's Inn: One of the four InnsofCourt to which barristers must belong, at least 500 years old and pretty much hidden from public view.
• Cittie of Yorke: A pub(pictured) dating from 1430 (that's the 15th century, not half past two) and including one of the longest bars in the country.
• Cold War bunker: This converted underground telephone exchange is entered through an unassuming steel door at number 32. In the 50s it was thought to be invulnerable to nuclear attack, but when atomic bombs got more powerful the government changed its mind and put the site up for sale.
• Royal Amphitheatre: Part equestrian arena, part circus, and also the very ring where boxing's Queensbury Rules were first established. The building no longer stands.
• Lincoln's Inn Fields: Set back behind High Holborn is the largest square in London (twelve acres), laid out by Inigo Jones in the 17th century. A popular resort of duellists, and of course lawyers.
• Holborn station: A disused branch of the Piccadilly line heads from here down to Aldwych, which closed 10 years ago.
• Kingsway Tram Underpass: Another disused tunnel - until 1952 this one used to carry trams underground as far as Waterloo Bridge. It's open for London Open House weekend, and I want tickets!
• Princess Louise: This ornate Victorian pub is famous for its real ale, and infamous as the pub in which murderer Dennis Nilsen picked up the second of his twelve victims.
• Site of British Museum station: Opened on the Central line in 1900, but closed in 1933 in favour of very nearby Holborn station.
• Drury Lane: The Theatre Royal here dates back to 1660, London's worst outbreak of the plague occured in this street in 1665, and the very firstSainsbury's opened at number 173 in 1869.
• Holborn Empire: Originally an old music hall, the first screening of a feature-length colour film in Britain took place in this cinema in 1914. The building no longer stands.
• Cuban Embassy: Where to come for your visa if you're planning on Havana trip.
• St Giles: Once the grimmest slum in London (really really grim), packed tight with thieves, prostitutes, immigrants, gin drinkers and the generally destitute.
• Oasis Sports Centre: When St Giles was demolished in the 1840s, the Victorians built a new washhouse and public baths on this site. 1879 prices: Swimming, 1st class 4d, 2nd 2d; Shower, warm, 1st class 6d, 2nd 4d; Shower, cold, 1st class 3d, 2nd 2d.
What happens if you eat at McDonalds for a month? Three things. Your body gets fat. Your liver gets fatty. And you have a big hit film on your hands. Independent producer Morgan Spurlock filmed this award-winning movie last year on a shoestring budget, restricting his diet only to foods served over the counter at McDonalds whilst his vegan girlfriend looked on in horror. His body weight increased by more than 10%, he started feeling sick and lethargic, and various health professionals were urging him to give up well before the end of the 30 day experiment. He survived, but it took him over a year to get back into shape afterwards. And you can read his blog here.
The film's not officially released until Friday (note to American readers: yes, I know you all saw it 4 months ago) but I went to a preview in Greenwich yesterday. Yesterday morning actually, there's dedication for you. It was almost a private screening, or at least it would have been for the other member of the audience had I not arrived. Super Size Me is an arresting film, mixing burger-munching with hard-hitting documentary. The message is really rammed home by a volley of statistics, computer generated graphic sequences and scary shots of obese American lardarses. All this makes for a surprisingly uncomfortable film that makes you question your own diet, particularly if you're sitting there feeding your face with a large hotdog, popcorn and cola combo.
Immediately outside the Filmworks cinema in Greenwich lies a very typical McDonalds restaurant. Yesterday lunchtime it was busy filling up with families who hadn't been to see the film, exposing their children to unsaturated fats and sugar. I resisted buying anything to eat or drink, which wasn't difficult, but I did go in and pick up the 40-page nutritional leaflet hidden at the rear near the toilets. It makes for interesting reading. For example, four Quarter Pounders contain more calories than the recommended daily intake for women. One slice of processed cheddar cheese contains six different E-numbered ingredients. Chicken McNuggets are only 53% chicken. One large serving of Coca Cola contains more than 50 grams of sugar. And, after detailed further analysis, I can bring you the diamond geezer guide to the McUnhealthiest of all:
Most fat-filled burger: Big Tasty (51g)
Most sugary burger: Big Mac (12g)
Most fat-filled breakfast: Double Sausage and Egg McMuffin (37g)
Most sugary breakfast: Pancakes and Sausage (58g)
Most fat-filled salad: Chicken Caesar Salad with Crispy Chicken, dressing & croutons (30g)
Most sugary salad: Crispy Chicken with dressing (11g)
Most fat-filled dessert: Cadbury Chocolate Donut (16g)
Most sugary dessert: McFlurry - Crunchie (43g)
Most fat-filled drink: Large chocolate milkshake (13g)
Most sugary drink: Large banana milkshake (81g)
BowRoadupdate: According to the tube website, Bow Road station is supposed to return to normal opening hours next month, rather than closing at 10pm every evening to allow renovation work to take place overnight. Judging by how little work appears to have been done on the station since they started early closing in March I can't see Bow Road reopening fully until at least next summer. In fact there's been so little visible evidence of any building work going on at the station over the last few weeks that I've decided, with regret, to stop my regular daily station updates. In their place I thought I'd write a daily report in the comments box on how the conkers are progressing on the giant horse chestnut tree outside the station, which should be much more interesting. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.
Today is my last my last day working down Piccadilly. On Monday my office is being relocated elsewhere. If you were following my website earlier in the year you'll remember we nearly got relocated to Slough, which would have been <insert very rude word here> but thankfully that never materialised so I shall at least still be working down another street in central London. Just not such a famous one. Now you see why I crammed in the last of my local history month earlier in the week.
Today is my last day working for an organisation of my choice. On Monday I start work for a new company that I didn't choose, but that my organisation has chosen for me. Call it rationalisation, call it realignment, call it any corporate buzzword you like, but my team no longer has a place into the new structure and so is being sold off. The team stays in one piece, the team carries on doing what it always did, but the team gets to do it somewhere else for someone else. Terms and conditions remain pretty much the same, as do pension rights because there are pretty strong safeguards in these circumstances, but I'm more than a little uncomfortable watching my livelihood being sold off to a new employer. Ask Geoff, something similar's happening to him in his (completely different) job at the moment:
Today is also my last day working in the public sector. It's been 17 years since I took my first job at the useful end of society and there I've stayed, out of choice, until today. Some might call the public sector boring, though I've never found it so. Some might call it unimaginative, though it's never been that for me either. And some would just call it safe, which is one of the reasons I always liked it. From Monday I'm working not for the country but for shareholders. I can sell my services, I can sign up for private health insurance and I can keep my fingers crossed that the company pension scheme is still going strong in 20 years time. It's one giant leap, this.
Yesterday I stood at my desk, surrounded by packing crates, and looked out of my window across London. Big Ben glinted in the evening sunshine. Birds swooped across the green canopy of Green Park. The London Eye turned, imperceptibly. St Paul's Cathedral and the Gherkin stood proud, old beside new. Aeroplanes soared over the chimneys of Battersea Power Station. South London rose up in the distance, bright and sharp. The view from my office window has been absolutely stunning for the last three years and I shall miss this historic panorama more than almost anything else. Somehow staring at a neighbour's brick wall isn't going to be quite the same.
I was late leaving the office last night having taken one final opportunity to stand at the window and soak in the view. I emerged onto the street just in time to watch a number9Routemaster chug by. We're both leaving Piccadilly this evening for the last time, both because we worked perfectly but some policy document decided we didn't fit any more. Shame. The replacement number 9 buses are hideous - nasty boxy double deckers with zero character. I hope my fate come Monday is somewhat better.
Tomorrow I'll be making my daily morning journey from Bow Road station to Green Park station for the last time. Over the last three years I've learned everything there is worth knowing about this journey, including where to stand, where to sit and how to be first up the escalator at the other end. After tomorrow all of this hard-earned knowledge will be wasted because I have a new journey to study and conquer (of which more tomorrow). So today I thought I'd offload everything I've ever learnt about the old tube journey in case any other Bow-to-Piccadilly commuter should one day find it useful.
London Commuter Handbook: no 2904: Bow Road to Green Park
1) Enter Bow Road tube station. If you need to pick up a Metro then you'll find them hidden just behind the door on your right, but for a journey of this length it's probably better to bring a serious newspaper with you instead. If the middle ticket barrier is green, use it - this avoids pushing past the ticket queues blocking the path to the left hand barrier. Once past the sleeping ticket attendant, turn left on the bridge then keep right down the stairs (it's slightly quicker than keeping left).
2) Pass left along the platform. Glance at the 'next train' indicator as you pass, because the curvature of the platform means you won't be able to read it from the far end of the station. If the indicator says that a 'METROPOLITAN LINE' train is due, this in fact means that a Hammersmith & City line train is due. You can slow down because you don't want to catch this one. If the indicator says that a 'DISTRICT LINE' train is due then hurry along the platform because you do want this one and it'll be here in under a minute. Pass almost as far along the platform as you can, but stop halfway between the fourth and fifth pillar from the end. Stand next to the storage licence posted on the blue wall, right behind the words 'MIND THE GAP' written at the platform edge.
3) When the first District Line train arrives, walk forward and enter the rear door of the first carriage. Expect to have to stand because the train is usually pretty full by the time it reaches Bow Road, but you'll find conditions much emptier in the front carriage than they would be in the rear carriage. Cross the carriage and lean against one of the glass partitions on the opposite side, preferably the one on the right. Try to take exactly one minute to read the front cover of your newspaper.
4) When the train arrives at Mile End station, expect at least half of those on board to move towards the doors ready to cross to the Central line platform opposite. This is good news because they will vacate a number of the twenty seats on either side of where you are standing. Politely stake your claim to one of these seats and sit down quickly before the commuters crossing from the Central line platform try to board your District line train. Given the choice, try to sit in one of the eight 'end' seats because then only one person will be able to sit next to you. Best of all are the two seats at the very rear of the carriage because they have an extra ten centimetres of space adjoining.
5) If you're reading the Guardian, open it cautiously to an angle of no more than 45 degrees. Try to finish the broadsheet section of the paper by the time the train pulls into Tower Hill station, because at this point the carriage is likely to fill up considerably with c2c commuters arriving from Southend and Basildon. Continue to read the tabloid G2 section, including any supplements, aiming to have reached the TV review and Doonesbury cartoon by the time the train leaves Embankment.
6) As the train enters Westminster station fold up your paper, stand up and move towards the door on the left hand side of the train. Listen for the scramble behind you as all the commuters who've been standing since Tower Hill rush for your newly vacated seat. Exit the train and walk forward towards the staircase in the back wall of the platform labelled 'Stairs to Jubilee line'. Do not divert via the escalator. Walk/run down the staircase, which you'll probably have to yourself because nobody else seems to use it.
7) Cross the first concourse to the top of the furthest escalator. If a westbound District line train has recently disgorged from the platform above, try to enter the slipstream of commuters by moving across to the left-hand side of the queue for the escalator. Walk down the left hand side of the escalator, overtaking the few lost souls who insist on reading their Metro between trains. Cross the second concourse, keeping left round the corner past the lift just in case you accidentally walk into a stream of commuters coming the other way. Walk down the left-hand escalator on your right, and at the bottom take the first passageway to your left onto the platform.
8) When you reach the westbound Jubilee line platform, turn right. The track is sealed off from the platform by a wall in which are a series of numbered doors. Look for doors 8 and 9, then stop and rest your backside against the seatrest on the wall opposite. When the next train pulls into the station keep back - do not approach the doors. Wait for all the passengers to disembark - there should be more of these than there are passengers waiting to board. Wait for all the other passengers to board, then walk casually up behind them, look apologetically in their direction, wait for them to edge forward and try to squeeze into the last remaining space just inside the train doors. If this doesn't work, rush down to door 10 and squeeze in there instead.
9) This is the squashed section of the journey. Breathe in and try not to stare into the face of the fellow passenger whose briefcase is pressed hard against your nether regions. Stare out of the window - it'll all be over in two minutes and 30 seconds. Smile, because if you were the last person in at the last station then you'll be the first person out at the next station.
10) When the train stops at the next station, which is Green Park, shoot out of the door into the tunnel opposite, avoiding any commuters hurtling through in the opposite direction trying to catch the train from which you have just exited. There are two 'up' escalators, both to the right of the one 'down' escalator. It's usually quicker to take the emptier, righthand 'up' escalator, unless it's full of passengers just emerged from the opposite eastbound Jubilee platform. Walk straight up to the landing above, then veer right towards the final escalator, avoiding any passengers cutting across to the Victoria line tunnels to your left. Walk up the final escalator, turn left into the main ticket hall and head straight across to the ticket barrier immediately in front of you. If you've followed all the instructions properly, you should be the first person from your train to exit the station. Congratulations.
The return journey from Green Park to Bow Road is rather more straight-forward. Full details are available by email to anyone who can forward proof of home and work addresses in the E3 and W1 areas.
The first nail in the coffin of the UK singles chart will be hammered in at 6pm tonight. The Official Charts Company (crap website, guys) are launching the Official Download Chart today, and Radio 1 will be broadcasting it every Wednesday to anyone who cares. The new chart counts only legal downloads costing at least 40p, no illicit freeloading and no old-school over-the-counter CD singles either. The problem isn't that people aren't buying singles any more - they are apparently - but that most of the people who buy singles have acne, croptops and braces on their teeth. Expect the new chart to include a few more adult records, and a bit less Busted, Rachel Stevens and the Fast Food Rockers. I fear this new chart may swing a bit too far the other way, a full house of Anastacia, Phil Collins and Dido, but hopefully it won't end up quite as bland as the album chart has become. Spare a thought for your local record shop though, because today sees the start of the inexorable rise of iTunes, Napster and even the ghastly mycokemusic.com to phonographic domination. In 20 years time I wonder if we'll remember when music was something we could touch, handle and admire? Start writing the obituaries today.
diamond geezer has obtained an exclusive peek at tonight's new download chart. Here's the top 10: 1) A single that's not officially released until next Monday. 2) A single that's not officially released until October, recorded off the radio in mono. 3) A single that's not officially released until November, recorded off the radio in mono with the DJ talking over the introduction. 4) An exclusive U2 track off their forthcoming album. 5) An exclusive U2 track that's so poor it doesn't even appear on the forthcoming album. 6) What was supposed to be a exclusive U2 track, except it turns out to be a mislabelled Cheeky Girls track instead. 7) Classic 70s record you thought you'd never own again but which has a nasty vinyl scratch all the way through it. 8) Classic 80s record you thought you'd never own again but which suddenly cuts off 3 seconds before the end. 9) Classic 90s record you thought you'd never own again but which turns out to be a really dire remix. 10) Nasty computer virus you appear to have downloaded by mistake.
Update: So, it turns out that Westlife have the very first Legal Download Number 1 with an exclusive live version of the execrable 'Flying Without Wings'. Maybe some of the tracks listed further down the Top 20 are a bit more refreshing but, with that schmaltz at the top of the pile and even more drivel from Blazin Squad at number two, I've lost interest already.
So, that was the street on which I work. That was Piccadilly. It's taken a month to travel from one end to the other, whereas you could probably walk the real thing in 20 minutes flat. It's a fascinating street I hope you'll agree, and a street which previously didn't seem to have its own decent webpage anywhere. And now it does. You can read the whole of Piccadilly local history month here, on one page, uninterrupted. I'm rather pleased with it. And you should see where I've got lined up for you next August...
Famous places down the street where I work Hyde Park Corner
And finally, at the foot of Piccadilly, it's central London's biggest roundabout. Traffic swirls round this nightmarish gyratory system where five major streets meet, the road up to seven lanes wide. This spot could equally have been called Green Park Corner, or Mayfair Corner, or Belgravia Corner, or Buckingham Palace Corner, but Hyde Park won the day. In the centre of the roadway lies a large grass triangle liberally scattered with monuments and sculpture, and there's also the only pelican crossing I've ever seen with the pushbutton located eight feet up the pole so that it can be used by mounted horseriders. The outside and inside are joined by well-maintained pedestrian subways, each illustrated by scenes from local history.
Here's a look at the roads around the perimeter, clockwise from the North: N(Park Lane): Once just a small track running down the side of Hyde Park, the idyllic views soon made this one of the most desirable addresses in the capital. It's the second most valuable property on the Monopoly board, which is kind of appropriate because during the 20th century roughly every four houses here were exchanged for a hotel. Now a six-lane superhighway and luxury car showroom. NE(Piccadilly): Come on, you must know all there is to know about this street by now. SE(Constitution Hill): This road (closed Sundays) leads down to the gates of the Buckingham Palace. At the top of the hill stand new memorial gates commemorating the wartime sacrifice of soldiers from across the Commonwealth. S(Grosvenor Place): This is the main road down to Victoria, along which the very last no 73Routemaster will set off just before 1am this Saturday morning. You can see into the Queen's back garden from the top deck. W(Knightsbridge): This isn't the posh end of Knightsbridge, that's further west, but this is still the only London street name written with six consecutive consonants. Hyde Park Corner tube station is here, the original ticket hall now occupied by a pizza restaurant.
Meanwhile, in the centre: The Constitution Arch: Before the Duke of Wellington was even dead, the people of Britain were busy erecting monuments to him outside his house. As well as a nude statue of Achilles in the park, they also placed a giant statue of the Duke across the road on top of the recently-constructed Constitution Arch. Alas the statue looked wildly out of proportion for its location and was eventually relegated to Aldershot, being replaced 30 years later by the magnificent winged statue of Victory pictured here. A suite of rooms at the top of the arch housed London's smallest police station, with a staff of 10 constables, two sergeants and a cat, although this closed in 1968 and the inside of the arch is now open to the public. Another statue of Wellington: This one faces across the traffic towards Apsley House and shows the Duke sitting on his favourite horse, Copenhagen. Australian War Memorial: Finally here's London's newest war memorial, opened last Remembrance Day by the Queen and Prime Minister Howard (that's the Australian PM, whatever were you thinking?). It's a striking curved wall of granite, etched with the names of the 24000 home towns of the Australians who served during the two world wars, across which can be picked out the names of 47 important battle sites. This reflective spot is a world away from the self-importance of Piccadilly Circus, right up at the other end of the street in which I work.
After 17 memorable days in Athens that's the final race run and the final Olympic medals awarded. And didn't we do well? No really. Tenth place is so much better than we should have expected given that the UK is only the 21st largest country in the world in terms of population. We thrashed countries twice as big as ourselves (Nigeria, no gold medals), three times as big (Brazil, 4 gold medals), four times as big (Indonesia, one gold medal) and even 17 times as big (India, no gold medals). Just think population before you think medals and we've had a remarkably successful Games. To illustrate what I mean, here's the final medal table with the added statistic of world population ranking:
Country
popn
G
S
B
1
USA
3rd
35
38
29
2
China
1st
32
17
14
3
Russia
7th
27
27
38
4
Australia
52nd
17
16
16
5
Japan
10th
16
9
12
6
Germany
14th
14
16
18
7
France
20th
11
9
13
8
South Korea
25th
9
12
9
9
Italy
23rd
9
11
11
10
Great Britain
21st
9
12
12
China may be by far the most populous nation on the planet but they didn't manage to top the medal table. In contrast every other country in the top 10 has done better than their population might have suggested, Australia especially so. Our antipodean cousins, with a population of just 20 million, have performed superbly to appear as high as fourth place. The Olympic medal table is therefore fatally flawed. All countries compete in the current table on equal terms, despite the fact that they have vastly different human populations of potential athletes to draw upon. This should be rectified by taking into account the size each country when drawing up the list. I'd like to propose the introduction of 'millions per gold medal' as a much better indication of sporting excellence. China has a population exceeding 1¼ billion, which rates as a massive 40 million citizens required per gold medal. Australia in contrast earned one gold medal for roughly every million inhabitants, a much more impressive ratio. Here's how the revised Olympic medal table would stand if the millions/goldmedal factor were included:
Country
G
popn
m/gm
1
Bahamas
1
0.3m
0.30
2
Norway
4
4.5m
1.14
3
Australia
17
20m
1.17
4
Hungary
8
10m
1.25
5
Cuba
9
11m
1.26
6
New Zealand
3
4m
1.33
7
Jamaica
2
2.7m
1.36
8
Greece
6
10.6m
1.77
9
Sweden
4
9m
2.25
10
Georgia
2
4.7m
2.35
Congratulations to the Bahamas, the tiny islands whose gold in the women's 400m puts them deservedly at the top of diamond geezer's new medal table, up from a lowly 52nd in the real ranking. Norway leap up to second, and hosts Greece have also done particularly well, their six golds meriting 8th place in the revised list. China, in contrast, plummet from real 2nd to only 53rd in the new table, and the United States tumble from 1st to 34th. That's more like it I think, a much fairer representation of national strength. Maybe we should introduce this new ranking method in time for the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing. And the UK? Our impressive haul of nine golds rates at just 6.7 million inhabitants per gold medal, which puts us... ah, only 29th. Forget I ever suggested it...
Famous places down the street where I work Apsley House (149 Piccadilly)
Right at the bottom of Piccadilly, just past the junction with Park Lane, the very last house before Hyde Park is Apsley House, the former home of the Duke of Wellington. Approaching from the opposite direction this grand house was the first to be encountered after the tollbooth at Knightsbridge, and so earned the alternative address "No. 1 London". Wellington snapped up the house when he returned victorious from his military campaigns in France, seeking a London base from which to launch a glittering political career. He extended the house, including the spectacular 90ft long Waterloo Gallery, and within a decade had risen to the post of Prime Minister. A census entry for 1851 shows 81 year-old 'Arthur, Duke of W.' still resident at Apsley House along with 14 household staff, although he was to die at his home in Kent the following year. The seventh Duke of Wellington gave the house to the nation following the death of his father in World War Two, and the family still live in their ancestral home in private rooms at the rear. Apsley House was taken over by English Heritage earlier this year, admission £4.50, closed Mondays (except bank holidays, should you fancy popping down later).
After 2½ faithful years my good old T68 mobile phone finally started showing signs of distress last week. Screens froze, buttons took three presses to function and, most distressingly, half my address book made itself invisible. It was time to get a new phone. Pity, because my T68 used to do everything I required of a mobile and no more, and was still in very good physical condition too. I upgraded at the Orange shop on High Holborn (good choice - I appeared to be the only customer of the day), emerging half an hour later clutching a cutting-edge K700i. Plug in, charge up, wait.
Blimey hasn't mobile phone technology moved ahead in the last 2½ years? It's all very impressive, though I have yet to be convinced that any of the new stuff is actually useful. I can now play some very flashy new Java games, except I don't want to play the three arcade nightmares they've given me and I'm already pining for the nice simple Patience on my old phone. I have a narrow selection of ringtones that sound as if they were written by some 80s club singer on his Bontempi organ, and nothing at all that sounds even vaguely like a proper phone ringing. I can download more of all these of course, but at extortionate cost. It seems that what I used to take for granted for free is now an optional extra courtesy of my profiteering phone network. Still, I do now appear to have an FM radio which could be useful, and I've downloaded the old BBC test card for free as my wallpaper so I think I may survive. Now, if only somebody would actually ring me up or send me a text message I could find out how some of the more important features actually work...
Famous places down the street where I work The InterContinental hotel (1 Hamilton Place)
Most of the lower end of Piccadilly is given over to the hotel trade, which is not surprising given that Park Lane is just around the corner. Right where the two roads meet stands the InterContinental Hotel, a particularly ugly 70s block which would look more at home in some eastern European capital. Tim Moore in Do Not Pass Go describes the hotel as "constructed in apparent homage to an irregular stack of fruit boxes behind a supermarket checkout" and it's hard to disagree. The hotel's not famous for anything at all, but the buildings it replaced most certainly are.
145 Piccadilly was bought by Albert and Liz Windsor in 1927. You probably know them better as King George VI and the QueenMother, but at the time they were merely second in line to the throne and completely ignorant of their later destiny. Baby Elizabeth had been born the previous year just up the road in Mayfair, at 17Bruton Street off Berkeley Square, but 145 Piccadilly was to be her childhood home. The whole top floor was turned into a nursery which she shared with her sister Margaret Rose, and both were educated privately here by governesses. Their grandfather King George V died in January 1936, succeeded by their uncle Edward VIII who lasted only 11 months on the throne before abdicating in disgrace. Mother Elizabeth was at home in bed with the flu at 145 Piccadilly when the announcement was made, saying "We must take what is coming to us and make the best of it." The new Royal Family moved out to Buckingham Palace two months later.
144Piccadilly nextdoor was the site of a famous squat in the troubled summer of 1969. The London Street Commune moved into the huge empty building under cover of darkness, barricading themselves inside against the police and arming themselves with roof slates, stones, iron bars and a surprisingly large number of water-filled plastic balls. Over 500 squatters took part, protesting against the inequality of homelessness, but drug dealers and bikers gradually took over and the police faced little opposition when they stormed the premises six days later. Maybe demolition workers should storm the current hotel sometime soon - it could only be an improvement.
Soup - er, natural? You know what Heinz Cream of Tomato Soup tastes like? Well no, you probably don't any more because they've just changed the recipe to make it 'healthier'. Heinz blitzed supermarkets this week to clear out supplies of the old stock and replace it with hundreds of thousands of cans of the new. Here's how a typical 400ml can of Britain's favourite comfort food measured up before and after the great switchover:
Ingredients
Old soup
New soup
Tomatoes
74%
84%
Sugar
21g
20g
Fat
14g
12g
Salt
6g
3g
Price
49p-ish
59p-ish
See how much healthier they've made it? Lots more tomatoes, a scrap less sugar and fat, but half the salt. Just as well, because the original soup contained an adult's entire daily recommended salt intake in one can. And the cost to the consumer of this health-repositioning - a whopping 20% price increase. Having tried a mug of the new stuff this lunchtime I can't say I noticed much of a difference, except to my pocket. It still tastes as good as it always used to, maybe a bit more tomatoey, and it still stains your shirt orange if you spill some. I'm just slightly unnerved how bad for me the original soup used to be, and that Heinz appear to be charging me a premium for taking the unhealthy stuff out.
Famous places down the street where I work The Hard Rock Cafe (150 Old Park Lane)
You can find Hard Rock Cafes all over the world, from Acapulco to Yokohama, but the very first Hard Rock Cafe opened right here in Piccadilly in 1971. Americans Isaac Tigrett and Peter Morton opened up a glorified burger restaurant in an old car showroom close to Hyde Park Corner, slowly covering the walls with rock 'n' roll ephemera. Londoners and tourists came flocking (burgers were kind of new back then) and by 1982 the restaurant was successful enough to be opening up in new locations back in the States. Now there are 100 HRCs worldwide, and the global theme-dining phenomenon has been copied by Planet Hollywood amongst others, but the original restaurant here still pulls in tourists in their droves. If you come down, prepare to queue.
Nextdoor to the cafe is the Hard Rock store, selling sweatshirts, t-shirts and stacks of other branded clothing to devotional visitors. There's a rock museum in the basement called The Vault which is essentially a shrine to the guitar. Come kneel before Jimi Hendrix's Flying V, see strings once plucked by a Sex Pistol and try to make out John Lennon's original scrawled lyrics to Imagine. There's nothing here that would challenge the musical sensibilities of a middle-aged Mid-west American (more Morrison than Morrissey). But the restaurant has good reviews, so if you fancy eating Hickory Bar-B-Que Chicken sitting beneath Tommy Lee from Motley Crue's drum kit then rock on down. As the restaurant website says it's "more fun than watching the hands move round Big Ben", and who am I to argue?
Famous restaurants named after but not actually in the street where I work The New Piccadilly (8 Denman Street)
With only a few days of my time in Piccadilly remaining, I thought I'd better hurry up and visit one of London's finest remaining classic cafes. The New Piccadilly is an anachronism tucked away behind Piccadilly Circus in Denman Street, closer to Shaftesbury Avenue than to Piccadilly itself. The cafe shouldn't still be here, it should have been overtaken by the transatlantic burger & coffee invasion by now, but thank goodness it still survives because it's a delight.
I went for lunch, back in time to the 1950s, taking a red leatherette pew at a yellow formica table. A waiter resplendent in dazzling white uniform walked over with the facsimile Fifties menu, with 21st century prices scribbled on in blue marker pen. No tea was served here originally, that's a late addition to the traditional coffee and hot chocolate, but it's still very cheap at 50p a cup (or 30p with a meal). I was tempted by the all-day breakfasts (or 'egg dishes', as they're described here) and also by a number of the meat-based 'garni' dishes, but finally plumped for steak, chips and spaghetti (without the spaghetti). The steak was more grey than brown, and just a little wrinkly, but none the worse for it when doused in ketchup. After a platter piled high I was only just capable of ordering dessert, but the selection of steamed puddings for £2.20 was irresistable. My spotted dick arrived looking like Silbury Hill flooded in a deep ocean of custard, and was as delectable as anticipated. £10 plus tip all in. Bargain.
The owner, 61 year-old Lorenzo Marioni, looked up from the counter and said goodbye as I left. His father started this gem of a cafe in 1951, but the area is now scheduled for redevelopment and sky-high rents are crippling the business's balance sheet. Lorenzo's next goodbye may be his last. I exited past the bright pink espresso machine, out into the street where a big neon sign still shines the word 'EATS' at a world that's passed this place by. Get down here quick won't you, or you won't know what you've lost til it's gone.
I-SPY : The Sights Of London Porter's Rest (no 19)
From Eros the I-SPY trail takes you along Piccadilly - just the street for an interesting stroll. Near the end of it is the Porter's Rest - a useful plank if you carry a heavy load on your back. Q. Which English town is mentioned on the "Rest"?
A. ................... I-SPY score (20)
So reads page 13 of the orange-covered I-SPY book I bought for just sixpence more than thirty years ago. In book number 11 (after On The Road and before Horses and Ponies) Big Chief I-SPY invited us Redskins to spot 70 London Sights, collecting points for every question we could answer along the way. Just 1250 points would have entitled me to the Tribal rank of 'Londoner - Second Class', but I only managed a measly 80 points because there was no Google at the time so you actually had to visit each site to work out the answers. The Porter's Rest question was one of those that eluded me when I was a kid so I decided to wander along yesterday lunchtime to read the brass inscription for myself. No porters were resting here, just two empty bottles of lager and a fat tourist waiting for a sightseeing bus.
AT THE SUGGESTION OF R.A. SLANEY ESQ. WHO FOR 20 YEARS REPRESENTED SHREWSBURY IN PARLIAMENT THIS PORTER'S REST WAS ERECTED IN 1861 BY THE VESTRY OF ST. GEORGE HANOVER SQUARE FOR THE BENEFIT OF PORTERS AND OTHERS CARRYING BURDENS. AS A RELIC OF A PAST PERIOD OF LONDON'S HISTORY IT IS HOPED THAT THE PEOPLE WILL AID ITS PRESERVATION.
2 of diamonds
Famous places down the street where I work
• City of London: The westernmost tip of the City grazes the easternmost end of High Holborn, where two dragons on pillars guard the entrance to London Within.
Bow Road update: According to the tube website, Bow Road station is supposed to return to normal opening hours next month, rather than closing at 10pm every evening to allow renovation work to take place overnight. Judging by how little work appears to have been done on the station since they started early closing in March I can't see Bow Road reopening fully until at least next summer. In fact there's been so little visible evidence of any building work going on at the station over the last few weeks that I've decided, with regret, to stop my regular daily station updates. In their place I thought I'd write a daily report in the comments box on how the conkers are progressing on the giant horse chestnut tree outside the station, which should be much more interesting. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.
1) A single that's not officially released until next Monday.
Famous places down the street where I work
And finally, at the foot of Piccadilly, it's central London's biggest roundabout. Traffic swirls round this nightmarish gyratory system where five major streets meet, the road up to seven lanes wide. This spot could equally have been called Green Park Corner, or Mayfair Corner, or Belgravia Corner, or Buckingham Palace Corner, but Hyde Park won the day. In the centre of the roadway lies a large grass triangle liberally scattered with monuments and sculpture, and there's also the only pelican crossing I've ever seen with the pushbutton located eight feet up the pole so that it can be used by mounted horseriders. The outside and inside are joined by well-maintained pedestrian subways, each illustrated by scenes from local history.
The Constitution Arch: Before the Duke of Wellington was even dead, the people of Britain were busy erecting monuments to him outside his house. As well as a nude statue of Achilles in the park, they also placed a giant statue of the Duke across the road on top of the recently-constructed Constitution Arch. Alas the statue looked wildly out of proportion for its location and was eventually relegated to Aldershot, being replaced 30 years later by the magnificent winged statue of Victory pictured here. A suite of rooms at the top of the arch housed London's smallest police station, with a staff of 10 constables, two sergeants and a cat, although this closed in 1968 and the inside of the arch is now open to the public.
Medal-ing
Right at the bottom of Piccadilly, just past the junction with Park Lane, the very last house before Hyde Park is Apsley House, the former home of the Duke of Wellington. Approaching from the opposite direction this grand house was the first to be encountered after the tollbooth at Knightsbridge, and so earned the alternative address "No. 1 London". Wellington snapped up the house when he returned victorious from his military campaigns in France, seeking a London base from which to launch a glittering political career. He extended the house, including the spectacular 90ft long Waterloo Gallery, and within a decade had risen to the post of Prime Minister. A census entry for 1851 shows 81 year-old 'Arthur, Duke of W.' still resident at Apsley House along with 14 household staff, although he was to die at his home in Kent the following year. The seventh Duke of Wellington gave the house to the nation following the death of his father in World War Two, and the family still live in their ancestral home in private rooms at the rear. Apsley House was taken over by English Heritage earlier this year, admission £4.50, closed Mondays (except bank holidays, should you fancy popping down later).
Most of the lower end of Piccadilly is given over to the hotel trade, which is not surprising given that Park Lane is just around the corner. Right where the two roads meet stands the InterContinental Hotel, a particularly ugly 70s block which would look more at home in some eastern European capital. Tim Moore in Do Not Pass Go describes the hotel as "constructed in apparent homage to an irregular stack of fruit boxes behind a supermarket checkout" and it's hard to disagree. The hotel's not famous for anything at all, but the buildings it replaced most certainly are.
You can find Hard Rock Cafes all over the world, from Acapulco to Yokohama, but the very first Hard Rock Cafe opened right here in Piccadilly in 1971. Americans Isaac Tigrett and Peter Morton opened up a glorified burger restaurant in an old car showroom close to Hyde Park Corner, slowly covering the walls with rock 'n' roll ephemera. Londoners and tourists came flocking (burgers were kind of new back then) and by 1982 the restaurant was successful enough to be opening up in new locations back in the States. Now there are 100 HRCs worldwide, and the global theme-dining phenomenon has been copied by Planet Hollywood amongst others, but the original restaurant here still pulls in tourists in their droves. If you come down, prepare to queue.
Famous objects down the street where I work
I-SPY : The Sights Of London
