diamond geezer

 Sunday, March 21, 2004

Eau dear

I'm a very tolerant sort of bloke, but there's one group of people upon whom I look down with undisguised scorn. Drinkers of bottled still water. People who'll happily fork out nearly a quid for half a litre of clear liquid in a throwaway plastic container when a tap provides a perfectly acceptable and environmentally friendlier alternative for virtually nothing. I'm willing to forgive those with a taste for sparkling water, I can suffer the purchase of bottled water during summer heatwaves or in nightclubs for rehydration purposes, and I can absolve those who drink bottled water abroad in an attempt to avoid botulism. But the rest of you, squandering money to quench your thirst with a drink more expensive than petrol, you're just weak-willed and wet.

So it's been with joy in my heart that I've watched the wholesale collapse of Coca Cola's latest waterlogged commercial venture - Dasini. This blue-bottled still water has suffered setback after setback since being launched a few weeks ago. It's been a textbook example of how not to manufacture a product, and how instead to pour seven million pounds of marketing budget down the drain. Dasini's website is a breath-taking slice of PR hype, brimming with spelling mistakes, desperately pleading to the public that the product is in fact safe, clean and value-added. Today that website is forced to apologise that the UK's entire stocks of Dasani have had to be withdrawn "due to an inconsistency in one of the minerals contained in the product." Or in other words they've contaminated their own product with bromate, a cancer-causing chemical. Most unfortunate.

Let's investigate ten of the company's other claims.

Claim: Dasani in GB has been especially made to suit GB palates and lifetsyles (sic).
Reality: It's been made in Sidcup, no less, from the local mains water supply. No mountain streams, no limestone springs, just Thames Water. Dasani is processed tapwater in a blue bottle.

Claim: Dasani's got everything you could want from a bottle of water – it couples a pure clean taste with cool stylish packaging so you can always look and feel great!
Reality: Odd this, because whenever I see someone clutching a blue bottle full of processed tapwater, I immediately think 'dickhead'.

Claim: Water's just water isn't it? Well yes, some bottled waters are the same, but not Dasani!
Reality: Coca Cola have forced various shopkeepers to remove all rival brands of bottled water from their chiller cabinets, which has caused a considerable amount of ill-feeling.

Claim: Reverse osmosis is used to filter the water, a technique perfected by NASA to purify fluids on spacecraft.
Reality: Reverse osmosis is also already used in many domestic water purification units. Not all that futuristic then.

Claim: Dasani is the one of the purest waters around, but it takes a lot of science to make it this clean and clear for you to drink and enjoy.
Reality: Not very good science, though, because the bottling process inadvertently adds prohibited chemicals that aren't present in the original tapwater.

Claim: We select a perfect balance of minerals and add them to the purified water to give Dasani its clean, fresh taste.
Reality: One of the minerals added in tiny quantities is calcium chloride, containing bromide, for added "taste profile". Nothing unsafe about Dasani so far...

Claim: Ozone is injected into the water to ensure its sterility. That way Dasani pure still, water has a clean, fresh, thirst-quenching taste every time.
Reality: ... perfectly safe until the ozone is added, turning harmless bromide into bromate - a chemical that could cause an increased cancer risk as a result of long-term exposure. Oops.

Claim: "Dasani is as pure as water can get" (Judith Snyder, brand PR manager for Dasani)
Reality: Well, that's what she said last week. I do hope the poor beleaguered woman's resigned by now.

Claim: "I'm sure that Dasani - being the UK's first mainstream purified water - will contribute towards the clarity and focus that we all look for in our lives." (Steve J. Errey, Qualified Professional Life Coach)
Reality: This is almost verbal prostitution, Steve. One also wonders quite how many misguided UK citizens feel so unworthy that they need to hire a 'life coach' to help them focus with clarity.

Claim: Javine, previously famous for being 'the girl that didn't make it into Girls Aloud'... has signed up to an exciting programme of activity with Dasani.
Reality: It's the perfect PR combination - a bottled water that's being poured down the plughole combined with a so-called popstar whose career is heading the same way. Wave goodbye, everybody.

<< click for Newer posts

click for Older Posts >>

click to return to the main page

...or read more in my monthly archives
Jan21  Feb21  Mar21  Apr21
Jan20  Feb20  Mar20  Apr20  May20  Jun20  Jul20  Aug20  Sep20  Oct20  Nov20  Dec20
Jan19  Feb19  Mar19  Apr19  May19  Jun19  Jul19  Aug19  Sep19  Oct19  Nov19  Dec19
Jan18  Feb18  Mar18  Apr18  May18  Jun18  Jul18  Aug18  Sep18  Oct18  Nov18  Dec18
Jan17  Feb17  Mar17  Apr17  May17  Jun17  Jul17  Aug17  Sep17  Oct17  Nov17  Dec17
Jan16  Feb16  Mar16  Apr16  May16  Jun16  Jul16  Aug16  Sep16  Oct16  Nov16  Dec16
Jan15  Feb15  Mar15  Apr15  May15  Jun15  Jul15  Aug15  Sep15  Oct15  Nov15  Dec15
Jan14  Feb14  Mar14  Apr14  May14  Jun14  Jul14  Aug14  Sep14  Oct14  Nov14  Dec14
Jan13  Feb13  Mar13  Apr13  May13  Jun13  Jul13  Aug13  Sep13  Oct13  Nov13  Dec13
Jan12  Feb12  Mar12  Apr12  May12  Jun12  Jul12  Aug12  Sep12  Oct12  Nov12  Dec12
Jan11  Feb11  Mar11  Apr11  May11  Jun11  Jul11  Aug11  Sep11  Oct11  Nov11  Dec11
Jan10  Feb10  Mar10  Apr10  May10  Jun10  Jul10  Aug10  Sep10  Oct10  Nov10  Dec10 
Jan09  Feb09  Mar09  Apr09  May09  Jun09  Jul09  Aug09  Sep09  Oct09  Nov09  Dec09
Jan08  Feb08  Mar08  Apr08  May08  Jun08  Jul08  Aug08  Sep08  Oct08  Nov08  Dec08
Jan07  Feb07  Mar07  Apr07  May07  Jun07  Jul07  Aug07  Sep07  Oct07  Nov07  Dec07
Jan06  Feb06  Mar06  Apr06  May06  Jun06  Jul06  Aug06  Sep06  Oct06  Nov06  Dec06
Jan05  Feb05  Mar05  Apr05  May05  Jun05  Jul05  Aug05  Sep05  Oct05  Nov05  Dec05
Jan04  Feb04  Mar04  Apr04  May04  Jun04  Jul04  Aug04  Sep04  Oct04  Nov04  Dec04
Jan03  Feb03  Mar03  Apr03  May03  Jun03  Jul03  Aug03  Sep03  Oct03  Nov03  Dec03
 Jan02  Feb02  Mar02  Apr02  May02  Jun02  Jul02 Aug02  Sep02  Oct02  Nov02  Dec02 

eXTReMe Tracker
jack of diamonds
Life viewed from London E3

» email me
» follow me on twitter
» follow the blog on Twitter
» follow the blog on RSS

» my flickr photostream

twenty blogs
ian visits
blue witch
the great wen
edith's streets
spitalfields life
in the aquarium
round the island
wanstead meteo
christopher fowler
ruth's coastal walk
the ladies who bus
round the rails we go
london reconnections
dirty modern scoundrel
from the murky depths
exploring urban wastelands

quick reference features
Things to do in Outer London
Things to do outside London
Inner London toilet map
The DG Tour of Britain

read the archive
Apr21  Mar21  Feb21  Jan21
Dec20  Nov20  Oct20  Sep20
Aug20  Jul20  Jun20  May20
Apr20  Mar20  Feb20  Jan20
Dec19  Nov19  Oct19  Sep19
Aug19  Jul19  Jun19  May19
Apr19  Mar19  Feb19  Jan19
Dec18  Nov18  Oct18  Sep18
Aug18  Jul18  Jun18  May18
Apr18  Mar18  Feb18  Jan18
Dec17  Nov17  Oct17  Sep17
Aug17  Jul17  Jun17  May17
Apr17  Mar17  Feb17  Jan17
Dec16  Nov16  Oct16  Sep16
Aug16  Jul16  Jun16  May16
Apr16  Mar16  Feb16  Jan16
Dec15  Nov15  Oct15  Sep15
Aug15  Jul15  Jun15  May15
Apr15  Mar15  Feb15  Jan15
Dec14  Nov14  Oct14  Sep14
Aug14  Jul14  Jun14  May14
Apr14  Mar14  Feb14  Jan14
Dec13  Nov13  Oct13  Sep13
Aug13  Jul13  Jun13  May13
Apr13  Mar13  Feb13  Jan13
Dec12  Nov12  Oct12  Sep12
Aug12  Jul12  Jun12  May12
Apr12  Mar12  Feb12  Jan12
Dec11  Nov11  Oct11  Sep11
Aug11  Jul11  Jun11  May11
Apr11  Mar11  Feb11  Jan11
Dec10  Nov10  Oct10  Sep10
Aug10  Jul10  Jun10  May10
Apr10  Mar10  Feb10  Jan10
Dec09  Nov09  Oct09  Sep09
Aug09  Jul09  Jun09  May09
Apr09  Mar09  Feb09  Jan09
Dec08  Nov08  Oct08  Sep08
Aug08  Jul08  Jun08  May08
Apr08  Mar08  Feb08  Jan08
Dec07  Nov07  Oct07  Sep07
Aug07  Jul07  Jun07  May07
Apr07  Mar07  Feb07  Jan07
Dec06  Nov06  Oct06  Sep06
Aug06  Jul06  Jun06  May06
Apr06  Mar06  Feb06  Jan06
Dec05  Nov05  Oct05  Sep05
Aug05  Jul05  Jun05  May05
Apr05  Mar05  Feb05  Jan05
Dec04  Nov04  Oct04  Sep04
Aug04  Jul04  Jun04  May04
Apr04  Mar04  Feb04  Jan04
Dec03  Nov03  Oct03  Sep03
Aug03  Jul03  Jun03  May03
Apr03  Mar03  Feb03  Jan03
Dec02  Nov02  Oct02  Sep02
back to main page

the diamond geezer index
2020 2019 2018 2017 2016
2015 2014 2013 2012 2011
2010 2009 2008 2007 2006
2005 2004 2003 2002

my special London features
a-z of london museums
E3 - local history month
greenwich meridian (N)
greenwich meridian (S)
the real eastenders
london's lost rivers
olympic park 2007
great british roads
oranges & lemons
random boroughs
bow road station
high street 2012
river westbourne
trafalgar square
capital numbers
east london line
lea valley walk
olympics 2005
regent's canal
square routes
silver jubilee
unlost rivers
cube routes
Herbert Dip
capital ring
river fleet

ten of my favourite posts
the seven ages of blog
my new Z470xi mobile
five equations of blog
the dome of doom
chemical attraction
quality & risk
london 2102
single life
april fool

ten sets of lovely photos
my "most interesting" photos
london 2012 olympic zone
harris and the hebrides
betjeman's metro-land
marking the meridian
tracing the river fleet
london's lost rivers
inside the gherkin
seven sisters

just surfed in?
here's where to find...
diamond geezers
flash mob #1  #2  #3  #4
ben schott's miscellany
london underground
watch with mother
cigarette warnings
digital time delay
wheelie suitcases
war of the worlds
transit of venus
top of the pops
old buckenham
ladybird books
acorn antiques
digital watches
outer hebrides
olympics 2012
school dinners
pet shop boys
west wycombe
bletchley park
george orwell
big breakfast
clapton pond
san francisco
children's tv
east enders
trunk roads
little britain
credit cards
jury service
big brother
jubilee line
number 1s
titan arum
doctor who
blue peter
peter pan
feng shui
leap year
bbc three
vision on
ID cards