The BBC have just announced the name of the next actor to play Doctor Who, the soon-to-be iconic name to follow William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, Jon Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy and the very brief Paul McGann. And that name is Christopher Eccleston. There is general agreement that this is a mighty fine choice for the role, what with him being one of Britain's best modern actors, and with a string of impressive TV and film work behind him. Now all we need is a suitable screaming assistant and some top nightmare monsters for him to battle against. Looking back through Chris's acting portfolio, I'd like to propose the following list of new adventures to be filmed for the series relaunch early next year:
Let Him Have It: The Tardis returns to 1950s Gallifrey where the Doctor is sentenced to death by the Time Lords for firing his sonic screwdriver willy nilly. Cracker: The Doctor takes a break from drinking and gambling to try stop the Master, played by Robert Carlyle, from blowing up half of Manchester. Shallow Grave: The respectable backstreets of Edinburgh are under threat from a sudden attack by giant maggots. Our Daleks In The North: The bittersweet story of four pepperpot-shaped monsters who maim and exterminate their way through three decades of social climbing. Jude: Following a convoluted time-travelling paradox, the Doctor falls in love with his cousin in a late Victorian hayloft. Nothing much else happens. Elizabeth: The Doctor takes Bessie for a spin. Gone in Sixty Seconds: The Doctor saves the universe by reversing the polarity a minute before imminent total destruction, as usual. Linda Green: New assistant Liza Tarbuck is looking for love, but an army of emotionless Cybermen turn down her amorous advances, with hilarious results. 28 Days Later: The Brigadier wakes from a coma to find the population of Britain replaced by zombies. It's hard to spot the difference. UNIT to the rescue. The Ninth Coming: Crowds of devoted Doctor Who fans mass in their anoraks to pay homage to the return of their religious icon.