I think it's time I moaned again about the emails that pluggers and marketing types send me, invariably suggesting that I mention something specific on this blog. It's been six weeks since I last mentioned this, which means lots of fresh requests from hopeful corporate types have landed in my inbox. Sorry folks, it still ain't happening. So below are some of their latest desperate requests for publicity, but with all the brand names heartlessly deleted. I do hope it's damned frustrating for all those concerned.
Morning DG, Greetings from <reputable online luxury retailer> and a happy new year. Loving your work and wondering if you would consider a small commercial enterprise. Just thinking aloud but with the obvious cross fertilisation of our sites, thinking: would you like a sponsor? I’m thinking, small ‘FaceBook’ type advert 165 x 230 pixel top right of your blog, a product link with a commission payment to you against each sale. What do you think?
I think not, Clive. But thanks for not being too overtly disappointed when I said no.
Hi DG, I have noticed that you do a spot of property blogging and we are looking at expanding this area on our <investment web portal> which is growing rapidly in both consumer and financial related professional space. I was wondering if you would be interested in discussing blogging (and/or perhaps content) and we can help profile you/your services/site in return?
You noticed I do a spot of property blogging?!? Sorry Steven, but we must be on different planets.
Please let me introduce myself - my name is Kieron, I am one of the directors of <recently-launched website for foreigners moving to London>. The site is now looking for bloggers of any nationality with excellent written English who live in London and are prepared to write two or three blog entries a week of 300-500 words. The work is unpaid, and is a great way of getting your writing exposed on a regular basis on a growing website.
Good luck finding mugs to write you 1000 words a week for nothing, Kieron.
Hi - just getting in touch as I've a new episode of something called <Yawn> you might be interested in, starring <hip-hop non-entity> and <DJ Zero>. <Yawn> is a co-production between <energy drink> and <video website>, and is a six-part documentary series showcasing a selection of the most innovative and exciting producers in the world, working in the <Energy Drink> Studio London as their creative hub.
Excuse me, Rob, but you appear to have mistaken me for a vacuous moron half my age.
Hi, I am Lodelyn and I work for <international website>. I have placed a link to your interesting website on our quality link pages: http://www.<internationalwebsite>.com/links/other-web.html?page=7 In return we would like to kindly ask you to place a link on your organization’s website to let people know about <international website>.
Seeing as I don't merit a mention until page 7, Lodelyn, don't think I'm returning the 'favour'.
Hello, I'm contacting you from <blog/marketing service>, part of the <aggregator> group, because I think your blog (which I've personally selected - we're not robots!) would be suited to an advertising campaign we are currently working on. All you would need to do for this particular campaign is write an article for which we can pay you £40.00. All articles must include a "Sponsored post" disclaimer - we like the idea of transparency, and hope you do too.
If you've personally selected my blog, Chris, then you can't have been reading for long. Maybe some robots would hit the target more often.
So my message remains the same. If you're a social marketing guru who hasn't taken the hint yet, please stop sending me unsolicited promotional emails. It only makes you look desperate. Many thanks.