It's been three months since I last moaned about the emails that pluggers and marketing types send me, invariably suggesting that I mention something specific on this blog. I must have left it too long, because they've started contacting me more often recently. Sorry folks, it still ain't happening. So below are some of their latest desperate requests for publicity, but with all the brand names heartlessly deleted. I do hope it's damned frustrating for all those concerned.
Hey, I hope you are well and ready for the weekend? I just wanted to drop you a quick email to invite you to a launch party we have on next week at <posh hotel> which I thought you may like to come too? It's for the launch of <Wii game with £80 pricetag> which is the home fitness programme that <world famous footballer> has just signed his name to as global ambassador.
But <world famous footballer> isn't coming to your party, is he? You could only get <ancient Page 3 model> and <ITV microceleb>. So that's a no, Noel.
Hello from <collective discount website offering daily deals on fluff you wouldn't buy otherwise>! My name is Bill and I’m the marketing executive here at <collective discount website etc>. I am interested in speaking to someone at your company about advertising on your website. I think there is a lot of potential for a successful partnership between our companies and I would like to be able to discuss this further with you.
I ought to be flattered that you think this blog's run by a company, whereas instead this admission simply makes you look pig-ignorant. Go on...
We have a range of high performance API sourced banners, which I think would go brilliantly with your site.
You think wrong, Bill. I have taste, so I won't be corrupting my sidebar with your evil slow-loading Flash adverts.
Hello Diamond Geezer, Do you have an iPhone or a friend with an iPhone? I recently launched an iPhone app called <iCatchyname>, which is for when you’re in the pub, it’s closing time and you don’t want to go home.
Not only do I not have an iPhone, I don't have a 24 hour social life either. Badly mistargeted, Emma.
Hi I am a link analyst working for <search engine optimisation company> on behalf of <minor London university>. I have noticed that <minor London university> is referred to on this post. I would like to make a change to this if possible and add the word London after <minor London university> and link the 3 anchor words to the homepage. Please contact me to discuss further.
No Anecia, I will not be re-editing my archive to suit your selfish greedy ends, obviously.
Hi London Geezer, I came about your blog in the last few weeks and love it. What on earth is happening with the already high London transport prices. Well done for pointing that out - I have not heard about it on any of the news and it's amazing how everyone is keeping quite about it. I wanted to tell you about a new service which we just launched...
Don't push the personal approach too hard, Zabetta, it only makes you sound stupid.
Please see below story on the flashmob at <London location> organised by <multinational organisation> today. If you'd like high res images, please give me a shout. We also have video from the day here if you want to stream.
I let out a little sob every time I see another blogger shamelessly recycling this crud.
Hey, Please find attached the images from today’s photocall. They are also up on the PA picture wire.
A very special hello to four of the account executives at <spamming PR agency>, who between them managed to send me ten emails over the space of a fortnight despite the fact I kept writing back asking them to stop. It'd be good not to hear from you, folks.
So my message remains the same. If you're a social marketing guru who hasn't taken the hint yet, please stop sending me sycophantic promotional emails. It only makes you look desperate. Many thanks.