diamond geezer

 Thursday, November 10, 2016

I went to the pub last week.
I bought a bottle of Becks.
It cost £5.25.

I went to the supermarket yesterday.
I bought six bottles of Becks.
They cost £5.

Which made me wonder.
Why do people still go to pubs?

0) Because they don't drink Becks
For heaven's sake why are you drinking that gnat's piss? Be a man and buy something decent, then you'll see what pubs are for.

And now we've got that one out of the way, why do people still go to pubs?

1) Because of the choice
Pubs have so much more alcoholic variety than you have at home. Several bitters on tap, and craft ales, not to mention wines and spirits, plus special new guest beers refreshed on a regular basis. No domestic consumer could possibly keep up.

2) Because of the people
We're social creatures, so far better to drink with others. A pub is somewhere to share experiences, to mull over the events of the day, to discuss the news, to reminisce, to commune. Alcohol is merely the lubricant which helps optimise our interpersonal liaisons.

3) Because it's only money
So a beer costs a fiver, do you really begrudge that? As for an entire night in a pub, say a couple of rounds, that's only twenty quid, or forty, whatever. People pay much the same for a meal out, or an evening at the cinema, so where's the problem?

4) Because only sad people drink at home
Poor sod, have you got no friends? I can picture you looking round your little flat for something to do, creeping off to the kitchen to open another half-empty bottle, and then crashing on the sofa with a glass of utter loneliness. Pitiful behaviour, pitiful.

5) Because pubs are great places
Pubs are heritage, pubs are great... assuming you go to the right one. A historic inglenook, a beer garden overlooking the river - these are things you simply can't recreate elsewhere. Add in a few local characters and some proper atmosphere, and your sofa is looking distinctly dull by comparison.

6) Because life is about experiences
Zeitgeist Britons spend their money on having a good time rather than stockpiling possessions. And whilst they might prefer to be backpacking across Asia or making a parachute jump, a night of alcohol at the local pub is considerably cheaper and far easier to enjoy on a regular basis.

7) Because pubs deliver drinks better
Your landlord has a fresh barrel in the cellar and a proper tap to pour the perfect pint. Or if it's a cocktail you fancy they've got all the ingredients, even that slice of lime, so they can make anything. You couldn't possibly recreate that level of professional beverage delivery at home.

8) Because of social pressure
There are lots of places you could meet up with your friends, but the pub is the default option, so either you go down the pub and meet them or you miss out. In doing so you sign up to an evening of intoxification and significant expense, but it's that or Billy No-Mates again.

9) Because getting drunk in public is socially acceptable
Drinking to excess at home is a sure sign of a weak-willed individual. But drinking in public with your mates and keeping up with their consumption is the measure of a man, and if that means drinking too much, no problem, in fact it's what's expected.

10) Because you get a better taste
It doesn't matter how many cans you open at home, beer will always taste better artfully pumped into a tall glass. The bottles in your six pack may be identical to those the barmaid plucks from the chiller behind the bar, but hers always taste more like the real thing.

11) Because it's better for you
Drinking at home is dangerous, it can easily get out of hand. It doesn't take long for the occasional tipple to become a regular habit to become a nasty addiction. It's important that pubs charge more for alcohol, because it helps us set healthy limits.

12) Because pubs can afford the football
Now that British sport is scattered across a range of paid-for platforms, only the serious sports fan would ever sign up to all of them. But your local has the lot, from F1 qualifying to the Rochdale cup match, and the price of a few beers is far less than a Sky subscription.

13) Because only fools buy soft drinks
If you want to talk appalling value for money, what about the mugs who buy orange juice or water, simply because everyone around them is having wine or beer? They're the true idiots. If you're buying alcohol you're getting far better value for money than them.

14) Because someone else will clear up afterwards
One of the downsides of a good drinking session is accidentally spilling some, maybe even a lot, as the night progresses. How much better to have paid up front for someone else to clear it up, rather than staring abjectly at a stain on your carpet in the morning.

15) Because pubs offer so much more
You've got some Pringles in the cupboard, the pub's got a wide range of flavoured snacks. You've got an X-Box you don't use any more, the pub's got a pool table. Then there's the quiz every Tuesday, and the darts league, not to mention the condom machine in the gents.

16) Because nobody wants all their friends over
The last thing you need is all your mates coming round to yours and getting drunk. That's called a 'party', and generally leads to enormous expense, a lot of mess, and an annoying mate who won't go home. Far better to outsource to Britain's long-established network of communal watering holes.

17) Because life is grim
Let's face it, modern society is going to hell in a handcart. So what better than to prop up the bar in a pub and drink to forget. Pubs allow for collective despair, but also provide a temporary antidote in harmonious communion. Life is short, and so we pub.

18) Because it keeps the economy going
OK, so you could buy a six pack of Becks and stay at home. But by going to a pub and drinking the same amount you spend over £25 extra, and that surplus goes to pay a whole chain of people from drivers to bar staff, and helps keep Britain in employment.

19) Because it's a capitalist plot
Since when was it morally acceptable to charge over a fiver for a piped serving of mass-produced liquid? Nobody needs to pay so much for alcohol, as the price in supermarkets makes clear. Instead we've been conditioned to fork out far more than necessary to boost the profits of faceless multi-nationals, more fool us.

20) Because it's not about the alcohol, stupid
Pubs are a quintessentially British invention, the heart of every town and village, where communities convene and the national psyche is rooted. They have an atmosphere no other meeting place can muster, and your living room doesn't even come close.

And from you, thanks...
21) Because they do food
22) Because the bottles are bigger
23) Because they're meeting places
24) Because they're events spaces
25) Because the toilets are free
26) Because they're ideal for filling time
27) Because it's inclement weather outside
28) Because they're within staggering distance
29) Because they're familiar places in unfamiliar locations
30) Because going to the pub is what people of a certain age do
31) Because "I don't live alone and want a bit of time to myself"
32) Because they're neutral territory
33) Because they're a time capsule
34) Because you might meet someone


<< click for Newer posts

click for Older Posts >>


click to return to the main page


...or read more in my monthly archives
Jan17  Feb17  Mar17  Apr17  May17  Jun17  Jul17  Aug17  Sep17
Jan16  Feb16  Mar16  Apr16  May16  Jun16  Jul16  Aug16  Sep16  Oct16  Nov16  Dec16
Jan15  Feb15  Mar15  Apr15  May15  Jun15  Jul15  Aug15  Sep15  Oct15  Nov15  Dec15
Jan14  Feb14  Mar14  Apr14  May14  Jun14  Jul14  Aug14  Sep14  Oct14  Nov14  Dec14
Jan13  Feb13  Mar13  Apr13  May13  Jun13  Jul13  Aug13  Sep13  Oct13  Nov13  Dec13
Jan12  Feb12  Mar12  Apr12  May12  Jun12  Jul12  Aug12  Sep12  Oct12  Nov12  Dec12
Jan11  Feb11  Mar11  Apr11  May11  Jun11  Jul11  Aug11  Sep11  Oct11  Nov11  Dec11
Jan10  Feb10  Mar10  Apr10  May10  Jun10  Jul10  Aug10  Sep10  Oct10  Nov10  Dec10 
Jan09  Feb09  Mar09  Apr09  May09  Jun09  Jul09  Aug09  Sep09  Oct09  Nov09  Dec09
Jan08  Feb08  Mar08  Apr08  May08  Jun08  Jul08  Aug08  Sep08  Oct08  Nov08  Dec08
Jan07  Feb07  Mar07  Apr07  May07  Jun07  Jul07  Aug07  Sep07  Oct07  Nov07  Dec07
Jan06  Feb06  Mar06  Apr06  May06  Jun06  Jul06  Aug06  Sep06  Oct06  Nov06  Dec06
Jan05  Feb05  Mar05  Apr05  May05  Jun05  Jul05  Aug05  Sep05  Oct05  Nov05  Dec05
Jan04  Feb04  Mar04  Apr04  May04  Jun04  Jul04  Aug04  Sep04  Oct04  Nov04  Dec04
Jan03  Feb03  Mar03  Apr03  May03  Jun03  Jul03  Aug03  Sep03  Oct03  Nov03  Dec03
 Jan02  Feb02  Mar02  Apr02  May02  Jun02  Jul02 Aug02  Sep02  Oct02  Nov02  Dec02 

eXTReMe Tracker
jack of diamonds
Life viewed from London E3

» email me
» follow me on twitter
» follow the blog on Twitter
» follow the blog on RSS

my flickr photostream