diamond geezer

 Saturday, September 22, 2018


Annual Crafts and Produce Show

Saturday 22nd September 2018

Fish Island Community Hall

Exhibits can be staged between 9.00am and 11.45am on the morning of The Show.
Doors open to the public at 2.30pm

Exhibits can be collected after Prize Giving at 4.30pm.
A raffle will follow the Prize Giving


1. Chips, bagged, salted
2. Beans, baked of any variety
3. Unidentified Eastern European, one bowl
4. Wellness smoothie, plant-based
5. Tub of nutrients (£4.99 or more)
6. Vegan burger, bespoke
7. Pad Thai, delivered
8. Container (box, basket, trug) (max 16” x 10”) with a minimum of 6 tinned vegetables (foodbank rules apply)
9. Bagged salad, any vegetable not mentioned in schedule

10. Avocado, smashed
11. Three chillies, balcony-grown
12. Bowl displaying a variety of Caribbean fruit max 12"/30cm diameter (RHS rules apply)
13. Collection of seasonal tinned fruits - any four kinds
14. Vape cloud, any fruit combination

15. Buddleia, mixed (3 spikes)
16. Supermarket bouquet, one variety
17. Hemp, grown indoors this year
18. “An arrangement in a small prosecco glass”
19. “Bow Flyover”. An arrangement with a choice of herbs, berries and foliage.
20. “Brexit”. No accessories. (max. size 16"/40cm depth and width. No height restriction)

21. Bramble jelly, sourced from canal towpath (one jar)
22. Five pop-up sausage rolls, gluten-free
23. Bread, hand-purchased (1lb/400 grams)
24. Gin and tonic, individually curated
25. Jalfrezi, street-cooked, tempered with fresh garlic, served in an iron skillet, hot
26. Afternoon tea for two. A selection of 4 items, sweet and savoury, to be presented in an area max. 20"/50cm x 15"/38cm. Judged on presentation and price.

Dizzee Rascal trophy - most points in classes 27-30
27. Two breast pieces, floured and fried, in a cardboard box
28. Three wings, halal, excessively spiced
29. Five identical nuggets, not more than 1½” in diameter
30. Selection of three individual dips, peng

31. Three pills, white, assorted
32. Three pills, white, adulterated
33. Three pills, coloured, enhanced
34. Powder, white, wrapped (1/8)

35. Spliff, phattest
36. Coffee, best design in froth
37. Needlework, tattooed name of offspring (including birthdate)
38. Needlework, most ill-advised piercing
39. Crocheted item, for manbun or topknot
40. Knitted accessory, non-binary

41. Painting using fruit or vegetables to depict the dangers of air pollution
42. A funny dinosaur made from recycled jars and bottles
43. Most exotic Minecraft landscape
44. Miniature garden in a seed tray, max. size 15"/38cm x 10"/24cm, can include accessories such as cigarette butts, sweet wrappers etc.
45. Best dressed potato which could represent a Disney Princess or Marvel Superhero (max size 6"/15cm)

46. Self
47. Self, with bezzie
48. Self, with plate of food
49. 'Our night out'
50. Kitten or puppy (animated gif)

51. Binbags, pile of three
52. Chewing gum, presented on slab
53. Phlegm, three pools
54. Microwave, discarded
55. Graffiti, tagged
56. Bicycle, stolen
57. Bagged turd, canine-sourced

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