Some things I did yesterday, in non-chronological order.
🎪 I attended Cheam Charter Fair. This happens every May and has done since 1259, allegedly. I missed the mayoral procession where everyone dresses up but Park Road was still amok with folk in period costume making royal progress along the row of stalls. This is the bishop and his entourage stopping by the Brownies and offering to take some group selfies. A much better photograph would have been King Bobby VIII sat on a wall eating an ice cream cornet but I didn't risk that.
I've written about Cheam Charter Fair before so I won't go into similar detail... not that I expect you'll go back and read that so perhaps I should mention the splat-a-rat, the face-painting, the care home offering free notepads nobody was taking, the ubiquitous pot plants, the handicrafts and the extraordinary good value at the Mother's Union cake stall. It's not something worth traipsing across London for but as a beacon of annual community loveliness Cheam Charter Fair is hard to beat.
⚽ I shared a train with several Chelsea supporters, all Wembley-bound for the Cup Final, all from the team's heartland in Surrey, all in replica kit, all well-behaved, all just a little bit better groomed than supporters of most teams, of all ages from 8 to 50 and all more cheerful than they would be on the way home.
👯 I failed to board a DLR train because the rear carriage was packed with provincial daytrippers in fancy dress heading to the Abba Arena. I see a lot of this being local - a bevy of buxom folk in beads and sequins, also cowboy hats in ill-advised colours, often more Mamma Mia than proper '70s - but nothing quite prepares you for the spangled crush if you're anywhere near Pudding Mill Lane just before a show starts or just after it turns out.
🛸 I went inside Ewell library at Bourne Hall, the amazing circularbuilding that looks like aliens have landed. Even their refreshment zone is called the Flying Saucer Cafe. I didn't go upstairs and see the museum again but that is the best reason to visit (unless you're local and have a Richard Osman to return). Stereotypical readers may like to know that a Collectables Transport Fair is being held on Saturday 13 June (a week before the Bourne Hall Summer Festival).
🐎 I passed a giant steaming branding iron at Waterloo station. It was promoting a TV streaming service I don't have, more specifically a new mini-series I wouldn't watch even if I did.
🏴 I passed a few red-blooded folk on their way to the Tommy Robinson march, one barging through and fizzing with anger, also a poppy dangling from his rucksack, also a St George's flag hoisted on a four foot pole that could conceivably double up as an offensive weapon. Another man had a red Make England Great Again cap (Mega rather than Maga) and was carrying a much larger England flag with the word ENGLAND written on it just to make a point. And I thought to myself Keir Starmer may be weak and ineffective but at least he's not doing anything as destructive as this lot and their ilk will do when their favoured nationalist populist government finally gets voted in by voters seeking change "because someone else deserves a chance", maybe as soon as three years time, and then I sighed and reminded myself it hasn't happened yet.
🏆 At Cheam Charter Fair I was drawn to the tombola organised by St Raphael's Hospice and the extraordinary array of not-quite-valuable prizes laid out across their stall. Smellies, something bottled, a DVD of some kind, some sort of knitted thing... mostly giftwrapped in cellophane with ribbons. The offer was three tickets for a pound, and a prize if any of the tickets you drew ended in 0 or 5. I didn't calculate the odds in advance but I was tempted to have a go because it was all in a good cause. First ticket 375, hurrah a prize! Second ticket 252, alas no. Third ticket 125, hurrah another prize! And blimey, what prizes.
375 was a porcelain bowl with a floral motif, about four inches square, and crammed full of something. I couldn't tell precisely what because of the way the cellophane was crinkled but I initially thought pot pourri. In fact no it was a bowl of wrapped toffees, 18 in total, and could have been more had the bottom of the bowl not been deviously covered with crumpled cardboard. As for 125 this turned out to be a pink cross-stitched pocket containing a) some paper tissues b) an apple lip balm. I'm in awe of the effort some volunteer put in to create this - the needlework is impeccable - only for it to be won by some bloke who only uses cotton hankies and never uses lip balm. I do at least know someone who might appreciate it.
I have also calculated the odds since and winning two prizes wasn't quite as unlikely as I'd assumed it was.
🚆 The zones covered by Oyster and Contactless have got so complicated that they now have to display this banner outside Shenfield station. I've split it for legibility.
Another way to phrase it would have been 'if you're travelling towards Liverpool Street you can tap with anything, otherwise no Oyster, also Contactless isn't valid beyond Witham or on the Southminster branch'. But I guess their version is at least crystal clear. Also there's still an announcement on purple trains approaching Shenfield saying Oyster and contactless aren't valid beyond here so leave the train, go downstairs and tap out, and perhaps someone should get round to changing that.
🎵 I enjoyed watching Eurovision with lots of memorable candidates for the top song all scoring highly, even if we did come very last, and the inevitable existential crisis was thankfully dodged for another year. Bangaranga!
