London's next dead bus 349: Ponders End to Stamford Hill Location: north London, outer Length of journey: 6 miles, 50 minutes Dies: tonight
Normally when I do one of these write-ups I go for a last ride and then weave all the themes into a seamless travelogue. This time I've split it into separate bits so you can pick and choose.
Past, Present and Future
The 349 was introduced in 2004 to strengthen bus capacity down the old A10, aka the High Road, as Ken Livingstone expanded the network. It's now being removed because that capacity isn't needed and times are tight, along with other cuts and tweaks as TfL take a small axe to services in the upper Lea Valley. If you're heading south currently the 279 starts at Waltham Cross, the 349 joins in at Ponders End, the 149 and 259 are added at Edmonton Green, then the 476, 243 and 76 feed in through Tottenham. The plan is for the 259 to nudge back to Ponders End to fill in the gap left by the 349 and also for the 279 to switch to Stamford Hill at the southern end, all starting tomorrow. In separate plans the 149 will be whisked away later. No journeys become impossible as a result of any of this, you might just have to wait longer for a fuller bus.
Bus Geekery
The 349 is currently one of the contenders for London's straightest bus route. It has a right turn just after the first stop and a left turn just before the last stop, but everything else is straight up (or down) the High Road. That's 94% of the route on the same road (even if that road's not perfectly straight). Other contenders for the title include the 32 (93% along Watling Street with a short bend at either end) and the 116 (91%, wrecked only by the pedestrianisation of Hounslow High Street). From this weekend the 279 will also be 93%, the Waltham Cross bypass accounting for most of the unstraight 7%.
The Withdrawal Poster
It's better than some and less good than others. The map is very complicated because it includes every single bus stop on two routes. It's trying to show that one route is being withdrawn while two other routes are both curtailed and diverted, all on the same map. However the text is about withdrawing just one route and how to cope afterwards. It offers this advice correctly but sub-optimally. Effectively it says "when the 349 disappears use the 279, unless your journey includes Enfield Bus Garage in which case use the 259". What it omits to say is "for any journey inbetween Ponders End and Seven Sisters you can catch either the 259 OR the 279". This is most journeys, but this broad advice has been skipped to focus on edge cases. Basically you can't win when writing bus change posters, they're either too complicated or too simplistic, and this is simultaneously both.
80 things I saw on my southbound journey
» Enfield Bus Garage. A man waiting by the bus stop asking if I have £1 to spare (I do not). Hassidic teenage day out. Long wait to turn right. The QUBE. Sign welcoming us to Ponders End Shopping Centre. The White Hart (former pub, its name falling off). The Kürecikliler Centre. Desserts End. Cycle lanes and copious traffic calming.
» Ponders End Park. Balkan Brew. Shaggy-haired postman scanning a code inside an opened pillar box. Caravan in front garden. Van delivering charcoal to a kebab shop (if you think about it, it must happen). Memzy Barbers. NIW Furniture. Man on mobility scooter following the cycle lane by cutting through a bus stop. ICC House Of Prayer. Jet garage [petrol 155.9p, diesel 178.9p].
» Bounces Road. Nursery based in former pub. Wonky spire atop Edmonton Baptist Church. Woman weaving through traffic wearing pink crocs. Temporary traffic lights with five minute queue. Digger full of soil. Bus station (edge of). Edmonton Green Shopping Centre. Speedy Spud. Overground station.
» Hut called Cafe Nadia. Man yelling outside police station. Hugs & Mags. Tiny front garden at number 341 brimming with tall colourful flowers (hollyhocks included). Edmonton Glory House Revival Centre. Kingdom Life Chapel. Old school launderette. Hot Nuts. Edmonton Labour Party HQ (with postwar signage). North Circular Road at Angel Corner.
» Superloop bus. Big Ben Fisheries. Brazilian flag outside The White Horse. The Gilpin's Bell freehouse. Arch across road marking change of borough. Wire horse outside Florence Hayes Recreation Ground. 'This Is Tottenham' banners. London Beard Co. White Hart Lane. 3 Points Cafe (which is more than Tottenham have got at the moment).
» Shopping parade dated 1829. Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Pubs and cafes that Spurs supporters go to. Sign pointing to Skywalk. King Ledley mural. Car with N17 numberplate (naturally). Whitbread-topped clock. Winglab. Job Centre Plus. Trampery Tottenham ("a focal point for entrepreneurship").
» Jenny Greetings. A very closed Poundland. Pub called The Elbow Room. Ghost sign for former undertakers. High Cross micropub. College with lots of cars out front because term's just restarted. Very long Tesco. Seven Sisters Market reborn. Flashing sign saying OVERHEIGHT VEHICLE TURN BACK. German container aboard freight train.
» Advert for tuition to get into grammar school. Brazbq (rarely has a six-letter name conveyed a restaurant brand so well). Texaco garage [petrol 161.9p, diesel 186.9p]. Hosiery World. Row of cement mixers for sale outside shop. Megaphone City. Very ropey-looking lone fruit stall. Gitty Pinter Campus. Stamford Hill Bus Garage. Georgian Orthodox church.
The family who sat alongside
Mum and Dad and two boys. Dad with the loud and chatty eight year-old in the front seat. Mum and quieter six year-old behind (inwardly cursing the old man hogging the other front seat). Riding from Edmonton (where they live now) to Tottenham (where they used to live) to visit the school shop to buy uniform before term starts. "I liked our old house more" says eldest son. "But you have your own room now," says Dad. "I'm the psycho one!" says eldest son. "I can't believe the patty shop has closed," says Dad. "If we lived in those flats I would drop apples off the balcony," says eldest son. Good luck to the teacher who has him in their class this week.
Implementation of the changes
As usual the TfL Tile Switching Team have been out early, switching tiles before the date of the actual change. This is great for future journeys and arguably a useful nudge pointing out imminent changes. However it never helps if you're unfamiliar with the area and turn up during the interregnum. In particular there are pairs of southbound stops in Tottenham where one stop is for buses heading towards Stamford Hill and the other for buses towards Manor House. This week the 279 stops at one of them but from tomorrow it'll stop at the other, so swapping the tiles early means you might wait in the wrong place. It's only a small lie but it needn't have happened so prematurely.
Summary
The 349 dies tonight. TfL can take a dozen vehicles off the road as a result.
