diamond geezer

 Tuesday, September 09, 2003

12 potential Mercury Music Prize acceptance speeches

The Darkness (7/2 fav): Cheers me dears. We never thought when we was growing up in Lowestoft listening to Queen and Slade records that one day we'd receive critical acclaim for camping it up in public wearing our mums' curtains.

Dizzee Rascal (9/2) *winner*: Is well dope me wanna thank me music teacher big up the Bow massive nuff respect innit.

Coldplay (4/1): And we'd especially like to thank all those commercial radio stations who can't broadcast for more than an hour without playing one of our five singles.

Radiohead (5/1): £20,000? Chickenfeed, mate. No surprises.

Athlete (5/1), The Thrills (6/1): We're well chuffed, so please go and buy our gem of a cuddly guitar album for Christmas, before we have trouble with that difficult second album and fade completely from sight.

Floetry (8/1); Terri Walker (10/1); Soweto Kinch (10/1); Eliza Carthy (12/1): Sorry, we didn't prepare an acceptance speech, seeing as we're the token R&B/soul/jazz/folk artists on the shortlist. Still, we've enjoyed the meal and the free booze, cheers.

Martina Topley-Bird (12/1): One is gobsmacked. One thought one was only included on the shortlist so that all those trendy Islington types would know which CD to rush out and buy for their next dinner party.

Lemon Jelly (12/1): All the ducks are swimming in the water, fal-de-ral-de-ral-do, fal-de-ral-de-ral-do. We may be strange, but we're brilliantly strange.

Four Tet (0): Sadly there's no way I can have won this prize because the judges criminally forgot to nominate my excellent 'Rounds' album. Still, when was the last time a Mercury award winner actually went on to have a succesful career, eh?

"Big up the Bow E3 crew!"

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