diamond geezer

 Thursday, June 17, 2004


dgTunes is now available in the UK. dgTunes is your new online music delivery service. dgTunes helps you to find new music that perfectly suits your style and mood. The dgTunes Music Store is open for you to spend money 24 hours a day. dgTunes tunes cost just 79p each, which means you can construct your own 17-track compilation CD for only £13.43. dgTunes tunes are encrypted to stop you copying them too many times, because that would be naughty. dgTunes tunes are small packets of digitised data with no sleeve notes, but who wants to read those anyway?

It’s never been easier to browse through and sample the inventory of an online music store. It's never been more convenient to download past classics and fresh talent to your hard drive. It's never been simpler to spend money on something which only a few weeks ago you were downloading illegally for free. It's never been more urgent that you prop up greedy record executives before all of them go bankrupt. The future of music has arrived, and it costs money again. Please sign up now before their vast bloated profit margins begin to suffer.

Instructions for use: Click on loudspeaker icon. Wait. Click again. Click a couple more times. Don't be surprised if nothing's happened yet because the launch of our new service really is jolly popular. Click again, more desperately now. This is progress, you know. And that's five clicks so far which is £3.95 you've spent already. Thankyou. Please don't worry if the download window hasn't opened yet. You probably bought this very same track on CD about ten years ago. You could even go and play it if only you could be bothered to walk across the room to your record collection. But we're counting on you not remembering that.

dgTunesOnline music directory (13 tracks now available)
Kim Appleby - Don't Worry (79p)
Kajagoogoo - Big Apple (79p)
Appleton - Fantasy (79p)
Perez 'Prez' Prado - Cherry Pink And Apple Blossom White (79p)
Gladys Knight and the Pips - Midnight Train To Georgia (79p)
Elvis Presley - Crying In The Chapple (79p)
Stranglers - Golden Delicious (79p)
Jucio Iglesias - Begin The Beguine (79p)
Billy Pippin - Day And Night (79p)
Buzzcox - Ever Fallen In Love (79p)
Bramley & Monica - The Boy Is Mine (79p)
Diana Ross - Upcider Down (79p)
Dave Edmunds - Girl Stalk (79p)

Also available: dgTunes Online Ringtone Store
For those people who want to spend three times as much on a barely recognisable track with no lyrics, less than a quarter of the proper length and which you're only going to cut off after five seconds anyway because its polyphonic dischords are so tastelessly embarrassing.

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