diamond geezer

 Thursday, June 24, 2004

the wayne fanzine
online edition 1

Welcome to Wayne's World! roonerama is the new number 1 online mag site for the world's new number 1 player. We have all the news, all the goss and all the biz on England's new megastar. Move over Becks cos Wayne is here and he is well boss. If not well fit.

Soccer god Wayne was born in a manger in a shed in Liverpool which is near Bethlehem. That night three wise pundits came visiting and brought him gifts of top skill, magic boots and a cheeky grin. At school Wayne won the Croxteth Under 11s tournament single handed when all his teammates were struck down by the Ebola virus. He kicks like a mule, but more accurately. He is also kind to sick animals and has a pet girlfriend called Colleen.

Want to get that special Roo physique? Here's a genuine Roo recipe to help you to get in shape.
Take one tube of Pringles and one pizza.
Unpop the Pringles.
Scatter liberally over the top of the pizza.
Serve with lager and a side-helping of lard.
Wayne has signed a £1m contract to be the new face of Walls sausages. Residents of Beckham Close in Redditch have voted to rename their road Rooney Crescent. There are plans to introduce a new bank holiday on October 24th every year to celebrate Wayne's birthday. Wayne is the youngest player ever to be revered as a minor deity by the Chinese. Only 43 English babies were named Wayne last year, but next year that'll be 7506. In a recent survey more Britons believed in Wayne Rooney than believed in God. Wayne's favourite pizza topping is pepperoni and his favourite colour is blue. Wayne goes to the toilet several times a day and breathes air.

Evens Wayne to join Chelsea next season
2-1 Wayne to have Xmas number 1 record
5-1 Wayne to shag Posh Spice
25-1 Wayne to be revealed as Pele's secret lovechild
100-1 Wayne to live up to initial promise

There's lots more top quality speculation and opportunistic froth where this came from. Why not sign up now for edition two of this top online mag? Quickly, in case England lose tonight, the tabloids lose interest and we go bankrupt.

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