A statement from the board of English Euphoria plc
Notice is hereby given of the suspension of shares in English Euphoria plc. The company's first quarter results were announced yesterday but failed to live up to expectations. An emergency meeting of the board took place in Lisbon but overall performance proved disappointing and penalties were imposed. The chairman missed a golden opportunity to reach his intended goal and the team failed to hit expected targets. Bankruptcy was announced at 10:29pm by company spokesman John Motson who announced to assembled shareholders that "English Euphoria expires" (he did, he really did). Reserve stocks of 'National Pride' have therefore been drained and your shares are now worthless. Sorry, but that's the risk you take playing on the global field.
Come on, what did you expect? There were 16 teams in the competition, of which there were always going to be 15 losers. The odds were never in our favour, even if we'd been good. Which we weren't, not enough of the time anyway. We were not robbed, we were rubbish. It's like this every time we get involved in a major tournament - hype, hope and disappointment. Adding another flag to the top of your car doesn't make the team play any better, it just clouds your better judgement. You're all a bunch of hopeless optimists, hanging onto your shares because you believed England would continue to do better. Which, ultimately, they were never going to do. Congratulations to 'Le Bob' for being the only pessimist to sell, and therefore the only shareholder to make a profit. The rest of you dry your eyes, you've got to walk away now, it's over. Come on, let's all enjoy Tim Henman's imminent Wimbledon triumph.