diamond geezer

 Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Dear Citizen,

The cuts are coming. It's inevitable. There is no alternative. There is no escape. But where, precisely?

Her Majesty's Government thinks it would be a jolly wheeze if you chose where the public spending axe should fall. Then our nation's imminent social carnage will be your fault, not ours, which sounds good to us.

So we intend to consult on the best way to make savings, and to offer up a selection of service options for imminent culling. Two choices, one of which we'll keep and one of which we'll sacrifice. Pick carefully. The choice, and the blame, are entirely yours.

Freeze benefits, because dole scroungers deserve nothing
Freeze pensioners, by ending winter fuel allowance

Raise VAT to 20%
Raise VAT to 40% (and 50% on Saturdays)

Axe middle class child benefit
Axe middle class firstborn

End final salary pensions, because why should other people have them if you can't?
Cut red tape for bankers, because the economy depends on private sector dynamism

Shut a large successful hospital 100 miles away
Shut a small ineffective hospital around the corner

Kill off Crossrail, because only losers take trains
Raise tax on petrol by 0.1p per litre

Shrink the wasteful Welfare State
Support Our Brave Heroes

Cut MP's salaries by 50%, and allow them to be sponsored by big business instead
Permit low-key advertising on Big Ben (for example a holographic screen on each clockface)

Raise the retirement age, because your 69th birthday is too far away to worry about
Install bunk beds in care homes

Turn the BBC into a charity, financed only by donations
Send Cuddles, the Downing Street kitten, to the vet be put down

<< click for Newer posts

click for Older Posts >>

click to return to the main page

...or read more in my monthly archives
Jan18  Feb18  Mar18  Apr18
Jan17  Feb17  Mar17  Apr17  May17  Jun17  Jul17  Aug17  Sep17  Oct17  Nov17  Dec17
Jan16  Feb16  Mar16  Apr16  May16  Jun16  Jul16  Aug16  Sep16  Oct16  Nov16  Dec16
Jan15  Feb15  Mar15  Apr15  May15  Jun15  Jul15  Aug15  Sep15  Oct15  Nov15  Dec15
Jan14  Feb14  Mar14  Apr14  May14  Jun14  Jul14  Aug14  Sep14  Oct14  Nov14  Dec14
Jan13  Feb13  Mar13  Apr13  May13  Jun13  Jul13  Aug13  Sep13  Oct13  Nov13  Dec13
Jan12  Feb12  Mar12  Apr12  May12  Jun12  Jul12  Aug12  Sep12  Oct12  Nov12  Dec12
Jan11  Feb11  Mar11  Apr11  May11  Jun11  Jul11  Aug11  Sep11  Oct11  Nov11  Dec11
Jan10  Feb10  Mar10  Apr10  May10  Jun10  Jul10  Aug10  Sep10  Oct10  Nov10  Dec10 
Jan09  Feb09  Mar09  Apr09  May09  Jun09  Jul09  Aug09  Sep09  Oct09  Nov09  Dec09
Jan08  Feb08  Mar08  Apr08  May08  Jun08  Jul08  Aug08  Sep08  Oct08  Nov08  Dec08
Jan07  Feb07  Mar07  Apr07  May07  Jun07  Jul07  Aug07  Sep07  Oct07  Nov07  Dec07
Jan06  Feb06  Mar06  Apr06  May06  Jun06  Jul06  Aug06  Sep06  Oct06  Nov06  Dec06
Jan05  Feb05  Mar05  Apr05  May05  Jun05  Jul05  Aug05  Sep05  Oct05  Nov05  Dec05
Jan04  Feb04  Mar04  Apr04  May04  Jun04  Jul04  Aug04  Sep04  Oct04  Nov04  Dec04
Jan03  Feb03  Mar03  Apr03  May03  Jun03  Jul03  Aug03  Sep03  Oct03  Nov03  Dec03
 Jan02  Feb02  Mar02  Apr02  May02  Jun02  Jul02 Aug02  Sep02  Oct02  Nov02  Dec02 

eXTReMe Tracker
jack of diamonds
Life viewed from London E3

» email me
» follow me on twitter
» follow the blog on Twitter
» follow the blog on RSS

my flickr photostream