Time once again to expose the murky world of PR-to-blogger spam. So soon? Yes, sorry, but I've received some fantastically crass requests in my inbox over the last month. And the answer is still the same. Absolutely no.
I would like to take the opportunity to offer you an affiliate partnership with <daily deal website>. We have a deal platform were we advertise more then 200 daily deals per day.
No.
Few days/weeks ago, I sent you an email regarding a possible collaboration with your blog, maybe my email end up in your spam folder. So, I decide to contact you again to ask you if you would be interested to have collaboration with our company.
No.
We would gladly do a feature write-up about your website in Best of the Web, our bi-weekly review of the most unique, informative and intriguing Home and Garden blogs on the web.
No.
I have recently published a book about the <London transport network>. I was wondering if it would be possible to write a blog on your website? Given that the visitors to your website will be looking for information on the <London transport network> it would be fantastic.
Absolutely no.
Hello fella, I hope this email finds you well. I’m Tyler and I had the chance to check out your blog, noticed you recently visited my hometown of Cambridge – what else did you manage to check out beyond the campuses? Anyways, I’m contacting you on behalf of <potato-based snack food> who have launched a new range.
Impressive non-sequitur there, Tyler. I already have a bad feeling about this.
We have a few goodies that we’d love to send to you. The new product line from <food company>, <kitchen implement>® <potato-based snack food>, are packed full of flavour and are available in <four slightly poncey flavours>, they certainly deliver plenty of extra wallop. To celebrate the launch of the new range we’re holding the first ever <kitchen implement>® <potato-based snack food> Dodgem Derby fronted by ex-Stig, Ben Collins, on March 26th from Middle Wallop in Hampshire to London.
I bet "extra wallop" sounded great in the brainstorming session, Tyler, but here it comes across as sad and rather desperate. Hang on, I see you're not finished...
To keep doing what <food company> do best, we kindly ask for your help to protect the <kitchen implement>® trademark. Please may we ask that their brand name is used in this way. Also please do not use phrases such as "<kitchen implement> style" to describe the category of <potato-based snack food>. The correct name is "batch cooked" or "hand cooked”.
Hi there, I wanted to get in touch with you regarding an event I’m currently working on, the <Major Event at Earl's Court>. This year we are doing something a bit special and hosting a dedicated ‘bloggers lounge’ in which we are inviting our favourite bloggers down to the event to blog live and experience the show in a way that hasn’t be available in the past to bloggers. We will have a dedicated lounge set up just for bloggers, with computers available for use, in the Show Village and totally kitted out by <furniture company>. I really love your blog and was wondering if you’d be interested in coming down to the event as one of our official bloggers.
A bloggers lounge for bloggers? It's like 2004 all over again, isn't it Alexandra? No thanks, nor to your offer of a special <famous paint company> makeover.
Hi DG, I'm Chris, founder of <Crapname>, a growing community of influencers which has just launched in private beta and I've created an invite code for you below. There's also a one-page PDF here which gives an overview of how <Crapname> could help you get more out of your online presence and get some unique incentives from leading brands. Your blog would be a great fit for the clients we will be running campaigns with and we'd love you to be part of it.
To be honest, Chris, as soon as your email arrived from "Influencer Relations [influencers@<crapname>.com]", I just knew it was going to be bollocks. In my opinion it's entrepreneurial ad-pushers like you who are poisoning the internet by transforming it into a shallow world of vacuous brand promotion. Some of us still like to write original unprompted comment based on our own ideas, not what you'd like us to advertise, because that has integrity.
So if you're another Tyler, Alexandra or Chris, then please stop and think before you fire off your latest PR missive in my direction. And then don't bother.
