Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. I'm sorry, we nolongerrun ambulances in your part of London on Wednesdays.
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. Incorrect, please guess again.
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. If you could just go outside and wait by the kerb, one of our drive-by collection vans will be with you shortly.
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. Sorry, we're only accepting pre-booked emergencies at the moment.
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. Should have had that heart attack a year ago, you'd probably have survived it then.
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. I can do you a fire engine. Perhaps you could set your kitchen alight, then we'll be able to get you to a hospital real quick.
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. I'm sorry, but we're suffering from natural wastage at the moment. And so, by the sound of it, are you.
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. While you're waiting, perhaps you'd like to take part in our Cost Improvement Programme customer satisfaction survey. Question 1...
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. It's probably only a headache. If it hasn't cleared up by the morning, go and see your doctor.
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. Let me book you in for the 3:30am slot. Please make a note of the following 16-digit reference number.
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. For BUPA patients, please press 1. For NHS patients, please hold.
Be telling me please the 999 you is wanting thankyou. Ambulance please. Sorry your street is not appear in my Bangalore road atlas.
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. Really, you wouldn't want us to whisk you to your nearest A&E, they're massively understaffed too.
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. Before we go any further, burial or cremation?
Which 999 service do you require? Ambulance please. What's that, you're drunk and you've slightly cut your finger? We'll be right round - see you in six minutes!
