Saturday, November 21, 2020
The 12 plans of Christmas (pick one)
1) Lockdown for the whole of December so we can all get together safely for Christmas.
2) Lockdown for the whole of January because this has no effect on Christmas whatsoever.
3) Keep promising a fantastic Christmas as a distraction from how bad Brexit will be seven days later.
4) Keep promising a fantastic Christmas, then withdraw plans at the last minute blaming public rule-breaking.
5) Allow a social free-for-all on December 25th, then watch hospital admissions shoot up on Twelfth Night.
6) Tell the Christians they have to stay at home, just like all the other religions did for Eid, Rosh Hashanah, Divali, etc.
7) Put The North into Tier 4, sorry, then let the rest of the country celebrate Christmas as normal.
8) Wait until everyone's gone back home on Christmas Eve, then ban all travel for a fortnight.
9) Hold a tug of war in the No 10 back garden between the Exchequer and the Dept of Health, and see which side wins.
10) Reopen non-essential shops on December 2nd, but everyone has to complete their Christmas shopping by the 10th.
11) Tell everyone to stay indoors and get Christmas delivered, then blame DHL and Ocado when it doesn't turn up.
12) Announce really harsh restrictions to keep the scientists happy, safe in the knowledge everyone's going to ignore them anyway.
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