Bromley-by-Bow has a new tower block and unusually it's not along the A12 or the River Lea, it's in the historic part. It replaces a drab council block which the local housing association was keen to wipe away, and rightly so, as part of a long-term project to replace Stroudley Walk with something better. I first blogged about those plans 11 years ago, that's how long-term it is.
They started demolishing Warren House in September 2021, which took an age, and building its 24 storey replacement seems to have taken even longer. But it now has almost all its cladding in place, the faux brick panels making it look like every other newbuild block, and the resultant tower looms unfamiliarly over medieval Bow in an architecturally vacuous way.
The underlying plan is that the rest of Stroudley Walk has been replaced by lower-rise blocks of affordable housing to help ease local pressures, while the new tower is being flogged off to well-off incomers to help pay for it. It's a shame the overall scheme only delivers 42% affordable housing but that's the modern reality, indeed it's a significantly better percentage than some.
What's new is that the marketing suite has just opened, and the fact it's open seven days a week confirms how much money there is to be made in property. Spiky plants and designer homewares have been brought in to decorate reception, all hoping to persuade potential customers that their dream home lies inside, although to get there you have to pass a mess of hoardings, a parade of halal-friendly shops and the space where our single market stall used to be until all this redevelopment forced it to shut down. All this pizazz is of course entirely normal for residential marketing, but it feels entirely alien to see it here.
The new development is called Upper East, which is a perfect example of a meaningless name which could have been pumped from a buzzword generator. The development's vision is even worse: "Celebrating yesterday, building community, defining tomorrow". Not only is it meaningless but it's also downright lying, there being bugger all "yesterday" being celebrated here whatsoever. Let's see what other bolx the brochure can offer...
• a dynamic new neighbourhood in the heart of East London (bolx)
• experience elevated living (bolx)
• exceptional development (bolx)
• designed for modern living (bolx)
• the perfect location for relaxation and socialising (bolx)
...and that's just on page 3.
Then we get into the section trying to persuade people who don't know the area that Bromley-by-Bow is better than it is.
• Perfectly positioned between Stratford, Canary Wharf and The City (bolx)
• With Hackney Wick, Shoreditch, and Brick Lane just moments away (utter bolx)
• Grove Hall Park, a serene greenspace with a playground and walled memorial garden, is perfect for a little walk on a lazy Sunday or a place to sit with friends in the summer months (haha lol bolx)
• Upper East offers exceptional convenience for professionals, with Canary Wharf and The City just a short commute away (yeah right, bankers welcome)
Peak bolx is probably the claim that "Living at Upper East puts you at the centre of Bow’s vibrant culinary scene." I do like the area but never in a million years would I describe its cafes and restaurants as "a diverse array of dining options that cater to every taste", indeed foodwise E3 bats well below the London average. I grant that shopping and culture are easily accessible, what with everything Westfield and the Olympic Park have to offer, and that transport connections are pretty decent. But a lot of the supposedly nearby treats aren't especially nearby or indeed treats, more a desperate selection compiled by an intern attempting to upsell a skyhutch to an ignoramus.
Where it gets depressing is the section titled University life which kicks off "London is a prime destination for students seeking top-tier education". The hope is that some rich parent will gift their foreign student a serviced bolthole during their studies, indeed I see sales for Upper East opened in Malaysia long before they opened here. In a capital city with a huge housing problem it seems criminal to be flogging flats abroad rather than targeting Britons, and an enormous and wasteful palaver to be creating stacks of luxury boltholes just to get 115 affordable flats added to our housing stock.
Upper East is nothingnew, merely new for round here. But it will stand prominently on Bow's skyline forever as a reminder that the high life is now only for those who can look down on the rest of us.
