I haven't whinged about unsolicited PR emails for a while, which may be why chancers have started sending them again. These needy requests are generally sent by hopeful marketeers with a press release to regurgitate or sponsored content they want amplified. We don't do that here, thanks.
Here then is a roundup of some of the bumf that's arrived in my inbox over the last year, with all the brand names they were desperate for me to mention cruelly blanked out.
Imogen had a freebie to offer.
I hope you're well.
My name is Imogen and I work for PR and communications firm <next-gen creative + comms agency> - we look after the sleep-tech firm <sleep-tech firm>. We would love to collaborate with you on your site diamondgeezer.blogspot.com and send you an Hybrid Pillow or Hybrid Duvet for you or one of your writers to enjoy and review or as a giveaway for your audience.
Alas none of my writers were interested, also I didn't fancy schlepping down the Post Office with a duvet.
Joe runs a London museum and was very kind.
One of our volunteers reads your blog and told me we’d had a mention - thank you! We’re about to open a new <kitten-related> exhibition and she suggested we extend you and invite to the gala event, please see below.
Sadly I don't attend exhibition openings, so I apologise to the readers who would have loved being my plus-one at this event.
Toby was just starting out.
Hey!
I’ll cut to the chase. I'm a recent marketing graduate and freelance writer living in London. I’m currently looking for unpaid opportunities to build up my portfolio, and I thought a perfect place to start would be penning my thoughts about this fantastic city!
My reply was hopefully informative.
If I ever posted an article called 'Breaking Down London's Best Suburbs For Digital Nomads' my readers would assume I'd either gone mad or was spoofing them. All the best with your new career.
Wilmer got in touch.
Hello,
Happy Saturday! My name is Wilmer and I'm a writer who loves to travel. I recently came across jack of diamonds while looking for some new inspiration for an upcoming trip and I loved a lot of the articles I saw, especially the ones related to traveling without a lot of money.
If you can't even get the name of the blog right, Wilmer, no way am I granting you a guest post.
Ollie wanted to set up an interview.
Good morning, Hope you are well!
We’re inviting selected media to the Ideal Home Show at Olympia for an in-person interview opportunity with interior designer <Appeared On Interior Design Masters But Got Knocked Out In The Early Rounds>. A former VOGUE and Fashion Week model turned designer, <AOIDMBGKOITER> is partnering with < Lift Installer> to challenge the idea that accessible homes can also be beautifully designed, a conversation that’s gaining real momentum as more homeowners look to future-proof their properties.
I congratulated Ollie on a impressively mistargeted invitation.
Other email titles I immediately knew weren't for me have included...
» Invitation to UK's Biggest New Dinosaur Event
» Heads-up: Mural unveiling
» Guest Post Enquiry - PLEASE READ AND REPLY
» < catering company> brings its innovative food, drink and service expertise to < London hotel>
» Lets Make Some Travel Plans 😍
Igor hoped he could write something for the blog.
Hi there,
I’m exploring long-term content collaborations with quality sites. I focus on well-researched topics and would love to contribute a post that fits your readership.
I suggested Igor might like to write something about numberplate distributions, Merseyside statues or tube station passenger data, and he went very quiet after that.
Nakibul wanted to make video content for the blog. It wasn't his submission that floored me, it was the follow-up.
Hellow! Did you read my previous email? I didn't hear back from you or anyone on your team. If it makes sense to talk further, let me know how your calendar loo
Other unnecessary nudges have included...
» I'm reaching out again to check if you were able to review my previous email.
» Hey, Just bump this to the top of your inbox in case you missed it.
» Just wanted to follow up real quick in case my last message got buried (totally happens).
» I'm about to archive this thread as I haven't heard back from you.
Emma wins the prize for smuggest PR schmooze.
Hey Editor,
I’m Emma, Head of Content at <luxury furniture showroom>. Don’t worry, I’m not here to pitch scatter cushions.
Over the years, I’ve written for some rather exceptional design houses – names you’d likely recognise. So when it comes to interiors, I know my travertine from my terrazzo. I think your readers might enjoy something thoughtful from the heart of London’s design scene, and I’d love to contribute a guest post. No fluff, no filler – just well-written content your audience will actually read.
I advised Emma that my audience would not read it, indeed they'd more likely roast her alive. She did not reply.
Finally Steve had bashed some data about the 'Top UK Hotspots for Taxi-Riding Dogs'.
Hello, sorry to bother you!
I wasn't sure how best to send you this, so copied the press release to below here... hope that's okay?
I had no interest in contrived statistics from <cab comparison website> so replied thus.
The best way to have sent it to me was not to have bothered.
I don't reproduce press releases. I do sometimes rip the piss out of them anonymously though.
And so I have.
So if anyone else with a promotional background is thinking of emailing me to beg a mention, I won't so please don't. Fun though it is to mock and laugh at, I much prefer an inbox uncontaminated by the plaintive sound of desperation.
