That's Christchurch in Dorset, not the city in New Zealand. Until 1974 it was marginally in Hampshire and since 2019 has been part of a unitary authority uninspiringly called Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole. Geographically it's the easternmost of the three, nudging the New Forest, and also by far the oldest thanks to the allure of its natural harbour. I last visited on holiday in the late 1960s when my chief memory is of leaving a teddy bear behind in a seafront cafe, then forcing my parents to go back and search and being disconsolate when nobody could find it. It still wasn't there this time but thankfully there was plenty to see, also my advance rail sale ticket accidentally delivered me to a glorious coastal town on the hottest bank holiday ever. [Visit Christchurch][21 photos]
10 things to see in Christchurch
1) Christchurch Castle
From the Stone Age onwards settlers have been drawn to the strategic point where the River Stour meets the River Avon. Here the Normans upgraded the site of an Anglo-Saxon wooden fort to a proper motte and bailey, later adding a chunky stone tower on top, some of which survives in ruins. English Heritage don't charge because there's not enough here, it's more a town centre sideshow, also all that remains of the adjacent Constable's House is a few walls. I yomped up some wiggly steps between two family groups, hoping for a better view than I got because a lot of town centre rooftops get in the way, but you do get a good idea of how long the parish church is. Blimey it'senormous.
2) Christchurch Priory
About 20 English cathedrals are smaller, that's how massive Christchurch Priory is. It used to be part of an Augustinian monastery but it was huge even before that, founded by one of William II's chief ministers. It's said he wanted to build it on a hilltop two miles away but one morning the workers found all the construction materials had mysteriously relocated here. It's also said that one particular beam was accidentally cut too short and would have gone to waste, except a mysterious carpenter somehow lengthened it and raised it into place while nobody was looking. Could it have been Him? So pervasive was the legend of the 'Miraculous Beam' that the building became known as Christ Church, eventually edging out the town's original name which used to be Twynham.
There's no charge for entry and from what I heard every first time visitor says "oh blimey it really is big", or words to that effect. Staring down the arched nave through the choir to the lofty altarpiece it does indeed feel much more like a cathedral, whereas in fact it's merely the longest parish church in England. One sightseeing bonus is St Michael's Loft Museum, an unexpectedly large room located above the Lady Chapel and accessed via a one-way system of 72 narrow spiral steps - yours for an additional donation of £1. The church was recently in the news for updating its gargoyles, one of which I spotted high on the exterior at the eastern end - a Covid-era NHS nurse complete with facemask, lest we forget. For a similar medieval take check out the 39 beastly carvings (or misericordia) on the stalls in the choir, some thematically based on Aesop's fables. On the sign outside it says the 8am service is Holy Communion (BCP), and it took me a while to realise this wasn't a reference to the local council but to the Book of Common Prayer.
3) Red House Museum
The town's museum is based in an old workhouse, a long redbrick building hence the Red House Museum. It's not normally open on Mondays but thankfully they make an exception for bank holidays otherwise I'd never have seen all the treats inside. Downstairs is mostly bygones, much local but some merely evocative of a past era. Upstairs is full-on archaeology, the area being extremely rich in pre-Roman settlements and consequent finds. Another wing focuses on the workhouse itself while a modern annexe does a fine job of bring the surrounding suburbs to life with a series of historic aerial photos. I confess I hadn't known that the WW2 concept of a Bailey Bridge was originally tested here in Christchurch at the Experimental Bridging Establishment.
The gardens are splendid with umpteen specimens carefully labelled, the rosebushes just coming into their own and also a surprising number of dinosaurs lurking in the shrubbery. The lady on the front desk said 10 green-fingered volunteers come in twice a week and yes it shows, also another 40 keep the museum ticking over which is a benefit of Christchurch being a town a heck of a lot of people retire to. So it saddened me somewhat that I was the sole visitor, this despite the town being rammed with bank holiday footfall passing within sight of the building while shuttling between two one-off retail attractions. It seems people prefer fudge stalls and charcuterie to a free dose of heritage, lovingly curated, or perhaps they all visited years ago and history just can't keep up.
not 4) Museum of Electricity
Sorry you're too late for this, it closed in 2012 and the remaining contents were auctioned off last year.
4) High Street
The High Street was bypassed in 1958, removing a historic pinchpoint and returning a little civility to the town centre. It also allows the street to close each Monday for a market, and I don't know if it's bigger on a bank holiday but I was impressed by the extent, the variety and the patronage. I'd never seen a stall populated by multicoloured 3D-printed dragons before. It did however make it harder to see the old buildings behind, like the classical Midland Bank, ye olde coaching inn and the pristine Art Deco Regent cinema. All that remains of the old town hall is the Victorian frontispiece, the remainder now a 1980s shopping precinct called Saxon Square because they found a 7th century cemetery on site during reconstruction. The Celtic Cross outside the discount book shop is thus entirely fake.
5) The Ducking Stool
Most medieval towns had a ducking stool for the punishment of mouthy women, with Christchurch's first recorded in 1350. What's unusual is that a full-size replica has been built and placed by the millstream at the end of Ducking Stool Lane. It looks much too pristine but is also evocative of disturbingly unenlightened times, that is until you spot it couldn't physically lower anyone into the trickle of water except at times of major flood. The Ducking Stool is also stop number 3 on the Christchurch Cultural Trail, a pleasingly short loop designed to help visitors not miss anything important.
6) Christchurch Harbour
The Avon and the Stour are significant rivers with over-used names, one flowing down from Salisbury Plain and the other from Stourhead, obviously. They meet off Christchurch Quay, merging to form a substantial estuary/harbour combo that meanders for almost two miles towards the sea at Mudeford. It's perfect for messing aroundin boats, awash with yachts and motorcraft and also local youth on stand-up surfboards, or perhaps I just caught things on a perfect bank holiday afternoon. The building that best catches the vibe is The Captain's Club which looks like it ought to supervise regattas but is actually just a luxury hotel and spa. The cheapest way to take to the water is the Wick Ferry, just £1.50 to briefly cross the Stour to Tuckton Tea Gardens rather than endure a mile's walk to the lowest bridging point and back.
not 7) Tucktonia
Sorry you're too late for this too. Inspired by Bekonscot, a local racing driver built a 3 acre model village on a former golf course near Tuckton Bridge. Everything was to 1:24 scale including a substantial number of London landmarks and a runway from which Concorde would take off hourly. Tucktonia was opened on 23rd May 1976 by Arthur Askey, but only because Bernie Ecclestone wasn't available. Visitor numbers were initially strong, fuelled by considerable celebrity endorsement, and even more models were squeezed onto the site. Alas maintenance costs proved excessive, a takeover by Grand Metropolitan stunted investment and nobody had quite anticipated the furious nimbyism of the Fairway Drive Residents' Association, thus the entire project wound up at the end of 1986. Some exhibits transferred elsewhere but most were lost (or burnt in a fire), and the entire site was subsequently redeveloped as a residential development called The Meridians. What a sad waste. 11-part history here, 32 photos here, 10 minute documentary here.
7) The Quomps
The prize for the best name locally goes to the Quomps, the greensward where town meets river. Until the 1920s it was an unenclosed common, then the land was raised and levelled to create a pleasure park. I saw it under entirely atypical conditions as the venue for the weekend-long Christchurch Food Festival, thus covered with stalls, tents and vans selling everything from loaded fries to truffle-infused streetfood. And it was packed, a genteel pilgrimage to calorific consumption which confirmed the utter Middle-Englandness of this southwest conurbation. Also I was well chuffed to find a Chucklehead cider stall, now £6 a pint but a chilled bargain given it won't be coming anywhere near Brockwell Park this year, dammit. Come back on 1st August for Christchurch's annual outdoor jazz festival, Stompin' on the Quomps.
8) Stanpit Marsh
Downriver from the town centre, just past the boarded-up former council offices, the estuary's edge opens out to a considerable swathe of saltmarsh. Largest of these is Stanpit Marsh, 160 acres of creeky flatness, salt pans, reed beds and sandy scrub. The Visitor Centre is a raised viewing platform with a specimen-packed fieldwork room, a great step up from the original caravan, where the ranger was pointing out highlights to a handful of spotters. I walked out onto the cracked expanse and had the long track all to myself, bar the birdsong and a small newt who scuttled silently across my path. Always read beyond the usual list of tourist attractions if you want a special experience on your gadabout.
9) Another brilliant place 10) The other brilliant place
Of which more tomorrow.
