Today is my Dad's 88th birthday, and I wondered what he and I had been up to on birthdays past. I have 50 years of diaries so I looked back and checked. The π symbol means that he and I spent his birthday together.
50 October 20th birthdays
Thu 20 Oct 1977:π Opened presents and cards before school/work. In the evening we spent two hours at a Greek restaurant - the Culverhouses were also there! [I can't remember which restaurant, where it was or what we ate, sorry] Fri 20 Oct 1978:π Dad's 40th birthday! Opened presents and cards before school/work. Managed to squeeze in a special meal - roast dinner followed by chocolate cake - between two choral commitments. [39 seemed more special] Sat 20 Oct 1979:π One of Dad's presents was the new LP by Sky [included Westway, not Toccata]. Bacon sandwiches for lunch, then Dad and my brother headed down to Vicarage Road to watch Watford beat Newcastle United two nil. Mon 20 Oct 1980:π A lumpen friend of mine from Liverpool was staying over which delayed the usual present opening. By the evening he'd gone home and Dad invited his Mum up the road for a roast dinner. Tue 20 Oct 1981:π Opened presents and cards before school/work. Bucketed with rain. In the evening Dad's BestMateFromSchool came round with his wife and the four adults had a nice meal. [my brother and I did the washing up] Wed 20 Oct 1982:π Dad had the week off work, mainly so he could repaint the parental bedroom, but he took time out to drive us to school. After school a cake was cut, then we drove to the Ponderosa in Watford High Street where Vera the waitress helped us celebrate.
Thu 20 Oct 1983: The first birthday I missed because I was now at university, although I did ring home (cheap rate) from the payphone at the top of Staircase 6. [I missed dinner because a tutorial overran so had to resort to emergency fruitcake] Sat 20 Oct 1984: Dad had a family wedding to go to, which I guess is a special way to spend a birthday. I was still at university where it was also one of my flatmates' birthdays. [the meal we cooked was chilli followed by peach melba] Sun 20 Oct 1985: Faffed around at uni reading the Sunday papers, playing board games and dropping water balloons. What it says in my diary is "happy birthday Dad, no time to phone". [sorry Dad!] Mon 20 Oct 1986: I was 150 miles away and didn't phone, but I had dropped in at home over the weekend to wish Dad an early happy birthday [roast pork and blackberry and apple pie], also to admire all the Silver Wedding cards and presents from two weeks ago. Tue 20 Oct 1987: This was the week after the Great Storm [during which the tortoise escaped] and I now had a job so once again I wasn't home. One of Dad's presents was a painting of The Green at Croxley [which still hangs in his living room]
Thu 20 Oct 1988: Dad's 50th birthday! Rang Dad after work to discover he only got 12 cards, and perhaps his best present was that he could now get cheaper car insurance. Mum cooked him an orangey apple crumble [and I got the leftovers at the weekend] Fri 20 Oct 1989:π Whizzed home after work [Dad drove over to Windsor and back, thanks] before a steak meal and Challenge Anneka. We'd have a proper meal with wine tomorrow after driving up to Norfolk [where my brother was now living] Sat 20 Oct 1990:π Again Dad spent a good hour of his birthday collecting me from Windsor, this time for an unspecial meal of chicken and apple pie. [most of the afternoon was spent cooing over the new neighbours' new baby] Sun 20 Oct 1991:π I'd been a homeowner for precisely nine days, so the whole family drove over to celebrate Dad's birthday in my new flat. Mum struggled to cook on my electric hob, then we struggled to find some matches so Dad could have candles on his chocolate cake. [Sunday trading not yet a thing]. Most of the afternoon was spent playing Lemmings and assembling my four IKEA shelf units [thanks again]
Tue 20 Oct 1992: Dad also now had a new flat, purely for work reasons, so rang him there (quite late). Wed 20 Oct 1993: Couldn't ring Dad after work because he was spending his 55th dining at a Norwich hotel. Thu 20 Oct 1994: Dad had been a grandfather for about a month, and was discovering that his birthday now played second fiddle to all things baby-related. Fri 20 Oct 1995: Obviously for his 57th I sent Dad a home-made card with a picture of a tin of Heinz beans on the front. Now retired and firmly embedded in a Norfolk village, he spent the evening at a carpet bowls match. Sun 20 Oct 1996: A birthday phone call across the miles [I decided not to mention I spent the whole of yesterday out on the town in London with friends and partners, it would only have complicated things] Mon 20 Oct 1997: Another birthday phone call across the miles [no details recorded]
Tue 20 Oct 1998: Dad's 60th birthday! Work prevented me driving over to celebrate but yes, Dad did like the thick architecture book I bought him. Another birthday evening spent at carpet bowls. Wed 20 Oct 1999: This year's gift, a Croxley Script fountain pen, also went down well. [my two-year relationship was just about to combust at this point, and it certainly didn't help that the kitten had managed to turn off the freezer] Fri 20 Oct 2000: No birthday shenanigans [but I did take Dad down to London the following weekend for a look round the new Tate Modern and the Millennium Dome] Sat 20 Oct 2001: I'd finally moved to London, and let's just say I was taking advantage [so when the birthday call came I asked my visitor to go and hide in the bedroom] Sun 20 Oct 2002: I burned Dad a CD of Beatles songs which prominently featured When I'm 64. [it was appreciated]
Mon 20 Oct 2003: After work gave Dad a call to wish him a happy state pension day, but made the cardinal error of ringing during University Challenge. [sorry! sorry!] Wed 20 Oct 2004: I didn't send a card, I emailed one [a bit lazy!]. Also Amazon delivered my gift [Grumpy Old Men, the Official Handbook] a day late. Thu 20 Oct 2005: Another birthday phone call across the miles [no details recorded] Fri 20 Oct 2006:[non event] Sat 20 Oct 2007: Too busy out on the town to call [I'll ring tomorrow]
Mon 20 Oct 2008:π Dad's 70th birthday! Day off work so I could attend a pub lunch at The Angel. [the bill for four came to Β£45, which isn't bad given I had salmon]. Several villagers popped round afterwards for a slice of cake [decorated by bowls, vegetables and a camera] Tue 20 Oct 2009: Another birthday phone call across the miles [no details recorded] Wed 20 Oct 2010: Forgot to ring home [that's bad, especially this year, sorry] Thu 20 Oct 2011:π Caught the 8.38pm train after work, dragging Dad out on his birthday to drive me home from the station at 10pm. [The following day we climbed to the top of Horsey Mill, spotted 40 seals on the coast and enjoyed Barry Cryer at the Norwich Playhouse.] Sat 20 Oct 2012:π Train to Norfolk to spend the day with Dad enjoying the town of Ely, everything except the cathedral [how much?!]
Sat 20 Oct 2018:π Dad's 80th birthday! A helium '80' balloon had been attached to the front hedge overnight. On the way to The Queen's Head a pheasant ran under the car (and never ran out). Dad enjoyed his liver and bacon. Only one grandchild attended as the other two had started jobs and moved away. Sun 20 Oct 2019: Didn't go up to Norfolk this year [which was an error given what happened next year] A phone call sufficed. Tue 20 Oct 2020: For lockdown reasons I hadn't seen Dad since my birthday, so extremely muted celebrations this year. Wed 20 Oct 2021:π A stormy day in Norfolk, thunder even. Dad's sisters rang, we cleared out some cupboards and then headed to the village hall to help an American journalist. Thu 20 Oct 2022:π A dozen cards to open and most of the presents were birdfood. Off to The Stag for lunch, and Liz Truss resigned while Dad ate his Eggs Benedict. [her constituency was visible across the roundabout]
Fri 20 Oct 2023: For Dad's 85th we were determined to go for a pub lunch, despite torrential rain and reports of serious local flooding. The drive to The Angel was very ropey with water flowing off adjacent fields like a waterfall, and the drive home was heavily delayed because apparently all roads back into the village were blocked. We sloshed home extremely cautiously, eventually, and I ended up staying an extra night because all the trains were borked. [the steak and ale pie was the only normal part of the day] Sun 20 Oct 2024:π Just me and Dad for this one as other family priorities took precedence. This year we decided against a pub lunch because it was damp out. Countryfile, Antiques Roadshow. Mon 20 Oct 2025:π Sorted through old boxes of black and white photos [there were far more from Mum's side of the family than Dad's]. Birthday lunch was eaten above a furniture showroom at a table for five, and afterwards I headed home because best not get in the way. Tue 20 Oct 2026:π I'm back up in Norfolk again, staying over, so let's see how this goes...
Shared-birthday-wise I note:
• I've shared Dad's birthday 32 times, which is just over half of the 62 times I could have been present.
• I've only been present on 36% of his birthdays, having missed out on all of the first 26.
• I attended every birthday until I went off to university, as most children do.
• Then there were 25 years when I barely attended at all, thanks to jobs and living much further away.
• Since Dad's 70th I've made much more of an effort to be together on the day.
• I think there's a lesson there.
