Brands of Britain, nay brands of the world! How would you like to wriggle your way onto London's famous tube map?
We're building a brand new cable car across the Thames, opening sometime next year, and we'd love your company to be a big part of it. Hell why not? We painted the streets of London blue for Barclays, so now we'd like your slap your name and branding all over Docklands' latest tourist attraction. Give us the cash up front, and we promise to call it the Your Name Here Cable Car, running from North Greenwich Your Name Here to Royal Victoria Your Name Here.
A commercial partner would receive a range of unique high-visibility opportunities for their brand including:
It's one step further than TfL has ever dared to go before, marketing-wise. But these are difficult economic times. We couldn't afford to hang cables across the Thames with public money, not on a commercially unviable route, so your cash will be absolutely essential in bringing this amazing project to fruition.
In future, when Londoners talk of the new cross-river connection, your name will spring to their lips. When tourists come to Docklands for a breathtaking ride, your branding will smother all their photos. And every time anyone picks up a tube map, your chosen buzzwords will burrow into their subconscious out of the corner of their eye. No matter that your company has bugger all to do with aerial sightseeing - we'll forge that link and make it stick.
A formal tender document setting out the full range of rights on offer is now available to interested parties, with the deadline for submissions in mid-July. We'll be announcing the name of the winning company later this year, so you need to send in your expressions of interest fast. To inspire you, here are a few suggestions we've received already.
McDonalds: They've got the hard cash, so surely nothing can stop this becoming the McCableCar from North McGreenwich to Royal McVictoria Vodafone: Because it would be fantastic, brand-wise, to rename North Greenwich station Vodafone, for the O2 The Liberal Democrats: In an attempt to detoxify their party's image, they'd like to inaugurate the Vince Cable Car Wonga: With so much of East London's population in serious need of extortionate loansharkery, let's rebrand this The Wonga Dangleway Some faceless insurance company you've never heard of: Odds-on favourite Tesco: In a brainstorming chamber somewhere in Cheshunt, a young copywriter has already tagged this the Tesco Express Groupon: Come ride Groupon's Gondolas (on selected dates, all subscribers enjoy 90% off the £3.50 single fare) David Beckham: In a rather presumptuous lickspittle gesture, David wants to rename the northern station Royal Victoria Beckham Barclays: Because it's always bloody Barclays, isn't it? Boris Johnson: If he can get it open before the Mayoral Elections, he'd pay to get this known as Boris Crossing BP: In a desperate attempt to boost their eco-credentials, welcome to the BP GreenLink Microsoft: Would like to rename the northern station Microsoft Office, and the DLR station nextdoor Microsoft ExCel Sky Television: It'll be the London SkyLine, I bet you White Elephant: If enough of the public gang up together, they can surely find enough donations to designate this the White Elephant cable car, from Tumbleweed to Nowhere
"You'll be able to walk home along the Greenway, I guess," says BestMate. He has a way of hinting when it's time to go home. Normally it's dark by nine so I take the tube, but not in mid June. In mid-June it's perfectly safe to take the elevated shortcut.
Earlier in the evening I'd walked the Greenway in the opposite direction. Back then it was busy with cyclists and walkers, as well as the devout making their way to prayers at the Canning Road mosque. Plus several dogs. I'm much better than I used to be around dogs, and can now usually walk straight past without inwardly quivering. Tuesday night's were all on leash, thankfully, being that growly-squat-ugly breed that several owners wield as trophies. The Greenway holds no fear for me, not in daylight.
There's always a great view from up here on the sewertop, especially on the stretch past West Ham. The towers of Canary Wharf loom in the middle distance, with the City cluster and Shard spread out across the western horizon. Further round is the Olympic Stadium, poking up behind rows of Plaistow rooftops, then a ruby skeleton that'll one day be the Orbit. Much closer by, at the foot of the embankment, is a recreation ground where evening teens slouch and kick about. All of east London is here, if you look around.
Where the railway passes beneath the pipework, a street-art gallery holds sway. The walls of the bridge are cyclically spray-painted - sometimes bright and talented, other times derivative and taggy. Often you'll see the latest artist erasing the previous masterpiece by waving his aerosols deftly across the concrete canvas. On this particular evening none of that, just a photographer and his model taking advantage of the edgy urban backdrop in the evening sun.
But that was earlier, on the walk down. The sun's much lower for my return, now a fiery red behind the rooftops. And the Greenway's much emptier too. One late-strolling couple approaching and a gang of kids playing in the distance, nobody more. Another quarter of an hour and I'd think twice about walking this way - too dark, and the escape-route exits too widely spaced. But midsummer dusk is not yet upon us, so there's still a comfort blanket of natural illumination to reassure me.
Those kids look busy - gesturing, interacting, cavorting. I hope they'll have moved on by the time I reach their benchside arena, I'd feel more secure that way, but something about their actions suggests they're intent on staying put. As I get closer I sense they're up to something much more physical, but their blurry shapes run off into the nearby estate long before it's possible to deduce precisely what. I smile, relieved at this sudden departure, and continue into the newly freed-up space.
A limping couple have been left behind. At first I assume they're elderly but no, they're two boys, late teens max. One is holding the other, an arm around the waist, plus a second arm to the forehead. He's holding that forehead very tight, as if there might be a fountain waiting to spring forth should grip ever be released. As I finally draw level I'm shocked to see that this is precisely the case. Blood masks one entire side of the second boy's face, from forehead downwards, plastering his dazed look with glistening red. Whatever those kids were doing, it wasn't playing.
Three keypresses on a concerned bystander's mobile will help to stem the flow. In the background, low to the horizon, the sun flames crimson.
What is there to do on a wet Sunday in East London when it's chucking it down. Plenty, as it turns out.
Chatsworth Road Sunday Market, E5 If you want to move up in the world, grow yourself a market. Chatsworth Roadin Clapton could certainly do with moving up, because being "that road to the north of Homerton Hospital" doesn't make any estate agent salivate. It's mostly shops, plus characterful Victorian terraces of the kind that this part of Hackney's done so well to keep. The street boasts about six dozen shops, all of them independent bar a couple of well-known bakery chains and a betting shop. But it takes more than coffee and toys and books to gentrify a neighbourhood, so the local traders have ganged up together to start a regular street market selling nice things. It's running fortnightly at the moment, with a selection of stalls offering mostly food, crafts, food, clothes and food. I managed to resist a slice of proper gooey cheesecake, because it would probably have dissolved in the rain, but I couldn't resist forking out for a "gormet" smoked ham, leek, pea and mint pie. Mini-size only, which contained fewer bites than ingredients, but the taste was delightfully non-factory. High drama ensued across the street when one shopper, of a non-market demographic, returned to her car to find it dangling in mid-air. She'd accidentally parked it in an empty bay allocated to the Sunday market, so Hackney's enforcement team had seized their chance to nip in and winch her vehicle onto the back of their removal truck. The officers' ill-chosen parking spot then created a lengthy traffic jam, the irony of which was entirely lost on them, but at least they swiftly relented and returned the hatchback to ground level. I'm not convinced that Chatsworth Road Market's worth crossing London for, not yet awhile. But for lovers of Broadway Market (closed Sundays) and its ilk, it's probably worth crossing Hackney for.
Free Range Art & Design Show, The Old Truman Brewery When you're a design student, even if you're a very good design student, it's not easy to get the wider world to take notice of your work. So there's an annual showcase event which attempts to take the best graduate projects from across the country, stick them all in an old brewery up Brick Lane, and invite the wider world inside. You'd have to know it was on, or to have visited the venue before, to find the main entrance up a back staircase labelled only with two flags. But step inside, and up to the first floor, and there's much to enjoy. The exhibition runs for two months, with a completely different set of students showing their wares each week. The University of East London semi-filled their room with semi-interesting stuff, although I was particularly struck by Peter Stevens' t-shirt portraits ("How much are they paying you to wear that?"). Barking and Dagenham College presented a more coherent display, under the straplines 'Nine' and 'Elevation', with many graphic design projects (like these anonymous killer sandwiches) raising a smile. But top marks to Maidstone University of Creative Arts, whose roomful of graphic media wiped the floor with the presentations nextdoor. Everything was linked under the title 'treat yourself', complete with branded paper bags to take round and fill with the students' sweet-themed business cards. Intelligent design, professionally delivered and even a proper website to showcase everyone's work outside the event. It was all enough to make me jealous I was born too early to have dabbled with this sort of thing at school. Back then cutting-edge graphic design peaked with Letraset, but today's students have so many more tools at their fingertips, and so many more ways to shine. Come back next weekend (Fri-Mon) to see the next batch, and again, and again, until the end of July.
LED Festival, Victoria Park They do like their summer festivals in Vicky Park. A patch of grass in the centre of the park is fenced off, good and proper, so that only those who've forked out money can see anything. A whopping great sound system is wheeled in, so that half the neighbourhood can hear every note. Add some artistes, some bars and several portaloos, and you have a cosy tent-free festival for confirmed urbanites. This weekend was the LED Festival, headlined by Deadmau5, backed up by Calvin Harris and a lot of downdirty grimestep (or whatever the official term is). Day 1 was loud enough that I could hear the muffled finale from home, a mile away, through double glazing. But I went on Day 2, after everyone had gone home, bar the poor folk whose job it was to pack away and tidy up. The main public pathway past the festival's main gate was still blocked by metal fencing, not that this stopped one determined lady out walking her greyhounds who forced apart two panels and slipped through. A few flags fluttered limply, in rain which thankfully hadn't turned Saturday's event into a mudbath. Round the far side I had to take extra care walking along the tarmac lest I was squashed flat by a passing megatruck, or empty catering van, slowly edging its way out of the park. Occasionally one of the giant gates would open, revealing the mass clean-up inside, before whatever vehicle was due to emerge emerged and the security guard slammed the gate back shut. By noon all the discarded water bottles and noodle trays had been swept away, so far as I could tell, although it might be some time before we locals get our parkland back.
Whitechapel Gallery, Aldgate East Seriously, they've given over one of the largest galleries to a man who stretches not-very-much coloured elastic into geometric shapes? And called it "a major retrospective"? So unimpressive. At least the main exhibition of Paul Graham's photographs is more interestingly talented. But it's the room filled with selections from the Government Art Collection that's drawing the crowds. Samantha Cameron's chosen a post-war Lowry, the Chief of the Intelligence Service has selected a stripy Riley, and Nick Clegg's picked a flask of tea.
Dalston Curve Garden, E8 There used to be two railway tracks curving north out of Dalston Junction. One's now a railway again, but the other's entered long-term temporary use as a communitygarden. A great idea, with its seed in the 'Dalston Mill' outreach project two summers ago. There are raised beds for vegetables, birdboxes made from fruit juice cartons, and some proper wilderness down the far end on the way to Matalan. Dripping wet on Sunday, of course, so not a hands-on gardener in sight. But if you're local, with green fingers you're itching to put to sustainable good, you'd be more than welcome.
The oldest trains on the London Underground network run on the Metropolitan line. They're older than the trains on the Bakerloo line, which hit the tracks as recently as 1972. They're older than the trains that trundle round the Circle line, which are merely in their early 40s. They're older than the last surviving Victoria line trains, due to be phased out forever at the end of the month. Oh yes, the trains that run on the Metropolitan line are much older than that. Precisely fifty years old, as it turns out. Half a century old. Today.
The Metropolitan line's very first 'A' Stock train first ran in public service on Monday 12th June 1961. A single eight-carriage train rumbled out to Watford and back, that's how it all began. They'd have looked sleek and futuristic, those silver carriages, instead of the slamdoortrains with separate compartments that passengers had previously used. Beyond Rickmansworth the Met was still run by steam, and these new trains helped to bring about the electrification of the entire service. By the time I was growing up in Metroland, mid Sixties, these splendid 'A' Stock trains were the only way to travel.
They don't look quite so futuristic now. Most of the windows are grubby, or scratched, or both. The exterior of the carriages looks worn, as if graffiti's had to be scraped off one time too many. And the interior, lit by a series of long fluorescent tubes, is dim compared to the brighter trains we're used to elsewhere. But the trains remain cosy and welcoming, not least thanks to the copious amounts of high-backed transverse seating. And the Metropolitan commuter can still count on twenty luggage racks and twenty coat hooks per carriage - a luxury you just don't get on lesser services in deep-level tubes.
Not everything about the 'A' Stock is old. Those purple poles aren't original, and neither is the pebbledash-effect plastic floor. That and the spiky moquette date back to a mid-90s revamp, which also saw the introduction of a loudspeaker system connected to the driver's cab. There aren't any automated station announcements - these are the last carriages on the network not blessed with those. But the trains still make enough quite noise all by themselves. That unique pulsing drone as the brakes kick in, that's a Metropolitan line special. The racket the motors make, like artillery fire beneath the carriage. And the loud creaking of the chassis, especially over the faster sections of track - you're unlikely to fall asleep aboard one of these.
But retirement beckons. These fifty-somethings are already being replaced by upstart 'S' Stock - shiny new trains that are as futuristic and alien to the commuters of Pinner as the 'A' Stock was back in 1961. They bleep, they swish and they announce the next station automatically in advance. They have air-conditioning rather than opening windows, which is a first for the tube. They're walk-through, for easy access, not eight separate carriages. They're a lot lot quieter, and a much smoother ride. But they're also lacking a certain Home Counties style. Those luggage racks and coathooks have gone, and so have one-third of the seats. These are trains optimised for capacity rather than comfort, which means more passengers having to stand for longer. For those lucky enough to sit down the seats are less substantial, and there are fewer with a decent sideways view out of the window. Ideal for rush hour travel between Finchley Road and the City, but less appealing for the long-distance Chesham commuter. [comparison video]
There still aren't many 'S' Stock trains in regular service, and none at all at weekends. They've only just started running as far as Aldgate, and they have yet to carry any passengers out to Amersham. But they're taking over, slowly but surely, just as the 'A' Stock did fifty years ago. And that means it's time for the 'A' Stock to depart. The old trains are being taken out of service at regular intervals, then stripped out at Neasden depot and removed from the network via a siding at Northwood. Here the doomed carriages are loaded onto a truck and carted away to Yorkshire for scrap. Life over, job done.
Carriage unit number 5004, which kicked off that inaugural passenger journey to Watford fifty years ago, remains in regular operation. Indeed it's out there somewhere on the network this very day, and various hardy tube enthusiasts will be attempting to track it down for an anniversary ride. It's hard to imagine anyone getting quite so moist-eyed about their replacements, but then it's hard to imagine the 'S' lasting a full half-century as the good old 'A' has done. Happy fiftieth birthday to the hardestworkingtrains on the Underground network. I'll miss them, and their familiar rumble, when they're finally gone.
jm_deluxe Justin Morris @ianvisits@diamondgeezer been reading your post/tweets. the way you respond to PR damages the image other bloggers are trying to improve
Apparently when I express less-than-complimentary opinions about PR agencies I am in fact ruining it for all those bloggers who'd very much like to be involved in on-message marketing. Would-be advertisers read posts like mine, allegedly, then decide to terminate their blogger outreach programmes in case everyone else is as overtly aggressive as me. No, I can't see it either.
See, I think there's a flaw in Justin's argument, which is to assume that PR companies read what I write and then hold back. They don't. They keep on sending requests, in spite of everything, and they keep assuming I'll take the bait. And I still won't.
One tactic which has cropped up several times this week (from individuals rather than PR behemoths) is the "guest post". Can we write a guest post for your blog, people ask, as if I am somehow unable to think up something coherent to write myself. What they rarely stop to consider is whether their chosen target is amenable to guest-blogging, or even whether the intended subject matter is appropriate. No, they just want an opportunity, a way in, an uncensored platform. Sorry folks, not here.
Hi, Are you looking for guest posts about diamond jewelry and engagement rings? I am talking about high quality posts and articles written by native English speakers from the diamond industry where all I request is one link back to our site at the bottom of the post in the Bio.
As opposed to high quality posts and artcles written by non-native English speakers, presumably. No thanks, Tal, I'll pass.
Hi there, My name is <name> and I am a black cab driver and tour guide in London. I really enjoy dipping into your blog - and love that you cover so much more of London than the 'Knowledge!'... I was wondering if you offered any advertising opportunities on your site - or would consider me writing a guest post on your blog?
When somebody says they love my blog, then appears never to have noticed how advert-free it is, I do wonder. Sorry, no fare today.
Good day, My name is <Dave Something> and I write for the <Property Blog Based In London> and I am looking for some exposure for both myself and my blog. Would you be amenable to my writing a guest blog for your site, please? Kind regards, Dave
I get more requests about property-plugging than anything else, closely followed by hotel-promotion. That must be where the money is. Or else where the hardest-to-shift subject matter is.
And one more, this time a chain of emails between a would-be guest-poster and myself.
Inquiry regarding sponsoring your blog diamondgeezer Hello, I would be interested to buy a blogroll or blogpost on your diamondgeezer.blogspot.com. Thanks to let me know the prices. David
Hi David A blogroll is £500000, and a blogpost is double that. Let me know which you’d prefer. dg
I prefer blogpost. David
Great. In which case a blogpost is £1000000. Will you be paying cash, cheque or electronically? dg
cash David
Even better. There’s a shrubbery along Bow Road at George Lansbury House. Please leave the million pounds there, in used notes, and then get back to me. dg
I haven't heard anything from David since.
OK, so I bet that 'David' is one of you lot taking the piss. But when it comes down to genuine PR folk seeking to offload their branded messages online, sorry, I don't believe that me throwing tantrums harms anyone else's chances. They're still going to fire out press releases and freebies, and various bloggers and journalists are still going to cut-and-paste the contents without any attempt at objective criticism.
Ian puts it better. I really ought to ask him to write a guest post on the subject.
Seven things to do this weekend 1) It's Open Weekend at Eel Pie Island. That's the private island in the Thames off Twickenham, home to all sorts of arty, creative, lucky people. There are 26 artists studios in and around the boatyard, and they throw their doors open to the public twice a year to poke around, have a chat and buy stuff. I went last December, for the "these might make nice Christmas presents" opening, and was completely won over by this most unusual corner of London. The summer opening takes place this weekend and next, and is ideal should you fancy some paintings, some pottery, or just the opportunity to say "hell yes, Eel Pie Island, I've been there." 2) It's Open Garden Squares Weekend. That's the annual horticultural shindig where patches of inner city greenery are opened up to public access, including several very private squares in the very poshest bit of town whose residents normally keep their exclusive enclaves all to themselves. Participants include Marlborough House (off the Mall), and Fassett Square (inspiration for Albert Square E20), and the Kensington Roof Gardens (an amazing hideaway above Derry & Toms) and even Belgrave Square (which is about as exclusive as London gets). Tickets cost £10, for access to everywhere all weekend, but will cost 25% less if you buy one today. Ian's put together a fine map to help you plan where to go, thanks Ian. One year I'll even go myself. 3) It's the London leg of the World Naked Bike Ride. Expect 1000 cyclists to turn up in Hyde Park, strip off, and then ride on a circuit round the centre of town from 3pm onwards. Don't come purely for a potential eyeful, this is a serious protest against the dominance of petrol-driven transport. Check the wiki, all details are there ("The finish area will not be a venue for prolonged naked socialising") 4) It's Trooping The Colour on Saturday. Except you should have applied for tickets back in February. Watch out for the flypast at 1pm. 5) It's the London Map Fair. If you like old cartography, and your bank account can take the strain, you'll find maps from all around the world for sale at the HQ of the Royal Geographical Society, SW7. 6) It's Harrow Open Studios. That's 34 artists showing you how they make and paint stuff. In Harrow. This weekend and next. 7) It's Out of This World at the British Library. This is a major exhibition full of great science fiction from the library's collection, which means lots of books in dimly-lit glass cases opened at intriguingly futuristic pages. One display case, for example, contains both the original edition of Thomas More's Utopia and the notebook in which George Orwell scribbled down his ideas for Nineteen Eighty Four. The accompanying information traces the development of this fictional art form, and will probably make you want to rush off and read several of the novels on show. Alas the library's bookshop has missed a trick in only having a handful available to purchase, and there's no obvious reading list up for grabs either. No rush if you plan to visit, the exhibition's open until September.
It's five years today since I last flew off on an overseas holiday. The Outer Hebrides counts as overseas, doesn't it? Ah, Luskentyre, I've missed you. A little further afield next time, I think...
Aren't some tube travellers rubbish at getting rid of their rubbish? They'll leave newspapers, cans, newspapers, crisp packets, sandwich wrappers and newspapers all over a train, given half a chance. Especially newspapers. A significant proportion of tube train litter is people leaving their newspapers behind for someone else to read, which usually starts off as a well-meaning attempt at recycling and ends up with eight pages of property supplement scrunched across the floor. How intriguing to see Metro newspapers heading a campaign to get people to throw their Metros away quicker, reducing readership. But yes, litter, bad thing.
And about time too. For far too long there's been a ridiculous absence of litter bins on the tube, ostensibly because evil terrorists might hide bombs inside them and kill people. But TfL have had a solution to this particular problem for years - the clear plastic binbag. Wouldn't it be conducive to a tidier underground if there were a few more clear plastic binbags hanging around the tube network. Yes, absolutely, and now there are.
No, stop it. That's meaningless press-release-speak. If I travel from Bow Road to work on the tube, I won't encounter a single binbag on my journey. Bow Road, I'll have you know, is a totally binbagless station. There's no plastic binbag dangling on the westbound platform, none on the eastbound platform, none on the stairs and none in the ticket hall. There is a Metro newspaper holder just inside the front door where evening commuters chuck their leftover Evening Standards, but that isn't a proper bin. Even if you step outside the station, where there's a huge empty area set back from the pavement, there's still no litter-chucking facility. There is a bin round the corner, courtesy of Tower Hamlets Council, but it's not in any way conveniently placed for emerging passengers. For all practical purposes, Bow Road is a "take your litter home with you" station.
Here's something I didn't previously know, from later in the article. "All rubbish placed in any of our stations bins is sorted and we recycle everything that we can." There was me holding back from chucking my newspaper in a TfL plastic binbag because I thought it was only for rubbish, but it turns out they're really recycling binbags after all. Excellent.
Right, so we're including litter bins within walking distance, are we? How far is walking distance? Presumably the bin twenty seconds out of Bow Road station counts, even if people can't be bothered to walk to it. How about the bin by the bus stop? What about the bins on Roman Road, ten minutes walk away? I'm sorry but "walking distance", unless quantified, is a totally meaningless statistic.
Hurrah, 166 more bins, and they've gone in "over the last few months". But hang on, how much of a triumph is this? There are 270-odd stations on the tube network, so this equates to less than one extra binbag per station. I don't know how expensive a plastic bag on a plastic hoop is, but I'm guessing installing 166 hasn't exactly broken the bank. What we appear to have here is an over-excitable press release attempting to make good progress sound like incredible success.
800 litter bins equates to about three per station, or about one dangly binbag per platform. It's not a uniform distrubution either - some have more, some have less, as the binbaglessness of my local station testifies. Alas there still aren't anywhere near enough bins to convince travellers they'll definitely find one on their way out of a station. Yes, sure, there are now more waste disposal opportunities than before, but the tipping point's not yet been reached.
Oh Boris, they're plastic bags on plastic hoops, they don't sparkle. But they are cheap. If you could possibly lay your hands on several hundred more, and space them out more equally, then the tube might finally have a litter policy worth celebrating.
Look, I just wondered. When is the DLR extension from Canning Town to Stratford International finally going to open? It was always going to open in "Autumn 2010", according to maps in stations, but then there were problems with signalling and it got delayed to 2011. TfL hired lots of new train staff, long since poised and ready, but then postponed again to "late Spring 2011". And now we're on for opening in "summer2011", thanks to problems with the contractors, or something. It's mysterious, that's for sure, especially when DLR projects have traditionally launched early rather than several months late. There's one school of thought, following the officialline, which says the new extension "will be ready for fare-paying passengers in July." I've seen another comment that "a staff member told me they had expected the DLR extension to open this weekend, but that it was cancelled at the last minute." And then there's the apparent news that "Duty roster has now been issued running to the 21st August, with no provision for Stratford International opening, so don't expect it to be open until at least September." What is going on here?
My money's on the DLR extension launching just before Westfield (which opens on 13th September), so that Boris can announce the timely opening of a splendiferous new transport link into Stratford's stupendous new shopping centre. That's my wholly unfounded theory. But you'll probably think differently. So I thought I'd run a Stratford International DLR Sweepstake. You predict the week you think the new extension will finally open, and we'll see who gets closest to reality. Bung your selection in the comments box, and I'll add your name to the list.
I think the Stratford International DLR Extension will open... » w/b 12th June: (your name here) » w/b 19th June: Island Resident » w/b 26th June: martin, John » w/b 3rd July: Herb of Romford, peel_acres » w/b 10th July: Dan » w/b 17th July: Adam S » w/b 24th July: Waterhouse, Chingford Flaneur, Dominic » w/b 31st July: gt » w/b 7th Aug: EskimoPie, FishIslandSkin » w/b 14th Aug: Mark Garth, Mark P » w/b 21st Aug: Timbo, PC, SELondoner, H » w/b 28th Aug: Barry, Karen, Daniel, Blue Witch » w/b 4th Sept: diamond geezer, CornishCockney » w/b 11th Sept: D-Notice, swirlythingy, Dave B » w/b 18th Sept: Peewit, Richard » w/b 25th Sept: Matthew Dickinson » October or later: allotmentqueen, arobba
Some time yesterday, the latest consultation maps for the Olympic Route Network updated. Nothing major, just a long-planned tidying-up, but with a few extra bits added for good measure. So I thought I'd better bring you the new map for Stratford High Street, because that's the truth about the future, and I don't want yesterday's post to become an archive of misleadingness.
What's new? Well, the Bow Flyover now appears, complete with blue and orange colouring. The blue means it's part of the Alternative Olympic Route Network, which means Olympic vehicles will be sent this way should the main ORN get blocked. But if all goes well then these blue roads should continue to flow normally, even at the height of the Games. Meanwhile the orange indicates that one eastbound lane will be closed. Halve the amount of traffic coming over the flyover and it'll reduce congestion down Stratford High Street - good for Stratford, bad for Bow. There's one other added extra on the map, up Marshgate Lane... "Access Closed". Here's where the residents of Central House normally drive their cars in and out through an automatic gate, but this'll be staying firmly closed during the Games. The world's largest sporting event is taking place up their street, so emerging hatchbacks pulling out in front of coachfuls of visitors would never do. Don't worry, they'll cope. Oh and look, the arrow in the bottom left corner no longer says "ORN towards the Olympic Park" (they've shifted that elsewhere, and it's correct). Instead the arrow says "ORN towards the Central London". If you're not in an official vehicle, it could be a long journey into the Central London next summer.
They've already released details of how the Olympics may restrict your ability to travel around London by train. Now they're releasing details of how the Olympics may restrict your ability to travel around London by road. Not simply which roads are to be part of the Olympic Route Network - that's old news - but information about precisely which lanes, slip roads and turns and will be prohibited. They've been dripfeeding details of these closures, area by area, as part of a lengthy consultation process. And the latest area to go up for public scrutiny covers the roads encircling the Olympic Park itself. People of Bow, Stratford, Leyton and Hackney Wick, here's your chance to see what the summer of 2012 mightlooklike. Expect delays.
The complete raft of ORN information so-far released can be found here. Consultations on Phases 1and 2 are already complete, and we're now into Phase 3 (which'll eventually include roads in and around Greenwich, but they're not online yet). Finally, later, comes Phase 4, which includes most of the major central London closures and may therefore make the mainstream media sit up and listen.
Here, as an example from phase 3, is the map showing the impact of the Olympic Route Network on part of Stratford High Street. That's the Bow Flyover roundabout on the left, with the Blackwall Tunnel Approach Road running top to bottom. The flyover itself isn't shown, only the off-ramp running along the centre of the road towards Stratford. And top right is Marshgate Lane, one of the most important entrances to the Olympic Park, especially if you're a VIP guest or sponsor.
What of the specifics? Boo, they're closing the bus stop closest to Marshgate Lane. But hang on, that's OK, they're merely relocating it temporarily, closer to the roundabout. Shifting the bus stop permits the creation of a short Games Lane, the top yellow strip on the map, to be operational 18 hours a day. Across the carriageway is another Games Lane, this time replacing the existing contraflow, which becomes a shortcut to the roundabout for Olympic traffic only. That's the reason why traffic from Cooks Lane and nearby blocks of flats is to be barred from turning right, it's "turn left towards Stratford" only. Meanwhile, inbetween those two Games Lanes, only a single lane remains for all other traffic. Cars, buses, lorries... if they're not on official Olympic business, this is where they'll be squeezed. Off-peak, that might not be too bad. But hey, it's Games Time, so life's not going to be terribly off-peak around here. We mere mortals can expect lengthy additional delays and traffic jams, while the Olympic Family will continue to nip round unfettered in the Games Lanes alongside.* * You may hate this invasive transport precedence, but get used to it, that's how the Olympics works. When they come to your city, you make space, that's the rules. Like it or lump it, London has no choice.
No such problems running west. There'll be no Games Lanes here, only a reversed contraflow (which almost nobody currently uses), creating a three-lane exit to the roundabout. Those two orange strips on the map represent lane closures underneath the flyover, which might sound bad but won't really inconvenience anybody either. And all those 'A's all over the map, they stand for "no stopping at any time", much the same as if this were an ordinary red route. Could be worse, quite frankly.
One thing that will be worse is the Games Lane underneath the Bow Roundabout. The A12's going to be one lane narrower in both directions here, which will slow down traffic flow something rotten. This interchange is an absolute linchpin of the Olympic Route Network, and the bad news is that these lanes will be sealed off for longer. Most Games Lanes only apply between mid-July (Olympic start) and mid-September (Paralympic end). But "the Route from Bromley-by-Bow to Lea Interchange will be needed for Games preparations and is expected to operate from late June until mid September 2012". That's three whole months of lane closures, when the Games is only on for one. Meanwhile, apparently, the Bow Flyover eastbound will be slimmed down to a single lane for the duration of the Games. This flyover closure doesn't appear on any map, it's only disclosed on the Consultation page. You really have to hunt around to uncover some of this stuff.
Sorry, I've bored you silly with specifics about the road junction at the bottom of my road. It is, admittedly, a desperately important junction close to the Olympic Park (which you've arrowed in the wrong direction on the map, TfL). But dig carefully and you might uncover something more locally relevant to you. Numerous lane closures on/off the A12 in Hackney Wick. An entire road junction in Old Ford whose layout is being redesigned by LOCOG. The impossibility of driving your car into Westfield for a fortnight or two. The extra circuit around Tower Hill for non-Olympic traffic. I could go on.
To have your say, use the Consultationtools provided, or drop in at one of several public events over the next few weeks. Whatever happens, don't suddenly act surprised and angry in a year's time when roads start closing and lanes get sealed off. They warned you. Make sure you listened.
I used to think that London's most unnecessary bus station was at Dagenham Dock. A three-lane interchange in the middle of almost-nowhere, served by only one bus, paid for with more than £3m of public money. But no, as of Saturday there's a far more convincing candidate. Ten different bus routes pass by Dalston Junction, but only one of these makes use of the newly-opened Dalston Junction bus station. And all this for nearer £63m of public money. Uneconomic, unnecessary and unforgivable.
The railway cutting into what used to be DalstonJunction had lain derelict for quarter of a century before the Overground came along. We can reuse that, TfL thought, and sketched out a new urban railway arriving in the town centre at basement level. Everything was planned, agreed and funded when someone suddenly came up with a fresh idea. What Dalston really needed, they argued, was a central bus station. A turnaround where new bus services could terminate, and an interchange where passengers could connect with the new Overground. And there was one obvious place to locate it, which was on a concrete slab built across the top of the railway line. Plans for "The Slab" gathered pace, and gathered costs, so a parallel series of highrise residential blocks was added to recoup some of the money spent. These aren't yet complete, but the seven-bay bus station over the railway is now up and running. A most important public transport interchange, planners had claimed. Alas it hasn't quite turned out like that.
Dalston Junction reopened to the travelling public last year, but the southern entrance into the bus station remained sealed off until a couple of weeks ago. Even then there were no buses to catch. A series of metal barriers blocked the roadway, restricting passage to a single pedestrian thoroughfare. Only on Saturday were they pulled aside to allow the first bus services to roll out onto the Kingsland Road [photo]. Dalston's Oxfam shop had to be knocked down to create this gap in the high street - potentially two lanes wide, but for some reason only a single exit lane has been built. Instead inbound buses have to approach via a turn into Forest Road, some considerable distance to the south. Picture the layout as a long thin one-way bus station situated parallel to the main road. Umpteen London suburbs are home to something similar. But none are quite so useless as this.
The original plan was for all local bus services to sidle into the new interchange as they passed by. Not the four east/west services, because they'd face too lengthy a detour having to turn off at the main traffic lights. But five other services which run along Kingsland Road would definitely pass through. Except, as it turned out, this routeing wouldn't be efficient for buses running south. With the bus station being one-way, they'd have to run straight past the exit and enter at the far end, heading round in a big loop which would pass along the same 100yd stretch of road twice. It was later decided that passengers simply wouldn't stand for the delay, so this diversion hasn't happened. Buses running north would have found it easier to nip in, but TfL now seem to have decided that even this isn't practical. Today dozens of 67s, 76s, 149s, 242s and 243s pass Dalston's new bus station every hour, but not one single vehicle drives inside.
So the new bus station has been dedicated to terminating services only. And there's only one of those, the 488. You can't catch anything else here, only the runty single decker to Shacklewell, Clapton and Bow. Five buses an hour, that's all this £63m bus station can muster. And that's five departures - there are zero arrivals. All inbound 488s turf passengers off early because there's no provision for a bus stop at the entrance, which allows drivers to run into the bus station empty, park up on the stand and rest awhile. They have a wide choice of places to park too. Seven bus stands are marked out on the concrete, complete with 'safe' yellow walkways for any drivers keen to nip off to the restroom and make themselves a cup of tea. Seven bus stands of which generally only one will be occupied, by a single passenger-less 488 [photo]. Two pedestrian walkways pass to either side, safely barriered-off to prevent any would-be passenger from straying out in front of an every-twelve-minutes bus. They had such high hopes for this interchange on the drawing board, but the reality is a bleak, deserted, vehicle-free strip of concrete.
It was never planned this way. Part of the mess is down to Crossrail 2, which might one day pass this way, and the need to safeguard the ground for future tunnelling. But the real blame must be down to the deluded optimist who gave the go ahead for the bus station in the first place, without ever realising how impractical its one-way layout would be to use. Instead businesses were demolished, housing schemes repurposed and £63m of public money spent... and all for five buses an hour, outgoing only. Dalston Junction has, surely, London's most unnecessary bus station. May nobody ever waste future millions on somewhere worse.
Route 488: Bromley-by-Bow - Dalston Junction Location: inner London northeast Length of journey: 6 miles, 35 minutes
Every now and then, but not too often, one of London's bus routes extends. Sometimes there's a new development to connect, sometimes a new road to follow, and sometimes a new part of London to serve. Yesterday the 488 did the latter, extending from Clapton Pond to Dalston Junction. Along the way it nipped down Rendlesham Road and past Shacklewell Green, neither of which had a direct bus service before Saturday. And now they do. So that's great... apart from the huge white elephant at the end, of which more tomorrow. I took a ride.
The 488 starts outside my local supermarket. One day this'll be Britain's first 'TescoTown' - a newbuild hypermarket surrounded by housing, a primary school and hotel. But for now it's just an under-performing retail outlet alongside a concrete dual carriageway. Oh yes, it's an ideal place to get away from. A twelve minute gap between buses is just long enough for a collection of mostly-pensioners with shopping to accumulate in the bus shelter. They don't want to go to Dalston Junction, they don't even want to go to Clapton Pond, they just want to lug a couple of bags of groceries home. Or, on the journey I took, a grubby black pushchair part-filled with bread, milk and olive spread. The old lady pushing this makeshift trolley struggled aboard and up the aisle, then slowly took her seat as the bus edged out onto the Blackwall Tunnel Approach Road. I assumed she'd be on for a while, but no. As soon as the bus had done its loop-under and reached the bus stop on the opposite side of the road to Tesco, off she pushed. I could have walked through the subway quicker... but she very obviously couldn't. Never underestimate the communal importance of a door-to-door bus service.
On through Bow, dropping off another three-stop passenger, but this one fit enough to have walked. His seat was taken by a bloke with a stepladder, plus a holdall full of tools which took up the entire luggage space. No problem, it's not a busy route the 488. At each stop a poster announced the 488's extension to its new final destination, not that I imagine many E3 residents give a damn about a direct link to Dalston. The last pair of Tesco shoppers hobbled off at Roman Road, because the one thing this famous shopping street no longer has is a decent supermarket. And a few of us meandered on, back under the A12 and through the streets of Hackney Wick. They've got new red-ended bus shelters along Kenworthy Road, I noted, but there was nobody waiting.
Along Homerton High Street a corpulent boy appeared in the doorway, begging with the driver to wait for his mum. She panted up several seconds later, clearly even more unused to running than her son. "It's not a taxi," he taunted, although our driver had kindly paused as if it were. They stayed on through the detour round Homerton Hospital, then nipped off quarter of a mile later, sugary drinks in hand. Another group of three kids lasted only one stop, this time each clutching a box of ketchup-soaked chips. There appeared to be an inverse correlation between the number of calories a 488 passenger consumed and how long they stayed aboard. Why walk the streets of Hackney when there's a waistline to increase?
We soon pulled in opposite Clapton Pond, where the 488 used to terminate. I wondered whether anybody would get on to do the new bit, but nobody did. This could have been due to the travelling public not yet realising the new bit existed, but it was probably because TfL haven't yet removed the plate saying "488 alighting point only" from the bus stop. At least I wasn't alone on the bus, a mother and daughter stayed aboard as we ventured into newly-served streets. Mmm, narrow roads and speed humps - always a challenge for both driver and passengers. We welcomed two more passengers on board at a spanking-fresh bus stop in the Nightingale Estate. An elderly couple this, one with a walking stick, and precisely the kind of Hackney residents this extended bus route is designed to assist. Going all the way.
At a sharp corner on the edge of Hackney Downs, two 488s met. That won't have happened before, but the two drivers deftly squeezed and manoeuvred their vehicles through without quite scraping anything. Across to ShacklewellGreen, which had the look of an engulfed village centre whose time had passed. The 488's arrived too late to save Jeff's Grocery from closure, but maybe the remaining handfulofshops and Caribbean cafe are ripe for renaissance. I spotted a few residents looking up as our bus passed by, unused to seeing a big red vehicle round these parts. But nobody climbed aboard, we were too near our destination for that.
Tell a lie, two girls did. They were clutching a big white box which I suspect contained a cake, and were evidently unwilling to carry it down busy Kingsland High Street on foot. Further conclusive evidence of food-related laziness, I fear, or perhaps they thought the bus was going further than it was. I thought the bus was going further than it was. I was expecting the 488 to roll into the brand new bus station beside Dalston Junction, the one specially built for it, but no. Instead the "this bus terminates here" message kicked in at the stop on the opposite side of the road, and we remaining passengers had to get out and use the pedestrian crossing. The bus drove on empty, when it could perfectly easily have kept us aboard. And it's only when I followed on foot that I discovered the huge white elephant I mentioned earlier. Oh my word. And yes, I'll tell you more tomorrow.
"Looking forward to a post maybe on the outcome of the ticket ballot..." (EskimoPie)
But I've already written a post on the outcome of the ticket ballot, three months ago. It was mostly accurate too, I reckon.
Dear Mr and Mrs Smith, Thank you for applying for tickets for London 2012. You applied for
✖ ZO001 Opening Ceremony (27 Jul 19:30-22:30) 2 tickets @£20.12 ✖ AT005 Athletics - 100m final (6 Aug 18:50-21:55) 2 tickets @£50 ✖ DV016 Diving - 10m platform final (11 Aug 20:30-22:10) 2 tickets @£50
You were successful in none of your bids. We have not taken any money from your account. You will not be coming to the Olympics, loser. Perhaps you should have considered the laws of supply and demand a little more carefully before you applied for the three most popular sessions on the list. Love Seb
"How did the Olympics ticket application go DG? So many people seemed to have missed out..." (MarcB)
Yes, hasn't there been alotofcomplaining? But nothing that couldn't have been predicted five months ago. The entire application process may have been inept, over-secretive and ill-devised, but at the end of the day it was always going to be a lottery. And in a lottery, get used to it, not everybody wins.
"For goodness sake, stop moaning, what did you expect? Living in London doesn't give anyone carte blanche to swan into the 100m final for nothing, for heaven's sake. Get a sense of scale. There are only 80,000 tickets for the opening ceremony so the price is irrelevant, you aren't going to get one. Indeed there are only 8.8 million tickets up for grabs altogether, which is sufficient for just 1 in every 7 Britons to turn up just once. The big story isn't going to be how much the tickets cost, the big story is going to be how few people get any." (dg, 16 October 2010)
"Did you get any Olympics tickets DG?" (David)
Yes, thanks. Plural.
"Do you know what Olympics tickets you got yet?" (Kirk)
No. I can't work it out from the total amount of money they've taken, and they're not confirming anything for up to three weeks. But I'll see you down the Park.
I think this PR gem merits publishing in full. Nearly in full, anyway.
Dear Diamond Geezer, I hope that this email finds you well and that you're having a wonderful long-weekend!
Chirpy start there from Georgia.
I've been catching up on Diamond Geezer and would like to invite you to an exclusive event which we are hosting this coming week. It's a Champage Cocktail Blogger Meetup at the newly refurbished <Brand Name> <Location> Hotel.
Ooh, I love champage, it's one of my favourite drinks.
After all of your work opening up the wonders of London to us all, I think you deserve a night of spoiling! We think that you would really enjoy the event, and after providing us with so many gems to enhance our experience of city (I especially enjoyed your off-peak ticket train map! very enlightening) it's our way of saying hello, and thank you! I personally would love to meet you and hope that you will consider attending. :-)
A night of flattery and spoiling? How exciting. Or perhaps not.
The event will include everything you could possibly want out of a Thursday evening - from mingling with other fascinating bloggers, to sampling brand new cocktails, to food demonstrations (including, I hear, demonstrating how to get prime cuts from a whole lamb! - optional, of course).
I don't know about you, but that's not sounding like my ideal Thursday evening. No offence, fellow "Travel, Lifestyle and Food & Drink bloggers".
It would be absolutely wonderful to see you there - I have included a copy of the invitation below. Please let me know if you can make it - I hope you can! With warm wishes, Georgia
She's charmingly polite, Georgia. Just wholly mistargeted.
You are cordially invited to a Blogger Meetup at The <Brand Name> <Location> Hotel... Thursday 2nd June - 6pm - 8.30pm • Champagne cockatils and canapés upon arrival • Meet and mingle with a select group of fellow Travel, Lifestyle and Food & Drink bloggers from across the South • Exclusive 'behind the scenes' tours of the hotel by the General Manager and his head staff • Cocktail and Food demonstrations and sampling! • Meet and chat with the Head Chef, Concierge, Bar Manager and Head of Events • Be some of the first to experience our newly redeveloped restaurant and rooms, as well as our new Summer Cockatil menu
I'm quite perturbed by the idea of a Summer Cockatil menu. I don't normally eat parrot.
• Exclusive first look access to an exciting <Brand Name> competition for your readers!
Sorry, readers, but my moral rectitude has denied you the opportunity to partake in a central London hotel room landgrab. Deepest apologies.
We look forward to meeting you! To RSVP, or if you have any questions, please contact georgia@...
So I emailed Georgia back, within ten minutes, saying thanks but absolutely no and please read the blog more carefully. And I got Georgia's "Out of Office" email by return.
If you need to speak to someone urgently, please call our HQ on <01xx xxx xxxx>, or you can contact my department at Online.PR@<companyname>.com
There followed a perfectly civilised email conversation over the next half hour, in which I assured her no offence had been taken and she pledged that her company wouldn't contact me about any future "opportunities". Result.
But it wouldn't surprise me if a number of other bloggers couldn't resist Georgia's kind offer to meet up last night. Do keep your eyes peeled across the internet, just in case.
There's been a splurge of regional civic art galleries in recent years - MIMA in Middlesbrough, the Nottingham Contemporary, the Turner Contemporary in Margate, to name but three. All were planned and budgeted before the recession, arriving fortuitously in time to raise the hopes of their local communities. Now there's one more, possibly the last of the bunch, which opened less than a fortnight ago to critical acclaim. Welcome to The Hepworth Wakefield, in Wakefield. Londoners may need to click here to remind themselves where Wakefield is. Please feel a frisson of parochial shame as you do so.
The Hepworth is dedicated to the memory of sculptor BarbaraHepworth who grew up and studied locally. She's famous for her abstract sculptures, many of which might be described as curved geometric lumps with holes in, although that's to undersell their excellence. Two of her most well-known works are Single Form, which stands outside the UN Building in New York, and Winged Figure, which adorns the outer wall of John Lewis in Oxford Street. The Hepworth has neither of the originals, obviously, but it does have a number of smaller pieces and associated works. Not everything in the new gallery is Barbara's - there's a mix of contemporary sculpture and art throughout. But as a showcase of her work in the town where she was born, The Hepworth's concept and execution are excellent.
As you'd expect, the building's striking. It rises from the waters of the River Calder as a collection of slant-roofed grey boxes, with only a handful of irregular windows to break the featureless exterior [photo]. A little more conformity and you might think "trading estate warehouse", but instead there's a definite hint of artistic content. Pedestrian access is via a long thin footbridge across the river [photo], which places the new building in its former quayside context. Visitors walk first past a famous outdoor Hepworth sculpture [photo], then past the café (as a big hint that they might like to go inside and spend some money later). And then inside through the entrance where, oh yes, admission is free. Recession or no recession, Britain's still damned good at offering cultural excellence to all.
All the galleries are upstairs on the first floor. Not surprisingly, gallery number 1 is devoted to getting us acquainted with Ms Hepworth's work. A handful of works, no more than five, are spaced out on plinths for due inspection - enough to get the general idea. One pair looks like two owls with their eyes in the wrong place, another like a giant egg-shaped string instrument... or maybe that's just me. It's fascinating to discover, further round, how Barbara's creations were constructed. She was evidently an expert in so many fields - construction, metalwork, chemistry, as well as pure art. The Hepworth has been gifted a number of her plasters (from which casts were taken), displayed in a gallery dominated by a floor-to-ceiling prototype of that John Lewis angel. It's a shame there aren't more large-scale sculptures on show, to be honest, but I guess they're much better suited to outside display elsewhere.
It's not all Hepworths, The Hepworth. Henry Moore was a local, so he gets a look in too. There's a room full of Hepworths In Context, which allows the curators to show related works from the same era. They've not forgotten that Wakefield's long had a renowned civic art collection, so a sprinkling from that is on proud display. And there'll always be a temporary exhibition, the first of which showcases Irish sculptor Eva Rothschild. I quite liked her hand-crafted structures, coated mostly in organic black, although the collection felt a bit too Saatchi-Gallery to completely satisfy me.
This week, being new, The Hepworth was mostly full of locals taking a first look around. Retired couples, young couples, dear old ladies, men with beards - all seemed delighted and engrossed to have this new opening in their community. This week, being half term, The Hepworth was also full of children being taken round by their parents. They too were absorbed, even those whose parents looked like they might never have been round another art gallery in their lives. I too was impressed - an hour well spent, and that's without indulging in the café afterwards. Given a choice between here and the Turner Contemporary, sorry Margate, I'd come here. Whether it's worth a lengthy trek from London, that's another matter, but oh you lucky folk who live up North, Wakefield's opened a treat.
Also to enjoy in Wakefield • Wakefield Cathedral: Ancient it is. Tallest church in the whole of Yorkshire. Recently won a £1½m lottery grant for restoration and redevelopment. [photo] • Chantry Bridge: Old bridge with quaint medieval chapel halfway across. Still opens for communion once a month. Turner came and painted it. Visible out the window from the Hepworth. • Trinity Walk: New shopping mall, just opened, aimed at more aspirational shoppers than the rest of Wakefield town centre. Clothes, food and more clothes. • Yorkshire Sculpture Park: To make a day of it, and if you have transport, head a few miles out of Wakefield to this outdoor jewel.
Slough's bus station used to be a gloomy thing. A dark brick Brutalistbox with a car park on top, and passengers doomed to wait inside until their means of escape arrived. An echoing vault, devoid of comfort, sunlight and joy. You'll have seen it featured in the opening credits to The Office, as not sponsored by the local tourist board. Well, as of last weekend, Slough's old Brunel bus station is no more. The final number 81 bus rolled out just after midnight on Saturday morning, and the entire building was sealed off ready for demolition. A few hours later the first number 81 of the day pulled in at Brunel's replacement, just round the back, in The Heart of Slough. This is a very different beast - silver, curved and swooping with a long double tail. I can best describe it as a frogman's flipper with a headlamp at one end, the latter being the first-floor window of the bus drivers' canteen. Passengers get to wait out in the open air again, though mostly sheltered beneath a long aluminium swoosh. A series of automatic doors lead out to ten numbered bays, which appear quite easy to drive a bus into but take a fair bit of reversing to get back out of. Residents of Slough have swiftly got the hang of using the new building, because it's not rocket science, it's only a bus station. But not everybody's impressed. "Was the new Slough bus station designed by a knob of an architect who doesn't actually use a bus?" asks Susie on Twitter. Lemonpillows reckons there's "pitiful cycle rack provision". And toyosi says "Waste of space, no shelter from the elements" and wonders if it was built by a "dick head scientist". Maybe it looks better than it performs. But then it isn't quite finished yet. Once the old bus station is demolished, which should be by the end of the summer, the architects will nip back to extend the tail on the roof into the vacated space. With a new entrance off the main road, and a prime position near the railway station, councillors hope their new modern infrastructure will revitalise the public profile of the town. Whether those who'll have to use the bus station every day will love it quite so much remains to be seen.
I tell you all this not because you're interested, but because you may be watching reruns of The Office one day and I'd hate you to think it still looks like that.
Brands of Britain, nay brands of the world! How would you like to wriggle your way onto London's famous tube map?
"You'll be able to walk home along the Greenway, I guess," says BestMate. He has a way of hinting when it's time to go home. Normally it's dark by nine so I take the tube, but not in mid June. In mid-June it's perfectly safe to take the elevated shortcut.
If you want to move up in the world, grow yourself a market. Chatsworth Road in Clapton could certainly do with moving up, because being "that road to the north of Homerton Hospital" doesn't make any estate agent salivate. It's mostly shops, plus characterful Victorian terraces of the kind that this part of Hackney's done so well to keep. The street boasts about six dozen shops, all of them independent bar a couple of well-known bakery chains and a betting shop. But it takes more than coffee and toys and books to gentrify a neighbourhood, so the local traders have ganged up together to start a regular street market selling nice things. It's running fortnightly at the moment, with a selection of stalls offering mostly food, crafts, food, clothes and food. I managed to resist a slice of proper gooey cheesecake, because it would probably have dissolved in the rain, but I couldn't resist forking out for a "gormet" smoked ham, leek, pea and mint pie. Mini-size only, which contained fewer bites than ingredients, but the taste was delightfully non-factory. High drama ensued across the street when one shopper, of a non-market demographic, returned to her car to find it dangling in mid-air. She'd accidentally parked it in an empty bay allocated to the Sunday market, so Hackney's enforcement team had seized their chance to nip in and winch her vehicle onto the back of their removal truck. The officers' ill-chosen parking spot then created a lengthy traffic jam, the irony of which was entirely lost on them, but at least they swiftly relented and returned the hatchback to ground level. I'm not convinced that Chatsworth Road Market's worth crossing London for, not yet awhile. But for lovers of Broadway Market (closed Sundays) and its ilk, it's probably worth crossing Hackney for.
Free Range Art & Design Show, The Old Truman Brewery
They do like their summer festivals in Vicky Park. A patch of grass in the centre of the park is fenced off, good and proper, so that only those who've forked out money can see anything. A whopping great sound system is wheeled in, so that half the neighbourhood can hear every note. Add some artistes, some bars and several portaloos, and you have a cosy tent-free festival for confirmed urbanites. This weekend was the LED Festival, headlined by Deadmau5, backed up by Calvin Harris and a lot of downdirty grimestep (or whatever the official term is). Day 1 was loud enough that I could hear the muffled finale from home, a mile away, through double glazing. But I went on Day 2, after everyone had gone home, bar the poor folk whose job it was to pack away and tidy up. The main public pathway past the festival's main gate was still blocked by metal fencing, not that this stopped one determined lady out walking her greyhounds who forced apart two panels and slipped through. A few flags fluttered limply, in rain which thankfully hadn't turned Saturday's event into a mudbath. Round the far side I had to take extra care walking along the tarmac lest I was squashed flat by a passing megatruck, or empty catering van, slowly edging its way out of the park. Occasionally one of the giant gates would open, revealing the mass clean-up inside, before whatever vehicle was due to emerge emerged and the security guard slammed the gate back shut. By noon all the discarded water bottles and noodle trays had been swept away, so far as I could tell, although it might be some time before we locals get our parkland back.
The oldest trains on the London Underground network run on the Metropolitan line. They're older than the trains on the Bakerloo line, which hit the tracks as recently as 1972. They're older than the trains that trundle round the Circle line, which are merely in their early 40s. They're older than the last surviving Victoria line trains, due to be phased out forever at the end of the month. Oh yes, the trains that run on the Metropolitan line are much older than that. Precisely fifty years old, as it turns out. Half a century old. Today.
They don't look quite so futuristic now. Most of the windows are grubby, or scratched, or both. The exterior of the carriages looks worn, as if graffiti's had to be scraped off one time too many. And the interior, lit by a series of long fluorescent tubes, is dim compared to the brighter trains we're used to elsewhere. But the trains remain cosy and welcoming, not least thanks to the copious amounts of high-backed transverse seating. And the Metropolitan commuter can still count on twenty luggage racks and twenty coat hooks per carriage - a luxury you just don't get on lesser services in deep-level tubes.
But retirement beckons. These fifty-somethings are already being replaced by upstart 'S' Stock - shiny new trains that are as futuristic and alien to the commuters of Pinner as the 'A' Stock was back in 1961. They bleep, they swish and they announce the next station automatically in advance. They have air-conditioning rather than opening windows, which is a first for the tube. They're walk-through, for easy access, not eight separate carriages. They're a lot lot quieter, and a much smoother ride. But they're also lacking a certain Home Counties style. Those luggage racks and coathooks have gone, and so have one-third of the seats. These are trains optimised for capacity rather than comfort, which means more passengers having to stand for longer. For those lucky enough to sit down the seats are less substantial, and there are fewer with a decent sideways view out of the window. Ideal for rush hour travel between Finchley Road and the City, but less appealing for the long-distance Chesham commuter. [comparison video]
Look, I just wondered. When is the DLR extension from Canning Town to Stratford International finally going to open? It was always going to open in "Autumn 2010", according to maps in stations, but then there were problems with signalling and it got delayed to 2011. TfL hired lots of new train staff, long since poised and ready, but then postponed again to "late Spring 2011". And now we're on for opening in "summer 2011", thanks to problems with the contractors, or something. It's mysterious, that's for sure, especially when DLR projects have traditionally launched early rather than several months late. There's one school of thought, following the official line, which says the new extension "will be ready for fare-paying passengers in July." I've seen another comment that "a staff member told me they had expected the DLR extension to open this weekend, but that it was cancelled at the last minute." And then there's the apparent news that "Duty roster has now been issued running to the 21st August, with no provision for Stratford International opening, so don't expect it to be open until at least September." What is going on here?
Olympic update
I used to think that London's most unnecessary bus station was at Dagenham Dock. A three-lane interchange in the middle of almost-nowhere, served by only one bus, paid for with more than £3m of public money. But no, as of Saturday there's a far more convincing candidate. Ten different bus routes pass by Dalston Junction, but only one of these makes use of the newly-opened Dalston Junction bus station. And all this for nearer £63m of public money. Uneconomic, unnecessary and unforgivable.
Dalston Junction reopened to the travelling public last year, but the southern entrance into the bus station remained sealed off until a couple of weeks ago. Even then there were no buses to catch. A series of metal barriers blocked the roadway, restricting passage to a single pedestrian thoroughfare. Only on Saturday were they pulled aside to allow the first bus services to roll out onto the Kingsland Road [photo]. Dalston's Oxfam shop had to be knocked down to create this gap in the high street - potentially two lanes wide, but for some reason only a single exit lane has been built. Instead inbound buses have to approach via a turn into Forest Road, some considerable distance to the south. Picture the layout as a long thin one-way bus station situated parallel to the main road. Umpteen London suburbs are home to something similar. But none are quite so useless as this.
So the new bus station has been dedicated to terminating services only. And there's only one of those, the 488. You can't catch anything else here, only the runty single decker to Shacklewell, Clapton and Bow. Five buses an hour, that's all this £63m bus station can muster. And that's five departures - there are zero arrivals. All inbound 488s turf passengers off early because there's no provision for a bus stop at the entrance, which allows drivers to run into the bus station empty, park up on the stand and rest awhile. They have a wide choice of places to park too. Seven bus stands are marked out on the concrete, complete with 'safe' yellow walkways for any drivers keen to nip off to the restroom and make themselves a cup of tea. Seven bus stands of which generally only one will be occupied, by a single passenger-less 488 [photo]. Two pedestrian walkways pass to either side, safely barriered-off to prevent any would-be passenger from straying out in front of an every-twelve-minutes bus. They had such high hopes for this interchange on the drawing board, but the reality is a bleak, deserted, vehicle-free strip of concrete.
Route 488: Bromley-by-Bow - Dalston Junction
The 488 starts outside my local supermarket. One day this'll be Britain's first 'Tesco Town' - a newbuild hypermarket surrounded by housing, a primary school and hotel. But for now it's just an under-performing retail outlet alongside a concrete dual carriageway. Oh yes, it's an ideal place to get away from. A twelve minute gap between buses is just long enough for a collection of mostly-pensioners with shopping to accumulate in the bus shelter. They don't want to go to Dalston Junction, they don't even want to go to Clapton Pond, they just want to lug a couple of bags of groceries home. Or, on the journey I took, a grubby black pushchair part-filled with bread, milk and olive spread. The old lady pushing this makeshift trolley struggled aboard and up the aisle, then slowly took her seat as the bus edged out onto the Blackwall Tunnel Approach Road. I assumed she'd be on for a while, but no. As soon as the bus had done its loop-under and reached the bus stop on the opposite side of the road to Tesco, off she pushed. I could have walked through the subway quicker... but she very obviously couldn't. Never underestimate the communal importance of a door-to-door bus service.
We soon pulled in opposite Clapton Pond, where the 488 used to terminate. I wondered whether anybody would get on to do the new bit, but nobody did. This could have been due to the travelling public not yet realising the new bit existed, but it was probably because TfL haven't yet removed the plate saying "488 alighting point only" from the bus stop. At least I wasn't alone on the bus, a mother and daughter stayed aboard as we ventured into newly-served streets. Mmm, narrow roads and speed humps - always a challenge for both driver and passengers. We welcomed two more passengers on board at a spanking-fresh bus stop in the Nightingale Estate. An elderly couple this, one with a walking stick, and precisely the kind of Hackney residents this extended bus route is designed to assist. Going all the way.
There's been a splurge of regional civic art galleries in recent years - MIMA in Middlesbrough, the Nottingham Contemporary, the Turner Contemporary in Margate, to name but three. All were planned and budgeted before the recession, arriving fortuitously in time to raise the hopes of their local communities. Now there's one more, possibly the last of the bunch, which opened less than a fortnight ago to critical acclaim. Welcome to The Hepworth Wakefield, in Wakefield.
As you'd expect, the building's striking. It rises from the waters of the River Calder as a collection of slant-roofed grey boxes, with only a handful of irregular windows to break the featureless exterior [photo]. A little more conformity and you might think "trading estate warehouse", but instead there's a definite hint of artistic content. Pedestrian access is via a long thin footbridge across the river [photo], which places the new building in its former quayside context. Visitors walk first past a famous outdoor Hepworth sculpture [photo], then past the café (as a big hint that they might like to go inside and spend some money later). And then inside through the entrance where, oh yes, admission is free. Recession or no recession, Britain's still damned good at offering cultural excellence to all.
It's not all Hepworths, The Hepworth. Henry Moore was a local, so he gets a look in too. There's a room full of Hepworths In Context, which allows the curators to show related works from the same era. They've not forgotten that Wakefield's long had a renowned civic art collection, so a sprinkling from that is on proud display. And there'll always be a temporary exhibition, the first of which showcases Irish sculptor Eva Rothschild. I quite liked her hand-crafted structures, coated mostly in organic black, although the collection felt a bit too Saatchi-Gallery to completely satisfy me.
Slough's bus station used to be a gloomy thing. A dark brick Brutalist box with a car park on top, and passengers doomed to wait inside until their means of escape arrived. An echoing vault, devoid of comfort, sunlight and joy. You'll have seen it featured in the opening credits to The Office, as not sponsored by the local tourist board. Well, as of last weekend, Slough's old Brunel bus station is no more. The final number 81 bus rolled out just after midnight on Saturday morning, and the entire building was sealed off ready for demolition. A few hours later the first number 81 of the day pulled in at Brunel's replacement, just round the back, in The Heart of Slough. This is a very different beast - silver, curved and swooping with a long double tail. I can best describe it as a frogman's flipper with a headlamp at one end, the latter being the first-floor window of the bus drivers' canteen. Passengers get to wait out in the open air again, though mostly sheltered beneath a long aluminium swoosh. A series of automatic doors lead out to ten numbered bays, which appear quite easy to drive a bus into but take a fair bit of reversing to get back out of. Residents of Slough have swiftly got the hang of using the new building, because it's not rocket science, it's only a bus station. But not everybody's impressed. "Was the new Slough bus station designed by a knob of an architect who doesn't actually use a bus?" asks Susie on Twitter. Lemonpillows reckons there's "pitiful cycle rack provision". And toyosi says "Waste of space, no shelter from the elements" and wonders if it was built by a "dick head scientist". Maybe it looks better than it performs. But then it isn't quite finished yet. Once the old bus station is demolished, which should be by the end of the summer, the architects will nip back to extend the tail on the roof into the vacated space. With a new entrance off the main road, and a prime position near the railway station, councillors hope their new modern infrastructure will revitalise the public profile of the town. Whether those who'll have to use the bus station every day will love it quite so much remains to be seen.
