Thank you for your many suggestions of tickylists I might want to tackle. To test their suitability I went exploring in Tower Hamlets yesterday, and am pleased to bring you part one of what might be a lengthy series...
Every Green Space In London Officially Designated As A ‘Park’ 1)St John's Park
Welcome to St John's Park on Manchester Road in the Isle of Dogs. It's irregularly-shaped and almost exactly one hectare in area, roughly half of which is taken up by a play enclosure with slides and humpy bits. Another corner is taken up by two porous macadam tennis courts, leaving a relatively small area for general exercising and picnicking. I can confirm that the park hosts a Man In An Orange Hoodie who visits, possibly regularly, to throw bread at innumerable pigeons. It also has some very nice metalwork, be that the gates at each of the four entrances or the pergola in the flower bed which is bedecked with iron birds. Tower Hamlets has over 120 parks and green spaces, of which 17 are specifically called Something Park, and that's just one boroughsworth so expect this feature to last for ages. Next up, Shandy Park.
Every Crescent in London 1)Jubilee Crescent, E14
Welcome to Manchester Road again. This is Jubilee Crescent, the jubilee in question being the Silver Jubilee of King George V in 1935. A company called R&H Green & Silley Weir Ltd wanted to create a set of retirement homes for former shipbuilders and this elegant curve of 28 flats is the result. They built larger flats downstairs and smaller flats upstairs, with access to the top lot very much not step-free so they'd never get built today. The rent was initially 2s 6d per week, the central balcony includes oval reliefs of the King George and Queen Mary and out front is quite a nice private lawn. It's remarkably difficult to tot up quite how many Crescents Tower Hamlets has, let alone the whole of London, but I know there are 20 crescents simply called The Crescent so probably hundreds altogether. Next up, Ordnance Crescent.
Every ‘Locally Listed’ Non-Designated Heritage Asset in Tower Hamlets 1)Bollards at Brokesley Street
Welcome to Hamlets Way, a footpath which hugs the northern edge of Tower Hamlets Cemetery. It used to be called Cemetery Row and has never been open to vehicular traffic, only those on foot, riding bikes or pushing carts. Within the cluster of bollards at the end of Brokesley Street one is modern concrete, three are smooth metal of indeterminate age and one is properly unusual. It's lower than the others with an octagonal tip, a subsidiary ring of recessed grooves and a ribbed body. It looks like a Gothic drill bit has poked through the pavement cracking the slabs as it emerged - very cyberpunk! It's marvellous but alas uncatalogued online other than as Tower Hamlets asset LS186. My borough currently has 210 locally listed buildings, including the road surface in Garford Street and a lamp column on Hermitage Wall. Next up, Morpeth Lodge.
Every Santander Cycle Hire Docking Station 1)Lindfield Road
Welcome to Lindfield Road, a street in Poplar where you can hire bikes. As you can see not many people have done this because almost all the docks are full, but this is not a particularly cycly part of town. Lindfield Road's docking station opened on 31st July 2010 and has 44 spaces. It's ideally located for anyone who intends to walk their dog in Bartlett Dog Park across the road, or who wants to visit the site of The Sussex Arms, a former pub on this very street corner. The closest residence is the recently built Mellor Court, which is not named after the currently Strictly contestant. London has 788 Cycle Hire docking stations so you can look forward to two more years of these reports, or just one year if I decide to cycle between docking stations to speed things up. Next up, Stainsby Road.
Every ‘Site of Importance for Nature Conservation’ in London 1)Elf Green
Welcome to Elf Green, a patch of grass roughly halfway between Shadwell and Limehouse. It's just off Elf Row, a cul-de-sac near Cable Street, but you undoubtedly knew that. Rarely have I been so underwhelmed by a green space, a half-mown arena surrounded by flats with bins in one corner and a ring of commemorative trees in the middle. What might have been a wildflower meadow is instead populated with nettles, and the only evidence of wildlife is a large curl of unbagged dogmess decaying on the lawn. Even the Elf Green community noticeboard is entirely empty, suggesting nobody really gives a damn. Tower Hamlets has 35 Sites of Importance for Nature Conservation so I hate to think how many of these there are capitalwide. Next up, Saffron Avenue Pond.
Every Council Waste Tip in London 1)Yabsley Street
Welcome to the Thames foreshore on the outside of the bend round Blackwall Reach. The northbound bore of the Blackwall Tunnel passes directly underneath which is why there's a mushroom-shaped vent in the corner of the site. Officially this is Tower Hamlets' Re-use & Recycling Centre because calling it a tip is passé, you're not so much throwing stuff away as giving it fresh life. Come inside and you can wave goodbye to white goods, furniture, gas bottles, books, CDs, engine oil, printer cartridges and old copies of the Yellow Pages. I've lobbed more than one microwave into its bottomless skips. That whiff is coming from the Waste Transport Station nextdoor where the dustcarts unload, so what a pleasant quest this is turning out to be. Next up, Kimpton Park Way (although I don't have Sutton ID so all I'll be able to do is stand outside).
Every Public Library and Seeing If They Stock A Particular Book 1)Canary Wharf Idea Store
Welcome to the Churchill Place shopping mall at Canary Wharf, a bolthole for bankers seeking a mid-morning Starbucks or a Barclays cashpoint. Tower Hamlets may call its libraries 'Idea Stores' which is a bit up itself, but hell yes, the majority are still open on Sundays. I decided to see if they stocked Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel, because that felt appropriate, but upon reaching the shelves I was left disappointed. I also checked the Large Print shelves, the Audio Books and the Core Collection but no joy there either. I could have walked away with Bring Up The Bodies, but I know never to start with the middle book in a trilogy so walked away empty handed. By my calculations London still has about 240 public libraries, so this literary quest could continue daily until next May. Next up, do they have Moby Dick at Botwell Green?
Every UK Cheese Made With UK-Sourced Milk 1)Cornish Yarg
Welcome to the cheese counter at the big Waitrose in Canary Wharf. Tower Hamlets doesn't have hipster delis like many other parts of London so this'll have to do. I could have selected a hunk of Cropwell Bishop White Stilton or Wensleydale with Cranberries, alternatively Daredevil Chilli Organic Cheddar, Thelma's Caerphilly, Snowdonia Pickle Power or No. 1 Vintage Red Leicester. Instead I thought perhaps a wedge of Cornish Yarg - no doubt with a milky taste, somewhat sharp, simultaneously crumbly with mushroomy undertones. And then I thought hang on, there is no well-defined inventory of British cheeses, this isn't a tickylist it's merely a quantitative challenge, so I don't have to go ahead with this ridiculous idea. Seriously, what were some of you thinking?
Every Ex-Airfield in London:(mostly housing estates these days) Every County Hall across the UK:(not worth going to Carlisle for) Every Grade I Listed Building in London:(Waltham Forest is the only borough with zero) Every High Street/High Road in London:(this might bore you silly) Every Heritage Railway in the UK:(not during a cost of living crisis, thanks) Every Crossing of the Thames:(even Wikipedia can't manage a definitive list) Every Bus Station in London:(of seriously minority interest) Every Historic Drinking Fountain in London:("and oh look this one doesn't work either") Every Platform at Every London Mainline Terminus:(a properly anal challenge) Every Telephone Exchange in London:(if you're that interested, do it yourself)
Route 241: Stratford City to Royal Wharf Location: London east, outer Length of bus journey: 5 miles, 27 minutes
Crossrail may have opened four months ago but only yesterday did the last tweak to the bus network take place. Route 241 was finally extended across the Royal Docks from Prince Regent to Royal Wharf, giving residents of the new Thameside estate a link to Crossrail at Custom House. The delay has been while TfL waited for the developers to provide appropriate access and facilities, and given how little they've actually done I'm not sure why it took so long. I went for a first day ride to see how well the extension had been introduced (spoilers - 6 out of 10), and ended up down a dystopian tunnel in a fake flat.
The 241 starts round the back of Westfield, as it has since 2011, its job to whisk shoppers back to Plaistow and estates south of the A13. Weary souls with bulging bags wait alongside budget fliers assembling for a coach ride to Stansted. The Men Who Tweak Bus Stops have done a good job of notifying passengers that route 241 has been extended, with a big poster in the shelter and another on the bus stop promising fresh links at existing frequencies, even if there isn't yet a new timetable. Admittedly you'd have to be mad to take the bus from here to Royal Wharf because the DLR gets there in half the time and is 5p cheaper, but I jump aboard anyway.
We launch off into a 21st century landscape of towers and concealed cuttings, because crossing the railway hereabouts isn't easy. New flats are erupting in the last remaining gaps, other than the awkwardly-shaped coach park reserved for the threatened MSG Sphere which thankfully remains empty. The 241 tackles Stratford's two-way system in the direction you didn't used to be able to go, so is the only route to serve the lonely stop opposite the bus station. We pick up a couple of passengers, plainly heading against the flow, and spin round the gyratory towards West Ham Lane. I note that negotiating Stratford has required two enormous loops to travel what's barely quarter of a mile as the pigeon flies, and has been made more tortuous by 80% of the traffic lights being against us.
Beyond Stratford it gets a lot less snazzy, a lot more Newham. We pass Victorian terraces and lacklustre postwar flats, and parades of shops that sell non-Westfield staples like kitchen roll, flavoured vapes and halal ribs. Only the area immediately around Plaistow station bucks the trend, thrusting upwards with as-yet unoccupied towers, before reassuringly the laundrettes and kebab shops reappear. The 241's role is to peel off down Balaam Street, which I blogged about in January because it's the B116 so won't drone on about again (save to say the fountain in Plaistow Park is no longer frozen over).
Having deposited several passengers in Plaistow proper we continue down New Barn Street, where the boarded-up pub at the foot of Stubbs Point has been demolished since lockdown. Then we swoosh underneath the A13, thanks to the foresight of engineers who built a double-decker-friendly underpass, and find ourselves in the socially lowly environs of Freemasons Road. Crossrail appears at the far end like a visitor from the future, where a horde of gamers is streaming off the upper concourse for a day of button-pressing inside ExCeL. It's barely been 20 minutes but here we are at what used to be the end of the route, which is Prince Regent bus station, which is where every other passenger gets off.
Just me for the extension, then. This is not unusual on Day One, but TfL will be hoping numbers pick up soon. Past allotments growing pylons, past bland hotels for ExCeL delegates staying overnight and across the Connaught Bridge. The views from the top deck are outstanding, specifically the full length of the Royal Docks in both directions, overlooking City Airport at one end and with Canary Wharf rising at the other. To hit the jackpot try to cross as a mini jet roars off overhead. On the opposite side of the docks are the other branch of the DLR, a heck of a lot of flats and the Thames Barrier, not that you can see it, only a bus stop named after it. And then finally we turn into Royal Wharf.
I've been writing about this mega-estate since 2017, a densely-packed upthrust of 3000 modern homes only 17% of which are affordable because screw the locals. It got its Starbucks early, then a Sainsbury's, later a river pier and eventually a pub. But only this weekend has it got its bus route, a double decker looping one-way round the full half-mile of Royal Crest Avenue. We get some startled looks, including one resident whipping out his phone to snap the alien phenomenon and another eyeing up the bus with a leery 'phwoar' as if he's spotted a big-bosomed woman. Life aboard the bus is less fun thanks to innumerable speed humps and also wondering whether we'll ever reach a bus stop.
Because they've only erected the one stop, it seems, not quite anywhere near the shops. Everyone who needs the bus instead has to walk over to the edge of the pocket park, opposite the coffee shop and overlooked by a windowful of puffing gymgoers, which is one of the few bits of roadside that isn't also a car parking space. Here buses terminate before returning round the loop so there should be a big yellow-edged rectangle saying Bus Stand but instead it says Bus Stop and has room for just one vehicle. There's no bench and no shelter either, despite the fact the driver won't let you aboard until he's finished his snacks and is ready to depart.
And most self-destroyingly, no timetable. Various residents come over to stare at the amazing new bus stop - it wasn't here last week - but nothing has been posted behind the glass to tell them where services might be going. All that effort in extending a bus route to pastures new but The Men Who Tweak Bus Stops have failed to provide the most basic of information. Even the yellow 'route extension' poster they've added at stops along the original route would have been wildly helpful but nobody thought to add it here, and that was a clientele lost. Hey folks you can now get to Crossrail in six stops, they should have screamed, but hopefully residents will work that out later.
I've arrived on the day of the Royal Wharf Summer Fete, a somewhat upbeat claim given it's now autumn. On the adjacent lawn a ring of stalls displays artsy craftsy things, the local fitness crew seek new members and entertainers are over-exciting a handful of small children with party games. Nearer the river a cluster of food trucks offer vegan pizza for 9.5, presumably pounds, and an excess of specially-hired litter pickers wander the promenade brandishing empty binbags. It's just like any other local community fete except it's been funded by housing developers so visitors are being handed branded plastic water bottles and free glasses of prosecco.
The latest development they're trying to flog is called Riverscape and fills a thin sliver alongside Lyle Park. To reach the show flat you enter a mysterious black tunnel on the waterfront, more reminiscent of a theme park than a housing estate, and keep walking into the symmetrical gloom towards a distant light. Then at the far end you step to one side and through a door into a gorgeously laid-out interior with stunning views across the Thames towards Docklands. "Are you looking to buy?" asks the saleswoman, and I confess I'm not but it does look very nice and she just smiles.
Afterwards I walk down the pier and see the deception for what it is. The show flat isn't one of the apartments they're building here, it's a single-storey box dropped on the promenade much closer to the river than anyone one will actually live, so an evil sham. The tunnel is just a cunning way to disorient visitors because by the time you reach the end you have no idea where you are, or that you're standing in a prefab on the waterfront, you just think 'wow'. They've even built a wall around the entrance to the tunnel so you can't see past or over, and in summary what I'm saying is that a bunch of sly bastards have now got a regular bus service, and that's the only 241 offer you'll find round here.
A finite list, generally geographical in nature, which I can tick off until eventually complete.
My challenge to visit every 1km×1km grid square in Greater London is a good example, even if technically it was more of a tickygrid than a tickylist.
A good tickylist is well-defined and finite.
A good tickylist is challenging but doable.
And a good tickylist can be a lot of fun.
A good tickylist would be "visiting all the London boroughs".
There are 33 London boroughs and all you have to do is set foot in each of them.
In reality a little further definition is required.
What counts as "setting foot in"? (I say vehicles and trains don't count)
Are we including the City of London? (I always say yes, pedants say no)
And what timescale are we talking about? (any time ever, or since a certain date?)
If you're a diamond geezer reader living in London I'd hope you have indeed been to all 33.
But I suspect a lot of Londoners haven't, maybe even a majority.
» Hillingdon's easy because it contains Heathrow, but Harrow's much harder.
» Newham's probably a dead cert, but Havering's much more easily missed.
» Bromley's huge, but who ever makes a special effort to go to Bexley?
» Croydon has a certain magnetism, but Sutton's very easily skipped.
Personally I've been to all 33 boroughs in the last three weeks, but I'm not normal.
A bad tickylist would be "visiting all the pubs in London".
Sure it'd be fun to do, but also expensive, over-abundant and utterly imprecise.
What exactly is a pub anyway, where's the dividing line with 'bar' and 'restaurant'?
Even if you take Camra's definition and use their database, at last count it contained over 4000 pubs and by the time you got to the end of the list it would be horribly out of date.
A better tickylist would be "drinking in a pub in every London borough", or "drinking in every Fullers pub in London", because they're much better defined. You could just try "how many different London pubs can I drink in?" but that's not a tickylist, that's a quantitative challenge.
Here are some tickylists I've completed:
✔ Ride the whole of the tube network (n.b. not necessarily every scrap of track)
✔ Ride every London bus route for at least one stop (I've done this twice, in 2018 and 2022)
✔ Enter or exit every London station in zones 1, 2 and 3
✔ Stand at the highest point in each London borough
✔ Cross every bridge across the Thames in London
✔ Set foot in every (ceremonial) county in England
✔ Set foot in every (preserved) county in Wales
Here are two tickylists I've not completed:
✘ Enter or exit every London tube station (I'm pretty sure I've never been to North Wembley)
✘ Ride the full length of every London bus route (The Ladies Who Bus achieved this awesome target)
These two failures might surprise you. Both tickylists are very much on brand for me, but my long-term record-keeping is insufficient to tally the former and I can't afford the ridiculous amount of time needed to complete the latter.
Here are some tickylists I'm doing well with;
✔✘ Visit all the nations of the UK (like many Britons, I've never been to Northern Ireland)
✔✘ Visit every English city (just Carlisle, Lancaster, Sunderland and Ripon to go)
✔✘ Visit every 100km×100km grid square in England & Wales (just NW, OV, SM, SR and SV to go)
✔✘ Visit the 50 largest English towns and cities (Sunderland, Warrington, Huddersfield, Oldham and Blackburn remain)
✔✘ Visit the 22 principal areas of Wales (I'm just over halfway)
And here are some tickylists I'm never going to complete:
✘ Visit all 92 football league grounds (I'm stuck on 3)
✘ Visit every European country (I've only managed 12 out of 44)
✘ Have sex in every London borough (still 22 unbonked, it turns out)
✘ Walk the length of every British B Road (I stopped after the first 26)
✘ Buy a coffee in every London Starbucks (sorry, you may have mistaken me for someone else there)
Now that I've completed my London grid square tickylist I could really do with another tickylist to keep me occupied. Something plausible, doable, affordable, enjoyable, even mildly formidable, and not just a never-ending quantifiable challenge.
And you might consider tackling a tickylist too. All you need is a good idea within your scope of capabilities and a list on a sheet of paper or in a spreadsheet. If you've not yet been to all 33 London boroughs, seriously, start there.
Route 241: Stratford City to Royal Wharf
