1) A row of PaintedLadies, with scores of tourist photographers cropped out.
2a) The Powell/Hyde Switchback Rollercoaster ride. Hold very tight please.
2b) Waves, rocks and Bixby CreekBridge on Highway 1 south of Monterrey.
3a) The Golden GateBridge disappears upwards into the fog.
3b) Feel like jumping? Dial 1-800-SUM1LUVZU.
4a) Coit Tower, probably the only hosepipe-shaped monument in the world.
4b) Pitchside at the ballgame. They might be Giants.
5a) It wouldn't have surprised me to see a licensed dog at the wheel.
5b) The road sign at the top of the crooked section of Lombard Street.
5c) There are many faults in California, but a diamond guy could live here.
5d) April is cherry blossom month (and strawberry/artichoke season too).
Jetlag quotient: None yet, despite the fact I've been awake since 7am yesterday (or maybe that's 3pm yesterday). Fog index: Nil, so there was a streetmap-perfect view over San Francisco just after the 747 took off from the airport. Sights seen: I'm a lucky bloke. I got shifted at the last minute into the window seat in the exit row. I gawped as we flew directly over the Golden Gate Bridge, caught a glimpse of the northern shores of Lake Tahoe, stared down at cloud-free chunks of the Rockies and (9 hours of total legroom later) swooped into Heathrow past Legoland Windsor. I'm a complete sucker for aerial views, and this sucked big time. Weight gain: Nil. I knew walking up all those contours was a good idea. Home again: San Francisco is a fantastic city and I can see why BestMate moved there. I'll be glad to go back. But London is also a fantastic city, and I can see why I still live here. Glad to be back.
Sights seen (1) Monterey Aquarium: Monterey Bay is famous for its sealife, a deep offshore trench providing the perfect habitat for diverse marine species. Many of these can be found in Monterey's state-of-the-art aquarium, from sea-otters to sharks and from octopi to anemones. Kids on spring break rushed from tank to tank, gawping at the jellyfish and touching the rays. An impressive collection, mixing biology, ecology, arts and culture. Star Trek IV was filmed here, with whales George and Gracie living happily in the tide pool. Immediately outside the aquarium lies Cannery Row, made famous by John Steinbeck's 1945 novel, but now a sardine-free street full of tourist tat. Sights seen (2) BigSur: No, it's not the name of a leather daddy from the Castro, it's a world-renowned beauty spot 150 miles from San Francisco. We took Highway 1 along the spectacular Pacific coast south of Monterey, the road hugging close to the cliffside. Towering bridges crossed creeks, ravines and canyons, while down below huge waves swept across rocks and deserted beaches. After 20 miles we reached Big Sur, a long 'town' of campsites, cabins and hiking trails. Impenetrable mountains poured down like giant fingers, cloaked with conifers. We took lunch at Nepenthe on a terrace looking out high across the ocean. The building was originally bought by Orson Welles and Rita Hayworth on their honeymoon, but they never once returned to live here. I wouldn't mind coming back. Fog index: Warm and toasty in the front seat of the jeep, cool and windswept in the back seat.
Seismic activity: We drove along Highway 280, immediately alongside the San Andreas Fault. In places a cracked crevice is visible, in others the valley broadens to hold a long deep lake filled with still blue water. Beautiful, and long may it stay that way. Retail therapy: There are no mini iPods in the SF Apple Store. The bearded assistant told me there were none in stock with a fixed corporate grin on his face, so I shall have to live without mini music for a few more months. I shall in fact be returning home with no foreign goods of any kind, having completely failed to take any advantage whatsoever of the current weak dollar. I suspect that US Customs will deport me from their country as a failed consumer. Number of photos taken: 22 Flying home: tomorrow
The baseball season kicks off in America this week, so we headed down to SBC Park to watch a game that isn't cricket. More rounders, I thought. The San Francisco Giants were playing the Milwaukee Brewers in a newish stadium by the bay, perfect for a three hour night out (starting at 6pm so it was all over before East Coast TV bedtime). We had tickets in the lower box, down near the pitchside, surrounded by a sea of blokes wearing not-quite tasteful black and orange clothing. I sat next to an extra-keen extra-loud dad who'd brought his 2-year-old son to the game (and had first brought the lad along at the age of 2 days). The son spent most of his time looking the other way, eating cotton candy and dribbling in my beer.
Unlike soccer, nobody watches the whole game in one sitting. Between innings, even during entire innings, half the crowd head off to stuff themselves with carbohydrate and grease. There are nine innings in a game, each lasting no more than twenty minutes, and sometimes an innings can be over in a flash without a ball being hit. Missed. Missed again. Missed again. Out. Repeat.
Baseball is a sports anorak's dream, and surely the only sport where the statistics stretch to three decimal places. But tonight, on my diamond debut, a real-life baseball record was set. Local hero Barry Bonds hit his 661st home run, edging into all-time third place behind national legends Hank Aaron (755) and Babe Ruth (714). The ball sailed out of the park and landed in the waters of McCovey Cove where it was rescued by a fan in a kayak, presumably with an eBay auction at the ready. The crowd leapt to its feet and roared, there were fireworks, and Barry put in a lap of honour. Extra-keen dad missed history because he was off buying grease. But I was there.
Across the bay (1) Berkeley: Berkeley (pronounced as in jerk, not woof) is home to the University of California. I took the BART train underneath the bay, a silvery rail service from the 70s that still looks highly futuristic today (apart from the blue cloth seat coverings). There is a Berkeley Square in the town, but the noise I thought could have been nightingales turned out to be the song of a bleeping pedestrian crossing. I took a stroll across the university campus, a compact woodland grove of academia. Today saw the start of voting in the annual student elections, so the leafy pathways were packed with campaigning fervour. One candidate for the Senate walked around holding a huge placard advertising his blog (here), while another thrust a leaflet into my hand urging me to vote Misha for President (I'm actually 39, my dear, but bless you for not noticing). Across the bay (2) Golden Gate Bridge: You can drive across, you can bike across, but I chose to walk across. The bridge isn't gold in colour, it's actually painted 'international orange', but the stretch of water it crosses is called the Golden Gate. Sir Francis Drake (and various Spanish explorers before him) completely failed to spot the bay entrance through thick fogbanks more than 400 years ago. No fog today, so there was a perfect view of the bridge, the bay and San Francisco's skyscraper spires in the distance. It's two miles from one side to the other, so the full span can be walked briskly in half an hour flat, just so long as you can keep out of the way of the bikes and the oncoming tourists. If you're feeling suicidal there are telephones spaced across the bridge offering crisis counselling, although today you could have stopped a passing nun and asked her for salvation instead. On reaching the northern side I was disappointed to discover nothing more than a car park, but there was still the joy of the return walk across one of the modern wonders of the world. A golden wonder indeed. Fog index: Inbound cumulus and sunny intervals. Seismic activity: It's over-rated. Oversize portions: I visited Ghiradelli Square, very briefly, having been warned the place was a tourist trap. It was, but the Ghiradelli cafe did sell hot white chocolate. It's gorgeous. I want to go back and drink a gallon more. Number of photos taken: 72 (mostly bridge shots)
Sights seen (1) Museum of Modern Art: A very modern five-floor museum full of art, photography, sculpture and design. Special exhibitions included a collection of 90s art (including Hirst, Emin and a blow-up Manga doll), the history of Pop Art (featuring Jasper Johns' seminal Flag, plenty of Warhol and much of the Lichtenstein that's not currently at the Hayward), plus a Dyson cleaner in a glass case. Mighty fine. Sights seen (2) Cable Car Museum: Not so much a museum, more the wheelhouse at the hub of the historic cablecar network. A quartet of giant wheels rotate at a steady 9.5mph, turning thick cables that ratchet the city's streetcars uphill. Walk downstairs and you can see what look like spinning B-movie flying saucers in a subterranean chamber, diverting the cables down the four slopes of Nob Hill. I looked around for 15 minutes, then rode a cablecar back down Powell Street trying hard not to think about what was holding us to the hillside. Sights seen (3) CarolChanning: We (somehow) acquired free tickets to go see an 83-year-old Broadway legend appearing back in her hometown to reminisce about life and her extra-long career. Carol swept on stage at the Geary Theater dressed in a thick blond wig and silver-sequinned mini skirt, and charmed the audience with showbiz tales and the occasional song and dance number. She rambled into unscripted anecdotes, and there were tons of references to American icons and Hollywood chums I'd never heard of, but a true trouper captivates no matter what. We were treated to her two signature classics - Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend and Hello Dolly - and for an encore she brought on her newlywed husband for a tea dance. "Look at the old girl now, fellas. It's so nice to have you back where you belong." Fog index: Low wispy cirrus, all-day sunshine. Seismic activity: No shakes. Oversize portions: Max's Restaurant serves food supersize. The Whole Lotta Chicken Pot Pie was a bowl the size of a dinnerplate, filled with chicken and vegetables, topped off with a light pastry covering. I finished the lot, plus most of a giant chocolate eclair the size of a meatloaf. Contours ascended: Maximum. This morning I climbed the highest hill in the city - Twin Peaks (originally named after a pair of native breasts, but nominal decency now prevails). I walked from the valley below to both of the fog-free summits, buffeted by ocean winds. Easter's not a public holiday weekend here, so me and a coachload of Japanese tourists had the fantastic panoramic views to ourselves. One trader at the top had a van selling drinks and snacks, plus there were two traders selling long-sleeved sweatshirts to windswept tourists, those keen to get fleeced. Number of photos taken: 43
Sights seen (1) The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence: There's nun stranger in San Francisco than The Sisters, a group of white-faced drag queens with glamorous habits. Founded exactly 25 years ago, this group of ostentatious do-gooders vow "to promulgate universal joy and expiate stigmatic guilt". In other words they love nothing better than to dress up in stilletos and wimples and have a good time. To celebrate their silver anniversary, the Sisters held an Easter party in Dolores Park, open to all-comers. Crowds gathered on the grassy slopes to watch the alternative entertainment, including the Easter Bonnet Contest, the Doggie Costume Contest and a little bit of politics. It dragged at times, but then drag was the order of the day. There were plenty of bunny ears, bonnets and beards, although by no means everyone had dressed specially for the occasion. Alas we had to leave this unique village fete just before the winner of the Hunky Jesus Contest was crowned. Freaky, but never freakish. Fog index: All-day fog/cloud, apart from a sunny slot from noon to 3pm. I'm told that this is typical summer weather. Seismic activity: Continuingly undetectable. Contours ascended: Few. It is possible to walk across the city on the flatter roads, if you choose your route carefully. Presidential election boredom threshold: Very little at the moment because the national media remain completely Iraq-obsessed. Pages and pages about who might have said what three years ago about intelligence that might have warned someone that something bad might be about to happen maybe. Me, I'd prefer a little presidential election boredom to all this pointless retro-analysis. Number of photos taken: 3
Sights seen (1) Wine Country: Today we took a 200-mile round trip around the grapelands. We jeep-ed alongside the Russian River up the Sonoma Valley, reapplied the suntan lotion, then returned down the touristier Napa Valley. At the head of Napa lies Calistoga, a town of geothermal spas, mud baths and upmarket trinkets. Vineyards line the valley south for miles, most open to the public for tours and tastings. The local police must find rich pickings arresting visitors for drunk driving. Hordes of gruff Harley bikers were out in force, riding up and down the valley with black tin helmets and full facial hair, but I saved grinning at them until they were out of sight. Fog index: A bank of thick fog hung across the entrance to the bay, covering the entire Golden Gate Bridge but nothing else. We drove across the bridge in pitch grey, unable to spot either of the orange towers in the enveloping gloom, then emerged into full sunshine the other side. Picture postcard perfect. Seismic activity: We also visited Clearlake, the shaking capital of Northern California, an area which averages about a quake a day. Today's quake was another negligible 1.4, however, so the earth didn't move for me. Contours ascended: Highway 175 between the Sonoma and Napa Valleys looked like just another main road on the map, but it turned out to be a twisty turny switchback ride over rugged hilltops - the sort of road you might see in a Hollywood car chase just before a speeding convertible full of teenagers plummets over a precipice in a blazing fireball. Not all American roads are dull, flat and straight, thank goodness. Number of photos taken: 5
Sights seen (1) Legion of Honor: San Francisco's main art gallery lies high on a hill to the west of the city. Built after the First World War it's renowned for its Rodin, but more modern art also has a place. We visited the Art Deco exhibition (the same show I didn't see at the Victoria and Albert Museum last year), an impressive selection of early 20th century art and artefacts. It felt most odd to encounter the former crystalline entrance to London's Strand Palace Hotel so far from home - they don't make dazzling glamour like this any more. Sights seen (2) Japanese Tea Garden: Golden Gate Park is full of little gems, including this pocket of oriental charm. Pools, bridges and spring blooms, plus express tea service - very tasteful. Fortune cookies were invented by one of the gardeners. Sights seen (3) Mission Dolores: A Spanish-built church, the oldest intact building in the city, completed in 1791. Unfortunately noon on Good Friday was not the best time I could have chosen to visit, but the outside was pretty enough. Fog index: Smothered by fog at dawn, but all burnt off by 10am. Glorious sunshine followed (except down by the ocean, which is where we spent the afternoon. Wispy mist clouds wafted by, just like movie special effects). Jetlag quotient: Nil. I think I've adjusted. Seismic activity: Nothing above 1.1 on the Richter scale, which is about as feeble as you can get. Contours ascended: Some. Even a three minute climb is breath-taking. Number of photos taken: 11
Sights seen (1) Haight Ashbury: There's now a Ben & Jerry's and a Gap on the legendary street corner in this 60s throwback district. Thankfully the rest of the district is less commercialised, but it's still more hip than hippy. A potent mixture of alternative outlets, the whole area feels like Camden High Street done properly. Best shop names: Squat & Gobble (creperie), Off The Wall (alternative art gallery), Pipe Dreams (drugstore <ahem>). Sights seen (2) Coit Tower: High on Telegraph Hill stands a tall tower in the shape of a hospeipe. The tower was built in 1933 at the bequest of Lillie Hitchcock Coit (rescued from a burning hotel at the age of 8, she became the adored mascot of the local fire service). There's a great view from the top across the city and the bay (or else there's a great view of the fog - thankfully not today). A flock of raucous green and red parakeets rule the sky beneath the tower, soaring high above the exclusive homes lining steep wooden walkways down the sides of the hill. Fog index: The fog clung to the top of Twin Peaks all day, then rolled gently across parts of the city during the late afternoon, narrowly missing the sunshine where I was. I'm told I've arrived just in time for the first foggy day of the season. Jetlag quotient: Mild yawning around 4am 8pm. Seismic activity: still nil. Contours ascended: Lots. i) Walked up Corona Heights while the sun was still glorious (see photo taken on last year's trip here). ii) Walked up the steepest street in the city (Filbert Street, 1 in 3). iii) Walked up Buena Vista Park - a beautiful woody hill seething with huge dogs. There were so many dogs scampering around that it felt as if everyone in San Francisco must own one (or maybe it's only dog owners that go for walks). You can always spot a dog owner emerging from the undergrowth because they have a leash dangling in one hand and a plastic bag full of pooper scoopings in the other. Number of photos taken: 43
Fog index: nil on arrival Sights seen: the airport Jetlag quotient: currently nil Seismic activity: nil Oversize portions: not yet Contours ascended: few Number of photos taken: none Presidential election boredom threshold: not kicked in yet
inflight entertainment • The bloke in front of me at the airport security gate got the full Cell Block H search, but not me.
• Seen in departure lounge - Kim (or was it Aggie?) the blond smiley fat one from How Clean Is Your House • People now seem spend most of their time on a flight wandering (and blocking) the aisles in a desperate attempt to stop their veins seizing up.
• I went to the toilet over Iceland. Somehow this felt very wrong.
• The in-flight magazine contained two major features - one on the availability of wheelie suitcases and one on the joy of bottled water. I read neither.
• US Immigration did not fingerprint me, neither did US customs find my teabag stash, but both services employ the most humorless automatons I have ever met.
• My body was awake for 24 hours yesterday, most of that in full daylight, but I think I've convinced myself it's now breakfast time.
Time to put all yesterday's airport security skills to the test, because I'm taking a transatlantic flight out of the country in a few hours time. I'm heading 5373 miles west to spend Easter in fogbound SanFrancisco, because I can. BestMate emigrated out there this time last year, so it seems only right to fly over and see how he's doing in the new world. I was over in San Francisco for New Year last year, if youremember, so I know what to expect (hills, beards and early closing), but it's a fantastic city and well worth another visit. Blogging is going to get irregular for the next week, not least because of the eight hour time difference, but also because I shall be out having a life. Bear with me.
Final pre-travel double check: • passport (runs out in 9 months, so I should be able to renew it just before the ridiculous US biometric deadline) • e-ticket, debit card with which the e-ticket was purchased, and airline loyalty card (for return upgrade, hopefully) • camera (I need to retake all the photos I lost when my hard drive died. That tiny bridge up there is almost all I have left) • teabags and proper chocolate (plus sufficient space in suitcase to return with Oreos and cinnamon flavour Tic Tacs) • clothes packed for UK-in-May type climate (I might even buy some more out there, given how cheap the dollar is) • sufficient books and magazines (for the tedious wait in the departure lounge, as well as the endless flight) • nail clippers carefully placed in suitcase (and address of flat where I'll be staying placed in hand luggage) • plan in-flight viewing by reading reviews of movies for the flight out (ohgod) and flight back (ohgod) • pre-pay added to Oystercard for Zone 6 extension (for a sterling-free tube journey on my return) • travel insurance (because some Americans believe in suing, in exactly the same way that I don't) • plants watered (although April's endless heavy showers seem to be doing a good enough job) • video recorder set (can I really wait 9 days to watch tonight's Footballers Wives finale?) • all fingerprints filed down to featureless stumps (to foil evil US immigration staff)
golden gate geezer (back home)
baseball diamond geezer
