I despair. The rest of you probably now have a sane Member of Parliament. I have George Galloway. Your MP probably hasn't told Saddam Hussein what a jolly decent bloke he is. Mine has. Your MP probably thanked the returning officer for all his hard work. My MP told him he was corrupt. Your MP probably believes passionately in the welfare of his constituents. Mine has an international agenda and a suspicious tan. Your MP will probably go to Westminster and vote several times over the next four years. I'm not expecting to be represented in Parliament at all. Your MP is probably a big headed, smug self-publicist. So is my MP, but with knobs on. I despair.
How the hell did that happen? It looks like the religious mix in my constituency has conspired to deliver the final blow to Tony Blair's warmongering credibility. I guess it's not a problem to have one UK constituency that goes out on a limb to make a stand against Iraq, leaving the other 645 to vote along normal party lines. It just hurts when you happen to live in that one maverick constituency, not in this case because of the message but because of the messenger. How long is it until the next General Election? Sigh, 2009 can't come quickly enough round here.
00:00 The last election night in 2001 was pretty dull - very few seats changed hands. This one already looks rather different. All the pundits now seem fairly certain that Tony Blair has been dealt a bloody nose by the electorate, but not yet quite how large that haemorrhage might be. Me, I'm rather more concerned by early reports that my new MP may be a slimeball. 00:15 Five seats called so far, and Labour has won 100% of them. If this result were to be replicated across the entire country then we could be living in a totalitarian one-party state by dawn. No change there. 00:28 Without a word, the BBC swingometer has magically changed from the red/blue model to the red/orange version. Is this prophetic of a much increased Liberal Democrat presence in the new House of Commons? 01:00 36 results now in, and just one seat has changed hands. All the evidence, however, suggests that this will not be typical as the morning continues. 01:30 90 results now in, and Conservatives are daring to believe they've polled rather better than they might have dreamed just a few hours ago. The notional Labour majority is tumbling with every passing declaration. 01:50 Peter Snow (and his appallingly unrealistic computer generated party leaders) finally risks predicting the final result - a Labour majority of 68. 02:09 The 200th result flashes by (I believe it's traditional to say "they're coming thick and fast now"). The Conservatives are doing well in London at the expense of Labour, but swings appear to be between different parties in different parts of the country. 02:33 Labour privately concedes Bethnal Green and Bow to George Galloway. <insert your own swear word here> 02:48 Half the seats have declared (that's 323 of them). Already more seats have changed hands than during the 2001 election. 03:17 400 seats called, with Labour only 50 seats short of the winning post. Despite all the gains and losses, it's another red landslide. 03:42 As the rural Tory seats start to declare, all the parties are wheeling out pundits to explain why the result is a triumph for their campaign. 450 results now, and Tony is 25 short of a government. 04:28 That's it, Labour has an overall majority and a third successive victory. Now everyone can finally go to bed... except for me, because I'm still waiting for the official declaration in my own constituency. 04:32 At last, the declaration in Bethnal Green and Bow. George and Oona are standing side by side on the stage, like a white and black couple dressed in black and white. George wins by a narrow 823 majority, then steps up to damn Tony Blair, New Labour and (astonishingly) the returning officer. He promises to start a campaign to oust the 'corrupt' councillors of Tower Hamlets and replace them with a new elected Respect regime. Oona shakes her head, and I consider moving the hell out of here if that takeover ever happens. Ms King gives a gracious speech of defeat, then walks off into obscurity. I'm off to bed. I may have nightmares.
Rule 1: Vote for others
I stood outside Stratford shopping centre the other day. The pavement was a teeming mass of humanity, everybody busy hurrying in different directions. Some were intent on going about their business, others clearly had no business to go about. There were people of every race and colour, each with their own very different lives to lead. There were families with several tiny children, pensioners slowly pushing their purchases home and groups of teenagers staring at an uncertain future. Most of the people I saw came from highly disadvantaged backgrounds, strapped for cash, lugging around cheap goods in flimsy plastic carrier bags, making ends meet as best they could. And when I cast my vote today I shall be voting for them as well as for me. I believe an election shouldn't be about how much I can get out of the system, it should be about how much better the system can be for everyone. Especially the shoppers of Stratford.
Rule 2: Vote on all the issues
Some people have tried to turn this election into a referendum on one single issue. For some people that issue is immigration, but for most people it's Iraq. Even among voters who supported the war you'd be hard pushed to find anybody who still supports the way the Government led us blindly into military action. Today's election finally gives voters the chance to voice their disappointment and to give the Prime Minister a well-deserved bloody nose. I'm particularly fortunate because the choice of candidates in my local constituency gives me the unique opportunity to cast my vote based solely on this one hugely important issue. But I won't. This isn't a referendum about the past, it's a vote for the future. It's a vote to decide who runs our hospitals and our schools, how our economy develops, how safe the streets are and what our foreign policy priorities should be. And I prefer to vote on everything, not one thing.
Rule 3: Vote
No matter what the election - local, national or European - I always make the effort to turn out and draw a cross on a ballot paper. I know my vote doesn't really make a difference, but I believe it's important to be heard. I know all the candidates are as bad as each other, but if I don't vote I risk letting the worst one win. And I know some people would prefer that ballot papers had a box marked 'none of the above', but that would be a cop out (and anyway, nobody would win, every time). It may be hackneyed to point out that people fought and died for the right to vote, but it's true all the same. SylviaPankhurst even launched her "votes for women" campaign literally a stone's throw from where I now live, and I feel I owe her something. I'll see you down the polling station in 15 minutes.
050505 quiz: You're probably aware of the "four 4s" puzzle in which four 4s are used to make a series of calculations with various answers. If not, see here. Today, in honour of 05/05/05, I offer the "five 5s" puzzle.
Can you use exactly five 5s and any mathematical operations* to make** all of the numbers from 0 to 30***?
*Acceptable mathematical operations: add, subtract, multiply, divide, brackets, fractions.
** For example, 31=5x5+5+5/5, 35=55-(5x5)+5 and 36=5x5+55/5
*** I can make all of the numbers from 0 to 30 bar three of them. Collectively, can you do better?
Vote050505: the Bethnal Greenand Bow (clickable) shortlist
• Syed Dulu(Liberal Democrat): Doorstep visits 0. Leaflets received 1 (mentions: crime 1, education 2, immigration 0, Iraq 2, NHS 2, pensions 3, tax 1, transport 0). Says he'll win because "Lib Dems have the most councillors elected in Bethnal Green and Bow". Odds of winning 80/1.
• Ejiro Etefia(Alliance for Change: Restore Peoples Freedom!): Doorstep visits 0. Leaflets received 0. Odds of winning nil.
• Shahagir Faruk(Conservative): Doorstep visits 0. Leaflets received 1 (mentions: crime 2, education 1, immigration 2, Iraq 0, NHS 1, pensions 1, tax 1, transport 2). Says he'll win because "in a recent council by-election we won our first Tower Hamlets council seat". Odds of winning 12/1.
• John Foster(Green): Doorstep visits 0. Leaflets received 0. Odds of winning infinitesimal.
• George Galloway(Respect-Unity Coalition): Doorstep visits 0. Leaflets received 2 (mentions: crime 0, education 10, immigration 2, Iraq 12, NHS 8, pensions 7, tax 4, transport 1, Oona King 20). Says he'll win because "Respect topped the poll at the recent European elections in Bethnal Green and Bow". Odds of winning 2/1.
• Oona King(Labour): Doorstep visits 0. Leaflets received 2 (mentions: crime 4, education 5, immigration 0, Iraq 0, NHS 2, pensions 4, tax 2, transport 0, George Galloway 0). Says she'll win because "there is a very real risk that you could end up with a Tory MP here". Odds of winning 4/9 fav.
• Celia Pugh(Independent): Doorstep visits 0. Leaflets received 0. Odds of winning nil.
I've made my mind up but, go on, who would you pick if you lived here?
Silver discs(May 1980) [A monthly look back at the top singles of 25 years ago]
The three best records from the Top 10 (7th May 1980) Dexy's Midnight Runners - Geno: Before Eileen (and well before dustman chic gave way to dungarees) there was Geno. This song was a heartfelt tribute to soul legend Geno Washington, recalling dark sweaty nights spent in 60s soul clubs popping dexedrine (or Dexys) to stay awake. From the opening horns to Kevin Rowland's passionate vocal, this was a record that leapt out of the radio like nothing else around at the time. Kevin recently tried to make a comeback, but was far too leftfield to succeed, whereas soulman Geno still performs regularly all over the country (Poole last weekend, Birmingham next).
"Oh the crowd they all hailed you and chanted your name, but they never knew that me and you were the same. And now you're all over, your song is so tame. You fed me, you bred me, I'll remember your name " Blondie - Call Me: The middle one of three chart toppers for Blondie in this year, co-written by Giorgio Moroder and as heard in the film American Gigolo. You probably don't remember all those facts because at the time you were more likely obsessed either by being Debbie Harry or by wanting to shag her. I'm surprised no mobile phone company has yet used this in an advert.
"Cover me with kisses, baby, cover me with love. Roll me in designer sheets, I'll never get enough. Emotions come, I don't know why, cover up love's alibi, call me. " Undertones - My Perfect Cousin: Two minutes of vitriol aimed at smug, stuck-up, bookish relatives - perfect so long as you weren't called Kevin. I certainly never saw anyone at school wearing a fur lined sheepskin jacket after Feargal & Co appeared on Top of the Pops performing this little monster. This was the Undertones' biggest hit (Teenage Kicks only reached 31) and quite probably the only song ever to namecheck both Subbuteo and the Human League.
"Oh my perfect cousin, what I like to do he doesn't. He's his family's pride and joy, his mothers little golden boy. He's got a degree in economics, maths, physics and bionics. He thinks that I'm a cabbage cos I hate University Challenge."
My three favourite records from May 1980 (at the time) Sky - Toccata: Sky were a group of clasically trained session musicians whose forte was rehashing popular classics with a synthesiser bent - cousin Kevin would have loved them. More of an album band really, and my Dad must have ended up with the entire discography by the time sufficient birthdays and Christmases had passed by. Four Bucketeers - The Bucket Of Water Song: On Saturday mornings back in 1980 you'd either have been swapping old toys with Keith Chegwin or drooling uncontrollably over Sally James. The Tiswas gang hit the charts eighteen months before their BBC rivals with this silly (but adorable) march, penned by John Gorman (previously of the Scaffold). Novelty records were so much better in those days. Jona Lewie - You'll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties: This is more like it. A plaintive anthem for all us wallflowers who hate the enforced sociability of parties and would rather hide out of the way close to the fridge. The record would have flopped had Dave Lee Travis not overheard it while walking down a Radio 1 corridor and made it his record of the week. See, he wasn't all bad. Jona wrote some fantastic off the wall tracks during his career, but it's this classic that still claims a place on my iPod Shuffle.
20 other hits from 25 years ago: Coming Up (Paul McCartney), Silver Dream Machine (David Essex), Don't Push It Don't Force It (Leon Haywood), The Groove (Rodney Franklin), I Shoulda Loved Ya (Narada Michael Walden), Wheels Of Steel (Saxon), Ne-Ne Na-Na Na-Na Nu-Nu (Bad Manners), Breathing (Kate Bush), Fool For Your Loving (Whitesnake), A Forest (Cure), Mirror In The Bathroom (Beat), She's Out Of My Life (Michael Jackson), Police And Thieves (Junior Murvin), Midnite Dynamos (Matchbox), We Are Glass (Gary Numan), Rat Race (Specials), Messages (Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark), No Self Control (Peter Gabriel), I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles (Cockney Rejects), Nobody's Hero/Tin Soldiers (Stiff Little Fingers)
It's a bank holiday in the UK so, while all the Brits are outside burning sausages in their back gardens, I can chat to my international audience for a change. Hello America.
Vote050505: 10 reasons why our General Elections are better than your Presidential Elections 1) We have longer between elections: Officially, at least. You lot only go four years between yours, whereas we can go up to five. 2) Our elections don't happen at set times: Our Prime Minister usually decides to go to the country early, which means we never quite know in advance precisely when our elections will happen. You lot know the exact dates of all your Presidential elections for the whole of the next century, and beyond. 3) Our elections are over quicker: We only get a month's notice of polling day, not the interminable ten month campaign that you lot suffer. 4) Our winner takes over immediately: You have to wait ten weeks for the inauguration of a President, during which period the old one limps on without a mandate. Our new PM will be in charge by Friday lunchtime. 5) We have more than two candidates to choose from: Our candidates may not be much better than your candidates, but a smaller percentage of them are evil warmongering liars. 6) We have more than two parties to choose from: It's always good to have more than two choices because life isn't just black and white. Or indeed only red and blue. 7) At least one of our main parties is left of centre: We could, however, spend all day debating which one of our main parties it is. 8) Our constituencies are all approximately the same size: We Brits each share our MP with no more than 100000 other electors. If you live in California, on the other hand, your single vote is drowned out by up to 22 million others. 9) Our candidates can't buy TV adverts: British elections are not yet slanging matches dominated by the negative advertising campaign backed by the fattest wallet. Long may it stay that way. 10) Our electoral system is trustworthy and reliable: No chance of a massive Florida-style voting fraud scandal over here, oh no. Not until they count the postal votes on Thursday...
Mayday, Mayday (can any of you help?) A) Have Tesco stopped selling squeezy bottles of mint sauce, or is it just my local store? I'm gutted by the sudden disappearance of my favourite squirty topping. B) I've not yet read any of the four Dan Brown novels that everybody else on the tube seems to be reading, especially the ubiquitous Da Vinci Code. Am I alone? Or am I wrong? C) Does anybody know if E4's arrival on Freeview will be in time for the start of Big Brother 6 (on 27th May)? I'm both hoping and dreading that it will. D) Is it just my blog that Technorati can't cope with any more, or is it refusing to recognise that your blog has updated too?
If you'd told me 18 years ago when Neighbours first hit our TV screens that I'd one day spend a Saturday evening being entertained by a certain small squeaky actress, I don't think I'd have believed you. But when someone offers you a ticket to attend her latest £5m greatest hits spectacular, you don't turn it down. And one thing's for certain - nobody makes a song and dance like Kylie.
The main hall at Earls Court was packed out, as you might expect, and as it will be for the next seven nights. About half of the audience were twenty- or thirty-something couples, while the remainder was split almost equally between families, girls on a night out and boys on a night out. I'll gloss over the support act (thoroughly competent but spark-free Scandinavian soft rockers) and I'll try not to moan about the cost of a programme (fifteen quid? fifteen quid!) (not that I actually bought one, you understand). I was also rather concerned to be sitting quite so far back from the stage (I counted 94 rows of seating in front of me) which surely wouldn't be a good thing when the show's main star was so well-known for being diminuitive, but thankfully the Showgirl tour turned out to be much larger than life.
Enter Kylie, to rapturous applause, emerging from a sparkling hi-tech set backed by a parade of winged dancers to the strains of Better The Devil You Know. You've never seen so many feathers in your life, except perhaps on a flock of birds, and an ornithologist might easily have mistaken Ms Minogue for a blue and white ostrich. It was soon clear that we were to be treated to a cavalcade of two decades of hits, cunningly segued together, and divided into distinct sets each with a spectacular visual interpretation. After the strutting opening it was a quick change and off down the disco for Spinning Around (et al), then yet another costume for the more measured, balletic section (Confide In Me etc). The bump and grind of Red Blooded Woman was accompanied by some gym locker room action, and the scarcely-clad muscled dancers had all the women in the audience (and half the men) perched on the edge of their seats.
High camp as Kylie rose into the sky on a silvery moon to sing Over The Rainbow, and then some Busby Berkeley style choreography as I Believe In You was played out atop what looked like a rotating wedding cake. All the old Stock Aitken and Waterman favourites were squeezed in, sometimes disguised as modern reworkings, but a traditional I Should Be So Lucky brought the house down. I suddenly realised that if I were ever to be asked onto Desert Island Discs I might select this particular debut single as one of my record choices, so it's probably just as well that Sue Lawley will never send me an invite. Into the space age finale with the shimmering Can't Get You Out Of My Head (does anyone deserve to have recorded so many utter classics?) and then right back down to earth for the encore. Kylie wandered out for a professional chat with the audience before inviting us to pretend to be Jason Donovan and duet with her in Especially For You. We obliged. And finally we were sent on our way smiling with Love At First Sight, no less than the 26th track performed in precisely two hours flat. It may not have been high art, but for sheer singalong spectacle and professionalism it was unbeatable. Je ne sais pas pourquoi.
TV programmes of the month 1)Doctor Who (BBC1): There are several old programmes you remember only with a nostalgic glow. You thought that they were fantastic must-see television, but when you catch them again on UK Gold several years later you suddenly realise the plots were thin, the effects were shaky and your memories were false. It's usually even worse with revived TV series. Some producer decides that an old show is resurrectable, adds a dash of 21st century realism and the whole thing turns out to be unwatchable. I had precisely these fears with Russell T Davies' regeneration of Doctor Who, but I needn't have worried. The new series is fantastic, ironic, adventurous, witty, credible and, most surprising of all, a monster ratings hit. And there's a Dalek tonight. Unbeatable. 2)The Apprentice (BBC2): OK, so they're just a bunch of Gordon Gecko wannabes arse-licking their way to the top of Alan Sugar's greasy pole, but this bunch of bickering dysfunctional capitalists have certainly made for addictive must-see television. It'll be Tim winning next week, won't it? Surely. 3)End Day (BBC3): What if the world ended, today? Might be a virus, might be a super volcano, might be a tidal wave, might even be a black hole created in a laboratory, but none of us will be seeing tomorrow. End Day dramatised five very different routes to Armageddon, with the central character reawakening after every disaster in a Groundhog Day style. I found the pseudo-scientific hokum unexpectedly arresting, especially the shot of a huge asteroid emerging suddenly from a cloud to obliterate Berlin.
Paperback of the month: The Line of Beauty by Alan Hollinghurst. I think that's the first time a book about AIDS, toffs, drugs, 80s politics and shagging has won the Booker Prize, but it won because it's beautifully written. Most clicked-on link of the month: UK Google Maps (210 clicks) Single of the month: Avalon by Juliet (enthused about a fortnight ago) Film of the month: The HitchHiker's Guide To The Galaxy (reviewed yesterday) Gig of the month: I'm going tonight (review tomorrow)
Bow Road station update: The never-ending renovation project at my local station might just be edging towards a conclusion. I suspect the disruption will last another month or two, but only a few minor things now look as if they still need to be completed. The stairs still look a bit ropey, the 'next train' indicators have yet to indicate any next trains, the control room still needs fitting out and the platform walls still lack a considerable amount of signage, but this looks as if it might be the end game. Certainly there are still plenty of workmen busy doing something somewhere. Maybe they have one last project up their sleeve, or maybe they're just ekeing out this modernisation project for as long as possible before they get sent to vandalise the heritage features at some other godforsaken station.
Screen 4:The HitchHiker's Guide To The Galaxy(PG) 27 years is a long time. A really long time. You just wouldn't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly long it is. I mean you may think it's a long time from one bank holiday weekend to the next, but that's just peanuts to the gestation time of this movie. I was a little worried that the long wait might not have been worthwhile, particularly in the face of some tepidreviews, but I was pleasantly surprised by the screenplay's attention to detail and visual inventiveness. This is a film that really knows where its towel is. The script follows the original plot fairly closely, which helps when you're sitting in the stalls mouthing the words, but also adds a chorus of singing dolphins and even a requited love story that definitely weren't in the original, just for good measure. It's also a very British film, so goodness knows what American audiences will make of tea, caravans and a very brief shot of an extinct number 8 Routemaster. Martin Freeman is inspired casting as bewildered Arthur Dent, blundering around the universe in his crumpled dressing gown, and surely Stephen Fry was born to play the voice of the Book - erudite, sardonic and droll. Alas Zaphod Beeblebrox never quite convinces (rather like his second head in the original TV series) and rather too many scenes are cut short in favour of plot development. But do go and see it before it's too late - you never know when the Earth might suddenly be demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Mark out of 50? 42.
Vote050505:X press
I saw the following information in a table in a newspaper earlier in the week, and I decided it would look much better reorganised into a graph. So here it is as a graph, and a fascinating graph it makes too. Any thoughts?
How newspaper readers voted in 2001
MIRROR
Lab71%
Lib13%
Oth
Con11%
STAR
Lab56%
Lib17%
Oth
Con21%
SUN
Lab52%
Lib11%
Oth
Con29%
GUARDIAN
Lab52%
Lib34%
Oth
Con
INDEPENDENT
Lab38%
Lib44%
Oth
Con12%
Lab33%
Lib19%
Oth
Con43%
EXPRESS
Lab30%
Lib21%
Con48%
FT
Lab28%
Lib26%
Oth
Con40%
TIMES
Lab24%
Lib17%
Oth
Con55%
MAIL
Lab16%
Lib14%
Oth
Con65%
TELEGRAPH
Thursday update: A special hello if you've arrived here after seeing this table in print in the latest edition of The London Line. Ooh how exciting.
Vote050505:BBC Question Time
...is coming live right now from Stratford Circus, East London. I know where the BBC's secret location is because I've just come back from watching a film at the cinema nextdoor, and the forecourt outside is crawling with police. I counted at least 50 coppers, seven vans and one helicopter, and I suspect I missed several cohorts more. I also missed the arrival of the threepartyleaders because I was inside enjoying my film at the time, but two hours earlier I had caught the long winding queue of "a cross-section of typical voters" waiting patiently to be admitted. To be honest they didn't look as if they could maul anything, as the live programme is now proving. But at least they got inside to make themselves heard, unlike the Stop The War protestors who are still standing around outside to wave their banners at one particular departing politician. I wonder if he'll be driven past my house later after the programme is finished - maybe I should go out and wave too.
Quiz français: Here are clues to 16 French numbers.
Each clue refers to how the number sounds, not how it's spelt.
The numbers involved are... 5, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 20, 25, 107, 1000, 1001, 2000
How many can you match up?
A) tins B) nosh C) lorry D) dusk
E) cereal F) solidify G) parties H) speaks
I) Cecil B J) platters K) on & on L) 1000000
M) conclude N) submerged O) feline blades P) capsized truck
April in Paris:et finalement It's amazing how much you can cram into ten hours in Paris. All you have to do is to ignore the guidebooks. The guidebooks tell you to see Paris, go shopping in Paris, dine out in Paris and stay over in Paris. I disregarded the last three and concentrated only on the sightseeing. It's all a matter of priorities. But eventually, as the full moon rose over the eastern arrondissements, it was time to head back to the Gare du Nord for my return journey. A miraculous transformation took place as I passed through immigration at the Eurostar check-in. Where previously I had been in a vibrant multicultural city full of snogging couples, suddenly I was back in Little Britain surrounded by pasty-faced Englanders carrying duty-free wine and reading Heat magazine. I had the luxury of a first class seat on the journey home, thanks to a mysterious online sales glitch whereby the cost of a first class seat was £5 cheaper than a seat in second. I was treated to free drinks, a full three course meal (with proper crockery and non-plastic cutlery) and a very sticky after-dinner chocolate. The only child in the carriage was appropriately well-behaved, preferring to hug his cuddly Eiffel Tower rather than run screaming up and down the aisle. I took the opportunity to finish reading the latest Booker Prizewinner, which I completed (conveniently) just as the train crawled back into Waterloo station. It had been a great day out, and I'd never have believed it was possible to cram so much into one day if I hadn't tried it for myself. If you'd like to follow in my footsteps, I see that Eurostar are currently offering "first train out last train home" on Saturday 4th June for £84 return (including first class upgrade on the way back). Go on. Vous l'aimeriez.
April in Paris:et aussi... • Place de l'Alma: Princess Diana met her death in the underpass beneath this very ordinary riverside square. I thought the large 'golden flame' monument at the mouth of the tunnel must be a recent addition paid for by the grieving Parisian masses but no, it turned out to be a tribute to Franco-American relations placed there 10 years earlier. The low concrete wall behind the flame is still covered by pro-Di graffiti, and I bet if I'd turned up after dark I'd have seen a forest of cheap tealights here too. • Champs Elysées: The eastern half of this famous avenue is a tree-lined avenue of great beauty. The western half of this famous avenue is an overcrowded, overrated, overpriced shopping street. • Musée d'Orsay: London may have turned an old power station into an art gallery, but Paris has done the same with a real station and it's just as impressive. Well, it looked good from the outside anyway, but the queue didn't. So much to see, so little time. • Centre Pompidou: No time to look inside the largest collection of modern art in Europe either. But yes, the outside of the building does look as if it ought to be on the inside of the building, and it's all the more remarkable for it. • La Samaritaine: Apparently the view from the 10th floor terrace of this huge department store is the best way to see the very centre of the city. Unfortunately it's only open to customers of the terrace restaurant, so I had to make do with vague glimpses of distant rooftops hidden somewhere behind the maître d'. • PèreLachaise: I really wanted to look round the famous cemetery that provided the final resting place for Oscar Wilde, Édith Piaf, Jim Morrison, Molière, Bizet and Proust (amongst many others). Unfortunately I failed to do my pre-visit research properly and so arrived half an hour after the gates had shut for the evening. But, as I always say, "I am not young enough to know everything" and "punctuality is the thief of time".
April in Paris:La Tour Eiffel It's impossible to visit Paris without being drawn, mothlike, towards possibly themostfamousmonumentintheworld. You may mean to keep your distance but this 300 metre tall attraction always attracts, like a giant iron magnet. The best views are from the opposite side of the river, from the gardens of the Palais de Chaillot, although they were partly sealed off on Saturday to allow the filming of some enormous outside event. I couldn't decide whether the police surrounding the building looked frightening or farcical in their black McDonalds-style headgear with their crumpled trousers tucked into their jackboots. The crowds and souvenir stalls grew thicker as I crossed the Seine and approached the feet of the tower. I was really hoping to have time to climb this architectural marvel, at least to the premier étage, but even at nearly 6pm the queues were far too long. I'd have been waiting in line for half an hour just to use the stairs, and at least double that for the easier ascent in the lifts. I comforted myself with the thought that I'd made it right to the very top on my last visit in 1980, and that the panoramic view from the troisième étage was still imprinted on my memory. And anyway, my Mum already has one souvenir teaspoon from the giftshop at the summit, and she surely didn't need another.
Bethnal Green and Bow (2005 result, 4.32am)
George Galloway (Respect) 15,801 [36%] (↑36%)
Vote050505: the morning after
050505 quiz: You're probably aware of the "four 4s" puzzle in which four 4s are used to make a series of calculations with various answers. If not, see here. Today, in honour of 05/05/05, I offer the "five 5s" puzzle.
Silver discs (May 1980) [A monthly look back at the top singles of 25 years ago]
Dexy's Midnight Runners - Geno: Before Eileen (and well before dustman chic gave way to dungarees) there was Geno. This song was a heartfelt tribute to soul legend Geno Washington, recalling dark sweaty nights spent in 60s soul clubs popping dexedrine (or Dexys) to stay awake. From the opening horns to Kevin Rowland's passionate vocal, this was a record that leapt out of the radio like nothing else around at the time. Kevin recently tried to make a comeback, but was far too leftfield to succeed, whereas soulman Geno still performs regularly all over the country (Poole last weekend, Birmingham next).
Bow Road station update: The never-ending renovation project at my local station might just be edging towards a conclusion. I suspect the disruption will last another month or two, but only a few minor things now look as if they still need to be completed. The stairs still look a bit ropey, the 'next train' indicators have yet to indicate any next trains, the control room still needs fitting out and the platform walls still lack a considerable amount of signage, but this looks as if it might be the end game. Certainly there are still plenty of workmen busy doing something somewhere. Maybe they have one last project up their sleeve, or maybe they're just ekeing out this modernisation project for as long as possible before they get sent to vandalise the heritage features at some other godforsaken station.
It's impossible to visit Paris without being drawn, mothlike, towards possibly the most famous monument in the world. You may mean to keep your distance but this 300 metre tall attraction always attracts, like a giant iron magnet. The best views are from the opposite side of the river, from the gardens of the Palais de Chaillot, although they were partly sealed off on Saturday to allow the filming of some enormous outside event. I couldn't decide whether the police surrounding the building looked frightening or farcical in their black McDonalds-style headgear with their crumpled trousers tucked into their jackboots. The crowds and souvenir stalls grew thicker as I crossed the Seine and approached the feet of the tower. I was really hoping to have time to climb this architectural marvel, at least to the premier étage, but even at nearly 6pm the queues were far too long. I'd have been waiting in line for half an hour just to use the stairs, and at least double that for the easier ascent in the lifts. I comforted myself with the thought that I'd made it right to the very top on my last visit in 1980, and that the panoramic view from the troisième étage was still imprinted on my memory. And anyway, my Mum already has one souvenir teaspoon from the giftshop at the summit, and she surely didn't need another.
