diamond geezer

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Day by day: Some weeks I know exactly what I'm going to blog about (like the first week of July, for example). Other weeks I haven't got a clue what I'm going to write about until something crops up (like this week for example). This week has unfurled day by day, usually thanks to your intervention, with each day's blogpost developing from the post the day before...
Sunday: I posted my ever first on-location blog entry, via email from my mobile phone...
Monday: ...and so I was able to go for a 12 mile walk westwards across London, blogging along the way...
Tuesday: ...and so I decided to show you my photos, and then someone suggested geoblogging them...
Wednesday: ...and so I geoblogged the photos, and then someone wondered why the line wasn't straight...
Thursday: ...and so I discovered I hadn't walked true west, and then someone said "West is where the sun sets"...
Friday: ...and so I proved them wrong.
I think I'll break the chain there and go on to write about something completely different. Probably, unless one of you sends me off on yet another tangent. Thanks for all your suggestions this week.

posted 08:00 :

Friday, June 17, 2005

West is where the Sun sets* [* but only very occasionally]

People* [* see yesterday's comments box] often say that the Sun sets in the west (and rises in the east). But it doesn't. The Sun only sets precisely due west on the day of the spring or autumn equinox* [* even if you live on the equator]. Tonight (with the summer solstice fast approaching) the Sun will set in the northwest instead* [* as seen from London], having been precisely due west at around twenty past five this afternoon. How do I know? From this rather brilliant website. It features a Solar Location Diagram for every week of the year, showing exactly how high and in what direction the Sun appears in the sky* [* as seen from London]. The 'flapping' line at the top of the main page (showing the Sun's daily path throughout the year) is one of the most impressive 'summary graphics' I've ever seen. It's a fascinating* site [* and dead useful to anybody who takes photos and wants to get 'the light' right]. I've used the information provided to compile the table below, showing sunset data from winter solstice to winter solstice. See, the Sun doesn't* [* usually] set in the west.

Sunset information (London)

Date Sunset Bearing*   Compass

Dec 21 3:53pm GMT 231° SW

Jan 21 4:30pm GMT 238° SW by W

Feb 21 5:26pm GMT 254° WSW

Mar 21 6:15pm GMT     270° W

Apr 21 8:05pm BST 290° WNW

May 21   8:54pm BST 305° NW by W

Jun 21 9:21pm BST 311° NW

Jul 21 9:04pm BST 305° NW by W

Aug 21 8:10pm BST 290° WNW

Sep 21 7:00pm BST 271° W

Oct 21 5:54pm BST 253° WSW

Nov 21 4:03pm GMT 237° SW by W

Dec 21 3:53pm GMT 231° SW

[* from true north, at the horizon]

posted 07:00 :

Thursday, June 16, 2005

But which way is West?
"One thing I note from your Geoblogging line: The line appears to be slightly rising (ie: not totally west?)... this I don't understand." [NiC]
"I was wondering if this is because true north is not (quite) the same as grid north." [dg]
Take another look at my Geoblogging map. Yes, the line of photos tracking my "Go West" walk really does appear to rise slightly as it crosses the map. You'd expect a westward walk to head precisely horizontally, but it doesn't. Why should this be? I've been digging around the internet and I think I've found the answer. Deep breath now.

Reason 1: There are three different types of north.
i) True north = the top of the axis about which the Earth rotates.
ii) Magnetic north = the point on the Earth's surface towards which all compasses point. Near enough, anyway. The Earth's northern magnetic pole lies in the Arctic Ocean somewhere around 84°N 115°W. More info here. It's been heading steadily northwards over the last century (maps he re), and scientists reckon it's just (literally just) left Canadian territorial waters. Being fast-moving and off-centre, magnetic north isn't the most reliable means of navigation, not unless you know how far off centre it is. I've used a handy online calculator to discover that, here in Bow, east London, magnetic north lies approximately 2½° west of true north, decreasing very slowly year on year. But I wasn't using a compass on Monday, so that's not why I was walking in the wrong direction.
iii) Grid north = the direction of a vertical grid line on the UK National Grid. And here's the problem. The Earth is curved but maps have to be flat, so there's some distortion projecting one onto the other. See the UK maps he re and spot the difference. The only places in the UK where grid north exactly matches true north lie along the 2°W line of longitude - that's a line down the middle of the country through Aberdeen, Birmingham and Jersey. For all places to the west of this line grid north is slightly to the west of true north, and for all places to the east of this line (including London) grid north is slightly to the east of true north. Here in Bow, for example, my local OS map tells me that the difference is about 1½°.

Reason 2: There are, therefore, three different types of west.
i) True west = a line parallel to the equator.
ii) Magnetic west = a line at right angles to magnetic north. Which is actually quite a freaky concept - take a look at the grid lines on this map.
iii) Grid west = the direction of a horizontal grid line on the UK National grid. And I planned my walk on Monday using an Ordnance Survey map, so my walk travelled grid west rather than true west. As with grid north and true north, again there's a 1½° difference between the two here in London. It doesn't sound much but, after my 12 mile walk, I actually ended up 600m further north than I should have done. The Hoover Building (here) may be grid west of my house, but had I been travelling true west I would have ended up on the other side of Ealing Golf Course at a non-descript footbridge over the River Brent (here) instead. Damn, missed.

Reason 3: There's more than one type of mapping grid.
i) The National Grid is a UK invention, designed to keep mapping inaccuracies within the UK to a minimum. Complete details here. In this age of global navigation, however, a national grid isn't much use...
ii) ...and so GPS devices use another grid called WGS 84. This takes account of the fact that the earth isn't a perfect sphere - it bulges slightly at the equator - so the best global grid isn't a sphere, it's an ellipsoid. Google Maps uses location data based on this global egg-shape (where grid west is much closer to true west), whereas the Ordnance Survey uses a flat grid instead (which, here in London, is approximately 1½° out of true).

And that, NiC, is why my westward walk (planned on UK maps) rises very slightly on the Geobloggers map (which uses global data). It's because I wasn't walking true west. Bugger.

Simple moral of the story: Unless you live in Aberdeen, Birmingham, Jersey or points inbetween, map north isn't true north and map west isn't true west.
Even simpler moral of the story: Don't trust maps.
Conclusion: No, I'm not doing the whole walk again.

posted 07:00 :

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Geoblogging
"It would be nice if you would supply a map for your walks. I tried to follow you on www.streetmap.co.uk while you were walking but failed..." [Sekula]
"You thought of geoblogging the pics?" [Phill]
I know it's a bit late but, ever one to oblige, I thought I'd investigate how easy it is to forge a blogger's bond between photography and geography. And it's possible, but it's not easy. Here are some methods you could try.

• Geoblogging: Want to know where a particular flickr photograph was taken? Geoblogging has the answer. All you do is add a couple of "geotags" (i.e latitude and longitude) to each photo so that viewers can identify the precise location of each shot. Instructions for adding the appropriate tags are here (thanks Ollie, that's the clearest explanation I've seen), and Multimap is brilliant for calculating the decimal latitude and longitude of any pinpointed location in the UK. To see Geoblogging in action there's a large collection of geotagged London photos here, and someone else's geotagged photo of the Hoover Building here [geo:lat=51.533417] [geo:lon=-0.318924]. The really ingenious bit happens when you click on the "GeoTagged" link in the description beneath the photo. Try it. Wait a while and a map of west London will open up showing the precise location of the shot and all the other photos taken in the surrounding neighbourhood. It's an extremely clever marriage of flickr and Google Maps to stunning interactive effect.
I've now geoblogged all of my Go West photos. This task took me a couple of hours to complete, mainly because the tags were rather fiddly, but I'm extremely pleased with the results. Click here (please do, it's really clever) to see the location of each of my 40 photographs strung out across London from east to west. You can even zoom in on the map to see my route in even more detail. See, I really was walking in a straight line. Dead impressive.

• Geograph: The whole of the UK has been divided up into 1km grid squares by the Ordnance Survey, and it's the ambition of the Geograph website to collect at least one photo for each and every square. They've covered just over 5% of the country already, which may not sound much but it's pretty impressive when you consider there are a quarter of a million UK squares altogether. The towns and cities are filling up first, and you can keep track of everything on this handy UK map (zoom in until you find the square you want). Adding a new photo is a fairly simple operation (compared to geoblogging it's a breeze), just so long as you remember how four figure grid references work. Have a go at submitting a photo here.
I've geographed my Hoover Building shot (see it here), although other people had already beaten me to most of the grid squares further east across central London so I was just left to mop up the area around Bow instead.

• Mappr: Great for Americans, not much use in the UK yet.
• Memory Maps: These are satellite photos saved as flickr images and then annotated. Here's one of Steve's, and here are lots.
• Degree Confluence Project: For photographs of those extra special spots on earth where lines of latitude and longitude meet (for example in a cowshed in Hampshire). Fantastic site.
• Any more?

posted 07:00 :

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

The Michael Jackson Is Innocent (Honest) Jukebox
Pick your favourite record here

n.b: order of track listing is purely coincidental

posted 17:30 :

Go West: the aftermath
• Draw a straight line on a map, walk along it and you'll sure to find several fascinating places along the way (in London at least).
• Bow to Perivale is a bloody long way. Take a look on a tube map and you'll agree.
• What looks like 12 miles on a map is definitely much more than 12 miles in real life, because I am not a crow and I cannot fly.
• Each blogpost took at least 15-20 minutes to write using predictive text on my mobile keypad. Much fiddlier than using a computer keyboard, and much harder to edit too. But I was pleased how few grammatical and spelling errors I made.
• My 10 hour walk could have been at least three hours shorter if I hadn't had to keep stopping to write emails (and another hour shorter if I hadn't stopped to take any photos).
• My mobile phone batteries gave up after writing and sending ten emails, so it's just as well that I didn't walk any further.
• Navigating though London by GPS isn't practical because the buildings block out the satellite signals.
• An awful lot of London is covered by ordinary houses where ordinary people live.
• My east to west walk really brought it home to me that East London is significantly less affluent than West London.
• I've reformatted all of yesterday's posts and stuck them in chronological order (with links) here. Because I can.
• Please take a look at a selection of the photographs I took along the route (or go back and read the posts you missed yesterday).

www.flickr.com
Take a virtual walk across London due west from my house.
Go on, you've got nothing better to do.

posted 00:10 :

Monday, June 13, 2005

GO WEST: Today I've been walking due west from my house, blogging live en route via my mobile

Go West (10) : Hoover Building
At last, after ten hours, twelve miles and 14623 pedometer steps, I've finally reached the first supermarket located due west of my house. It's a giant Tesco hyperstore and I'm currently sat on a bench in the car park resting my weary legs. Inside it looks like a very ordinary store but outside, along the Art Deco frontage beside the busy A40 it's a different matter. This used to be the Hoover Building, a stunning vacuum cleaner HQ built by Wallis Gilbert in the Moderne style in 1933. The facade is magnificent, white and imposing with tall thin pillars. Only the Tesco flags fluttering from the roof and a couple of signs on the front lawn betray the building's new function. I've wandered round with a small basket, stocking up on a few choice items that my local store no longer sells. And now, rather than hang around til nightfall to see the front of the building illuminated in light green, I'm heading home east via Perivale station. I think I deserve a rest, and some late lunch.

posted 18:49 :

Go West (9) : Park Royal Trading Estate
Londoners need to work somewhere, and they can't all work in shops and offices in the centre of town. That's one reason why the Park Royal Business Park exists, a vast swathe of warehouses and light industry where people can actually make things instead of just trying to sell them. McVities own probably the most famous factory, churning out millions of biscuits every day, while to the west stands Britain's only Guinness brewery, recently earmarked for closure later this year. There are hundreds of other businesses, including the small printing company where I worked during the summer after my A levels. They let me loose on the forklift truck, the mad fools, while the presses churned out cassette covers and ice cream tub labels. I remember sitting down by the canal to eat my lunch. It's clocking off time here now, so all the managers and workers are climbing into their Mercedes or Citroen Saxo Sports and heading home. Me, I have one last destination still to reach.

posted 17:31 :

Go West (8) : Willesden Junction
It's been a very long trek across inner suburbia to reach this remote rail hub surrounded on three sides by an expanse of tracks and overhead cables. I've felt inferior in St John's Wood, gawping at the expensive villas where every third house seems to have the workmen in. I've traipsed down broad avenues lined with council tower blocks. I've passed the top of the road where my great grandfather used to live, but his local shopping parade now sells Middle Eastern food and charity goods. I've ambled down quiet back roads where tiny children laugh their way home from school. And now I'm standing on this station forecourt surrounded by several blind commuters tapping white sticks - I think there's an RNIB office round the corner. It's strangely desolate, and one of the few times west London has felt as poor and underdeveloped as the east. Onward into the industrial heartland - quick, before my batteries give out...

posted 16:22 :

Go West (7) : Abbey Road
Yes, the legendary zebra crossing made famous by the Beatles on the front cover of their Abbey Road LP lies exactly due west from my house. The world famous black and white stripes cross the road beside a very ordinary road junction in the heart of posh St John's Wood. The neighbourhood drips wealth, and even the old ladies look semi-regal and sprightly (maybe it's the Botox). The Abbey Road Studios opened here in 1931, the opening ceremony performed by Sir Edward Elgar who went on to record much of his work for EMI in this converted house. But it's the Beatles for whom the studios will always be best known, and tourists and backpackers still make their pilgrimage here to stand in the middle of the road and recreate the album cover. In the 15 minutes I've been standing here one group of Americans have taken about forty photos, and another proud mum has camcordered her four girls striding across the crossing. I don't remember John, Paul, George and Ringo wearing pink croptops though.

posted 14:47 :

Go West (6) : Regent's Park
At last, out in the wide open space of Regent's Park, I can walk in a straight line. Having curled slowly round the back of Euston I can finally take a deep breath and inhale the smell of fresh-mown grass. The park's fairly quiet on a Monday, despite the weather, so there's just a few lucky souls (and their dogs) out for a leisurely afternoon stroll. The Telecom Tower stands guard to the south and the artificial hilltops of London Zoo to the north, while to east and west lie some of the most imposing mansions in the capital. A wrinkled old gentleman is sunbathing topless three benches to my left, while the tanned muscled gardener hoeing the flowerbed in front of me has half his white designer underwear on full display. A bit further down the path a big black crow is trying desperately to sip the dregs from a cheap discarded can of cider. The chaos of Kings Cross suddenly feels a very long way away. Wish you were here?

posted 14:04 :

Go West (5) : King's Cross St Pancras
My westbound walk has led me down the Pentonville Road and straight through the forecourt of King's Cross station. After 5 miles of relative calm now London is heaving with lunchtime activity. Suited travellers stand transfixed by the giant destination board, gobbling down a baguette before heading off north to Leeds or Edinburgh. There are suitcases everywhere and you can't walk far without having a Standard Lite thrust into your hand. Outside the regeneration of the area is in full swing, temporary walkways guiding bewildered passengers around the station. The clock tower at St Pancras stands proud above the melee in the crane-dominated sky. Workmen sit outside in helmets and luminous jackets, lounging in the sun before returning to work. An exhibition in the German Gymnasium beside the station shows (in models) how the area should end up but, judging by the enormous building site round the back, there's a heck of a lot to do before the first Eurostar glides in in 2007.

posted 13:07 :

Go West (4) : Sadler's Wells Theatre
After a long slog through the arse end of Hoxton (don't let anyone tell you it's all trendy) I've finally reached the golden streets of Islington. Walking up the City Road towards the Angel there were the first signs along my journey that not everyone in London lives in relative poverty. Upmarket fishmongers, well-kept terraced houses, designer shopping bags and that wholly middle class icon, a world-renowned theatre. The first Sadler's Wells opened here in 1683, but the shiny glass and brick structure in front of me is the 7th theatre to stand on the site, opened just nine years ago. I visited the 6th Sadler's Wells only once, as a child, to be spellbound by a D'Oyly Carte production of The Mikado. A couple of schoolfriends and I sat high in the upper circle watching the ornate Japanese maids' chorus below and struggling to follow the plot. The theatre's dark today, which is just as well because the police have just cordoned off the top of Roseberry Avenue with red tape.

posted 11:57 :

Go West (3) : Columbia Road Flower Market
I'm back exactly where I was yesterday, sat in the sunshine on a small bench in a tiny park off Columbia Road. But the street is very different this morning. The flower market has gone, the road is full of parked cars and the pavements are empty. All the twee boutiques and eateries and locked and barred, and the only hubbub comes from playtime at the neighbouring school. In the park the pigeons flap and coo, and a couple of girls wearing pink headscarves rock idly backwards and forwards on the red swings beside the climbing frame. Monday morning in the middle of the East End is like an eerie ghost town, inhabited by pensioners, mothers, students, tradesmen, skivers and the unemployed. They wander the streets, shopping bag or can of lager in hand, passing the day away until the rest of the world comes home from work. Right now, as the sun beats down over the tower blocks onto the drought-bleached grass, this quiet oasis is a world away from the busy Sunday morning rush hour.

posted 10:42 :

Go West (2) : Bethnal Green Museum of Childhood
After a long walk through the terraces of Bow (on dustbin day - not recommended) and the highrise estates of Globe Town (not recommended full stop) I've reached busy Bethnal Green. I'm sat outside the V&A's easternmost outpost, the redbrick Museum of Childhood. This three-gabled iron-framed building started off in South Kensington but was relocated here in the 1860s. It evolved first into a repository of childhood ephemera, and more recently into a politically correct hands-on experience for hyperactive 7 year-olds. They're just opening up at the moment, cleaning the front step as the first school party of the day arrives. Outside, along Cambridge Heath Road, modern mums push toddlers in market-bought baby buggies, and late commuters sleepwalk their way into work. I could stop and take a look inside but I really don't have the time (and anyway, I'm reliably informed that the lacklustre displays inside really aren't worth the effort).

posted 09:57 :

Go West (1) Bow Church
Today I've decided to walk due west from my house, reporting back regularly from along the route via my mobile phone. Because I can, OK? I've got maps and a GPS device to make sure I walk as precisely west as possible, though I suspect I'll have to take a few detours to stay on track. My westward route takes me through the heart of the East End, across the top of central London and out into the NW suburbs. I have an end point in mind at a famous Art Deco supermarket, but that's over 10 miles away so we'll see if I get that far. I've decided only to blog about places which are exactly due west of my house, which means (just) missing out on Hoxton Square, the British Library and the Hanger Lane Gyratory System. But there's plenty of other fascinating stuff en route, starting with the historic 14th century church bang outside my house. The Bow Bells are silent this morning as the rush hour traffic streams noisily past on either side. Time to send my first email, then head off west...

posted 08:28 :

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Mo blog ging: Most people blog from home or work, but I've just discovered the delights of blogging from anywhere, via my mobile. Yes, I know I'm years behind the times, but bear with me. Blogger offers a dedicated Mobile service although I didn't use that, I used their splendid Mail-to-Blogger service instead. At 11:34am I sent an email to Blogger via GPRS from my phone while I was standing two miles from home in the middle of Columbia Road Flower Market. And that email published instantly on my blog, below. Brilliant. OK, it's not all perfect - I can't format any text, I can't add links, I can't attach photos (like this one) and there seem to be two unnecessary blank lines at the bottom of the post - but it's good enough for me. It felt most unusual inputting a blogpost using predictive text on a tiny screen, restricted to no more than 1000 characters and knowing that I couldn't edit anything until I got home. But this does now mean that I can blog from anywhere with a mobile signal, even when I'm not anywhere near a computer. Which opens up some interesting possibilities...
...so tomorrow I'm hoping to use this technology rather more ambitiously. I plan to go for a very specific walk across London, hopefully rather a long one, and to report back to you regularly along the way. You'll be able to track my progress along the route should you so wish, complete with genuine spelling mistakes. See you tomorrow morning.

posted 13:00 :

Moblog: Columbia Road Flower Market
I'm emailing this post live (via my mobile) from East London's premier flower market. Every Sunday a short stretch of this quiet backstreet is crammed with stalls and traders selling a splash of rural colour to hordes of urban gardeners. The street is jam-packed and narrow, and not easy to negotiate when you're carrying a small tree on your head. Lilies and peonies are popular (two for a tenner!) or maybe a bargain bouquet of fuchsias (only eight quid) or perhaps an overflowing tray of bedding plants (to you dear, a fiver). Traders hawk blooms as if they were flogging a stack of plates in a normal market. It's like having a garden centre in the middle of the East End but without the patio slabs, water features and concrete gnomes. And at each end of the market couples and families wander off home clutching carefully wrapped blooms and bushes, ready to stick on the balcony or plant in their tiny gardens. Saves all the effort of actually growing anything themselves, I guess.

posted 11:34 :

Prince William has a better degree than I do.
I feel somewhat devalued.

posted 02:01 :

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf
Big bad wolf, big bad wolf?
Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?
Tra la la la la

posted 00:12 :

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Ode to MK

O Milton Keynes, how green thou art,
A settlement of plenty,
The concrete cows sing out thy praise,
New town for a new century.

Where motorway meets grand canal,
Where fields once waved with wheat,
Now houses fill each blessed plot,
Suburbia complete.

Oldbrook, Down's Barn, Fishermead,
New Bradwell, Crown Hill, Brinklow,
Monkston, Blakelands, Walnut Tree,
Two Mile Ash, Conniburrow.

Roads crisscross through this urban void,
A snake-like tarmac maze,
The roundabouts all look the same,
You drive through in a daze.

The football team are London scabs,
The mall is clone shop hell,
The cinema's no Point no more,
The streetlife's flat as well.

I came to MK yesterday,
I thought the trees were pretty,
But it was still a joy to leave
This artificial city.

posted 09:00 :

Friday, June 10, 2005

Big Brother 6
1) It's all kicking off in the Big Blogger House, where 15 blogebrities (including mike off my blogroll) are being holed up for 7 weeks for our interactive pleasure. W h o wi n s? Y o u d ec i d e.
2) Past housemates who still have websites: BB2 Brian, BB2 Elizabeth, BB2 Stuart, BB3 Kate, BB3 Alex, BB4 Gos, BB4 Jon, BB4 Sissy, BB5 Michelle & Stu
3) Find out what the BB1-BB4 housemates have been up to, here.
4) Good things about Big Brother: I still use my Teabagbin every day. Thanks Dean & Stu.
5) Eviction favourite Lesley has a vacuous MSN profile here, just in case you want to add her to your Messenger list. "Hobbies and Interests: dancin, swimmin, singin, music, playin games ....but only wiv the rite players lol, jumpin in puddles hehe" (via Casino Avenue)
6) My most clicked-on link over the last week: bigbrothergirls.com (117 clicks), sigh.

Housemate cliques:

Team Britney
Craig
~~Lesley~~
Vanessa Lads & ladettes
Maxwell
Anthony
Saskia
Lauds & ladies
Derek
Kemal
Makosi

not very cliquey: Roberto Sam Science

posted 07:00 :

Gallowatch
• "If Respect is able to save this fire engine by stopping the authority taking it away, that's exactly what we'll do. They will be forced to take that machine out over the bodies of those who have come to defend it. The same people killing Iraqis are taking our fire engine away, and they're doing both for the same reason." (Bethnal Green fire station, 07/06/05)
• "The borough of Tower Hamlets runs its elections in a way that would disgrace a banana republic. It became clear to us during the course of the campaign that somebody was involved in a major operation to bloat the electoral register with non-existent electors as part of a dirty tricks operation. Tower Hamlets council is in the grip of a corrupt political culture run by New Labour, ruthlessly using bullying, blackmail, postal votes operations - all the black arts you could imagine." (Electoral Review Committee, London Assembly, 08/06/05)
• "This is an opportunity for audiences to meet the real me - not the fictional character invented by the media. People can hear the true story of my life, about my beliefs and passions and discover the truth for themselves. I am looking forward to a lively Q&A session with theatregoers - who are free to ask me anything. It promises to be a great evening" (Promotional leaflet for "An Audience with George Galloway" at the Customs House, South Shields, 23/06/05, admission £12.50)

posted 06:59 :

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Carbon neutrality

Until recently I thought I was living a blameless life as a caring global citizen. But no. Instead I have come to realise that I must bear the guilty burden of forty years of unintentional eco-terrorism. My thoughtless actions are slowly destroying the planet on which I live, and I must make amends. My life, alas, is not carbon neutral. Everything that I do pumps CO₂ into the atmosphere. Electricity consumption, air travel, heating my water, taking the train - it all adds up and it all contributes inexorably towards irreversible global warming. Feel my shame.

I've been brought to my enviromental knees by the recently-released eco-plans of several upstanding public bodies. The government has pledged to offset the carbon impact caused by international flights to the upcoming G8 summit by donating £50000 to green projects in Africa. How worthy. And those jolly nice hype-free blokes in Coldplay have produced a carbon neutral album by planting sufficient trees to cancel out the CO₂ generated by pressing hundreds of thousands of copies of their latest CD. How genuine. Admittedly this is nothing new - top pop group B*witched were busy planting trees in Holland Park as long as six years ago. But going carbon neutral has become the modern path to ethical responsibility - even more worthy than wearing a coloured wristband - and I can no longer stand idly by.

Several companies have sprung up to help consumers to attain carbon neutrality. How selfless.
• Future Forests offer to help you to calculate your personal carbon deficit and then plant trees on your behalf. For example, a long haul flight from London to Australia creates 3¾ tonnes of CO₂, which can be offset by planting 5 trees at a cost of just £50. How inspirational.
• Carbonfund pledge to offset your personal carbon footprint by "buying up carbon dioxide credits from sources around the world and retiring the emission credits". Just send them some money and let them ease your conscience. How credible.
• Climate Care meanwhile are busy investing in several worthy environmental projects around the world. Tell them your personal habits and you can repay your carbon debts online, or even pay off someone else's carbon debts as a gift instead. I owe them at least £75 apparently. How criminal of me not to have noticed before.

So I've decided that diamond geezer must become the world's first carbon neutral blog, starting today. Here's how.

• Every kilowatt hour of generated electricity emits approximately 0.4 kg of CO₂ into the atmosphere.
• Home computers (with monitors) use approximately 0.2 kilowatts of electricity every hour.
• I get about 400 visitors each day, and let's assume they all stay here and read my blog for two minutes.
• That means that your blog visits are damaging the environment at the rate of 0.4 × 0.2 × 400 ÷ 60 × 2 = 1 kg of CO₂ each day, near enough. Which is just over a third of a tonne a year.
• One tree offsets approximately one tonne of CO₂ throughout its lifetime.
• I can therefore offset your blog visits by planting one tree every three years.

I hereby pledge to make diamond geezer carbon neutral by planting a tree on Monday 9th June 2008.

You too can assist global recovery by making a few simple environmental savings, like not using your washing machine until it's full, switching off your phone recharger and riding a bike to work. Quick, before the Maldives disappear. Me, I'm sitting here in the dark.

posted 07:00 :

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Welcome to the Creative Lounge [3]
Take a seat. Take a deep breath.
Now, try flexing your creative muscle...

See if you can come up with a few perfectly crafted names for the following.
I started you off, and now I've added some of your best ideas. Any more?

Surnames
Many surnames are derived from the professions of our long lost ancestors, eg Smith, Taylor, Miller. But what if surnames were based on modern professions instead? Your suggestions please.
Modern surnames: Grillburger, Pierce, Consultant, Browplucker, Bailiff, Joyrider, Holistic-Therapist, Loanshark, McFryer, Van Rental, Blogger, Keystroke, Doley-Scrounger, Outsourcer, Analyst, Specialist.

Place Names
Many place names are derived from longstanding local landmarks, eg Newcastle, Salt Lake City, Southend-on-Sea. But what if place names were based on modern environmental features instead? Your suggestions please.
Modern cities: Builton, Greater Asbo, Flatchester, Innittown, Chavvington Uppergiro, Stabbington.
Modern towns: Little Prospects, Hellmouth, Downmarket, Bigotton, Boredom-on-the-Dole, Dormaton, Chipping Parkanride, Landfillville.
Modern villages: Nimby, Fonemast Green, Slurry Deep, Runway, Much Soughtafter, Houseprice-Bubble-on-the-Wold, Bypast.

Live 8
Live8 may be a good idea, but Sail8, that's just silly. What further ludicrous protests might Bob Geldof come up with to try to influence the G8 Summit in Gleneagles next month? Your suggestions please.
8Events: Blind8 (matchmaking for the visually impaired), Sed8 (concert featuring bland artists like Dido, Michael Bublé and Joss Stone), Asphyxi8 (see previous description), Overw8 (campaign for obese Americans to send food parcels overseas), SALive8 (the South African Live8 concert - mouthwatering), Pontific8 (should the Roman Catholic Church support St. Bob or not?), InTxt8 (SMS campaign urging you to include Sir Bob's pet charity in your will), Extermin8 (Dr Who convention), Discrimin8 (just to show that some are worse off than others), Intoxic8 (Get Pissed For Africa), Flagell8 (S&M for Poverty), Fornic8 (promoting the missionary position), Impregn8 (combatting population decline in the developed world), Gest8 (nine month campaign following the previous event), Anticip8 (a peculiarly British protest where you just queue up outside the G8 conference in Edinburgh and wait for something to happen), Vacill8 (the mostly likely outcome of the G8 Summit).

posted 07:00 :

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The last lap

A giant lady athlete stood motionless outside Stratford station yesterday. She was of reassuringly indeterminate ethnic origin, she was holding aloft a Union Jack and she looked like she'd just smashed the record for the women's 100m sprint (which is not difficult when you're ten metres tall). The good people of Stratford went about their daily business at her feet, trying hard to ignore the TV cameras pointing in their general direction and the whirr of the BBC News 24 helicopter buzzing overhead. It could mean only one thing - London's pre-Olympic hype was in full swing. Yes, in just one month's time the International Olympic Committee will be meeting in Singapore to decide whether my local neighbourhood gets to become a regenerated hub of global importance or remains a barren industrial desert.

Yesterday the IOC published its final report on the five cities bidding to win the 2012 Olympics. The good news is that London received an excellent report, praising the comprehensiveness of the bid and the rather splendid legacy that the Games would leave behind. The even better news is that New York, Madrid and Moscow received less glowing reports (especially Moscow which is basically dead in the water). The not-quite-so-good news is that the Parisian bid has been deemed essentially perfect with barely a word in the wrong place, and so Paris remains the firm favourite to win the Games in one month's time. But not yet a dead cert.

Gold: Paris (1-4 favourite), public support 85%
Silver: London (3-1), public support 68%
Bronze: New York (12-1), public support 59%
4th: Madrid (33-1), public support 91%
5th: Moscow (100-1), public support 77%

According to the official IOC opinion poll, 11% of Londoners strongly oppose the Olympics being hosted in East London. That 11% no doubt includes those employed by the factories in Marshgate Lane which will be forcibly relocated ~~when~~ if the Olympic Stadium is built on top of them. I took a walk through this doomed trading estate yesterday. Banners and graffiti on the walls of this smoked salmon factory made it very clear that the Games are not wanted here. Official 2012 banners were erected here last week but somebody local has already been round with a big pair of scissors to cut most of each sign down, leaving just a few sad white strips flapping limply in the wind. The whole area may look like a polluted dump full of scrapyards, incinerators and warehouses (and indeed it is), but local people's livelihoods will be extinguished if London's bid is successful, and these ex-workers will be expected to pay higher council tax for the privilege. Roll on July 6th.

All of my 2012 Olympic reports are now available on one page, here.

posted 07:00 :

If there's still one slight question mark hanging over London's bid, it's transport. Heaven knows why the IOC still think that two tube lines, two DLR lines, two suburban rail lines, an inter-city railway and a Eurostar International station might somehow not be quite enough to service two weeks of visiting tourists, but apparently they're not. Or maybe the IOC are just worried we won't build them all in time...

"Whilst the Olympic Park would undoubtedly leave a strong sporting and environmental legacy for London, the magnitude of the project, including the planned upgrade and expansion of transport infrastructure, would require careful planning to ensure all facilities and rehabilitation projects were completed on time." (IOC report summary)
So I've carried out my own consumer test to see which of the top two bids is actually the most accessible:
• London (06/06/05): Exit my house, walk east past Bow Flyover, turn left up Pudding Mill Lane, arrive at proposed Olympic Stadium. Total walking time = 14 minutes.
• Paris (23/04/05): Exit my house, take DLR to Canary Wharf, take Jubilee line to Waterloo, arrive Eurostar terminal, queue through security and customs, wait half an hour for train to depart, crawl through south London, chug across Kent, zoom under Channel, whizz through Northern France, arrive Gare Du Nord, try to find correct 'B line' platform, get lost down urine-stained back stairs, stand for ten minutes waiting for packed commuter train to leave platform, ride a mile out of town, walk ten minutes north from station, arrive at proposed Olympic Stadium (Stade de France). Total travel time = 4 hours 50 minutes.
London wins, QED.

posted 06:59 :

Monday, June 06, 2005

Road pricing - the way forward

2005: Transport secretary Alistair Darling proposes the introduction of road pricing to replace road tax and petrol duty. He hopes to avoid LA-style gridlock.
2006: Civil servants set up a database ascribing a price per mile to every road in the country, ranging from 1p [Norfolk, country lane, 5am] to £5 [M25, 5pm, Fridays].
2007: Trial project begins in quiet Norfolk country lane - declared huge success.
2008: Government awards £9 billion contract for the setting up and maintainence of the National Journey Database to an incompetent private company.
2009: Satellite tracking devices start to be installed in vehicles (now known as ID Cars). Cost of annual MOT increases by £93.
2010: Road pricing introduced, replacing road tax (but not petrol duty because that's a nice little earner).
2011: Rich people continue to drive anywhere they like as often as they like, whereas poor people have to take the bus (or stay at home if there isn't a bus).
2012: A round trip by road from London to Edinburgh now costs more than one year's road tax used to.
2013: Motorists start buying gas-guzzling 4x4s instead of green eco-friendly cars because they cost the same per mile so why not?
2014: Tourism collapses as people choose not to hop in the car for a nice day out any more.
2015: Riots when motorists on the M1 refuse to follow a 40-mile diversion to avoid roadworks.
2016: Police start using satellite tracking data to issue remote electronic speeding fines.
2017: Quiet country lanes in Norfolk now jammed by buses.
2018: Slots for journeys down the M25 now have to be booked a week in advance.
2019: LA-style gridlock happens anyway, but at least the government knows exactly where every car is.
2020: Conservatives swept back into power when working class voters are unable (or rather unwilling) to drive to their nearest polling station.

posted 07:00 :

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posted 00:01 :

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Silver discs (June 1980) [A monthly look back at the top singles of 25 years ago]

The three best records from the Top 10 (3rd June 1980)
M*A*S*H - Theme from M*A*S*H (Suicide Is Painless): How cheerful - a sweet little ditty about the futility of life lifted from the 1970 movie version of M*A*S*H. The film's producer, Robert Altman, wanted a funny but stupid song to accompany the 'last supper' scene and so asked his teenage son Mike to write the lyrics. Result: one very rich son. The Manic Street Preachers returned the song to the Top Ten in 1992, alas presciently.
"The game of life is hard to play, I'm gonna lose it anyway, The losing card I'll someday lay, so this is all I have to say: Suicide is painless, it brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please"
Lipps Inc - Funkytown: I don't think I fully appreciated this cheesy masterpiece back in 1980, probably because I wasn't frequenting disco dancefloors at the time. Or maybe I just hadn't spotted the desperately clever pun behind the name of the group. The tune may be basic and the lyrics may be trite but the overall effect is still as hooky as barbed wire, even today.
"Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me, town to keep me movin' keep me groovin' with some energy. Well I talk about it talk about it talk about it talk about it, talk about talk about talk about movin'"
Specials - Rat Race: A well-aimed gobbet of anti-student vitriol, laid down in black and white by Jerry Dammers and his 2 Tone supergroup. The ska lads had emerged from Coventry the year before, rude boys all, and had yet to be eclipsed by labelmates Madness. Musical youth had rarely been so street, so angry and still yet so hip. Porkpie hat and loafers, anyone?
"You're working at your leisure to learn the things you'll need, the promises you make tomorrow will carry no guarantee, I've seen your qualifications, you've got a Ph.D. I've got one art O level - it did nothing for me"

My favourite record from June 1980 (at the time)
Gary Numan - We Are Glass: Don't worry, I was never a card-carrying bleach-faced Numanoid, I just sort of liked his early music. This track, however, was the first indication (post Cars) that our Gary might not be immortal after all. It shot into the charts at number 10, unheard of in those days, but stalled well short of the expected number 1 slot and vanished from the charts in six weeks flat. Nowadays all records slam and plummet like this, but Gary was nothing if not ahead of his time.
"We are cold. We're not supposed to cry but it's all just a thought so here am I. We are glass."

20 other hits from 25 years ago: No Doubt About It (Hot Chocolate), Crying (Don Maclean), Over You (Roxy Music), Let's Get Serious (Jermaine Jackson), You Gave Me Love (Crown Heights Affair), Let's Go Round Again (Average White Band), Back Together Again (Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway), Just Can't Give You Up (Mystic Merlin), D-A-A-Ance (Lambrettas), I'm Alive (Electric Light Orchestra), Don't Make Waves (Nolans), Behind The Groove (Teena Marie), Twilight Zone - Twilight Tone (Manhatten Transfer), Substitute (Liquid Gold), Little Jeannie (Elton John), Christine (Siouxsie & the Banshees), Play The Game (Queen), To Be Or Not To Be (BA Robertson), New Amsterdam (Elvis Costello), The Scratch (Surface Noise) ...which one would you pick?

posted 09:00 :

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Big Brother 6
1) The first Big Brother housemate to be evicted each year is always female. Bad luck Mary.
2) The first housemate to be evicted should have been shallow slimy hairdresser Craig, who works here in Norfolk.
3) Those nice people at Digital Spy watch E4 for you, then provide live updates of what's happening in the house.
4) I live just down the road from the site of the original Big Brother House in Bow - archived report here.
5) See the annual Lego cartoonfest that is Big Brother's Extremely Little Brother, or download more cartoons here.
6) If you've arrived from Google or Yahoo looking for shots of Lesley, Saskia or Sam then my apologies, there are no pictures of their well-rounded personalities here. But there are plenty here and here.

your views on the housemates (so far):

Lesley comments
Kemal comments
Maxwell comments
Makosi comments Sam comments
Science comments
Saskia comments
Craig comments Derek comments
Anthony comments
Roberto comments
Vanessa comments

(in order of most-commentedness)

posted 08:00 :

Bow Road station update: The refurbishment project at my local station drags on into its seventeenth month. Everything's nearly finished, but nobody seems quite able to tie up all the loose ends and end the whole charade. In fact management have pretty much admitted (in the latest edition of the Metronet company magazine) that the whole modernisation of Bow Road has been a drawn-out incompetent balls-up. Well, in so many words...

Work at Bow Road will be completed and the station formally handed back to LU in the next few weeks. Metronet Rail SSL Project Manager Bobby Vijay admits that the first station has been a big learning curve for Metronet and LU. He said: "There have been several important lessons learnt from this project. Examples include early scope agreement, the need for an early intrusive survey, practical design solutions and starting the handover process earlier. Ambiguities in the contract caused further delay in agreeing scope and delivery.
I'm always nervy of anbody who can drop the buzzwords 'learning curve' and 'project scoping' into a conversation, and rightly so in this case. It sounds as if Bow Road has been used to trial inefficient and untested procedures, a triumph of bureaucracy over engineering, and never mind the inconvenience to local transport users.
A number of unforeseen obstructions were encountered during the construction phase. An example was the discovery of horse hair in the plaster within the ticket hall area causing a two-week delay to that part of the work. For Bobby, the final hurdle will be the handover procedure, which has yet to be tested. LU staff have to be trained in use of the new control room which monitors the full CCTV coverage as well as a new fire-alarm and PA systems.
I'll be delighted when somebody finally works out how to turn on the new 'next train' indicators, because they're not much use to me otherwise, although I suspect my local station staff are still too busy being taught how to use the 50+ security cameras now at their disposal. One day, maybe soon... but maybe still not.

posted 07:00 :

Friday, June 03, 2005

Day 1000

Today is the 1000th day since I started blogging. Which is a bit of an achievement (although looked at another way it's just another number, and a number that sounds a lot better than "2 years and nearly 9 months"). Most impressively, to me anyway, is that I've managed to post at least something on 982 of those 1000 days. I was a little slipshod back in the very early weeks, and I missed a few days in 2003 while staying away from home, but for the last 2 years I've posted something every single day (bar my usual short Christmas break). It's not healthy, is it?

There are two kinds of blogger - those who post regularly and those who don't. Which are you?
• Those who don't post regularly walk around thinking "Ooh this is interesting, I wonder if I can blog about it?" It's a sensible attitude, not inflicting your thoughts on the general public unless you think there's something worth saying, although it can lead to very long gaps between posts or even, in more extreme cases, the legendary 'blog hiatus'.
• Those who do post regularly walk around thinking "What am I going to blog about next?", which puts a rather different complexion on things. Some end up posting about the dull minutiae of their life just for the sake of it, while others go out and do stuff just so that they can write about it. It's certainly not easy to keep up this blogging lark regularly without running out of steam, as many have found to their cost.

Me, I walk around asking the subtly different question "What am I going to blog about tomorrow?" This adds a whole new layer of pressure because missing a day is somehow an admission of defeat, and encourages the non-PC art of forward planning. For example, I spotted that Day 1000 was coming up about two months ago, made a note somewhere and then remembered to write this post about the milestone earlier in the week. Regent's Canal week was also carefully pre-meditated and pre-planned, more as a huge challenge to myself than in the hope that any of you might actually want to read it. But I'd hate you to think that the majority of this blog is clinically executed. I have absolutely no idea yet what I'm going to write about on Saturday, just that an idea will come and that I will post something on here that's hopefully worth reading. Maybe it'll be something I see, or something I read, or something daft that somebody says, but that inspiration will come. It's this constant series of daily deadlines that's egged me through the last thousand days of diamond geezer, and hopefully this creative energy will continue for many more days to come. Now, what am I going to blog about tomorrow...?

posted 00:30 :

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Scarily easy ways to fill daily blogspace (number 1)

Two pigeons on the District Line

posted 00:05 :

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

You know it makes Ad Sense

Everybody else is doing it, so I thought I'd sell my soul to the devil and introduce advertising on diamond geezer. Apparently it's the perfect way to fully realise my blog's revenue potential. Don't worry, only carefully selected adverts related to site content will appear, and they won't be in any way

4-star London hotels
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Out and about in London
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Jamster club: Crazy Frog!!!!
Get this crazy sound and ride with the frog each time you get a call!
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Regent's Canal barge tours
Cruise in style along this polluted backwater. Packed lunch included.
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intrusive. I'm really looking forward to monetizing and enhancing my content pages with precisely targeted ads. I'm assured that these carefully chosen sponsorship messages will encourage users to keep coming back for more. Regular readers will appreciate the well-matched additional information provided by this unobtrusive service. Nobody, I'm sure, will think this site somehow cheaper, tackier or more disreputable.

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Bing Bing!!
The Crazy Frog is back in town and on the run.
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Cats spoiling your gardening?
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But I can't make my blogfortune if you readers don't click on my ads. So please click on a few of them, or preferably all of them, even if you're not interested in what the advertisers have to offer. None of the sites will try to hijack your computer and install spyware, honest. I'm told that for every thousand clicks you make I'll receive a payment of 50¢, which at today's exchange rates is almost a whole Mars Bar. I'm going to become very rich indeed, but only if you lot play along. Go on, you click on me and I'll click on you.

Unlimited Vi@gra spam
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Crazy Frog ringtones
Just text x7 for the monos, x8 for the polys or x9 for the reals to 666-666
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Campaign for ad-free blogs
Get these bloody adverts off your blogs now, you mercenaries!
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Sellout? What sellout? The future's in prostitution, you know.

posted 00:05 :

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